The Top

OP here. To clarify, I'm the secretary and the official number was over 7 times my salary. The client's case was indeed unique and not a regular event, but it didn't make me feel any better...especially considering that I can't afford my own apartment here in good old New Jersey.

Keep quiet

By Anonymous - 26/08/2013 23:12 - United States - Hollywood

Today, trying to impress my in-laws, I put a lot of effort into selecting a nice bottle of wine for dinner at their house. When I got there, I gave the bottle to my wife's mother. Later, my father-in-law emerges from the kitchen to berate his wife over her poor choice of wine. It was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 794

You deserved it 3 485

By UniGrad2019 - 26/01/2016 04:54 - United States - Fredericksburg

Today, after months of all my friends telling me that the guy whom I was in love with most definitely held feelings for me, I was finally convinced by their words, and with confidence I went and confessed my feelings to him. I was rejected. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 851

You deserved it 2 009

By freeachickadee - 10/10/2014 03:32 - United States - Old Bridge

Today, I found out that I am "un-promotable" to the job that I have been promised for the last two years because, I "don't suffer idiots well." Idiots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 864

You deserved it 3 787

freeachickadee tells us more.

freeachickadee 7

Saturday 11 October 2014 2:13

OP Here. I don't suffer idiots well means that I don't tolerate or deal with idiots well. Which is utter crap. It is an excuse to get out of giving me the promotion they've been promising me for years. Now they have an alternate (totally unqualified candidate) so they are passing me over. FML. Onto bigger and better things I guess.

Who else can relate?

By waternixie - 08/10/2014 03:49 - Malaysia - Rembau

Today, my OCD reached a new high when I used a correction pen to white-out an eyelash which was photocopied onto every single page of my reading material. I did it because the eyelash was too distracting and I couldn't finish reading the article without the urge to rip it into shreds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 215

You deserved it 5 361

By weaknesspersonified - 10/11/2015 23:25 - Austria

Today, I felt sad, useless and like I could never achieve anything. To cheer myself up, I wanted to smell some essential orange oil. I couldn't open the bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 391

You deserved it 3 722

By Anonymous - 24/08/2014 21:19 - Canada - Dartmouth

Today, I overheard my dad say "Last time I didn't use a condom, I ended up with Steven, so for god's sake use 'em." I'm Steven. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 853

You deserved it 3 502

By Bestbirthday - 12/07/2016 01:04 - United States - Bastrop

Today, my parents were supposed to take me out to eat for my birthday, but since their favorite child wasn't with us, I instead got a mini order of tots from Sonic as my birthday meal/present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 211

You deserved it 866

By I hate Walmart???? - 24/02/2014 09:36 - United States - Greensboro

Today, I went to the self-checkout line at Walmart. When I tried to pay, the cash wouldn't go in, so I stood there trying to cram money into the thing that's supposed to take your money. What I didn't realize was that there was a sign up top that said: "No Cash. Cards Only." FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 925

You deserved it 41 671

Thank you for your service

By Pooper scooper - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Guam - Yigo

Today, I realized that my dog has more work experience than I do. He's a retired military working dog, and I have a Master's degree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 152

You deserved it 5 794

By Anonymous - 18/03/2015 15:02 - Australia - Mangerton

Today, while camping, I was given the sex talk, along with visuals created with marshmallows and a roasting fork. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 607

You deserved it 3 477

By jf29 - 31/01/2009 00:49 - United States

Today, I drunkenly buried my girlfriend's recently deceased cat. Later she asked to see it and came back inside crying. It turns out I didn't bury it completely and its two back legs were poking out of the dirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 647

You deserved it 46 817

By Anonymous - 15/01/2011 05:15 - United States

Today, we got a speeding ticket in the mail with my drunk daughter's picture on it. She was waving at the camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 559

You deserved it 5 366

Bad omen

By cutiepatootie - 03/01/2010 05:04 - United States

Today, I was getting ready for a party when I accidentally knocked my blender off the counter. After taking a half an hour to clean up all the glass, I went upstairs to get the spare blender I keep in the closet. I tripped, and broke the blender. I just applied for a waitressing job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 086

You deserved it 6 734

Dude, gross!

By Mojo0608 - 02/11/2014 21:28 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my 16-year-old brother once again scored well at a local archery competition. He got home and, once again, unleashed his "spectacular aim" at the toilet - or rather the toilet seat and surrounding floor. He refuses to clean the bathroom we share every single time he does this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 304

You deserved it 2 544

By TheSacredTeddyBear - 31/07/2013 03:06 - United States - Independence

Today, I finally gave away all of the stuffed animals that I've been hoarding for years. Proud, I told my family. They congratulated me by buying me stuffed animals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 978

You deserved it 4 977

By 117halo12345 - 17/12/2015 21:37 - United States - Sedgewickville

Today, I was showing my 4 year old some of my fire magic tricks. I ended up getting 2nd degree burns on my left hand and burnt off half of her hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 287

You deserved it 21 756

By jcstpierre - 24/04/2009 10:41 - United States

Today, I received a mass email from my boss saying we had a position open at the daycare I work at. I knew my boyfriend was looking for a job so I insisted he apply. Later at work, my boss takes me into her office and tells me my employment is being "terminated". My boyfriend is replacing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 605

You deserved it 5 602

Terrorized

By Whoopsie - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Worcester

Today, I woke up loudly screaming from a "night" terror. I say "night"; I was actually at my desk at work, in the middle of the day, surrounded by dozens of co-workers in their cubicles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 093

You deserved it 11 406

Call the fuzz

By elizabeth - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I came home to my mother-in-law wearing the gold chain which I usually keep in a hidden drawer. I searched my drawer only to find out my chain was missing. I asked my mother-in-law if she took it and she keeps denying the fact that she stole it from me. My husband is on her side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 164

You deserved it 1 937

By MissCommunicate - 05/02/2011 15:36 - Australia

Today, I found out about my parent's divorce over Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 282

You deserved it 3 042

MissCommunicate tells us more.

MissCommunicate 0

Sunday 6 February 2011 11:26

I am only seventeen, and that's how I found out. My parents were then quick to give me the "talk".

By unluckymiss - 24/01/2010 06:03 - United States

Today, I was at the store when I ran into an old friend from high school. He didn't recognize me at first, but when I told him who I was, he instantly shouted "Oh! Yeah! The fat chick from Mr. H's class!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 640

You deserved it 4 361

By Bitch - 26/05/2019 00:02

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I was cheating on him. Surprised, I replied "No, Tim, of course not!" This might have been more convincing if I'd called my boyfriend by his own name, instead of the name of the guy I'm cheating on him with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 478

You deserved it 11 289

Who the **** is this guy?

By Username - 06/08/2011 07:09 - United States

Today, my mom picked up my dog from the groomers. I came home to find a small female terrier on our couch. My dog is a full grown male maltese. What's worse is that it took me a full 20 minutes to convince my mom that she had picked up the wrong dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 995

You deserved it 2 945

By chubrubber - 04/09/2016 18:57 - United States - Bronx

Today, I participated in a walk for charity. Even though I was supposed to walk 5K, I stopped after 3K because the pain from my thighs rubbing together nearly sent me to tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 061

You deserved it 2 382

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The Top

Today, I was at the mall, I saw a girl crying that her ice cream had fallen on the floor. Feeling generous, I bought her a new one. She threw it on the ground, laughed, and came over to her mom and told that I was bothering her, so the mom called security. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 687

You deserved it 5 014

Today, I went skating at the local rink. I had a really hard time balancing and was falling all over the place. After everyone had a good laugh, someone finally decided to tell me that one of my blade covers was still on, thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 893

You deserved it 29 110

Today, I yawned and broke a front tooth. Yes, you read that correctly. I did a big yawn, my jaw suddenly hurt, I felt something crack and half my tooth fell into my lasagna. FML

I agree, your life sucks 349

You deserved it 47

Today, I listened to my roommate and her friend struggle with their math homework for an hour. It wouldn't be so bad, except for the fact that I'm a math major and repeatedly offered my help. They'd rather fail math than be around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 560

You deserved it 2 935

Today, my dad sat me and my sister down and give us a "talk". More like an angry irrational rant. He forbade us from being gay, marrying a Muslim or a black person, demanded kids from both of us, and threatened to disown us if we didn't. Where's my free will? FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 495

You deserved it 2 427

Today, I met a girl who's the whole package: brains, beauty, shared interests, great personality, single, and into me. Too bad I married my bitchy, depressive high school girlfriend who said she'd kill herself if I didn't. Sometimes, she still tells me she'll do it if we divorce. I believe her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 445

You deserved it 24 063