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By Tee - 26/03/2010 08:48 - France

Today, I got locked inside my office again by my co-workers because they had forgotten I was still around when they left. This happens 1 or 2 times a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 464

You deserved it 44

TMI Mom!

By KtSue - 12/11/2012 05:25 - United States

Today, my mom has officially lost 100 pounds due to a lap-band surgery. After sharing her excitement, she also shared her troubles. She said, "Everything hangs now, even my cooter. Can they fix that?" Thank you for the mental image, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 563

You deserved it 1 909

By kaytiebobaytie - 24/01/2010 18:30 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend. We were driving to his hockey game and he was joking around about throwing my favorite hoodie out of his window. While swinging it around, my brand new iPhone flew out of the pocket and the window, getting run over by a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 469

You deserved it 7 787

By sammieshortcake - 14/09/2013 15:30 - United States

Today, I was talking to my husband about our favorite TV show, when he took my face in his hands and sweetly whispered, "You're so pretty. Why must you ruin it with words?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 369

You deserved it 8 270

sammieshortcake tells us more.

sammieshortcake 15

Saturday 14 September 2013 23:05

He was actually joking when he said it. I just thought it was funny because of the way he said it like he was being all romantic, so I submitted it. So stoked it got published! And to the person who said yeah "our" favorite show-it was Game of Thrones, which is both of our favorite shows. lol

By Kate - 17/10/2011 02:50 - United States

Today, I was chatting with a customer who comes regularly to my job. He sticks his hand out and I put my hand on his, thinking he's giving me a high five. He was just waiting for his receipt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 685

You deserved it 22 951

By TheMissMuffly - 31/07/2012 15:53 - United States - Monmouth

Today, I wanted to take a romantic bath with my boyfriend. I set up the candles and hot water, but I had to take a dump. After my business was done, I called him into the bath. He walks in, sniffs, glances at the toilet and leaves. Guess what I forgot to flush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 839

You deserved it 53 203

By Anonymous - 30/11/2015 16:34 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my school's theater production was canceled. Not because of budget, but because my co-star fell in love with me and asked me out. When I pointedly declined, he refused to act alongside me since it was "awkward." Everyone's blaming me for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 051

You deserved it 2 842

Retention

By S…… - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was surprised to learn that I could carry on intelligent conversations about basketball with my guy friends. Then I realized it was because my boyfriend insists on watching ESPN while we have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 562

You deserved it 8 683

By Username - 06/11/2010 17:58 - France

Today, at my cousin's baby shower, there was a discussion on what to name the baby. When the name Jacqueline was brought up, I made a face and exclaimed, "Ugh, I hate that name!" I was then informed that's the name of my cousin's mother-in-law. She definitely heard me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 644

You deserved it 27 640

By Anonymous - 23/06/2013 06:55 - United States - Evansville

Today, my girlfriend announced to everyone at dinner that she was no longer a virgin. This was news to everyone: her parents, siblings, best friend, and me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 976

You deserved it 4 905

By Ian Artis - 12/07/2012 18:28 - United States

Today, I walked too close to a first-aid kit sticking out of a wall at work, and it cut my arm. Laughing at the irony, I opened it to get a band aid out. It was empty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 887

You deserved it 2 829

By Anonymous - 22/06/2012 14:11 - United States

Today, I went on a long flight. I was fortunate enough to sit next to a great girl. However, she must have thought I was not so great, because she moved to the empty seat across the aisle. Next to my dad. Who then told stories about how I always get motion sickness on airplanes. I then threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 768

You deserved it 3 735

By gibbette - 28/04/2013 17:32 - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, I overheard my boyfriend telling his buddies that the main reason he got into video game modding was so he could put a virtual version of me in his games and "shoot the fuck out of that bitch". FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 599

You deserved it 7 323

By Anonymous - 23/04/2013 15:49 - Australia

Today, my mother and I saw a stall selling colourful treats at the shopping centre. Some were placed on small dishes, so we thought we'd sample their goods. Turns out that the colourful goodies that we'd bit into were very creative pieces of soap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 222

You deserved it 45 508

By Anonymous - 07/06/2014 05:15 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I was disciplined by my boss for "not smiling enough." I'm a dishwasher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 420

You deserved it 4 829

By OptimusVader - 13/03/2013 13:36 - United States

Today, I was cleaning a house. While dusting a rickety nightstand, a drawer fell open and a light-up dildo fell out and turned on. I couldn't figure out how to turn it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 807

You deserved it 4 777

OptimusVader tells us more.

OptimusVader 23

Wednesday 13 March 2013 20:00

Well I did mention it was rickety. It rocked while I dusted and it was just poorly made, overall. It tilted forward, the drawer slid out and I couldn't catch it in time. Then BAM! Sudden singing light show from an old woman's rabbit.

By Joe - 10/03/2009 00:26 - Canada

Today, I was at a dance. I was griding with this guy when I felt something move in his pants. I stood up and stepped away. He replied with "Don't flatter yourself, it was my phone". FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 283

You deserved it 56 184

Gonna need that channel name

By alyssac11 - 25/05/2010 04:55 - United States

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend has a YouTube channel devoted to taking the camera out whenever he has to fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 635

You deserved it 4 263

By JadeC - 01/12/2011 18:55 - United States

Today, I was fired. For "lack of attention to details", specifically spelling errors. My now ex-boss misspelled the name of his own company on my severance agreement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 757

You deserved it 3 352

By praise the prenup - 03/10/2012 00:04 - United States - Delaware

Today, I found out that the landscaper my wife hired on my behalf wasn't kidding when he said he was going to trim my wife's bush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 928

You deserved it 3 057

Slippery slope

By ur_life_dus_suck - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Wayne

Today, my mom celebrated a year's sobriety by having a couple of beers with her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 599

You deserved it 1 756

By mamaflower - 19/08/2013 08:03 - Australia - Baulkham Hills

Today, I got to watch how easy it is to break into my flat, after I locked myself out and went to my neighbour for help. He used a blunt pencil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 197

You deserved it 3 722

mamaflower tells us more.

mamaflower 23

Tuesday 20 August 2013 0:38

Just so you know, I live in a council estate so I always figured my neighbour would be able to break in if he wanted. It was just a shocked to see how easy it was. And I can't change the locks with out going through a big pile of paper work and waiting for permission. So much hassle. Any way thanks for the funny comments =)

By xxccruzxx - 29/06/2012 13:30 - United States

Today, at work, my phone kept crashing. Without thinking, I announced that it was having a seizure. Who did I announce this to? My boss. Who also happens to have epilepsy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 168

You deserved it 29 883