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By _Ducks_ - 28/05/2014 04:08 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I learned that my daughter was looking for love in all the wrong places, specifically the county jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 588

You deserved it 5 723

_Ducks_ tells us more.

_Ducks_ 7

Wednesday 28 May 2014 20:06

Hey, OP here. I can clear a few things up. She was nearly arrested for breaking and entering and saw a 'cute' boy at the jail. Every day since (without my knowledge) she went to the jail and talked to him. I found out last week.

By Anonymous - 10/05/2011 05:12

Today, I learned what a nail gun shooting my leg feels like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 258

You deserved it 11 977

By Anonymous - 03/07/2016 23:22

Today, after months of planning and saving for our honeymoon in Italy, my wife and I were turned away at the airport because my passport only has a month until it expires, even though it's only a five-day trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 193

You deserved it 3 974

By tryandtryagain - 28/04/2011 04:04 - United Kingdom

Today, while waiting on tables at work, I was carrying a glass of red wine when I lost balance and spilt it everywhere. After cleaning the floor and myself up and after refilling a new glass, I did exactly the same thing again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 492

You deserved it 29 803

By travinator121611 - 16/08/2009 16:32 - United States

Today, I was driving on the freeway and there was a dead animal (I think a cat) in the road. The car in front of me decided to merge over. It kicked up part of the dead animal and sent it flying through my open window. I think I got hit in the face with a piece of foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 481

You deserved it 4 088

travinator121611 tells us more.

travinator121611 0

Monday 17 August 2009 9:24

I drive a 1974 VW Super Beetle...I HAVE NO AIR CONDITIONING!!! So my windows + the window wings are open to draw air in. The SUV hit it right (obviously) cause it hit my window and came through my side wing window. So GROSS...but it didnt stink or anything.

By I Like My Cat - 21/12/2012 10:02 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, I found out that the tinsel on my Christmas tree is worth a couple of hundred euros per strand. Well, that's how much the two that were surgically removed from my cat have cost me. At least the cat's going to be fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 029

You deserved it 13 341

Butterfingers

By caqi33 - 08/03/2011 18:23 - United States

Today, I dropped my urine sample on my pants. Not only do I now not have a sample, it looks like I pissed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 240

You deserved it 9 015

By Anonymous - 23/02/2011 22:36 - United Kingdom

Today, I was fired. My boss told me via email that it was because I "don't have enough experience with fun spiritual." Uh, what? FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 217

You deserved it 2 755

By sammyxoxo - 18/12/2011 08:32 - Canada

Today, I stepped into a pile of dog shit on my doorstep, along with a note saying, "Keep your dog out of my yard." I don't own a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 800

You deserved it 2 786

By Anonymous - 07/02/2015 02:32 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, my new boyfriend and I really wanted to have sex, but he went soft as soon as he entered me. This happens every time we try. I feel cursed by my year-long dry spell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 910

You deserved it 4 547

By fuck people - 02/08/2013 20:58 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I attended the funeral of a close friend. Most of the other guests were openly grinning and joking around, and the guy in front of me kept muttering, "That's what she said!" during the eulogy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 066

You deserved it 3 194

By stepmom - 18/06/2011 09:40 - Australia

Today, I explained to my 5 year old daughter that her older sister from my husband's first marriage lives with her mommy, and my daughter lives with us. She exclaimed, "It's not fair! I want two mommies like she has! Can we swap, I like her mommy better than you anyway!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 815

You deserved it 5 060

By Anonymous - 07/04/2011 13:28 - United Kingdom

Today, a guy who annoys me walked over. To avoid speaking to him, I pretended to be on the phone and he walked away. A few moments later, my phone rang. I looked around to see if he'd seen me. He had. He was the one calling me from down the hall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 644

You deserved it 40 107

By Anonymous - 13/01/2012 00:59 - United States

Today, my mother called me a "wasteful child" because I threw up my lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 906

You deserved it 3 064

Foot in mouth

By Anonymous - 15/06/2009 04:48 - Australia

Today, my grandpa died. I called my grandma to make sure she was going to be fine. After talking over the phone for 30 minutes or so, I told her goodbye and said, out of habit, "Say hi to grandpa for me". FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 885

You deserved it 25 987

Whoops

By Anonymous - 09/12/2010 02:55 - United States

Today, I found out that even if you have to go really bad, never burst into a bathroom stall assuming that it's vacant because you don't see any legs underneath. There might be a child in there, who will scream, and whose mother will burst in and start screaming at you for being a "pedo." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 179

You deserved it 6 371

By MiceMiles - 10/12/2015 12:34 - United States - Seattle

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that miles are the same distance for everything. He thought that human miles were different than mouse miles, because they're smaller. He's 34. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 978

You deserved it 2 479

By Anonymous - 15/04/2012 13:55 - Sweden - Falk?ping

Today, I accidentally cut myself while slicing some sponge cake. My husband's first reaction was to ask if the cake had gotten bloody or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 667

You deserved it 4 761

By Anonymous - 15/03/2012 20:08 - Canada

Today, a telemarketer called me and asked if they could speak to my "mommy or daddy". I am 25 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 435

You deserved it 2 799

Thieves like us

By Broeman - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found some charges on my credit card for two round trip tickets to Las Vegas. Turns out my daughter and her unemployed stoner boyfriend stole my credit card and flew to Vegas over the weekend to get married. I paid for my daughter's elopement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 419

You deserved it 4 436

What have you been up to?

By BadtoWorse - 23/03/2010 14:51 - United States

Today, after thinking I smelled the aroma of stale alcohol, I asked my husband, who is a recovering alcoholic, if he has been completely honest with me about all that he has been doing. Bracing myself to hear about his fall off the wagon, I instead heard a confession of adultery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 175

You deserved it 4 478

By Anonymous - 29/05/2016 15:15 - Denmark

Today, I decided to make the switch from pads to tampons. My boyfriend ended up having to show me how to apply them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 294

You deserved it 3 652

By thefifthdoctor - 10/12/2013 06:04 - United States - Seattle

Today, I had to listen to fellow classmates whine about selling one of their many houses, while I can barely afford to pay for a $100 textbook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 890

You deserved it 3 471

By dating a fking cnt - 10/11/2012 00:16 - Canada

Today, I got my wisdom teeth removed. My girlfriend had agreed to come over after and make sure I was okay, so I called her, saying I was done. She told me she'd made new plans, and to "just suck on a tampon, you pussy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 785

You deserved it 3 323

By Anonymous - 04/01/2015 16:58 - Denmark - Aarhus

Today, I saw a homeless guy in the street. It really upset me how everyone's spirit of giving vanished as soon as Christmas was over, so I said fuck it and gave him about $50 worth of money. I barely made it 10 feet away, when another guy mugged him for the money I just gave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 702

You deserved it 3 687

By Anonymous - 14/10/2011 00:07 - United States

Today, as part of the treatment for my bulimia, my doctor informed me that I will not be allowed to go to the bathroom unsupervised. Meaning there will have to be another person in the bathroom with me at all times. I have a nervous bladder. I couldn't go if I wanted to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 293

You deserved it 13 823

Same thing

By fml - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mom tried to diagnose my sickness with advice she'd gotten from a dog magazine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 760

You deserved it 2 458

By Shannon - 19/06/2014 00:58 - United States - Dearborn

Today, a customer called the restaurant I work at to ask if our coupons were always valid, or if they expired on the expiration date printed on them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 059

You deserved it 5 006

By Wowthanks - 05/05/2014 00:13 - United States - Greeley

Today, I asked the girl I like if she had her eye on anyone, subtly hinting that I wanted to date her. I sat there while she confessed her love for her cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 019

You deserved it 6 299

By juliaspaperbags - 16/08/2009 14:32 - United States

Today, I was at the lake watching a romantic sunset with my boyfriend. He tenderly started touching my thigh, then started shaking my leg to the rhythm while singing the J-E-L-L-O theme song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 896

You deserved it 8 111

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The Top

Today, I woke up at 6:30 this morning, but I didn't have to be at work till 11. I walked the dog, made breakfast and read for a little bit. I then woke up again at 11:30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 948

You deserved it 3 048

Today, one of my best friends, someone I considered family, and whose kid I see as my nephew, picked a piece of shit dude she’s been seeing for 3 months over me. And no, I didn’t make her choose. He decided to be an ass to me and when I wasn’t OK with it, she just let him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 825

You deserved it 193

Today, I don't know anyone in the city where I just moved. I felt really lonely so I picked up my cat to try and cuddle with her. She freaked out and ripped my face apart. She ran then away to go play with the cats outside. Even my cat has more friends than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 094

You deserved it 5 213

Today, during sex, I somehow sneezed hard enough to really hurt my neck and shoulder. But don't worry, writhing in pain doesn't ruin the mood. My boyfriend just kept going. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 829

You deserved it 1 393

Today, I was told an assignment that was supposed to be due in a week and a half is due today. I crammed all night and ended up getting 3 hours of sleep. Turns out it was an April Fool's prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 321

You deserved it 740

Today, me and my friend decided to spy on my crush. He lives across the street, so we climbed on the roof of my house and watched him with binoculars. He was working out, and after 5 minutes he started writing something. He put a piece of paper against the window and it said, 'Stop watching me.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 324

You deserved it 149 419