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OP here. It wasn't a mistake, I was getting ready and they said they were leaving. I told them to wait, and they said they wouldn't, as they were already late. Ordinarily I am very punctual, to the point of being early everywhere. I wasn't that day, because the time had been moved, and nobody told me. Originally it was going to be at 6:00 pm, and they moved it to 3:00 pm. They didn't wake me until 2, and didn't tell me that it had been changed until they were saying to hurry up a few minutes before. I was asleep because in addition to being a substitute, I work at Toys R Us, so even though I'm off for one job, the other is stronger than ever. The days leading up to it I had worked two fifteen hour days, then the night before an eight hour one, where I got out around 1:30 am. My dad came back after 15 minutes, so it ended up working out alright, but I was mad as hell.

Extra protein

By ReluctantAntEater - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Canada - Toronto

Today, I tasted a perfectly salted, crispy, and dead carpenter ant hidden in my bag of pistachios. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 308

You deserved it 3 623

By H4rd_Man - 01/11/2009 19:02 - United Kingdom

Today, I came back home to meet people before going away to university, including my ex and her new boyfriend. We broke up about two months ago and there were no bad feelings between us, so I decided to have a chat with them. I asked "How long have you been going out?" He replied "Seven months." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 113

You deserved it 2 803

Size Queen

By Anonymous - 11/11/2019 05:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were taking a shower together. We were fooling around when she took the shower head and started spraying my penis with it. I asked her, "What are you doing?" Her response, "I'm watering it to make it grow." FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 299

You deserved it 14 890

Masterchef

By Embarassed - 19/03/2014 22:24 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, my boss told me that there is no point in making me cut onions anymore because every time I do, I look like I've "been beaten", and can't be seen by the customers for at least half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 748

You deserved it 3 631

By Noname - 26/02/2009 17:49 - United States

Today, I saw my ex-girlfriend across the street. I was walking with a girl whom I'd been hooking up with and wanted to make my ex-girlfriend jealous. I kissed her and she immediately smacked me. I got a "ha-ha" text message from my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 595

You deserved it 96 968

By Well this Is Awkward - 17/12/2013 20:02 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my boyfriend gave me his theory on how the world would be a better place if Hitler had won the 2nd World War. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 954

You deserved it 6 620

By brandogg - 27/04/2016 09:33 - United States - Clovis

Today, I tried to impress a girl I like by sliding down the rails of our school's stairs. My foot got snagged and I ended up with a broken ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 170

You deserved it 15 015

brandogg tells us more.

brandogg 13

Thursday 28 April 2016 12:20

Just so you know, it was a really long and also it spiraled

By Anonymous - 21/02/2011 00:19 - United Kingdom

Today, at my strictly Catholic grandmother's funeral, I was made to sit in the row behind the rest of the family, because I was born out of wedlock and wasn't a 'real' member. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 973

You deserved it 2 912

By Anonymous - 30/01/2015 23:31 - United States - Iowa City

Today, in the middle of sex with my boyfriend, my visiting brother knocked on the door saying he'd want to hear the details later. My boyfriend said, "Sure", and kept going. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 749

You deserved it 4 168

By Anon - 11/12/2014 18:13 - Ireland - Cork

Today, I found out my boyfriend uses a period tracker app to find out when we can fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 720

You deserved it 8 210

By NateTheGreat132 - 20/10/2014 11:59 - United States - Whitehall

Today, after months of job hunting, I started a new job in a deli. I've been a vegetarian since I was 13, but it was the only job I could find. Turns out, I'm allergic to the preservatives they use, as my fingers now resemble sausages. Guess it's time to start job hunting again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 836

You deserved it 4 400

NateTheGreat132 tells us more.

NateTheGreat132 14

Tuesday 21 October 2014 0:37

I was wearing gloves. When you open up a new carving block, there's TONS of meaty juice inside of there that you have to drain out. Some of it got inside my gloves.

By Anonymous - 28/09/2014 16:42 - Canada - Lethbridge

Today, I made up an ingenious plan to finally hook up with the guy I really like at a party. Well, the plan itself worked great. Too bad I got so drunk that I used it on the wrong person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 147

You deserved it 37 015