The Top

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Thanks, Shep

By Anonymous - 24/04/2021 14:01

Today, I'm recovering from a fall down the basement steps. I was carrying a casserole down to the fridge we have in the basement. I tripped, crashed at the bottom and broke my arm. Our dog came running down to investigate, completely ignored me, and just started eating the casserole off the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 124

You deserved it 152

Cheat day

By Hungry - 03/09/2019 06:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I conveniently "forgot" to write down a bunch of stuff, including a huge kebab, in my Weight Watchers food journal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 485

You deserved it 2 188

The Nerve!

By Mike - 17/09/2019 02:02 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my ex-boyfriend, who refers to himself in the third person on a regular basis, told me that I often act entitled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 389

You deserved it 250

Corporate frown

By Vicky - 13/11/2023 20:00

Today, I thought it would be cool to make a TikTok dance routine while at work. Today is also the day the District Manager chose the perfect ass fucking day to pay my unit a visit. I was fired. Christmas is now ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101

You deserved it 1 644

Is there that much demand for that sort of thing?

By Paper Plane in the Night Sky - 16/11/2023 07:00 - Philippines - Makati City

Today, my overly jealous insecure brother "found" my ATM receipt, and called me out during a family luncheon, accusing me for being a drug dealer because, "How else could someone who is unemployed even before the pandemic could have almost 7 digits?" I couldn't answer them. Secretly, I'm a furry hentai artist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 683

You deserved it 245

Relaxed

By sarabellekitty - 21/10/2019 04:00

Today, I was having really great sex with my boyfriend. I was on top and he seemed like he was really enjoying it. Then, I realized he'd fallen asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 980

You deserved it 367

Help yourself

By RedHotRoses - 20/12/2017 15:00

Today, I walked into my office and found my ex-roommate going through my desk. Apparently, despite not wanting to be friends or even speak anymore, he has no qualms about "borrowing" my Master's thesis so he can compare and write his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 363

You deserved it 296

Delightful

By Tori - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I got news that I had "delighted a customer" so I looked at the review online. It says, "The fat girl up front was nice." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 834

You deserved it 549

Gross

By Anonymous - 26/06/2021 15:59 - United States - Cumberland

Today, I confronted my mother because I lock my bedroom door everytime I leave the house, then when I came home, the door was open and ajar. She got really defensive and said it's because she and her boyfriend want to make passionate whoopie on my king-size bed because it's bigger than her full-size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 626

You deserved it 141

Consent

By Anonymous - 10/01/2024 05:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife asked me to smack her ass as a sign of affection, so I did, she liked it, and we had sex. This afternoon I walked past and smacked her ass again. I now have a bruised eye, ringing in my left ear, and a severe warning to never do that again. Why? FML

I agree, your life sucks 643

You deserved it 208

Sussy baka

By Anonymous - 29/06/2021 20:00

Today, when my boyfriend got home, I told him about how I’d had the worst day with our baby. Without blinking, he told me to say the word and he’d drive to a different city and anonymously surrender our son to a fire station and all our suffering would be over. He was completely serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 262

You deserved it 445

Money Money Money

By Anonymous - 12/03/2020 08:00

Today, as I was coming out of McDonald's, there was a street musician playing outside. He had his saxophone case open for money. I meant to give him a ten, and it wasn't until I got home later that I realized I'd accidentally given him a hundred-dollar bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 766

You deserved it 1 683

Deal with it

By arron - 20/07/2021 15:01 - United Kingdom - Coventry

Today, in the middle of this heatwave, my mom has a fan in her bedroom and her precious dog has two fans pointing at her dog bed, which she apparently needs because she could overheat, poor thing. Meanwhile, I have zero fans in my room and can't sleep from the heat, but I get told to just deal with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 127

You deserved it 170

Trash the lot

By Anonymous - 16/10/2022 16:00

Today, I was sleeping with my girlfriend on my parents' bed naked, just to wake up to find out she got her period, on fresh, new sheets they bought the other day. As I finished scrubbing it and cleaning, she accidentally left a burning cigarette on the sheets so now it has a burn hole too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 242

You deserved it 2 847

On the can

By Mortified - 31/03/2020 14:00

Today, I was using the bathroom at Costco when a janitor forced my door open so she could mop, then didn't bother to close it again. Apparently, the handicapped stall was too big for her to see me sitting in the corner, and I had to awkwardly squat-walk all the way to the door to close it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 901

You deserved it 201

The Marlboro Man

By Victoria - 19/10/2022 18:00

Today, I'm trying to quit smoking because I'm actually running low on money. I just realized that I'm actually spending a lot more money and gaining more weight by eating junk food to relieve my anxiety than what I used to spend buying packs of cigarettes. I can't afford a psychologist, either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 764

You deserved it 260

Freaky situation

By Cody - 09/08/2021 00:01

Today, my boyfriend left our bed at 6 a.m. to go upstairs and go back to bed with his son and soon to be ex-wife. I then had to ride in the backseat of a car for 6 hours while they talked and laughed. Not once has he asked if I'm okay or what's wrong. I've barely spoke all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 355

You deserved it 1 822

By RoyalFail - 25/05/2018 04:02 - United Kingdom - Wallasey

Today, it’s my birthday. My family has spared no expense; cake, balloons, decorations, new outfits... nothing is too much. Oh, it’s not for me. They’re celebrating the Royal Wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 030

You deserved it 238

Overreaction?

By Anonymous - 13/08/2021 08:01

Today, it's the second day my wife hasn’t been to work at all, because a cashier called her ma’am instead of miss. Apparently, it’s the first time this has happened and she’s so upset that she might be visibly growing old that she’s been in bed for two days crying. We’re both only 27 years-old, FFS. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 220

You deserved it 170

Cones

By Blinkin - 08/09/2021 02:00

Today, I recently woke up colourblind and so far no doctor or surgeon can tell me why. I'm a graphic designer, I went to university and put years of practise into this specific skill set, I need to see in colour or this could cost me my job and ruin my career prospects. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 598

You deserved it 82

Reverse psychology

By Marie - 11/06/2020 17:12

Today, while trying to get my picky daughter to eat her dinner, I pretended to take some of her food and give it to her brother, thinking that would get her to eat it. Instead, she thanked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 112

You deserved it 817

Tindersticks

By noluckthere - 10/09/2021 02:01

Today, my girlfriend dumped me and set all my stuff on fire. Why? Because she found my Tinder account. I haven’t even used it since I met her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 404

Alexa, play "Isolation" by Joy Division

By Anonymous - 09/01/2023 18:00

Today, my son has always been antisocial but ever since he bought his first house he has seemingly disappeared behind it’s walls, never lets anybody visit, and has broken off contact with everybody he knows. Were it not for his coworkers telling me he’s at work everyday, I’d think he was dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 806

You deserved it 436

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 322

You deserved it 2 758

Sex work is work

By Anonymous - 14/01/2023 17:00 - United Kingdom - Hove

Today, I confessed to my boyfriend that many years before we met, I once slept with a guy in my college for $500 just so I could avoid becoming homeless before my next student loan kicked in. He dumped me because he “doesn’t date whores”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 174

You deserved it 371

Anger issues

By Hannah - 25/10/2021 11:00

Today, without context, I overheard my daughter saying that she would “literally rather have mercury poisoning than have her mother yell at her one more time.” She’s 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 393

You deserved it 970

Death at one's elbow

By Anonymous - 31/07/2020 17:00

Today, I found out that for the past 6 months I have been sleeping next to a dead body. The cremated body of my landlord's father. It was hidden inside a wardrobe that I was not supposed to use. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 619

You deserved it 281

Close

By Brandi - 07/02/2023 02:00

Today, I found out through 23andMe that my ex-husband and father of my children is my 5th cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 786

You deserved it 221

They can't feel you

By Anonymous - 25/08/2020 17:03 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I went to a funeral with my family. As we were walking on the grass to the burial site, my 5-year-old brother curiously asks, in a not-so-quiet voice, "Sissy, are we walking on dead people?" It was hard to answer his question with so many glaring people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 489

You deserved it 164

Car brain

By Anonymous - 05/12/2021 05:00

Today, I got woken up by my parents telling me I had to go buy a car so they could have transportation. Neither of their cars work, so I was letting them use mine, and then they wrecked it. It needs nearly a thousand bucks in repairs to be drivable again, but since it was my car, I have to replace it now to appease them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 566

You deserved it 197

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The Top

Today, I found out I had three strands of pubic hair beside my nipple, so I decided to cut it off with a scissor since I'm going swimming tomorrow. In an attempt to cut off my third strand, I instead excised the cap of my left nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 416

You deserved it 1 215

Today, I wanted to join the bus drivers strike. I couldn't… the buses were on strike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 637

You deserved it 5 482

Today, I'd thought that I'd found the new love of my life. She wanted me, I wanted her, we were compatible on so many levels. I have known her for 15 years, and she had asked me on a date. Last night, she unfriended, blocked, and ghosted me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 617

You deserved it 127

Today, I was at a very important music competition. When we'd rehearsed the song in question, the conductor said we were to repeat the last four bars of the song three times. As I went to play the third time, the whole orchestra stopped playing. I kept playing by accident and we came in third because of my mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 073

You deserved it 351

Today, I watched my high school crush pull into the parking spot next to me, and then almost immediately he started backing out once he saw me parked next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 191

You deserved it 1 645

Today, I was taking a nap when my dad texted me, asking me to go check the mail. So I went outside, then the wind blew the front door shut, and it automatically locked. I didn’t have my key. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 298