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Thanks, dad

By manoloonfire - 21/12/2020 15:04 - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

Today, I'm a MD who graduated with honors. I can't work right now because I'm preparing myself for the medical residence exam. I want to be a cardiovascular surgeon. My dad is ashamed of me and treats me like shit, because I don't work and I'm 26 years-old, living with my parents while I'm studying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 720

You deserved it 127

By HateTheBus - 18/03/2019 02:00

Today, I was taking the bus home from work. I went to pull the cord to request a stop when the driver slammed on the breaks to avoid running a red light, causing me to get thrown out of my seat and slide down the aisle and hit my head on a pole by the front of the bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 423

You deserved it 232

Rude awakening

By Alex - 22/02/2022 00:01

Today, my brother woke me up by hitting me in the face with a rubber dildo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 232

You deserved it 237

Nintendon't

By Momfail - 27/02/2022 06:00

Today, I had my son do some chores around the house. I was fairly proud of him for doing it himself, until he told me he accidentally washed his Nintendo in his sheets, and now it doesn’t work. I can’t afford a new one and he now refuses to do chores because, “I did and look what happened!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 152

You deserved it 230

By Naofox - 29/03/2017 00:00

Today, I got frustrated looking for jobs and decided to take a quiz on best-fitting careers. My results speak for themselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 882

You deserved it 381

Fatherlessness

By justagirl - 21/12/2019 14:00

Today, my ex started to talk to me again after 3 years. I've been in an amazing relationship for the last 2 years. She let me know she is taking me to court for child support. I didn't even know I had a kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 538

You deserved it 228

By EveOnRoad - 05/05/2019 18:00

Today, my boyfriend of 9 years rode with his mother after boot camp graduation. She acts more like a jealous lover than a mom, so I'm currently chasing them all over Chicago in a blizzard, with her refusing to stop the car so he can see me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 041

You deserved it 254

Mind your own business

By Anonymous - 19/04/2022 12:00

Today, after being unable to convince my crush her boyfriend is cheating on her, I showed her footage of him kissing another woman. Turns out, not only is he not cheating, but she and him are in a polyamorous relationship with that woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 295

You deserved it 1 755

By Eric - 18/05/2019 06:10

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me because I added an old high school friend on Facebook. She claims this person is getting in the middle of our relationship. I haven't talked to him in years, and he lives across the country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 934

You deserved it 177

By 530gangsta - 25/04/2017 16:00

Today, while having sex I managed to chip my tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 341

You deserved it 434

Quality alone time

By Anonymous - 11/05/2022 23:00 - United States - Dallas

Today, my boyfriend and I are renovating his mother's house. We have some yard work to do this weekend there, where he jokingly referred to it as, “quality alone time.” To that, my smartass response was, “Quality alone time? Is your mother gonna be there?” He blew a fuse and broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 048

You deserved it 333

Throw away the key

By Raged af - 16/07/2023 18:02 - United States - Miami

Today, my ex-boyfriend was granted parole, community service, and “rehabilitation” for the crime of breaking into my house, kidnapping my dog and killing her while I was at work, as retaliation for me breaking up with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 557

You deserved it 118

The old switcheroo

By Anonymous - 21/07/2023 06:00

Today, my fiance's divorce was finalized and we went out to dinner to celebrate. I stepped away to use the bathroom, then came back to a note on the table saying, "I'm going to enjoy single life, thanks!" He left me with the bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 230

You deserved it 560

Am I hired?

By Genius - 25/06/2019 14:00

Today, I went to my fifth job interview in a month. While going over my CV, I found a watermark on the bottom of my cover letter that said it was generated by a template website. Yep, I gave all previous interviewers the same cover letter, with the same watermark. Can't wait to hear back! FML

I agree, your life sucks 737

You deserved it 1 941

By brittholzworth - 27/06/2019 20:00

Today, I found some cookies on my bed and got so excited that I kneed myself in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 181

You deserved it 751

My eyes! My eyes!

By bleach for my eyes please - 07/03/2021 17:01

Today, I found out the hard way that my sister has an OnlyFans. Not judging sex workers, I just really wish I’d know she goes by a stage name before I opened the clip. The things I’ve seen… FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 636

You deserved it 444

It's called being a wage slave

By Anonymous - 10/03/2021 11:01

Today, my new boyfriend told me he has no interest in being a dad, never has, never will, so the first time I ask him for any sort of help with my son he’s out the door. I'd dump his ass, but my mum just died so I have nowhere to go, and literally cannot afford both rent and food without his wage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 156

You deserved it 727

By Anonymous - 17/07/2019 22:00

Today, when my boyfriend came to bed, I rolled over and watched as he used his pinky to clean out both nostrils, then eat it what he found. He’s almost 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 771

You deserved it 304

Magpie eyes

By Anonymous - 05/10/2023 16:30

Today, I spent an hour making my favorite work lunches, then portioning them out so I could have them all week. I later came home to a pile of empty containers. My girlfriend said, "Sorry, I got the munchies. Also, can you please do the dishes?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 090

You deserved it 163

Dilbert 2023

By Robert Smith's Lipstick - 08/10/2023 10:00

Today, I tried impressing my colleagues by using fancy business jargon during a meeting. I ended up saying, "Let's synergize our ideation to maximize the bandwidth of our paradigm shift." Nobody had a clue what I meant, and me neither to be honest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97

You deserved it 1 319

Possession

By Katelyn_Louise - 01/05/2021 10:01 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, someone left their drug bag on the table in the lounge at my place, probably a friend, and probably a mistake. The next minute the cops knock on the door and force their way in. Immediately the cop spots the drug bag and cuffs me. It wasn't even my bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 510

You deserved it 879

Boing!

By nurse - 13/09/2019 02:01 - Norway

Today, I was giving a patient an injection when I heard a cracking sound and the needle was gone. Panicking, I got a doctor to have a look. The patient was sent to have x-rays to find the needle in her thigh. I then noticed the springback system in the syringe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 269

You deserved it 1 101

Boozing on the job

By paulcorrea95 - 21/09/2019 06:07 - United States

Today, I was at work, cleaning up a construction site. I picked up a beer can and accidentally spilled some of it on me. My boss came in to check on me and thought I was drunk. Instead of getting a raise, I was fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 819

You deserved it 199

Different goals

By Baby bird - 23/05/2021 11:01

Today, I asked my husband if it was a good time to think about having kids. His response was, "ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NEVER." I’ve always wanted to be a mom and he knows that. I feel like I’ve wasted my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 557

You deserved it 631

The day of reckoning

By ImFvcked - 24/11/2023 12:00

Today, I went to a friend’s Friendsgiving party with my girlfriend. When I got there, I saw my wife’s supervisor from her job. He recognized me, too. When I tried to save face saying my girlfriend was my sister, she got upset and corrected me. Way to throw me under the bus, babe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 2 160

Hiking is so much fun!

By Sacho - 24/10/2019 20:00

Today, 4 miles into a mountain hike with my crush, I suddenly felt a stomach pain, followed by the urge for explosive diarrhea. I had to stand still with my butt clenched to prevent shitting myself. There were no nearby bathrooms, and I didn't have any toilet paper. It was messy. She'll never see me the same. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 817

You deserved it 177

Late bloomers

By ihateparents - 21/07/2021 14:01

Today, I emailed out class requirements for the upcoming school year. I had to include, "No toys, no bottles, no pacifiers, and children must be fully potty trained in order to attend." At least 3 parents complained. I teach second grade, and none of them is special needs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 402

You deserved it 97

The customer is sometimes devious

By dontgivemechecks - 16/03/2020 14:00

Today, I found out that I accidentally returned a customer her $147 check she had written out to pay for her groceries and receive cash back. The lady got free groceries and money, and I'm now losing my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 294

You deserved it 707

By Lightlysalted - 19/04/2018 19:00

Today, I was invited to a special meal for receiving a scholarship from my college. My mom refuses to take me because “your sister’s going there too and didn’t get a scholarship; it wouldn’t be fair to her.” I guess fairness doesn’t apply to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 309

You deserved it 240

B-Baller

By awkwardballer - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, while playing basketball with my new coworkers, I managed to get the ball stuck between the hoop and backboard. In trying to free it, I also got a traffic cone stuck and ended up having to drag a large ladder across the court while everyone watched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 156

You deserved it 1 726

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, I slightly opened my eyes during it and saw him with his eyes wide open, watching TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 394

You deserved it 358

Today, I got my period two days early, while being interviewed for my dream job. Let's just say that I don't have very high hopes after walking backwards to the exit door and falling down upon colliding with the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 147

You deserved it 4 128

Today, my girlfriend and I had gotten tipsy and found ourselves in the bedroom. We started to fool around and she leaned over to put her watch on the nightstand. I tried to undo her bra, which surprised her, because she elbowed me in the nose so hard that I ended up passing out from the pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 188

You deserved it 8 020

Today, I was pestering a co-worker, so she jokingly stated "I'll bury you!" and I replied "I'll bury your mom!". Her moms funeral was last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 580

You deserved it 49 067

Today, I was told I was being fired from my job after "5 months for poor performance." I helped lead my team to the highest possible success they’ve had the last 4 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 989

You deserved it 118

Today, I got laid off. Why would they lay me off right before the holidays? Because they want to make sure every one else gets a nice holiday bonus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 006

You deserved it 1 776