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By ShadowReiku - 13/12/2012 08:39 - United States - Odenton

Today, one of the girls who has made it her job to ruin my life cornered me in the hallway at school. She tried to insult me, and for the first time in my life I had a scathing comeback. My elation quickly ended when she violently shoved my face into the water fountain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 896

You deserved it 2 792

fishyrael tells us more.

fishyrael 28

Friday 14 December 2012 6:19

This is my FML. I made an account to comment. I play pen&paper D&D with my dad and she was getting on my case about playing the nerd sport and how pathetic it was. I told her that at least I can have a relationship with my father that doesn't involve him paying for abortions.

By mcullen21 - 12/06/2009 18:50 - United States

Today, In my science class I sit next to my friend Jill. My teacher always gets our names confused calling me Jill and her Liz. She decided to combine our names. I'm now known as Jizz. My teacher clearly has no idea what it means. FML

I agree, your life sucks 157 522

You deserved it 11 726

By ouch - 13/06/2012 16:00 - United States - Lutz

Today, I was cashiering, and a customer's change came to $5.51. She looked pretty stinking rich, so I just gave her $5.50. She demanded the extra penny, and I asked if she really needed it. She said, "No, but they do, asshole," and dropped her $5.51 in the charity donation box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 626

You deserved it 120 327

By seepeezy32 - 02/02/2011 02:32

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She's a sock puppet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 340

You deserved it 71 476

By dragonmirado - 25/01/2012 06:23 - China

Today, my husband bleached his hair so, "our future kids will have blond hair too." I'm already married to this guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 311

You deserved it 7 700

dragonmirado tells us more.

dragonmirado 12

Friday 27 January 2012 12:16

I thought it was blond for boys and blonde for girls. Like you wouldn't call a brown haired boy a brunette!

By BimmerDriver - 30/06/2013 16:34 - United States - New York

Today, what started off as an amazing date with my girlfriend ended with me driving her drunk ass home while she sat in the backseat making out with her new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 232

You deserved it 11 394

BimmerDriver tells us more.

BimmerDriver 23

Monday 1 July 2013 5:38

Because I won't let anyone drive drunk, no matter who it is. And it's cheaper to drive them home as opposed to paying for a taxi.

By thissucks - 01/03/2009 19:27 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was coming over so I bought this sexy corset, some fishnets, stilettos and see-through thong. After my dad left I dressed up and a few minutes later the doorbell rang. I answered it, whip in hand. It was my dad. He forgot his keys. I'm grounded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 803

You deserved it 174 891

By daRN - 02/07/2009 19:34 - Bahrain

Today, my sister just had a huge fight with my mom. After that, she thought it was appropriate to smash my $1,000 guitar to "blow off some steam." FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 136

You deserved it 3 091

By biker2012 - 01/06/2009 19:13 - United States

Today, there was a parents bike race on the track at my high school for a fundraiser. My dad entered, and ended up winning. He did his victory dance with a massive erection showing through his spandex. Just about all of my friends, teachers, other parents, and the hot soccer team saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 747

You deserved it 4 131

By Gabi - 20/02/2012 14:23 - United States

Today, my boyfriend would rather jerk off than have sex with me. Even if I'm next to him in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 300

You deserved it 6 570

By ericane27 - 27/12/2011 19:53 - United States

Today, I woke up to someone screaming "FIRE!" When I sat up, my face went right into my room-mate's ballsack. Apparently it was funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 376

You deserved it 5 857

By hannaaaahr - 11/01/2012 20:08 - Netherlands

Today, I found out why my room-mates and I have been ill for the past week. Apparently a rodent climbed into our water cooker and died. I have been drinking tea and eating noodles that have been tainted by a corpse all this time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 940

You deserved it 5 529

hannaaaahr tells us more.

hannaaaahr 33

Monday 4 June 2012 16:56

Sooooo, this was my FML. Sadly, I didn't taste anything, since I didn't drink the water pure, but always mixed in cup-a-soup or something similar. Luckily me and my roommates are fine now, we're all a bit afraid of preparing food though, scared that there might be some kind of rodent in other kitchen devices. Obviously we threw away the water cooker (for those who didn't know what that is, seriously? you couldn't even think of what it 'might' be?) and since we got our new cat, Sammie, we haven't had any mice or rats crawling around! Yaaaay for Sammie!

By Tibblesthepengwin - 14/02/2010 17:43 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to the store to buy a new lego set, only to find there weren't any left in stock. I started crying before I could make it out of the store. Oh, and I'm eighteen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 554

You deserved it 46 484

By Stephanie - 14/07/2011 19:17 - United States

Today, my friends and I went to the park for some planking. Trying to find a daring spot, I climbed a tree and laid down on a branch. While I was waiting for my friends to take a picture, the branch gave out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 541

You deserved it 60 239

By Jenn P - 22/04/2012 03:15 - United States - Wichita Falls

Today, my husband drew a penis on every one of my cigarettes. It's a new pack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 973

You deserved it 70 655

By Anonymous - 05/06/2011 20:45 - United States

Today, I was in the elevator with my boss when I accidentally let rip the vilest, most horrifying fart of my life as we left the first floor. We stood in silence as the elevator slowly ascended to the 21st floor, leaving us to marinate in the fumes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 415

You deserved it 46 373

Rude boy

By Anonymous - 08/02/2015 19:16

Today, while shopping with my 6-year-old daughter, she said, "Mommy, remember you wanna get duck tape!" A middle-aged guy nearby scoffed and told her, "DUCT, not DUCK. Dumb cunt." I ended up having to drive my bawling daughter home, with no shopping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 632

You deserved it 3 770

By Anonymous - 30/07/2011 02:10 - United States

Today, my 17 year old asked me whether to chew or swallow grapes. I raised this dumbass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 389

You deserved it 18 669

By harrysolo - 19/07/2009 01:26 - United States

Today, I was going on a first date with a girl I really like. We were going to see the new Harry Potter movie, and she told me she was getting all dressed up. It was only after I picked her up I realized she meant that she was dressing nicely. I was dressed as Harry Potter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 581

You deserved it 65 222

Over and out

By hatinthelife - 18/02/2012 06:34 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend of six months that giving another guy a blow job IS cheating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 647

You deserved it 4 456

Grades go both ways

By tomandjerry - 21/05/2009 04:35 - United States

Today, I was scolding my 8 year-old son because he was getting bad grades in school. I told him that he should get straight "A"s like his friend Ceejay. He told me that comparing him to Ceejay was unfair. When I asked why, he said, "Because his dad is actually smart." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 917

You deserved it 66 587

By dusk - 05/01/2012 08:09 - United States

Today, I won a lifetime supply of pineapples. One problem, I'm allergic to pineapples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 116

You deserved it 4 307

By arrowtopatella - 24/12/2011 05:15 - Australia

Today, my mother was watching me play Pokémon. She walked over to the TV and pulled the plug before ranting about how shameful it is that her 17 year old daughter plays Pokémon. She then sat down at the computer and started playing Farmville. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 535

You deserved it 6 041

arrowtopatella tells us more.

arrowtopatella 11

Saturday 24 December 2011 15:20

Hey guys, I'm the OP of this FML. I was playing XD- Gale of Darkness, one of my favourites. Alas there is no 'elite 4' as such in the Orre region, I was in the middle of catching a rare Wooper at a PokeSpot which I could have traded for an awesome Larvitar. Sigh. Rich world problems, I know. And yes, shock horror, I am a female that plays Pokemon, le gasp. And also I do play old-school Mario and stuff, I've been a Nintendo fangirl ever since I was little, occasionally migrating to other consoles to play things like Skyrim (No CoD for me though, thank you very much. Blegh.)

By Nxydolli - 29/04/2011 19:34 - United Kingdom

Today, I found myself crying for an hour when my recreated crush on The Sims 3 game rejected my character and ran off with someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 231

You deserved it 56 457