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Ticking time bomb

By Rosa - 27/09/2025 12:00

Today, my ex-boyfriend went "social media official" with another girl. He dumped me less than 24 hours ago for forgetting to get utensils for our takeout. Now I know why he’s been systematically picking fights and getting irrationally angry over minuscule things for the past three months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 58

Needy

By Arnold - 21/10/2025 09:00

Today, my wife asked why I was so grumpy. I admitted that I was horny and sexually frustrated. She went on an hour long tirade about how I "shouldn't need sex to not be a jerk" and how I need to handle my own needs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 322

You deserved it 185

Ongoing situation

By Anonymous - 08/11/2025 00:00

Today, I'm not showing any symptoms of Covid, despite visiting with a friend three days ago whose family tested positive yesterday, but my stepmom is still convinced I have it. I checked a Cleveland clinic website to prove I didn't have it, only to find out I could be asymptomatic for up to ten days after exposure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 492

Make it make sense

By Anonymous - 27/11/2025 15:00

Today, I was told it is "fatphobic" to "assume someone's weight is related to their food choices" and that I have a "problematic relationship with food." All because I didn't want to eat a bigger slice of the cake someone brought in at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 368

You deserved it 65

Silver linings, eh?

By Take Me With You - 29/11/2025 09:00

Today, I found my sister online after over a year of no contact. Our other sister framed her, getting our parents to kick out and disown her. Her childhood sweetheart and his mom took her in, and is now living a life of luxury with them abroad, while we live off government checks, which BARELY cover bare basics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 611

Keeping up appearances

By JaneSimple - 02/12/2025 22:00

Today, just like every other celebratory day (like my anniversary or birthday) I ordered my own Christmas present. My husband doesn't get it. I tried to explain. He openly admits he has no idea what I like and has no interest in learning, but wants me to have something to open so he won't look bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 383

You deserved it 115

Vindictive self report

By Anonymous - 10/12/2025 00:00

Today, it's been a few months since I spent about three weeks in a relationship with a woman at work, who then left me to get back with her ex-husband. For some reason she reported us both to HR for our inappropriate relationship. My future at this company now rests on a meeting I have this afternoon with HR. FML

I agree, your life sucks 200

You deserved it 319

PERVERTS!

By Anonymous - 15/12/2025 09:00

Today, I tackled and punched some pervert for taking up-skirt photos of a teen girl in a store. I’m now being threatened with a lawsuit because the “teen” was actually the guy's very young looking wife and they were doing some kinky role play in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 215

You deserved it 87

What is happening to me?

By Anonymous - 09/01/2025 16:30 - India - Puducherry

Today, I was at my gynecologist's for my checkup and had this sudden urge to poop - but it was my turn, so I just went ahead to meet the doc. The doctor noticed that I wanted to poop and also informed all the orderlies that, "This patient wants to pass stool now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 425

You deserved it 150

Intelligent design

By Anonymous - 21/01/2025 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, our boss replaced all our computers with new Apple iMacs, which have fewer USB ports and none of our software or saved files. He insists it’s all “in the Cloud thing somewhere, figure it out and show some damn gratitude.” We are now incapable of doing our jobs but he insists he’s blameless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 539

You deserved it 65

Self own

By Anonymous - 30/01/2025 20:00 - United States - Atlanta

Today, thinking I was pretty healthy, I signed up for a 5K run. I didn’t train at all, thinking, “How hard can it be?” Halfway through, I realized I was in way over my head. I ended up walking the rest of the race, and a 70-year-old man lapped me twice. To make it worse, my friends made a banner that said, “Congratulations on Not Dying!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 703

When in doubt, blame everything on "woke"

By Anonymous - 01/02/2025 06:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, I walked into work, only to be greeted by the office asshole saying, “Whoa! You’re still here?! I thought for sure when Trump ended that DEI crap they wouldn’t let you keep your job. Welcome back I guess.” Can we say HR MEETING?! FML

I agree, your life sucks 646

You deserved it 198

Scary!

By Heather - 03/02/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, I was at a restaurant when I made eye contact with a baby across the room. It smiled at me, so I smiled back. The baby immediately started screaming. Everyone stared at me like I'd just threatened it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 396

You deserved it 82

Hey good lookin'

By Anonymous - 01/03/2025 15:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, I realized that whether it takes me 3 minutes or 3 hours to get ready, my husband always has the same reaction, “Uh… yeah babe, you look fine.” Thanks for the confidence boost babe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 177

You deserved it 432

Are ya winning, son?

By Anonymous - 19/03/2025 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my son has taken over the bathroom, crying because he almost lost his virginity but finished in 10 seconds in his pants. I’d have more sympathy for him except I’ve got IBS and the other 4 people who live here all need to pee. If he doesn’t come out soon, I’ll have to kick the door in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 390

You deserved it 96

Many such cases

By Anonymous - 06/04/2025 20:00 - Australia

Today, I organised a birthday party for myself. There was supposed to be about 20 people coming. Not a single person showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 580

You deserved it 83

Preapproved

By Anonymous - 08/04/2025 03:00 - United States - Fresno

Today, after saving for years, I was finally ready to buy a home. I found a decent place. I put in an offer. A hedge fund bought it 7 minutes later, for cash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 536

You deserved it 77

Authoritarian regime

By Anonymous - 22/04/2025 08:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was detained by a security guard. I heard him trying to justify detaining me to his boss and it was basically, “She was eyeballing me, so I showed her who’s boss.” I'm now banned from the shop, which is a 30 yard walk from my home. My weekly shop is now a 4 mile drive away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 500

You deserved it 87

Revealing

By Anonymous - 08/05/2025 08:00

Today, I am fuming. We went to the beach in the sunny weather and my husband finally got round to posting the pictures on Facebook. In one of them I’m sunbathing and one of my fanny lips was hanging completely out the edge of my bikini. FML

I agree, your life sucks 407

You deserved it 214

Was it worth it?

By Anonymous - 20/05/2025 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife has been super into sex lately, she even let me try some of the stuff she said no to before, and even surprised me with some of the kinky stuff she’s always wanted to try. Sounds great, right? Nope. Turns out she was overcompensating from the guilt of also fucking my coworker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 664

You deserved it 110

It's all too much

By Anonymous - 16/06/2025 06:00 - United States

Today, I came home to my wife who was drunk and sobbing. I’d left her alone with my kids from my first marriage along with ours and I guess they acted up so bad they made her break her sobriety. FML

I agree, your life sucks 400

You deserved it 213

Productivity rules

By emily anne - 28/06/2025 17:00 - United States

Today, while working at my concessions stand job, I was filling up popcorn boxes when my boss came over and told me I needed to be filling the boxes “a LOT faster.” I was going as fast as I possibly could. FML

I agree, your life sucks 388

You deserved it 138

One simple trick

By HotAndBotheredAndSad - 25/07/2025 13:00 - United States

Today, I finally made my fiancé orgasm with oral without his help. He asked me what I did differently. It turns out, I was just sad and depressed because he hasn’t made the effort to make me orgasm in months. I can’t ask without feeling like I’m intruding on his busy schedule. FML

I agree, your life sucks 265

You deserved it 117

Cougartown

By Anonymous - 06/08/2025 21:00 - United States - Dayton

Today, I learned that the guy I've had a crush on for almost 6 months at work is significantly younger than me. So young that I could have been his babysitter growing up. He's 21, I'm 34. FML

I agree, your life sucks 357

You deserved it 197

Change of plans

By Somebody fucking kill me! - 12/08/2025 05:00 - Mexico

Today, as I was going to hook up with a sex friend, I discovered that my pack of condoms was missing. Then I saw my sister chewing out her two 10-year-old twins, who'd found them in my drawer. This how my family, who had visited me for family dinner, found out about my sexual life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 257

You deserved it 113

Classic dad joke

By I hate puns - 15/08/2025 17:00 - United States

Today, we got a dog. My husband was adamant that we should name him Gonit, so I agreed. A friend asked what the name meant, and my husband said, "Why wouldn't you name a dog Gonit?" Then I got it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 282

You deserved it 154

So frustrated!

By Anonymous - 17/08/2025 19:00 - United Kingdom - Castleford

Today, after I decided to explore my bisexual side since none of the four men I’ve been in relationships with ever got me to orgasm, I’ve now slept with three women this year. None of them got me to orgasm either. I guess I should just buy a vibrator or something. I’ll probably marry it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 333

You deserved it 171

It's gone woke

By Scrafty - 31/08/2025 18:00 - United States - Mount Airy

Today, they introduced a mega evolved form of my favorite Pokémon, but it looks like a Ku Klux Klan member. FML

I agree, your life sucks 290

You deserved it 169

So, do they?

By Bad speech - 09/09/2025 15:00 - United States - New York

Today, I gave a presentation at work using my laptop. When I plugged it into the projector, the last thing I had Googled popped up on the big screen: “Do hamsters get depressed if you ignore them?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 184

You deserved it 313

Giant

By Anonymous - 24/09/2025 00:00

Today, I saw a guy struggling to reach something on the top shelf at the grocery store. Wanting to be helpful, I said, “Need a tall person’s help?” He laughed, stepped aside, then his girlfriend, who was taller than both of us, grabbed the item with zero effort. She gave me the dirtiest look, as if I’d personally insulted his manhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 191

You deserved it 351

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, wanting to get revenge at my ex for and the woman he cheated on me with, I invaded their wedding during the ceremony and objected to their marriage, laying out all the facts about how they started their nasty relationship built on betrayal. I was thrown out by security as they laughed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 157

You deserved it 1 878

Today, during a social media dive on my new boyfriend, I found out his username on an old forum was "Hitlerdidnothingwrong69." I confronted him, and all he said was, "It was a different time, that was funny then." FML

I agree, your life sucks 340

You deserved it 181

Today, I found out that the phrase I got tattooed on my lower back is misspelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 292

You deserved it 67 835

Today, one of my tires blew out on the highway. I managed to slow down and pull over without dying, and went to get my spare tire. I found it right where it was supposed to be, knifed to hell and with a taunting note from my psycho ex taped to it. We broke up nearly 3 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 371

You deserved it 3 331

Today, my roommate left a bomb looking package of cookies on the kitchen counter. My sweet tooth got the best of me and I made that split second decision of, "Oh, I'll just have one." Halfway through it, I noticed the fine print, "For dogs" on the package. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 522

You deserved it 11 357

Today, my gallstones flared up so badly an ambulance was called. I needed the strongest painkillers they could supply and had even more at the hospital. When my boyfriend came to visit me, instead of comforting words, he told me that "being kicked in the balls is still worse". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 078

You deserved it 307