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What she doesn't realize is that in a school with only 180 students, it's impossible to get away with stuff like that. The principal knows what's up, because we dealt with similar issues last year; I just didn't think I was going to have to schedule meetings with the teachers again about it (outside of the regular parent-teacher conferences, which she attends). I *had* kind of noticed the teachers giving me the stink-eye in the car line lately though.

By ElephantLover - 11/12/2013 20:14 - United States - San Diego

Today, my grandma added to my elephant collection by giving me some underwear with elephant ears on the hips, and a long, sock-like nose. She has no idea they're meant for a guy. FML

agreeclassic 55 884

vote type 1 5 406

Peaceful

By kirrby - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I tried to break up with my girlfriend because I feel unappreciated. She fell asleep while I was attempting this. FML

agreeclassic 36 265

vote type 1 4 632

By Anonymous - 29/06/2009 05:07 - United States

Today, I had my boss and his family over for dinner. Our kids played while waiting for dinner to be ready. Just as we were sitting to eat, our 8-year-olds ran out and my son says "Look at Baxter! I found underwear with a tail hole!" They had found my crotchless panties and put them on the dog. FML

agreeclassic 43 826

vote type 1 12 564

By anotherhuman - 30/11/2014 05:48 - United States - Tampa

Today, my little sister asked if she could play on my laptop, but I said no because I was writing an essay for school. She then bit herself hard and showed the mark to our parents, saying I did it. As they bitched me out, my sister got on my laptop and deleted my half-finished essay. FML

agreeclassic 46 151

vote type 1 3 123

anotherhuman app_comment_confession_title

anotherhuman 31

Thursday 11 June 2015 9:41

It's okay you guys, I got it all sorted out not too long after I submitted this FML. My little sister got in trouble and I received more time on my essay which I passed so everything turned out great on this one. ^__^

By lights on forever - 02/08/2013 20:57 - Turkey - Istanbul

Today, I was washing up in a public bathroom, when I looked up for a second and saw a kid in the mirror staring back at me. I gasped, as I thought the place had been empty. He whispered, "It's time to die." I screamed and ran out, only to hear him burst out laughing behind me. FML

agreeclassic 54 911

vote type 1 9 213

By mdp624 - 16/08/2012 12:10 - United States - Brookhaven

Today, I was T-boned while going through an intersection. The guy who hit me accused me of not using my turn signal. I was going straight. FML

agreeclassic 28 750

vote type 1 1 571

By Jon - 14/05/2012 21:46 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, I went to a club with some friends. I ordered two drinks from the waitress and gave her a fifty. She never returned with the change, and the rest of the staff claimed they didn't know who I was talking about. FML

agreeclassic 29 727

vote type 1 6 240

By Kamburgler - 02/07/2011 06:33 - United States

Today, this really cute guy at work kept flirting with me and cracking the funniest jokes. Before he left, he told me how much he enjoyed making me smile. An hour later, I saw my reflection in a mirror, I had a huge piece of food stuck in my teeth. FML

agreeclassic 36 403

vote type 1 5 731

By it's a wonder I'm not illiterate as fuck - 12/04/2013 17:21 - United States - Roselle

Today, my school announced its senior motto for the year. For the second year in a row, it's "YOLO". FML

agreeclassic 53 012

vote type 1 5 879

Hello Goodbye

By jobless and broke - 29/07/2015 18:40 - United States - Mesa

Today, I got fired from my new job on my first day. Why? Because I'm 19 and company policy says you have to be 21. But they can't ask how old you are. FML

agreeclassic 26 139

vote type 1 2 453

House hunting

By ohboy - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was supposed to see an apartment. Thirty minutes after I was to meet the owner, she still hadn't shown. I called her. When I got no response, I was annoyed and kept calling. Finally, she answered, said, "I'm in the hospital with my father. He just died. Please stop calling me," and hung up. FML

agreeclassic 54 631

vote type 1 21 719

By Anonymous - 18/01/2013 20:59 - Canada - Owen Sound

Today, my husband sent me a text before heading home from work. All it said was, "Need a fuck. Backed up to hell. You're about to shower face first in a fire hydrant." Love you too, hun. FML

agreeclassic 37 044

vote type 1 6 036

By Mizzaroo - 17/01/2013 06:38 - United States - Vancouver

Today, I was having a conversation with my mother during which I described something as being pungent. She thought I had made up the word, so I grabbed the dictionary to show her that I hadn't. She then became enraged, threw the dictionary at my head and told me never to talk to her again. FML

agreeclassic 35 898

vote type 1 3 633

Mizzaroo app_comment_confession_title

Mizzaroo 13

Thursday 17 January 2013 19:41

Actually, I was trying to show it wasn't a made up word. :)

Loner

By LonelyBoy - 16/03/2010 05:12 - United States

Today, I realized my girlfriend has way more friends than I do. How did I realize this? She called me to tell me she was at the beach with her friends, and how much fun she was having. I was playing WoW in my room, and my friends don't answer my texts. FML

agreeclassic 15 703

vote type 1 26 956

By Anonymous - 28/04/2015 16:58 - United Kingdom - Exminster

Today, after assuming I'd been scammed, I finally found the vibrator I ordered over 2 months ago. It was in my mom's bedside cabinet. FML

agreeclassic 38 832

vote type 1 4 445

By CaitiieBuggs - 13/01/2013 07:22 - United States - Portland

Today, I was making wedding plans with my fiancé. His mother kept complaining about everything, and insisted it was pointless to plan because it's just our "first marriage." She then tried to convince him to dump me and move back in with her because "she's all he'll ever need." FML

agreeclassic 41 246

vote type 1 2 534

CaitiieBuggs app_comment_confession_title

CaitiieBuggs 23

Wednesday 12 February 2014 0:45

Op here to give a year later update: After my husband confronted her about the comments she tried to backtrack and do that whole "you misunderstood what I was saying" thing, although she said it pretty damn directly, like word for word. Wedding happened without anymore major problems from her, hubby's sister on the other hand is a different story. Mother in law has tried to convince us to move in with her a few times since, but we've kindly declined each time, but she'll bring it up every so often. She has the idea we're only together because I'm pregnant (which I'm not, but with her logic this is year 5 of my pregnancy) and my husband has called her out on that too, so for all of those wondering, he does defend and stand up for me, even if it takes a little push from my end:)I picked a good one. Hope that answers any questions people had:)