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By Anonymous - 21/08/2014 15:37 - United States

Today, I talked to a girl I like. I tried to make her jealous by telling her I had a "thing" going with another girl. She looked deeply into my eyes and said, "Wait, aren't you gay?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 214

You deserved it 17 899

Help?

By StungAlot - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got stung by jellyfish. As I was writhing in pain on the beach, my dad comes up and asks me to be quiet and that I'm embarrassing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 725

You deserved it 2 821

By Manstobe92 - 16/11/2009 07:32 - United States

Today, I went to pick my date up at her house. When I got to the door, her dad answered. We talked for a little bit and he told me to take his 1958 Corvette. I politely refused and he told me, "If I can trust you with my daughter, I can trust you with my car." I crashed into his mailbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 668

You deserved it 40 244

Sobering

By happy bday - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, is my 21st birthday. My friends took me to a bar to celebrate, knowing I don't drink. I'm now in charge of driving my friends home after they've had an awesome night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 414

You deserved it 9 528

Sicko

By stalker - 27/09/2009 17:24 - United States

Today, I had a restraining order put on me. I have apparently been following a woman's daughter home after she leaves track practice and parking my car outside their home. I'm a math teacher at the school and leave everyday at 4:30. I have lived across the street for the past six years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 285

You deserved it 2 569

By Joe - 10/03/2009 00:26 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was at a dance. I was griding with this guy when I felt something move in his pants. I stood up and stepped away. He replied with "Don't flatter yourself, it was my phone". FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 286

You deserved it 56 195

Nothing for money

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boss told me I was fired 3 weeks ago because there's no money to pay me, meaning that I worked the last three weeks for free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 875

You deserved it 3 117

Brain freeze

By IvyLeague? - 15/01/2013 02:52 - United States - Buffalo

Today, I was babysitting, and a little girl asked for help with her homework. I cheerfully began an explanation, only to freeze mid-sentence. I could not for the life of me remember how to do long-division. I'm about to graduate from Cornell University, and her little brother had to correct me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 916

You deserved it 10 367

By Anonymous - 20/05/2016 16:59 - United States - Harker Heights

Spicy

Today, my brother walked in on me jerking off. I managed to close the porn tab, at least, only to end up on my mom's Facebook profile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 441

You deserved it 6 773

By Why - 24/04/2016 18:59 - United States - Marlborough

Spicy

Today, my husband cheated on me. In my house. While I was home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 921

You deserved it 2 033

By dudster25 - 10/04/2016 04:20 - United States - Hanford

Spicy

Today, I was both sexting with my girlfriend and texting my professor about an upcoming essay. I accidentally sent a dickpic to my professor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 392

You deserved it 40 133

By whatever - 24/11/2012 07:02 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my long-distance boyfriend broke up with me. Tomorrow he should be getting the super long love letter that I poured my heart into and sent him a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 262

You deserved it 2 490

By pong - 06/08/2013 21:59 - France - Toulouse

Today, I asked my surgeon if I would be having a general or local anesthetic at my upcoming operation. He replied, "General, of course! It's gonna be a slaughterhouse in there!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 034

You deserved it 4 076

By Chandler - 16/09/2011 19:26 - United States

Today, in a desperate bid to avoid going to the doctor, my young son ran into and hid inside a cactus garden. I had to drag him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 874

You deserved it 2 947

Irony at a base level

By danyelicindereli - 29/05/2009 03:41 - United States

Today, I was standing around looking out the window at work when it became really dark and windy and started to pour. I watched a shopping cart fly across the parking lot thinking how funny it'd be if it hit someone's car. It hit mine. I need a new headlight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 263

You deserved it 48 214

No signal

By XxFA1LxX - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Calgary

Today, my neighbors bought a signal scrambler to stop their kids from going on the internet at night. Too bad it blocks my internet too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 244

You deserved it 2 590

By vbecka - 26/06/2013 17:08 - Norway - Oslo

Today, I foolishly thought that I was alone in the house, and let out a huge fart on the toilet. This went on for a while due to an upset stomach. I later walked into the living room only to find my parents and a few of their friends sitting on the couch, teary-eyed from laughing so much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 313

You deserved it 7 596

vbecka tells us more.

vbecka 17

Thursday 27 June 2013 16:52

Hi! OP here! :) first off all: wow! I never expected this to make it to the FMLpage! Don't worry, people. I posted this because it was funny. I was very, very embarrassed when I walked out to the living room and saw everybody and realized that I hadn't been alone after all(my parents came home from their trip to our cabin with their friends a day earlier than they had planned.) But I laughed at it after I realized how funny it was. And it's extra funny that you guys automatically assumed that I'm a guy! I'm actually a girl. haha! Which is why I felt so embarrassed, since I've never met those particularly friends of my parents. Great first impression, don't you think? lol. but they smiled and joked around, trying to make me feel less embarrassed, so it's all good!

By Anonymous - 12/07/2012 16:04 - United States - Millers Tavern

Today, I was running late for an important job interview because I couldn't find my keys. I place the keys on my kitchen counter every day to prevent exactly this type of situation. After few minutes and missing my interview, I finally found my keys, in my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 367

You deserved it 32 154

By StillPissedOffAtIrony - 06/09/2014 17:25 - United States - Hialeah

Today, my mother yelled at me for not doing all of my homework. She got so mad, she tore up a drawing I'd spent over a week working on. That was my art homework. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 329

You deserved it 3 766

Secret garden

By single once again - 07/10/2015 07:41 - Cyprus - Nicosia

Spicy

Today, I found out my boyfriend has an account on a sex hookup site. He said it has "interesting articles" and that he'd completed his profile and listed his sexual preferences out of boredom. When I told him to sign in and prove he hadn't been messaging girls, he refused and called me paranoid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 670

You deserved it 2 644

By harvdog - 02/10/2010 19:43 - United States

Today, I went to Seattle with my mom to visit my pregnant sister, only to end up being dragged to a store to buy maternity clothes. The saleswoman apologized to me repeatedly for not having a lounge for the fathers, but congratulated me on the baby. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 079

You deserved it 5 229

By creepyyy - 17/05/2014 16:54 - United States

Today, trying to be nice, I added this really shy kid from my English class on Facebook. Within minutes, he started going through all my pictures and tagging himself as my breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 453

You deserved it 9 952

Easy mistake

By Anonymous - 26/03/2009 23:39 - United States

Today, I was at QuickTrip. As I was leaving, I passed a woman who was saying, "Stay!" very sternly through her open driver's side door. I smiled as I passed, saying, "Your dog wants to follow you huh? I've been there." She glared at me and said, "No. That's my son. He's mentally challenged." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 030

You deserved it 26 134

By Jorgina226 - 11/08/2010 16:33 - United States

Today, I found my old sewing machine I got when I was a kid. I never used it before, because when I was younger, I was afraid I might sew my fingers. Laughing at myself, I decided to sew up an old bag. I sewed my thumb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 949

You deserved it 27 108

By Brianna Weltmire - 08/04/2012 05:13 - United States - Denver

Today, my mom tagged me in a picture on Facebook. It's a very zoomed in picture of a zit that had just recently erupted on my face. The caption is "My baby's biggest zit yet!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 874

You deserved it 2 743

By maggu - 11/02/2013 04:26 - Denmark

Today, my mom started referring to me as "The Bitch". When I asked her why, she said that I have always been a bitch, but I was never old enough for her to actually call me a bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 213

You deserved it 7 429

By hellolaina - 25/06/2016 00:13 - Australia

Today, I lost my virginity. It was painful, but not as painful as my boyfriend asking afterwards: "Um... did you use to be a guy?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 482

You deserved it 1 300

hellolaina tells us more.

hellolaina 18

Monday 27 June 2016 2:20

And to answer everyone's question, no I didn't use to be a guy. And yes he is my ex.

By Anonymous - 22/01/2014 16:30 - United States - Tampa

Today, a girl I've never met before came up to me and punched me in the face, because she wanted to get suspended. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 116

You deserved it 4 240

By methane overload - 19/01/2013 01:32 - United States

Today, while on the bus, the guy sitting beside me let out the vilest and most nauseating fart I've ever encountered, the kind that could retroactively sterilize five generations of one's ancestors with the smell alone. As I gagged, he smirked and said, "That's Taco Bell for ya." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 239

You deserved it 3 836

By thank u usa - 13/12/2013 22:20 - Germany

Today, I came across a tourist in the street asking people for directions, but nobody understood him. I speak English, so I went to help the gentleman out. He said "Knock it off with the cheesy accent, pal" and informed me that my country is a shithole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 106

You deserved it 3 575

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The Top

The Top

Today, at nine months pregnant, I stopped at a truck stop to use the restroom. I opened an unlocked stall door and stood face to face with a woman bent over wiping. She let out a scream so blood-curdlingly loud that I wet myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 136

Today, I had my first kiss at a party. Later, I was told that the guy had been dared to kiss the ugliest girl in the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 790

You deserved it 6 678

Today, I secretly took a day off work, since I had to use up my vacation, and wanted a "me day." My wife called, and I was ready to pretend to be at work. Too bad the cat decided to come up behind me and meow loudly, alerting my wife that I was home. She's pissed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 170

You deserved it 595

Today, my wife of three years asked me to meet her for lunch at Subway. When I arrived, she was standing in the parking lot. She handed me a footlong sub, said "I got you a turkey sandwich" and followed it up with "And I'm leaving you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 96 205

You deserved it 5 249

Today, a customer greeted me with, "So! When's the baby coming!?" I'm NOT pregnant. I just gain weight in my guts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 413

You deserved it 190

Today, my friends created a fake Facebook profile of a girl, and asked me to be in a relationship. Even my friends think I can't get a real girlfriend, and need a fake one to feel better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 183

You deserved it 4 482