The Top

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By Anonymous - 23/12/2012 17:52 - United States - Bel Air

Today, I received a package from a local guy on Craigslist. Instead of the iPhone I paid $350 for, the box only contained a photo of an iPhone. The guy had been dumb enough to attach a return address, so my husband went over and beat the shit out of him. I now have to bail him out of jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 094

You deserved it 13 579

Menace 2 society

By Anonymous - 14/01/2012 18:26 - United States

Today, my future mother-in-law started shit-talking me on Facebook, and we got into a heated argument. She called me later in the day, saying I'll be lucky if I ever marry her son and that, "You'll suffer to your last breath." I'm now terrified to set foot outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 252

You deserved it 6 041

By great - 28/02/2015 16:23 - United States - Porter

Today, the girl I've been seeing for just over a week casually let me know that she'll slash her wrists if I ever leave her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 123

You deserved it 3 374

By bw9669 - 28/01/2010 19:35 - Canada

Today, I had to cancel all of the plans to go away on a romantic weekend with my boyfriend. My parents are going out of town for a night and I have to stay home a babysit my little sister. She's 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 775

You deserved it 5 120

WHAT?

By what the FUCK - 15/08/2012 22:52 - United States - Midlothian

Today, I worked overtime with three guys who never shut up about partying and getting laid. When I finally escaped the testosterone and got home, the first thing I heard was my grandpa telling my dad all about how he once fisted a girl to orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 388

You deserved it 3 293

By BbyDelight - 27/04/2009 03:39 - Canada

Today, it was my mom's birthday. I decided to get her a Willow Tree statue of a woman fairy holding a heart. After dinner, I presented my gift. My mother asked me how much it was. I replied, $30. She threw me a dirty look, shoved the present in my direction, and told me to return it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 817

You deserved it 8 647

By PollingLow - 10/05/2012 15:45 - United States - Decatur

Today, I ran for editor-in-chief of a magazine. I spent hours working on my speech, and offered a bunch of new ideas to increase readership. My opponent just said that she, "loved the organization". I lost by a 4-1 margin. My opponent later announced her plans for next year. They were all of my ideas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 756

You deserved it 2 378

By Anonymous - 14/03/2012 07:33 - United States

Today, I got pulled over for drunk driving. This is the second time its happened. I was completely sober both times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 442

You deserved it 16 533

By Anonymous - 24/10/2012 13:09 - United States

Today, after 6 months of training and going to the gym every day, I realized that the only thing I've lost is $300 worth of gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 602

You deserved it 5 095

By Anonymous - 20/03/2012 15:37 - United States - Raleigh

Today, I found out my roommate spits the mouthwash back into the bottle after he gargles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 100

You deserved it 2 676

By unrequited - 18/05/2011 02:36 - United States

Today, I drove the width of the country to tell the girl I've lost that I'm in love with her. She wasn't home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 555

You deserved it 13 279

By mandy - 01/08/2009 01:51 - Australia

Today, my mum deleted my college research assignment on rape because the subject was too vulgar. I had worked on it for the past month and it was worth 50% of my grade. It's due tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 374

You deserved it 4 600

By jriese444 - 23/12/2011 15:45 - United States

Today, my sister is visiting. She used more toilet paper today than I have in two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 523

You deserved it 3 328

By pottie69 - 07/09/2011 05:23 - United States

Today, my social anxiety got so bad that I'm now afraid to add people on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 693

You deserved it 7 186

By FMluck - 26/02/2009 22:11 - United States

Today, I was teasing my boyfriend telling him that my butt was so much cuter than his and that at least mine wasn't smelly stinky or hairy. Then he said yeah, I just wish that your vag was the same way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 437

You deserved it 311

By helpfulmom - 26/07/2009 18:39 - Canada

Today, my mom taught my boyfriend of 2 weeks how to put on a condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 163

You deserved it 6 784

Slacking

By peachmelba - 01/02/2011 20:26 - Denmark

Today, I spent most of the day doing a project for school. When I finished, I got a call from my project partner. She couldn't finish her part because her internet didn't work. When I finally finished everything, I went on Facebook. She was on Facebook too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 813

You deserved it 4 704

By JK - 01/02/2010 00:24 - United States

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he'd like to dress me in a squirrel suit and chase me through the forest. This was the surprising result of a discussion on how to spice up our love life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 979

You deserved it 4 736

By bloodynose - 27/06/2009 02:35 - United States

Today, I got my wisdom teeth out. My doctor said it was okay to eat, so, I had some mashed potatoes. Apparently, my body disagreed with the doctor, because I threw up. Because my face was so swollen, it didn't make it out my mouth. It went through my nose instead. I literally blew chunks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 571

You deserved it 3 471

chunkynose tells us more.

chunkynose 0

Saturday 27 June 2009 18:17

lol the mashed potatoes I had were kind of chunky, and so after I threw up, there were still bits of it left in my nose. I had to blow my nose to get them out, and so I blew chunks of taters out my nose into the tissue. my mom almost fainted. :)

By FullOfNick - 10/09/2011 07:11 - United States

Today, I realized too late that a picture in my school Powerpoint presentation of thousands of New Zealand sheep, was actually a picture of thousands of naked men in a field. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 680

You deserved it 35 894

By worthless - 10/11/2010 02:11 - United States

Today, my boyfriend, who doesn't wear deodorant and has horrible dandruff, decided to shower for the first time in nearly a week because he got invited out to a bar. He didn't even invite me to go with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 772

You deserved it 39 875

By Zoey - 09/02/2012 15:17 - Canada

Today, my husband started a food fight. During our wedding reception. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 853

You deserved it 6 190

By JellitonOctopus - 25/01/2012 04:51 - United States

Today, I received a package from an unknown address. Inside were doll heads and cigarette butts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 014

You deserved it 2 667

Cliché

By Username - 12/11/2011 21:42 - United States

Today, my daughter-in-law sent me another romantic text that was meant for her husband. Not only can't she spell for shit, the clichés she uses are horrifyingly embarrassing. The fact this keeps happening makes me want to slam her head in the oven. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 006

You deserved it 4 672

By neuroticallyours - 12/11/2009 07:11 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend how happy I was with him. He responded by pulling down his pants and slapping his ass. I have no idea what that was supposed to mean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 133

You deserved it 5 950

By badnewsbears - 21/10/2009 02:27 - United States

Today, I was sitting in the cafeteria when one of my friends yelled out "Jake is uncircumcised!" as a joke. The girl I have a crush on was sitting at the table behind me and turned around and asked if it was true. I said yes, she responded with "wow, hope I never have to see that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 129

You deserved it 4 437

By devigsgirl - 26/08/2010 04:08 - United States

Today, I found out that the only reason my boyfriend wants to move in with me is so he has better internet connection and won't get kicked off of Xbox live while playing MW2. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 855

You deserved it 5 969

By nrelavender - 26/05/2011 02:48 - United States

Today, is the anniversary of my cat's death, so I went to visit her grave in the pet cemetery. Someone had spray-painted "Your cat sucks" on her grave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 123

You deserved it 11 462

By anony - 27/02/2013 13:49 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by quietly undressing and sneaking into the bathroom to join him in the shower. He was bent over taking a dump, pushing his turd down the plughole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 747

You deserved it 6 703

By Anonymous - 04/04/2011 05:26

Today, I had diarrhea in a public bathroom. When I was finished, I noticed that someone had pissed all over the toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 455

You deserved it 4 700

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I went to the emergency room. Apparently, when your ex-girlfriend hits you in the nuts with a bat, it can do some damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 570

You deserved it 81

Today, I walked into the gym I’ve been going to for years and two girls blatantly turned their phones in my direction, probably trying to record a TikTok of me glancing at them, so they could accuse me of perving for Facebook likes. I turned round and went home. Screw them for ruining my workout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 629

You deserved it 193

Today, I received some new snow boots I had ordered online. When I opened the package there was only one boot in the box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 628

You deserved it 599

Today, I went to see a doctor because of some blood in my stool. Not only is the matter embarrassing enough as is, it turned out the doctor was a young, crisply dressed, extremely handsome man. I then had his finger in my ass for a check-up, all the while him being very nice about it. I'm still mortified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 938

You deserved it 227

Today, I woke up because of a weird noise. Scared, I turned on my bedside lamp. I saw my older, 17-year-old brother peeing in my bedroom doorway. He was hoping I'd step in it in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 225

You deserved it 3 235

Today, I woke up to an angry snake trying to climb the leg of my bed. My bedroom was closed all day yesterday. It must have gotten in my room days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 085

You deserved it 3 105