The Top

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The truth

By Iahim - 25/01/2020 14:00

Today, I tried to prank my girlfriend. I said, “I saw you kissing another guy!” She apologized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 411

You deserved it 720

FIFA 2020

By kicking with love - 06/03/2020 21:10

Today, I was standing next to the girl I like while she was looking at her phone. She dropped it and I tried to save it by catching it with my foot. I ended up kicking it across the room, cracking the screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 371

You deserved it 721

Betrayal

By Anonymous - 12/07/2021 08:01

Today, I found out my fiancé has been sexting my friend for about a month. I've already paid for our wedding, which was supposed to be next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 494

You deserved it 130

Need more details, please

By Anonymous - 27/07/2021 17:01 - United States - Spring Hill

Today, I fucked up a relationship, by accident, and then they broke up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 369

You deserved it 726

Nice sheen

By Vicki - 23/07/2021 14:03 - Canada

Today, I accidentally used wood stain instead of hairspray. Surprisingly, it doesn't come out that easily. FML

I agree, your life sucks 388

You deserved it 798

Suspicious Minds

By Anonymous - 03/08/2021 16:01

Today, I finally found out why my wife always told me to never visit her at work. You see, my wife and I are dark haired with blue/brown eyes and our daughter is blonde with very striking emerald green eyes. You know who else is blonde with striking emerald eyes? My wife’s boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 781

You deserved it 125

Drunk confession time

By Anonymous - 20/08/2021 18:01

Today, I'm cat sitting for some friends. Their whiskey selection is well curated and top notch. I grabbed a bottle that I thought was the cheapest, I ended getting drunk on a $500 bottle. I’m going to have to fill it with a lesser brand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 176

You deserved it 2 012

Gratitude

By Anonymous - 23/08/2021 19:01 - United States - Chicago

Today, it's my 35th birthday. My wife greeted me naked, and with an itemized list of what's off limits. A list of what was on the menu would've been much shorter and might have had better spelling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 097

You deserved it 212

Second opinion, please

By fishyrael - 25/08/2021 22:01 - United States - East Lansing

Today, I went to a new doctor for an injury. Instead, the doctor only focused on my weight and tried to basically prescribe me anorexia. She tried to tell me that 750 calories a day was fine and brushed off my exercise regimen as, "Exercise is great, but you'll lose weight faster if there are no calories to burn." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 250

You deserved it 190

Well trained

By Anonymous - 16/11/2022 16:00

Today, I paid for earrings at a craft fair. A kid came up from behind and started crying. The kid's mom said the kid saw earrings first and dropped them to grab an adult. The kid was allowed to cry hysterically until the hall went silent. I said, “You can have it.” Suddenly, the kid stops crying and the mom goes, “Oh that’s so kind, are you sure?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 884

You deserved it 308

Purple rain, purple rain

By wtf?! - 30/05/2020 05:00

Today, out of boredom, I decided to dye my hair. I clumsily spilled some of the purple dye on my chest and shoulders. My insane mother is convinced the marks are hickeys I got from sneaking out and having sex with a boyfriend I don’t even have. She won’t listen, and I’m grounded for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 758

You deserved it 316

Noise annoys

By Mystic - 04/09/2021 00:01 - United States - Denver

Today, it’s the fifth day in a row that my mom has vacuumed right outside my room, from 5 to 11 AM. Despite this, I still can’t fall asleep before midnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 810

You deserved it 132

Thanks Sony!

By Disco Bedroom! - 19/04/2024 17:00 - United States

Today, I discovered that whenever my house is affected by a blackout, the cooler for my Xbox will turn on by itself when it's fixed. My Xbox cooler flashes repeatedly, alternating between several bright colors, when it turns on. If I'm asleep when it happens, which is often the case, it wakes me up. Every. Time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 170

You deserved it 435

By Ibrowtheedge - 16/08/2018 20:30

Today, I shaved off half of my right eyebrow by accident. It still looks better than my left eyebrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 392

You deserved it 485

Empathy

By Anonymous - 20/09/2021 17:00

Today, at a funeral, I'd told my autistic son it would be over at 11:30. By 11:33 he was loudly complaining the funeral should be over, and could we leave because he was bored. I had to drag him out, still loudly complaining about the time, while 50 relatives glared absolute daggers at us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 042

You deserved it 385

I love that for you

By friboy2791 - 27/09/2021 17:01

Today, my long distance friend-with-benefits informed me she's now in a relationship with an amazing guy. I should be happier for her, as even I admit he is perfect for her. Too bad I just spent over a thousand dollars on plane tickets to visit her. The tickets are completely nonrefundable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 521

You deserved it 943

Love knows no boundaries

By Anonymous - 08/07/2020 14:01

Today, I found out my son's girlfriend is actually a webcam porn star he pays for private sessions. He’s somehow convinced himself they have a real relationship, and is spending thousands of pounds every week, on his credit card I may add. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 434

You deserved it 275

High school drama

By Anonymous - 16/07/2020 20:04

Today, I found out the promise ring my boyfriend of 4 months gave me used to be his ex-girlfriend's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 634

You deserved it 226

Busted

By Don13 - 28/05/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, I found out that my soon-to-be ex-wife had installed a Ring front door camera. The way I found out was when the PowerPoint presentation I was supposed to present at work started with the footage of me taking my girlfriend to the house when my wife wasn’t around. The next slide said, “Call your lawyer.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 1 748

Crisis

By Anonymous - 29/07/2020 23:00

Today, I had a customer throw his purchase at me and demand a refund after I told him that, due to the national change shortage, I couldn't give him his 38 cents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 409

You deserved it 347

Petty quibble

By Time wasted - 18/06/2024 17:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend spent forty minutes making pasta sauce when we had a perfectly good jar of pasta sauce in the pantry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 1 025

Insane parents

By Anonymous - 31/08/2020 11:08 - United States - Sammamish

Today, I found out that 20 years ago, when my friends would call to talk to me after I started being homeschooled, my parents told them we were moving. We never moved. I could never understand why all of my friends stopped talking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 485

You deserved it 136

By peridot1aa - 24/10/2018 03:00

Today, I was cleaning out my room and picked up my bed and found a condom. I'm 15 and still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 631

You deserved it 233

Bad omen

By Anonymous - 30/12/2021 02:01

Today, my boyfriend of two years completely lost it because last night I told him I wanted to move to a less remote area so I can be independent. He shouted that I bring no money in, he has to do everything, and that I that I snore so loud he can hear me from downstairs where he sleeps. I'm pregnant. We are in our 40s. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 317

You deserved it 575

Brain fart

By my bad - 24/09/2020 01:58 - United States

Today, I went out with my friend and her boyfriend. Not knowing him very well, I accidentally called him by her ex’s name. He took that as a sign she was still seeing the ex and dumped her on the spot. She’s now not speaking to me for ruining her life. I’m just bad with names. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 436

You deserved it 517

F is for Family

By pissed - 12/10/2020 04:59

Today, I came home to find my husband’s disgusting pig of a sister let herself in while we were at work and decided to take a nap in our bed. Not only did she not ask to visit, she left a huge smelly period stain on my favorite sheets. No apology, no attempt to clean up. I didn’t give her a key. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 798

You deserved it 97

Messed up

By mee - 10/10/2020 05:01

Today, I started new meds because I’ve been emotionally numb since I was 14. I never learned how to manage real feelings and I’m on a rollercoaster that involves crying over nothing, feeling jealous of my husband’s Xbox, and getting angry at inanimate objects. Is there a return policy on this? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 060

You deserved it 348

Good times, bad times

By st3phani3b - 26/11/2018 09:30 - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, I'm stuck at home waiting on a plumber to come fix the flooding in my basement. The flooding happens when any sink, shower, or toilet in the house is used. Today is also the day that I started my period. Without water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 727

You deserved it 229

Feed me

By Anonymous - 01/01/2022 23:00

Today, I’m in danger of losing my job as a full time carer because my charge, an autistic 11 year-old, hasn’t eaten a thing in 3 days because he wants a meal that doesn’t actually exist, which he saw in one of his online cartoons. I have no idea what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 224

You deserved it 126

Nice try

By Anonymous - 20/03/2023 23:00 - United States - New York

Today, I told my boss that my grandma died to get a day off work, but then my grandma showed up at the office looking for me because she wanted to go shopping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 118

You deserved it 1 986

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I found one good thing that came from my great-uncle's death: My family can no longer start arguments about his date of birth. Except now I have a new problem: They're mad at me because I was right all along. Someone's dead and they're too busy being sore losers about a date to care. I miss him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 487

You deserved it 105

Today, I went to a Hobby Lobby with the director of the play my daughter is in. He leaned in to grab a bottle of blue paint, and I mistook it for a hug. When he looked perplexed, I hugged him again, this time jumping in celebration of finding the blue paint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 515

You deserved it 560

Today, my new roommate took a shower. This would be a good thing, except for the fact that it's apparently taken her two months just to take this one. I have to live with her for another year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 861

You deserved it 2 179

Today, my parents lectured me for wanting to wear sneakers to a wedding. The wedding is on a farm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 645

You deserved it 4 556

Today, my crazy neighbor came up to me in the street and slapped me across the face, accusing me of leering through her restroom window while she showered. I'm gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 947

You deserved it 6 727

Today, I can’t divorce my lazy, unemployed, shopping-addicted, cheating wife because her father is one of the best, sleaziest, underhanded divorce lawyers in our city. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 256

You deserved it 183