The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

Unstable

By emancipate me - 15/05/2016 19:59 - United States - Knoxville

Today, my mom was in a really bad mood, so I stayed in my room to avoid her. It didn't take long before she barged in and started bitching about my dog, who'd pissed her off by acting too happy. Yes, she's actually that insane, and I have to deal with it on a daily basis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 272

You deserved it 1 483

Profiler

By ocean555 - 07/03/2011 00:27 - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered that my Facebook profile picture, of me between my boyfriend and a friend, is actually me between my boyfriend and the girl he has been cheating on me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 133

You deserved it 4 291

By Anonymous - 30/03/2016 13:25 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I was at the mall with my mom, when I saw a little pamphlet about a charity for abused children. I showed her and said I was going to donate a few dollars. She quickly said no, calling it a waste of money and muttering that the kids probably deserved it anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 599

You deserved it 1 829

By nottananny - 21/07/2009 08:49 - United States

Today, I realized why I was hired to be a nanny. Apparently the husband had eyes for the last nanny. According to the wife I am not attractive enough to be a threat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 750

You deserved it 3 535

By Anonymous - 19/01/2010 19:26 - United States

Today, I sent my boss a link to a website I thought would answer a simple question she'd asked. Turns out, yes, the site did answer her question, but it also had some very suggestive ads on it. Apparently I'm the only person in the office who uses adblock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 267

You deserved it 3 022

By lovethateuropeanblood - 08/12/2014 14:12 - Japan - Osaka

Today, I enjoyed the soft caressing touch of the person I'm attracted to. It would have been even better if he weren't simply stroking my arm hair in amazement at its superior length and density. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 068

You deserved it 5 079

Nice try

By johnnycomehelpme - 14/11/2014 00:59 - United States - Skokie

Today, I found out that my girlfriend was cheating on me. Her excuse? I was the one that had initially introduced them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 106

You deserved it 3 807

By Hmmwtf - 10/12/2009 10:38 - Australia

Today, I didn't get promoted, but the guy who showed up to work drunk a few weeks ago did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 103

You deserved it 3 066

By Anonymous - 20/11/2015 19:48 - United States

Today, I woke up next to my boyfriend. He gazed at me, stroked my cheek, and said, "Christ, you really need something for this acne." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 238

You deserved it 2 537

By Anonymous - 05/09/2014 21:37 - Sweden - Ume

Today, I tried to pull the old "bucket of water above the door" prank on my brother, but the bucket didn't fall when he opened the door. He noticed it, took it down, then pinned me to the floor and waterboarded me with the ice-cold water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 968

You deserved it 41 657

By edavis1993 - 06/10/2015 15:29 - United States - Milford

Today, my clinical instructor told me to stop being so negative, to get over myself, and to focus on nursing school. I'm only distracted because 3 days ago I was told I might have colon cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 024

You deserved it 1 482

By ballbreath - 16/07/2014 15:44 - United States - Rancho Cucamonga

Today, I woke up to my dog jumping on my bed and licking me all over. It would've been fine, if I hadn't woken the first time a few minutes earlier to the sight of him going to town on his balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 847

You deserved it 5 189

Boring

By Anonymous - 24/10/2009 14:58 - Canada

Today, after drunk texting a girl the night before, I sent her a message saying I was sorry for everything I said. All she could say back? "Those were some of the most normal drunk texts I have ever read. I'd hate to see how boring you'd be sober." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 468

You deserved it 7 618

By jina - 18/03/2009 03:48 - Korea Republic of

Today, the phone kept ringing but there was only silence on the other line. The third time I yelled, "What the fuck is your F*ing problem asshole!? Get a life shithead!" and hung up. Then the pastor's wife called and explained that she mistakingly set her phone on mute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 082

You deserved it 65 161

By chronic masticator - 21/05/2016 11:51 - United States

Today, after I skipped dessert for the third day in a row, my mom cornered me and accused me of being anorexic. I'm actually not far off being clinically obese and I'm just trying to diet, but nothing I say will convince her. She wants me to see a psychiatrist about a disorder I don't even have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 612

You deserved it 839

Wild ride

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I went to a haunted show restaurant. I needed the toilet badly, but they were inside the building, which could only be got to via a ghost train. The footage of me peeing myself in terror on the train was played on a big screen inside, in front of a crowd of onlookers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 855

You deserved it 5 215

By creys - 18/11/2012 07:04 - United States

Today, I went to Target with my dad, and he told me to get in the shopping cart. I thought he was being cool and wanted to push me around. He snorted and said he was thinking about crashing me into a car and suing the driver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 221

You deserved it 2 521

Quack quack quack

By Saddoc - 26/07/2013 07:58 - Australia - Dalkeith

Today, I attended an elderly patient's funeral. He died of a heart attack after his daughter, as his carer, stopped all of his meds in favour of a half-cup of garlic a day. Apparently she'd "read an article" about the healing power of garlic, which trumped my 6-year degree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 369

You deserved it 2 976

By Anonymous - 25/10/2014 02:48 - United States - Gainesboro

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend. In the heat of the moment, I said his name. He immediately stopped, gave me a deadly serious look and said "Huh? What?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 258

You deserved it 4 944

Where there's a will…

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Warwick

Today, my grandpa told my mom that he needs to rewrite his will soon. I jokingly said that I was going to be stinking rich when he passes away. He retorted that he's never forgiven me for rear-ending his car six years ago, and because of this, I'll never see a penny of his money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 440

You deserved it 34 714

No thanks

By treats - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Singapore

Today, I caught my dad eating the dog treats I'd bought for my dog. The only thing he could say was, "These are really good, no wonder the dog is so obedient. Wanna try one?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 933

You deserved it 3 688

Gross

By nikki - 10/10/2010 00:47 - United States

Today, my mom realized we have been sharing tooth brushes because they are similar colors. I told her it doesn't really matter since we're mother and daughter. She responded by saying that she loves me, but she has no idea where my mouth has been, and she doesn't want my diseases. Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 030

You deserved it 11 193

By kkt - 25/04/2013 04:54 - United States - Granbury

Today, my 15-year-old brother got busted for selling pills at school. The officer said they were reddish pink, so we searched the house for that kind of pill. Turns out it was my dog's medicine from over 4 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 767

You deserved it 4 546

It's all downhill from here

By hifhfan - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, I entered my late twenties. My hair's falling out and I'm putting on weight at light speed. At least I can keep my youthful appearance with the acne I still suffer from. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 457

You deserved it 5 185

By Fml - 12/04/2013 05:05 - United States - Lynn

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex; I know that some women are great multitaskers, but I'm guessing it was a bad sign when she started to go over the shopping list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 234

You deserved it 14 632

By artist - 29/03/2013 11:12 - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, I spent the whole night and day painting a portrait of my girlfriend. Being proud of it, I sent it to her hoping she would appreciate it. I spent hours working on that picture only for her to reply with, "That's not me, is it?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 895

You deserved it 4 537

By Anonymous - 12/03/2013 04:43 - United States

Today, my pet parrot learned a new trick. In addition to imitating my dog, and my voice when I call my mother, it can now imitate my sex noises, and likes to screech them whenever someone comes into the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 210

You deserved it 9 281

Childlike

By Noname - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, they were handing out free razors in the mall. I went up to get my free sample, but the woman just smiled and said, "Sorry honey, they're sharp, and not for children." I'm 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 231

You deserved it 2 930

By Anonymous - 17/03/2015 21:11 - United States

Today, at 2:00 am, my neighbor discovered "What Does The Fox Say?" He loves it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 219

You deserved it 2 464

Get it on

By xomelodygervais - 08/11/2013 14:00 - Canada - Timmins

Today, my husband's version of roleplaying was pretending that he actually wanted to have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 025

You deserved it 6 197

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, when my doctor told me I had symptoms of an STD, I had to repeatedly try to convince her I'm a 28-year-old virgin. Even as I left she still didn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 484

You deserved it 3 832

Today, awaiting the end of my shift at a call centre, I received my last call. The caller had a riddle: “What’s a cow’s favorite place to go? The moooo-vies!” He then laughed like a hyena and hung up. I wish I could pay my rent with riddles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 794

You deserved it 147

Today, I went to see a movie. While buying tickets, the girl behind the counter asked to show my ID card to proof I'm at least 16 years old. Not wanting to make a drama, I showed it. She took a look at it and declared it as fake. That ID is real and I'm 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 056

You deserved it 3 345

Today, I bought a new computer. I gave my old one to my mother. After handing it over and going home, I realised I forgot to change the background picture, a naked photo of my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 087

You deserved it 68 450

Today, while being high for the first time after getting my wisdom teeth pulled, I called my dental assistant pretty before leaving, and then shouted, "I NEED TO POOP!" to the whole office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 931

You deserved it 7 855

Today, I found out I have to give my father-in-law back the football tickets he gave me for my birthday. Why? His girlfriend decided she wanted to go. He didn't get me a different gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 419

You deserved it 2 495