The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By deebroooo - 19/02/2016 04:48 - United States - West Hollywood

Today, an old lady walked up to my car on a busy street and banged on my window. She was annoyed because I was making a left, as opposed to continuing to drive when there was no traffic in front of me. She then got in her car and held the horn until I went. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 320

You deserved it 1 965

deebroooo tells us more.

deebroooo 10

Friday 19 February 2016 17:59

A street that didn't have a specific turning lane. And to clarify my blinker was on. Took awhile to turn because there was a lot of cars coming toward so I was there a while.

By Anonymous - 08/01/2011 03:09 - United States

Today, I went to the OBGYN for my annual, and noticed they now supplied babywipes. After 3 seconds of "cleaning", the intense burning started. Turns out they were antibacterial bleach wipes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 063

You deserved it 32 431

By for_fs_sake - 21/09/2012 10:56 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband revealed that he found me drunk and shoe-less in a shrub in our front garden last night, sending dirty texts to my new employee. I've recently had my meds switched and apparently can't drink now. My husband's pissed, my shoes are gone, and I can't look the new guy in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 558

You deserved it 25 308

for_fs_sake tells us more.

for_fs_sake 1

Friday 21 September 2012 17:22

I called the hospital this morning and was informed by the duty nurse that yes, I definitely should have been told not to drink on the new meds. When I asked why the doc didn't mention it, she replied that "the doctor has been very busy as she's now taken on a management position and she must have forgotten". Fabulous! Happily, my husband's very understanding, and the new guy thinks it's hilaaaaaaaaaaaarious. So right now, I guess it's the lack of shoes and lack of dignity that are the real problems. And yes - I've heard I was a BLAST to drink with last night, until the whole shrub-shoe-booty-text debacle. God, I'm a moron.

By MsConfusedd - 01/09/2012 04:30 - United States - Hazlet

Today, I learned that my 76 year-old great aunt likes to swim naked, even when I have friends over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 774

You deserved it 2 038

By pvtcab - 05/10/2011 18:52 - United States

Today, my roommate and I had to pay our first installment of rent. He's nowhere to be found. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 100

You deserved it 3 053

Cheers!

By imamonster1992 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend got rejected by his dream college. In an effort to comfort him, I told him that he is incredibly smart and that it's their loss. He replied, "Of course you think so, you're an idiot!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 421

You deserved it 5 078

By Anonymous - 04/06/2009 04:14 - United States

Today, I got a parking ticket. I put the ticket in my bag and accidentally left the bag in my friends car. When I returned, the car window was smashed, my bag was gone. I had to call the police department and ask them to send me a new ticket, on top of the $1000 or so I'd already lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 063

You deserved it 6 109

By Anonymous - 30/09/2014 17:45 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I found out that when I asked my buddy to make sure my girlfriend was safe while I was abroad, he really did; he even used a condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 348

You deserved it 4 830

By Crunchy - 19/04/2009 21:52 - United States

Today, I had a job interview. Everything was going really well until I noticed a bug on my interviewer's lower neck. I shouted that something really disgusting was crawling on him. It turns out it was his big hairy mole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 462

You deserved it 61 319

How did you manage that?

By Anonymous - 10/04/2009 14:35 - United States

Today, I was driving my car like any ordinary day. My dad had been harping on me about not checking the oil, so I finally checked it. Driving down the road my hood flew up and shattered my windshield. I forgot to latch my hood after checking the oil. $300 for a new windshield. The oil was fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 316

You deserved it 62 778

By brizzle - 05/04/2009 20:15 - United States

Today, my parents came home after being out of town for the weekend. I stayed home, did homework and completely cleaned the house, thinking I could earn some brownie points with them. They saw how clean the house was and accused me of covering up a party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 510

You deserved it 6 364

By jeffswife - 09/10/2009 07:51 - United States

Today, I went to the mall to pick up the 1 carat diamond my husband recently purchased for me after 6 years of being together. My mom called, I answered my cell. Later, I realized that the baggie with the diamond was no longer in my pocket. It fell out when I answered my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 181

You deserved it 32 857

jeffswife tells us more.

jeffswife 0

Monday 12 October 2009 9:49

Lol! Despite all the mean comments, I thought I would clarify a few things. #1 I am completely aware that I deserved it. #2 The whole reason I had the diamond in a baggie in my pocket was that I had JUST picked it up from the store. We were not buying their solitaire mounting, because I already had another setting picked out at a different store. #3 My mom was babysitting my son, and had taken him on an hour long drive, so I was waiting at the mall for her to come back, she would call me when she got home. I went across the way to the Apple Store, and I was only there for about half an hour when she called me, and I took out my phone. #4 I don't own a handbag! I'm not a girly girl and I hate purses. The good news: I filed a police report to get the footage from the Apple Store. They caught the person who didn't turn it in. =P KARRRMA. They had already sold it, but my insurance is replacing it. Also, anyone who thinks this is something to get divorced over...you are ridiculous. =] My husband and I are very much in love, and we have a beautiful baby boy together. These are petty little things. Money comes and goes, and it is not worth fighting over.

By Dang-ItsDanielle - 07/03/2009 18:28 - United States

Today, I was pushing my 4 year old on the swing. I did what we call our "under doggie push": I throw her up in the air while I run underneath her before she hits me coming back down. I walked away to get my water and she yelled across the park "Can we do it doggie-style again?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 382

You deserved it 19 437

By thisguy - 24/02/2012 01:54 - Canada

Today, I was so busy checking my phone for live bus arrival times I didn't notice the bus pull up, let the people beside me on, and drive away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 375

You deserved it 43 231

By lifebecrazed - 17/01/2013 16:57

Today, an elderly gentleman came into my store complaining of a toothache, so I showed him where the Orajel was located. He then insisted on making a big scene, claiming that I really had the magic touch and if I would just stroke his cheek all his pain would go away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 370

You deserved it 2 962

By Joey - 04/06/2016 18:52 - United States - Apo

Today, I took my girlfriend to her ex-boyfriend's apartment for her to exchange his spare car keys for some of her grandmother's items. I waited outside in the parking lot for an hour, with no idea which door was his. She came out no longer a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 224

You deserved it 2 663

By buzzzzkill - 27/08/2009 11:51 - United States

Today, I got home from work, and saw a note on the counter my roomate left saying "Sorry about the basement." I then went into the basement, and found that it was flooded. My TV, Xbox360, mini-fridge, and couch were all destroyed. Good thing he tried to stop the leak with scotch tape. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 900

You deserved it 2 630

By misspriss - 17/02/2010 01:30 - United States

Today, I was in the theatre watching a movie. I leaned my head back to relax. Suddenly, I hear this sneeze behind me and then I feel "rain" pouring down on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 994

You deserved it 2 828

By Anonymous - 21/02/2015 15:12 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out the hard way that blood-filled deer ticks can look a lot like black jelly beans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 040

You deserved it 8 571

Wow, thanks Gramps!

By lizard - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's grandparents for the first time. When my boyfriend introduced us, his grandfather smiled at me, took my hand, and said in the most polite voice, "Wow, you're not nearly as pretty as he described you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 492

You deserved it 3 024

Beep beep beep

By chloe - 29/06/2009 09:44 - Australia

Today, I was rushing to get on the train to work as I heard the "door closing" beeps. I was about to step onto the train when a man pushed me out of the way so that he could get on. My handbag fell out of my hand into the carriage. I stayed on the platform. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 165

You deserved it 3 136

By peacechick25 - 02/01/2011 09:36 - United States

Today, as a finisher to a date with my girlfriend we decided to park behind the school and mess around. As we were pulling into a dark shaded spot, she drove straight into a snow bank. We spent the rest of our time together trying to dig the car out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 656

You deserved it 27 672

By what the fuck - 25/08/2013 19:28 - Malaysia - Petaling Jaya

Today, a customer spent ages bitching me out, because he refused to believe he needed to upgrade his computer, which still runs Windows 98, in order to install a modern game for his grandson. He ended up calling my manager and trying to get me fired for scamming him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 489

You deserved it 2 737

By assholedad - 21/06/2013 18:05 - United States - Dayton

Today, I came back from the doctor after having been diagnosed with a UTI. My dad now won't shut up about it, saying stuff like, "You must be 'pissed'", "Looks like 'urine' a bit of pain", and "'Urea'-lly need some antibiotics, son", all while making obnoxious finger quotes in the air. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 228

You deserved it 5 118

By AlicefromIreland - 23/08/2015 17:39 - Ireland

Today, I was at a concert and the performer told everyone to wave their phones in the air. I threw my hand up and then a huge woman caught my iPhone and disappeared into the crowd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 804

You deserved it 7 033

AlicefromIreland tells us more.

AlicefromIreland 16

Monday 24 August 2015 15:23

What happened was when we were told to wave the phones in the air I flung my arm up a bit too fast and my phone flew out of my hand and this "huge woman" (in talking morbidly obese, bundles me out of the way and snatched my phone from the air. I never saw her or the phone again...