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By InnocenceBlue - 01/08/2019 12:00

Today, as always, my mother hates my life choices. Particularly my hair for some reason. As she's always whinging about it being dyed blonde, I dyed it back to my natural colour again to appease her, and stop the constant bullying. She hates it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 725

You deserved it 220

Overreaction club

By Punk'd - 03/04/2021 08:00

Today, my brother is about to move to a new house, all because last week I played a prank on him. I made him believe that I crashed my car and had to sell his things to pay for the damage. He's no longer talking to me, or acknowledging me as a sibling anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 251

You deserved it 2 127

It's called getting old

By Anonymous - 02/10/2023 22:00 - Germany

Today, like most days recently, and even after 10 hours of sleep, I need at least 3 cups of coffee per day in order be able to… sit on the sofa and, well, not fall asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 564

You deserved it 219

By Anonymous - 26/08/2019 02:01

Today, my 6-year-old son was being charming by smiling and batting his eyelashes at me. When I asked him, "What?" he replied, "When you die, can I have your hair?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 607

You deserved it 179

The gift of insecurity

By where’d she learn it? - 20/10/2023 15:02 - United States

Today, my new girlfriend gave me head for the first time. It was so good, I swear she sucked my soul into another dimension! I was snapped back to earth by the thought that no one sucks that good without years and years of practice. Now I can’t stop thinking about all the other dicks she’s sucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 211

You deserved it 1 620

The Passion of the Christ

By Canada20 - 29/09/2017 06:00 - Canada - Windsor

Today, while helping at my grandma's church, the new Orthodox Priest encouraged me to come to confession because he was sure I would have "a lot of stories to tell" and finished by seductively winking at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 657

You deserved it 349

Cat Burglar!

By Aimee Lutz - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I found my lost cat. As I was hooking it up to a leash to get it in my car, a man approached and asked what I was doing. His kids alerted him that there was a woman stealing their cat from their front lawn. It was not my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 425

You deserved it 1 349

Unloveable

By Blah - 10/10/2019 06:01

Today, it was my second day of house-sitting. I was so out of my mind from not seeing people that I invited a bunch of friends over for dinner. I said I would pay for pizza and we could all hang out in the house. Even with an unsupervised house and free food, no one showed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 970

You deserved it 412

Weird reasoning

By Anonymous - 18/06/2021 06:01

Today, my girlfriend dumped me when I told her I once got out of jury duty. It was a legitimate reason with evidence from my neurosurgeon, but she thinks I should have done my civic duty, while enduring the pain of screws holding my skull together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 138

You deserved it 93

Get it on, son

By Anonymous - 26/11/2023 22:00

Today, I was teasing my son about all the newlywed sex he must be having. He turned bright red and ended up admitting that because they stayed virgins until marriage they were too nervous to try on the wedding night, or on the honeymoon, or anytime since then. The wedding was 4 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 268

You deserved it 490

It's PC gone mad

By Anonymous - 03/12/2023 13:00

Today, I received a written warning at work for being "unacceptably rude" to an official visitor. I guess fetching the fire hose because the building was actively on fire wasn’t a valid excuse for yelling at the dozy cow stood blocking the door to “move out the fucking way.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 743

You deserved it 154

By Mbh - 30/11/2017 07:00 - Turkey - Istanbul

Today, my dad bought me my first car. On the way home, he crashed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 982

You deserved it 322

Busted

By Anonymous - 05/12/2019 20:00

Today, I received my package. I ordered a vibrator, I was so excited to use it, but when I was finally ready to use it, I found out that it broke during the delivery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 124

You deserved it 272

Seventh heaven

By Egyptian ToyBoy - 17/12/2019 20:00

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She had such an uncontrollable, aggressive orgasm that I'd be celebrating my efforts, if only in the process she hadn't knocked over my new expensive laptop, which then split in half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 955

You deserved it 499

Going too far

By cad515 - 07/07/2021 02:01

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try role play. She suggested I be a robber, so I went outside and tried to break in my window, wearing nothing but my underwear and a ski mask on. She decided it would be funny to call the cops, because it would, "add to the mood." They came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 667

You deserved it 471

The Seer

By Anonymous - 27/07/2025 05:00 - United States

Today, my 15 year-old daughter has been with her boyfriend for about a year. I really wish they would break up. Not for the typical father reasons. My daughter is just like her mother, my ex. She’s clinically depressed and hides it well. He’ll be miserable just like I was. The breakup would be for him not her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 205

You deserved it 396

Under pressure

By Anonymous - 28/01/2024 21:00 - United States - Upland

Today, I have a family but I just feel all alone and unloved, almost on the verge of depression. I just wanna cry. My wife is always threatening me with divorce and says she can’t stand the sight of me, and my son hates me. I just wanna feel like somebody is there for me and that I can lean on someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 697

You deserved it 170

Mother of the year

By Anonymous - 13/02/2024 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my daughter asked me if I could have the kids overnight, even though I’d babysat all day, all because she just got home and was too tired to make the drive to pick them up. She only lives two minutes away. I can see her house from my bathroom window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 625

You deserved it 155

A heads up next time maybe?

By Bob - 07/04/2020 02:00

Today, when my girlfriend walked out the room, for a laugh, I covered my whole body except my knob in blankets. Then when I heard her come back in, I yelled, "Surprise!" It was her mom, who'd dropped by unannounced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 726

You deserved it 1 034

Not all heroes…

By pooped - 12/04/2020 23:00

Today, at work, the only toilet in the building was so clogged that it was overflowing. We didn't have a plunger, so basically the only way to stop it was to try and reach in and remove the blockage. I was nominated to do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 905

You deserved it 183

On the rocks

By future divorcee - 06/08/2021 20:01

Today, I told my husband that if he wanted any chance of salvaging our marriage, we would have to go to counseling and he must cut ALL ties with the woman he had an affair with. The sniveling worm actually had the audacity to ask, “If we stop the sex, can I still stay friends with her?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 209

You deserved it 316

Vultures

By Anonymous - 12/05/2020 20:00

Today, after spending a few weeks getting to know my birth father and thinking he seemed decent, he's realised my adoptive parents aren’t rich and no, I can’t lend him a few grand. Now, he’s vanished and written several nasty Facebook posts about not being able to trust family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 355

You deserved it 270

By Samantha Glennie - 13/07/2018 20:30

Today, due to the high pollen count and despite taking hay fever medicine, I passed out in the bathroom from not being able to breathe. My mother accused me of doing it on purpose to make her late for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 731

You deserved it 239

Tired

By sick of this - 01/04/2024 21:00 - United States

Today, I’m tired of women taking drastic measures to avoid me, even though I’ve done nothing wrong. Recently, I was talking to an old classmate from high school and she faked deleting her profile to avoid following up with our talk about plans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 200

You deserved it 507

Full of…

By weman - 04/09/2021 02:00

Today, I went to the doctor to see if she could check a lump in my vagina. She pushed the lump and asked, "Does this make you want to use the bathroom for a number 2?" I said yes. Turns out, it’s hard poop pushing against my intestines and the outside vagina wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 010

You deserved it 181

The cat's out of the bag

By Anonymous - 30/11/2022 01:00 - Philippines

Today, my Dad found out that like anime and I that actually collect anime figurines. I wanted to hide my hobbies from my parents, but he found out. Luckily he didn't mind the fact that I have this kind of hobby, but he went on to share the fact that I have "this kind of hobby" to our relatives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 779

You deserved it 335

Countersuit

By SientoBenteCar - 11/04/2024 13:00 - United States

Today, as I was walking my dog, some self-righteous animal activist berated me on how it was animal abuse to put my dog on a leash. Despite warning her, she crouched down to undo it, my dog charged at her, giving her a gash on the cheek. She kicked my dog for it, and is now threatening to sue me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 86

By Anonymous - 15/08/2018 20:30

Today, I rested my face against my boyfriend's shoulder while we watched a movie. I didn’t realize he had put Icy Hot on the same shoulder right before I sat down. I cried in pain. He cried with laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 789

You deserved it 455

Just a prank, bruh!

By VoodooPriestess - 03/06/2020 23:00

Today, while looking at engagement rings online, I started crying. Not because I'm getting married, but because the only proposal scenario my mind could concoct always ended with my boyfriend saying, "SIKE!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 327

You deserved it 476

The things we do for family…

By taylor_b22 - 13/09/2021 11:01

Today, I agreed to spend the evening walking around an antique tractor show for my dad and sons, but I’m bleeding too much to stay out of the bathroom more than an hour. I’m violently ill from it, and I already have a bum knee and asthma, so I don’t know how I’m going to pull this off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 902

You deserved it 149

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I told my mom I want to get liposuction. She said "Whats the point? Its not like you can get lipo on your face!". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 997

You deserved it 4 280

Today, was my uncle's funeral. He was cremated, and his wish was to have his ashes spread into the sea. As we were waiting for the waves to come and take him away, a group of seagulls came by picking at all his ashes. I guess he tasted good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 155

You deserved it 3 387

Today, I was waiting on a Canadian tourist at work, and he bought some of the most expensive stuff on the menu. I was excited about maybe getting a big tip, so I casually said that in the USA, waiters make most of our money off tips. The guy just snorted, "Sucks to be American, eh?!" and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 170

You deserved it 31 020

Today, I had a photoshoot planned weeks ago, getting one of the last coveted spots. My boyfriend couldn’t even show up on time. It was a sunrise shoot. We arrived once the sun had been up for 25 mins already. He wondered "what the big deal is?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 937

You deserved it 217

Today, I was performing for a fairly large crowd with my band. I decided it would look cool to stand on one of the speakers and sing from there. It did look pretty cool for a bit until I tried to step off and fell face-first on the floor mid-song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 869

You deserved it 6 723

Today, thanks to autocorrect on our new company laptops, I sent an email to all staff but when I signed my name, it autocorrected my surname to Nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 879

You deserved it 179