The Top

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By Anonymous - 19/12/2012 17:19 - Australia - Perth

Today, my friend and I decided to go skinny-dipping in her pool just after we'd finished watching a scary movie. While we were in the pool, I heard something move in the bushes so I freaked out and ran onto the deck, slipping and falling flat on my back. Her dad saw the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 446

You deserved it 37 150

By Damm - 24/01/2009 19:05 - United States

Today, I have an autoimmune disease which causes my penis to look like a tie-dye t shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 396

You deserved it 2 770

By Disappointed - 10/09/2012 04:26 - United States - Angleton

Today, the girl I've secretly loved for years finally noticed me. That is, after I ran over her foot with my truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 208

You deserved it 7 420

By IIIlibras - 27/07/2011 21:28 - United States

Today, I learned that horror movies do not exaggerate the pain of getting your nails ripped from your fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 558

You deserved it 3 386

IIIlibras tells us more.

IIIlibras 6

Friday 29 July 2011 0:49

Welllll, I needed to move my boyfriend and I's heavy mattress back against the wall so as I lifted it up, our Doberman (who loves to pounce things) decided then would be a good time to do so..Right where my hands were. My poor long nails just could not hold up the weight thus resulting in blood.

By Anonymous - 24/02/2013 01:42 - United States - Royersford

Today, my very conservative mom met my girlfriend, who recently shaved her head in support of her best friend, who has cancer. My girlfriend looks beautiful and feminine even with her still very short hair. My mom, however, keeps insisting that I'm dating "a confused transgender". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 331

You deserved it 2 695

Giving up

By Kate - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my husband decided he will be a 'stay at home' dad. We have two cats. No kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 274

You deserved it 4 208

By Anonymous - 03/09/2009 12:54 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to catch a coach to London at 4 in the morning. I was late so I had to take any free seat, so sat down next to a seemingly sweet old man. Within ten minutes, the sweet old man was trying to kiss me and trying to pull me on top of him. Nobody said anything. The journey was 4 hours long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 415

You deserved it 3 791

Insurance war

By Anonymous - 06/01/2013 10:01 - United States - Austin

Today, I came home to a flooded apartment and water still pouring from the ceiling. The woman who lives above me is shocked that I would consider her responsible for the damage and doesn't think she should have to pay for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 668

You deserved it 1 868

BFF

By imabadperson - 06/03/2010 12:24 - United States

Today, I introduced myself as a sex addict, as a joke, to break the ice while meeting new people. One of my friends took me seriously and said he was a porn addict. He told me how happy he was that he had found someone else who had the same feelings and was so happy he could confide in me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 526

You deserved it 44 558

Get out

By BearGrillz - 17/08/2009 23:40 - United States

Today, there were some wasps getting in my bedroom from a hole in the frame of my window. I went outside with some spray and took out their entrance. What I didnt know is that when you spray wasps, they go the other direction. I now have 60+ wasps flying around my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 335

You deserved it 26 006

The truth will always come out

By cmendez - 26/02/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, my mother, who is 75 years-old, just told me and my sister that we were adopted. I'm 45 years-old and my sister is 49. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 896

You deserved it 2 310

WTF?

By Champignon - 01/11/2013 14:17 - Belgium - Brasschaat

Today, during dinner, my mom told my dad and me in great detail about the "awesome" new cosmetic surgery idea she just had: constructing earlobes for lobeless ears, using skin taken from women's labia. I was forced to sit through this until I finished my plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 382

You deserved it 4 303

By Anonymous - 16/12/2011 20:11 - Sweden

Today, the heating in my house broke down. I called my boyfriend and asked if I could stay at his place until I could get it fixed. He said no, and told me my overgrown leg hair would keep me warm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 662

You deserved it 13 811

By monsterdanceman - 23/10/2013 23:16 - United States - Ozark

Today, I tried to tackle my fear of heights by riding a rollercoaster. Once we were near the top, it malfunctioned, causing it to stop, and we all had to get out and climb back down. My girlfriend laughed at me for how scared I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 172

You deserved it 4 897

By Hmmmm - 20/09/2012 14:58 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I was made aware that my teenage son used "Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter" as a reference point in a class debate as if it was a biopic. Oh dear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 617

You deserved it 2 918

By Anonymous - 07/09/2012 05:08 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I had to go into school for the third time this week because my son is claiming he's on bath salts and biting all his classmates. My son is 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 760

You deserved it 3 341

By nokitchenforme - 03/12/2010 05:18 - Canada

Today, I overheard my mother telling a friend she got me oven mitts for Christmas. I got her two cruise tickets. I hate to cook. Which she knows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 448

You deserved it 3 170

By FrozenD - 12/12/2009 16:55 - Canada

Today, my furnace and all of my heating systems broke down. A fridge is 3 degrees Celsius; it is now 2 degrees Celsius in my house. I would be warmer in my fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 734

You deserved it 2 275

By undoable - 08/09/2010 23:14 - United States

Today, I was doing it with my girlfriend. Trying to be sexy, I moaned her name. She replied, "What?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 220

You deserved it 9 777

By ToddesPizza - 20/08/2015 01:00 - United States - Coos Bay

Today, I haven't shaved for so long the hair on my legs has split ends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 604

You deserved it 11 609

By Anonymous - 13/08/2010 14:16 - United States

Today, I was on the way to traffic court for a $340 speeding ticket I'd got. My mother called me and I wasn't paying attention which caused me to speed. Right past a cop. When I told the cop where I was going, he started laughing at me. I now have another $300 ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 867

You deserved it 52 169

By Noname - 13/03/2009 20:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were choosing animals that reminded us of eachother. I said he reminded me of a tiger because he is really muscular. He told me I reminded him of a zebra. When I asked him why, he said it was because of my stretchmarks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 146

You deserved it 7 937

By Mikimiks93 - 02/07/2010 15:05 - South Africa

Today, while driving on a totally deserted, long, straight road in the middle of the bush, I sneezed and drove right into a pole on the side of the road. It was the only pole for over 50 km. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 497

You deserved it 7 909

By Ilovelife07 - 19/09/2009 04:47 - United States

Today, I went out to lunch on my break. When I got back to work, I noticed I had something in my teeth. After trying to get it out with my tongue, I finally went to my car for some floss. I ended up pulling a 4 inch pube out of my back teeth. It certainly wasn't mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 735

You deserved it 9 598

By UnluckyInk - 18/02/2013 08:50 - United States - Manlius

Today, I went in to get my first tattoo. I'd put a lot of thought into it and was really excited when the day came. Long story short, the Celtic knot I'd gotten turned out to have an alternate meaning of "female sex slave." The faces my very Irish family made were beyond words. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 324

You deserved it 49 753

Doppelganger

By eleonor - 02/12/2008 04:57 - France

Today, I sent a text message to my boyfriend, saying, "Come over in an hour, I love you." An hour later, the doorbell rang. It was my ex, looking happy and still as smitten with me as before, with a bunch of roses. I'd got the wrong number. My ex and my boyfriend have the same name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 317

You deserved it 45 401

By yeasty - 06/07/2009 00:06 - United States

Today, I went to the drug store to pick up some Monistat for a yeast infection. As I was leaving the store, the security alarm went off. The attractive security guard asked to see my receipt, smiled, told me I looked nice, so I handed him the receipt. His face then abruptly changed to a look of disgust. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 088

You deserved it 4 550

By Anonymous - 09/01/2011 18:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to explain to my friend why it's inappropriate to conduct a phone conversation while simultaneously eating a bagel, listening to music, and taking a shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 957

You deserved it 3 942

By Lisa - 19/09/2011 02:07 - United States

Today, after being dumped by my boyfriend of two years, I poured my heart out to my dad. He nodded and looked sympathetic throughout. Afterwards, I asked him what I should do. He replied, "How the hell should I know?" and awkwardly left my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 944

You deserved it 5 726

By melons - 03/07/2013 09:09 - United Kingdom - Redditch

Today, the massive bogey that had been dangling precariously from my manager's nose for half an hour finally detached itself. Into my coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 130

You deserved it 5 308

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The Top

Today, one of my 5-year-old son's teeth fell out, but he's quite scatterbrained and he lost it. He did however find my vibrating duck under my pillow, and is now crying because he thinks that I stole his tooth so that the tooth fairy would bring me a toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 157

You deserved it 7 111

Today, I live in Romania and my walls are particularly thin. After enduring my neighbor’s parties, the house music of my neighbor, I’m now enduring the covers of traditional Romanian songs with a flute by my neighbor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 685

You deserved it 77

Today, I got a secondhand message from my mother to not jerk off so much. I know it’s secondhand because my wife says the same thing. They’re in cahoots and lie to one another: mom just wants grandkids, and my wife doesn’t want a smile on my face she didn’t put there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 167

You deserved it 533

Today, I met my favourite singer, but when she signed my CD, the marker was out of ink. By the time I realised there was no signature, she was already gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 184

You deserved it 408

Today, I was feeling really good about myself for running and walking everywhere so much so that I was out of breath and panting. Well, until I remembered that I was playing a video game and it was my character that was doing the running around that is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 954

You deserved it 43 953

Today, while having sex I managed to chip my tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 341

You deserved it 433