The Top

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Oh, thanks…

By Whoops - 24/06/2009 20:44 - United States

Today, I lost it on my co-workers about how hard I've been working, picking up everyone's slack with no appreciation, and it was clear that I needed to find a job that actually rewarded hard work. As I went to grab my jacket to leave, I saw a cake and gift card for a cruise on the table, from the staff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 149

You deserved it 72 947

I'm Anna

By NoMoreTrumpetBlowing - 14/08/2013 16:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I was having dinner with my boyfriend's family, and he was saying how well his driving lessons are going. During this conversation his mum told him to "stop blowing your own trumpet." He replied, "If I could do that, I wouldn't need Anna." His dad gave him a high-five. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 321

You deserved it 9 050

Revealing

By doody - 30/12/2009 22:42 - United States

Today, I was in a busy airport bathroom with my three year-old son. While in the process of pulling my pants down, my son decided to open the stall door. I jumped up to yank the door closed, but not before the line of waiting women saw me with my pants wrapped around my ankles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 274

You deserved it 4 286

By gudmarjoh - 08/12/2010 23:09 - Iceland

Today, after studying all night for an exam, I ran out to catch the bus. On my way to the bus, my hair got caught in a branch for some minutes. Thinking I'd missed the bus but thankfully didn't, I went on. A few minutes later I remembered that my exam had been postponed for 3 hours today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 179

You deserved it 10 231

By Anonymous - 02/12/2009 08:51 - United States

Today, I found out that the person sending me secret love letters was actually my dad, who felt sorry for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 219

You deserved it 3 675

By Wally - 08/05/2009 15:20 - Canada

Today, I got to sleep in late for the first time in 3 years, as wife took our two young daughters out of town to visit with her parents. I told my mother that I was really looking forward to being able to sleep in this morning. The phone rang at 7:30. It was my mother asking me how I slept. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 376

You deserved it 5 754

****** around, found out

By jbthedude - 05/08/2011 09:57 - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered that airbags aren't nearly as comfy as they look. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 977

You deserved it 4 590

By Porter_Robinson - 30/04/2013 08:50 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I sent a girl a friendly conversation starter on Facebook. She replied, "I know what you guys are like. Oh, and that invitation to a date in about 5 messages time? Not a chance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 452

You deserved it 9 215

By Anonymous - 05/05/2012 07:08 - United States

Today, it was my wedding. Everyone showed up… except my fiancé. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 387

You deserved it 3 230

By Anonymous - 27/08/2010 12:23 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend asked me how big the Sun would be compared to the Earth. I didn't have anything on me to help demonstrate, so to imitate the Earth, I made a small hole with my index finger and thumb and said "Okay, imagine a ball this small." She then looked at my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 943

You deserved it 12 711

By sucks4me - 18/06/2011 04:45 - United States

Today, I got in my sister's car outside the movie theater and started talking about the movie. When I realized she wasn't saying anything, I looked up to see my ex-boyfriend sitting in the drivers seat. I got in the wrong car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 305

You deserved it 16 153

By Anonyme - 24/04/2014 06:57 - France - Aix-en-provence

Today, on a train, I nearly choked while sleeping with my mouth wide open. The little old lady sitting opposite me was entertaining herself by throwing little pieces of balled-up tin foil into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 501

You deserved it 73

Breakdown

By Gullible - 25/02/2013 06:10 - United States - Cleveland

Today, my boyfriend of three years told me he was thinking about us taking a break. After an hour of crying and him saying it would be okay, I accepted it. When I asked when the break would start, he replied, "What are you talking about? I only said I'd thought about it" and then laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 532

You deserved it 7 422

Smells like victory

By B-rent - 18/03/2011 16:10 - United States

Today, I discovered that the lovely, hunger-inducing smell that's been lingering around the office lately is from the local animal crematory. I've been wistfully inhaling the stench of burning cats, dogs, and other various animals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 064

You deserved it 7 089

By lex31 - 14/02/2012 13:24 - United States

Today, I received my first Valentine's day present ever: a dead mouse from my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 099

You deserved it 3 767

By jasmith - 18/11/2012 07:45 - United States - Addison

Today, my girlfriend claimed she was a Viking because she's pale and has blond hair. She also warned me that if I piss her off she'll go 'berserk' on me. She demonstrated by smacking me in the nuts with a wooden spoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 069

You deserved it 3 563

By nahalDZ - 20/10/2012 17:29 - Germany - K?ln

Today, my girlfriend tried to wake me with a handjob. Because I'm a very light sleeper, I woke straight away and instinctively punched whoever was touching my dick. She forgave me, but I don't think her father ever will once he finds out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 509

You deserved it 5 340

By DeadDude - 27/12/2010 11:29

Today, I took my kids to the doctor. In the waiting room, a six year old boy walked up to me, punched me in the crotch, and ran away with my glasses. When the kid's parents made him give me my glasses back, he spat on them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 115

You deserved it 3 212

By fuckered519 - 06/12/2014 19:53 - United States - Du Quoin

Today, being useless at thinking of gifts, I asked my boyfriend what he wants for Christmas. I said it could be anything that I could afford. He looked me in the eye and said very seriously: "Anal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 262

You deserved it 12 621

Freakout

By Anonymous - 06/08/2013 06:19 - United States

Today, I realized that my anger problems have gotten out of hand when I shouted, "Fuck you!" at my toaster. My mood swings and loneliness have also reached a new high, evidently, as my next actions were to apologize to the appliance and then continue talking to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 306

You deserved it 9 826

By nolife - 30/08/2012 01:33 - United States - Richmond

Today, I purposely misspelled words while texting my boyfriend so he would think I was out partying and having a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 214

You deserved it 30 090

By heartless - 15/05/2009 06:14 - Canada

Today, I realised that my glade plug-in air freshner lasts longer than any of my relationships have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 120

You deserved it 10 370

By rejected - 28/07/2014 22:09 - United States - Milpitas

Today, my girlfriend fell asleep while I was proposing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 802

You deserved it 7 823

By laterchoice - 02/10/2010 04:22 - United States

Today, my girlfriend informed me that she is still in love with the guy she cheated on me with. She admitted that she would be willing to do anything with him if he wanted to. And, "He's a better kisser too." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 201

You deserved it 5 295

Prize

By Anonymous - 03/05/2013 21:00 - Germany

Today, I overheard my boyfriend admitting that he's only dating me because having me around "sucks a bit less than fucking my own hand". FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 822

You deserved it 5 328

By NextTimeMom'sDriving - 11/06/2014 16:41 - Canada - Kelowna

Today, my family and I were on a road trip. Everything was fine until we discovered that my dad, the driver, was not only fast asleep, he was also snoring. We were in the middle of the highway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 679

You deserved it 4 471

By Quackadoodledoo - 24/04/2014 02:21 - United Kingdom - Edgware

Today, I was on the London underground reading a newspaper. A huge guy was sitting next to me and there weren't many other people around. As I turned a page, he leaned into me, glaring, and said, "I'm not finished yet". At the next stop I put down the paper and jumped off. It wasn't even my stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 202

You deserved it 5 406

By Deadman - 02/04/2012 13:37 - United States

Today, my dad came home drunk at four in the morning. He walked into my room, screaming at me to wake up so he can kill zombies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 915

You deserved it 2 536

Cheeky

By BALEIGHLOVE17 - 20/05/2011 05:46

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me. Ten minutes after, he called me asking how to change his relationship status on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 848

You deserved it 3 759

By underachiever - 20/02/2010 07:29 - Australia

Today, while on my graveyard shift at an inner-city backpackers lodge, a drunk pissed in a dorm at 4am. I had to clean up after him, wash all the luggage that got dowsed, clean up 2 separate piles of puke, and help 3 drunken Brits back to their room while they abused me. I have a science degree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 041

You deserved it 3 951

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The Top

Today, I just came out of a two-year long depression. I'm finally starting to feel normal, so of course I get a message that my grandmother might have less than a year to live. FML

I agree, your life sucks 984

You deserved it 106

Today, whilst on a road trip with friends, we stopped at a roadside diner for lunch. I ordered a chicken sandwich and when it arrived, I took a huge bite out of it, only to realize that it was still completely raw in the middle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 918

You deserved it 102

Today, I was fired without warning from my job because I was not consulting my boss about things like washing dishes and throwing away garbage. Basically, I was fired for being too good at my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 821

You deserved it 860

Today, I still haven’t consummated my marriage with my new wife. She said no sex before marriage and I obliged for 2 long years. During our honeymoon, she kept making up excuses. Now when I sit down and talk to her, she calls me a “horny pervert” and accuses me of “using her for sex” and stormed off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 950

You deserved it 551

Today, I drove three hours to go to an awards ceremony. When I got there, I had to wait an hour for the hall to open, then sat listening to speeches for two hours, got my "award", and drove three hours home. The award was a small pin that I already had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 539

You deserved it 4 837

Today, I was teaching a special techniques class for ballet and was focusing on pirouettes. I was teaching a group of 8 year-olds, and one student could do perfect triple turns one after the other. I still can't do them, and I've been dancing for 15 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 239

You deserved it 6 123