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By msmidnight1965 - 22/09/2013 17:22 - Canada

Today, my husband refused to let our 7-week-old daughter have a pacifier, because he doesn't want her growing up to be a "whore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 856

You deserved it 4 884

msmidnight1965 tells us more.

msmidnight1965 12

Sunday 22 September 2013 23:27

We have those orthodontic ones that help with oral development. They also resemble the nipple during breast feeding.

By jimmyt420 - 29/11/2009 09:33 - United States

Today, me and my girlfriend went and saw "The Blind Side." I sobbed throughout the entire movie. My girlfriend didn't shed a tear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 583

You deserved it 16 110

Fine, let her catch something

By JackG - 03/03/2010 01:20 - United States

Today, while at McDonald's, I saw an 8 year-old girl licking a life-size Ronald McDonald sitting on a bench. Being concerned, I told her mother, who then yelled at me for 10 minutes for being a "paedophile" and "being turned on by an 8 year-old girl." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 103

You deserved it 3 073

By kysier - 01/03/2015 23:36 - United States - Campbellsville

Today, I was turned down from the dream job that I was promised two years ago, once my chemo and radiation therapy was finished. His excuse? He never actually expected me to survive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 463

You deserved it 2 436

Logic

By yourfault - 02/09/2013 15:10 - United Kingdom - Kingston

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend blamed me for his affair, because apparently I "should have made it clear to him" not to have sex with other people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 983

You deserved it 6 786

Suave

By Anonymous - 30/05/2009 14:36 - United States

Today, my brother had his hot friend over. I decided to make a move because he was staring at me and smiling all night, so I asked him which holiday was his favorite, Christmas or Easter while I batted my eyes and smiled. That's when he said, "You have lettuce in your teeth." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 881

You deserved it 47 876

By Anonymous - 13/05/2009 19:39 - United States

Today, I decided to shave my legs completely to be more confident in my dress. I spent over an hour making sure my legs were perfectly shaved. It wasn't until I had been out awhile that I realized I forgot to shave my armpits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 870

You deserved it 52 307

By Anonymous - 03/07/2014 16:42 - France - Beausoleil

Today, I came home from vacation, only to find my neighbours relaxing on my patio, and their kids swimming in my pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 606

You deserved it 4 643

By Anonymous - 11/09/2010 04:01 - United States

Today, I went to a school football game alone. I sat next to these hot girls. To seem cool, I picked up my phone and had a fake conversation with the coolest guy in the grade. Halfway through, he came over and talked to the girls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 673

You deserved it 62 635

Cravings

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, on my way home from work, I decided to bring my pregnant wife a bouquet of roses to surprise her. Her response? "Why didn't you get me something useful, like chicken wings, instead?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 265

You deserved it 11 150

Bruh…

By ... - 06/06/2011 07:44 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that fist pumping during sex is not romantic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 800

You deserved it 6 722

By J Rush - 21/03/2012 11:46 - United Kingdom - Welshpool

Today, as I turned the shower on, I got covered in gravy. Turns out, my friends had unscrewed the shower head, filled it with gravy granules, then screwed it back on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 260

You deserved it 3 252

By squirty_joe - 08/03/2009 18:37 - United States

Today, at work, I was alone in the breakroom when I got a slight pain in my belly. I thought I needed to pass gas, so I tried since no one else was in there. It wasn't gas. It was diarrhea. I'm wearing a mini skirt today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 316

You deserved it 20 561

By Dammit - 15/08/2009 05:22 - Canada

Today, I decided to be safe and tested a small dime-sized amount of Nair on my inner arm before using it. I didn't react badly. But as soon as it was washed off from my down-there hair I sure as hell reacted, with small bumpy red dots that look like an STD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 486

You deserved it 13 898

By Anonymous - 29/06/2014 17:26 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my wife has a bruise on her cheek from a nasty trip while practicing her yoga. She now thinks it's hilarious to flinch in public when I get near her, and keeps telling people she "walked into a door". I've gotten more dirty looks than I can count. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 363

You deserved it 5 175

By hugedissapointment - 09/08/2009 12:43 - United States

Today, I had a girl come over to my house that I had been texting for four days. I asked her what she wanted to do and she replied "take a nap". Becoming really excited I lead her to my bedroom and went to the hiding spot for my condoms, she was serious about the nap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 937

You deserved it 63 665

By SwordFish8 - 04/07/2009 21:56 - United States

Today, while on a run, I thought I'd run into a flock of geese in a field. Doing so, I learned that when you do this alone, the birds don't fly away, they attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 872

You deserved it 64 591

By Lisaa918 - 10/06/2009 14:49 - United States

Today, my two year old daughter was playing in the kitchen. I went to go have a look and she was pretend cooking. When I asked what she was making she said "look mommy, chocolate!" and stuck her finger in my mouth. It wasn't chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 215

You deserved it 6 192

By kinzielee - 05/01/2016 17:41 - United States - Largo

Today, at 26, I got chicken pox. My parents stand by their belief that I got it because I'm not right with God, not because they didn't vaccinate me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 070

You deserved it 2 126

kinzielee tells us more.

kinzielee 4

Wednesday 20 January 2016 2:11

OP here. Yes, my parents are religious. Orthodox Jews. I never thought anything about it, I'm from Central Europe. Things were not this standard. it was always just a "for religion exemption". Now that I understand what the hell is up, I have gotten all the shots I can get as an adult, my arse hurts, my arm hurts, my thigh hurts. But I don't have to worry about whooping cough and polio. So there is that. Also, Chicken Pod as an adult, I was told it could be much worse, I only have some scars. THANKFULLY!!!! :D

Not now

By Wife - 08/08/2011 00:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, while zooming down the interstate, I had to tell my husband to put his penis away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 495

You deserved it 6 660

By jingle - 25/05/2012 11:18 - United States - Wilmington

Today, I got fired from my job at a weight-loss center because I was too skinny, and apparently it's too depressing for the customers to handle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 458

You deserved it 3 789

By uhoh901 - 25/03/2010 11:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, I just had a phone interview with a college. The lady asked me to spell out my password to a site so she can access my test scores. The password was "dick." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 966

You deserved it 52 178

By Anonymous - 04/01/2014 06:06 - United States - Chula Vista

Today, my daughter started speaking with hashtags. I told her to knock it off, to which she replied, "You don't get it, mom - hashtag white girl probs." Hashtag FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 540

You deserved it 6 389

By Reliena - 21/01/2012 05:47 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were in the shower, we began to get a bit frisky. That was until I lifted my arms and he immediately made one of his "Chewbacca Calls." He was referring to my armpits that I had forgotten to shave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 578

You deserved it 29 205

By black_commet08 - 10/02/2010 05:11 - France

Today, a white guy tried to teach me to use chopsticks properly. I'm Chinese and have been using them since I could eat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 795

You deserved it 4 890

By Anonymous - 17/10/2013 22:57 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I came across some bubble wrap. Turned out it was a special type of bubble wrap that cannot be popped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 840

You deserved it 4 927

By housepoor - 07/07/2009 04:48 - United States

Today, I met with my realtor to close on a house for my boyfriend and me. While waiting for my boyfriend, I got a text message from him saying he was breaking up with me. I had already signed the papers on our house. Now I'm responsible for a mortgage that I can only afford with his help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 790

You deserved it 14 231

Let me in

By miley098 - 02/11/2011 16:37 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I came home from school, only to find I was locked out. The cars were all there, but no one was in. It wasn't until I heard continuous banging from my parents' window that it clicked. They kept me locked me for over an hour in freezing weather just to have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 282

You deserved it 4 795

By kat9232000 - 19/06/2009 04:04 - Canada

Today, my older brother told me that no matter how fast you run at automatic sliding doors, they'll open in time. So I ran at a pair. They don't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 826

You deserved it 110 520

By Aly - 15/08/2013 07:10 - United States - Ontario

Today, my cousin texted me, asking how the chicken pizza had settled in my stomach. We got drunk last night and had pizza. I thought it was cheese; it was chicken. I've been vegetarian for 7 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 621

You deserved it 48 852

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Today, after spending Christmas alone because my bus home got cancelled due to Covid, I found that I have to spend the New Year alone and potentially homeless because my flight home got cancelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 937

You deserved it 178

Today, I went to the company's health clinic to treat muscle spasms and a possible cracked rib. In the process the old quack doc and overly eager nurses wound up giving me a storng laxative and 3 enemas, two of them quite large. Then I still had to return to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 524

You deserved it 327

Today, besides the fact that I hate Christmas since my parents divorced, my mom told me she can't come this year with my sister because of no money. We even offered to pay for their tickets, but she won't come because of the "last minute" stress. Fuck this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 843

You deserved it 146

Today, I was taking a crap in a public stall when three kids broke down the door and pelted me with eggs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 167

You deserved it 6 183

Today, I walked in on the guy I called a cuck in high school going down on my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 316

You deserved it 2 001

Today, after racing home with a jumbo package of toilet paper, I ran into my house to go to the bathroom. I then realized I'd left the toilet paper in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 184

You deserved it 30 585