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Parents love

By Anonymous - 29/12/2019 18:00

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my dad masturbating to a nude photo of my mum on the computer. She passed away four years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 670

You deserved it 1 100

He pulled a Carrie Underwood!

By Andy - 26/03/2018 01:30 - Germany - W?rselen

Today, I got laid for the first time in over a year. The girl then texted her location to her boyfriend, who I didn't know about. He smashed four cars, including mine, with a sledgehammer and ran off before the police arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 679

You deserved it 559

By Noob - 05/03/2018 08:00 - United States - Houston

Today, I restarted my desktop computer at work. Nobody told me, but it turns out that my computer holds the licenses used for all programs on the server. Needless to say, a lot of people hate me right now. It's only my fifth day here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 835

You deserved it 469

By Anonymous - 02/05/2018 19:00

Today, I introduced myself, Pete, to my new coworkers at a shipyard. An hour into my shift, everyone started calling me "re-Pete" because I have a bit of a stutter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 863

You deserved it 332

By Ban Hammered - 25/05/2016 10:35 - United States - New York

Today, I babysat my neighbor's twin 4-year-old girls again. When I took them out for lunch, they apparently had been addressing themselves as "my bitches", taught to them by their devil spawn 13-year-old brother. Everyone, including Chuck E. Cheese himself, was not pleased. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 433

You deserved it 876

By Oh hello there - 17/06/2018 01:30

Today, I accidentally left my Nintendo 3DS at the barbershop, so I rushed back to get it. The 60-year-old barber had destroyed it with a hammer, saying it was a weapon of the devil. I was gone 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 156

You deserved it 628

By Anonymous - 16/11/2018 05:00

Spicy

Today, I met an old friend, who accidentally revealed he once met my wife in a club. They were both drunk and she let him have anal sex with her for a fiver in a club toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 543

You deserved it 366

By Anonymous - 26/11/2018 16:00 - United States - Floral Park

Today, my self-described "genius" cousin came to the conclusion that cooking the turkey in the oven for 8 hours would take too long, so he doubled the temperature to have it done in half the time. The fire department had to come to put out the fireball that was once my butterball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 082

You deserved it 255

By killme - 13/12/2018 14:00

Today, my girlfriend of three years broke up with me, saying I don’t make her happy, I don’t make her laugh, that she feels she is settling for me, and that she's not being pleased sexually. Even though she has always said I did all of that, and that we could work through anything. I was going to propose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 125

You deserved it 371

By he fucking smells like death! - 18/12/2018 13:00 - United States - Hesperia

Today, I was told what a bitch I am for turning down “the nice guy” after he surprised me with flowers and a hand painted portrait. He conveniently left out the part where he texted me multiple creepy porn links, doesn’t brush his teeth and has the personal hygiene of a farm animal! FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 153

You deserved it 415

By offrampmotel - 28/03/2017 14:00

Spicy

Today, my 4-year-old son discovered that he really likes masturbating. So much in fact, that he took pictures of it with my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 415

You deserved it 755

Traditions suck

By Anonymous - 22/01/2021 17:01 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my fiance told me that his father would need to check my hymen is intact to ensure I'm pure before we get married. This is a new one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 987

You deserved it 191

By alison89430 - 05/12/2016 22:35 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I went to see a movie with my parents. During a sex scene, my dad covered my eyes. I'm married and have 2 kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 994

You deserved it 988

What did I miss?

By rosie21030 - 24/07/2017 10:33 - New Zealand - Lower Hutt

Today, I was the bridesmaid for my dad and stepmum's wedding. As I was walking down the aisle, I tripped and fell over my high heels, hit my head on the armrest of a wooden chair on the way down, then passed out. I now have a concussion and a broken ankle. The wedding went on without me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 067

You deserved it 775

Watcha doin'?

By DamnThatsHarsh - 16/10/2009 18:04 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were fooling around on camera. I was mostly naked and putting on a show for her, when I noticed that she was looking off to the side instead of where she normally looks when she's talking to me. She was playing solitaire on her computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 462

You deserved it 4 368

By TakenAdvantageOf - 15/09/2017 04:30

Today, my husband asked to borrow money. He couldn't pay his half of the rent or utilities this month, but he did manage to buy a $1,700 radio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 452

You deserved it 597

Sexless in Seattle

By Anonymous - 02/10/2019 16:00

Spicy

Today, it's become clear I might have married the only man on the planet who doesn't care about sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 057

You deserved it 514

Fate, up against your will

By feel so dirty - 11/01/2018 09:00

Today, I asked my husband when he first knew he loved me. He replied, totally honestly, that I was the easiest girl he'd ever managed to talk into a one-night stand, only instead of doing the walk of shame the next morning, I stayed so long we ended up married with kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 936

You deserved it 1 365

Karma

By SoandSo - 12/01/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, ten years after getting my college girlfriend pregnant and leaving because I wasn't ready, I reached out to her and told her I'm ready to be a father. Apparently my son "already has a father in his life" and "doesn't need me." She laughed at me when I threatened to sue for custody, and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93

You deserved it 3 052

The thrill of it

By andrew - 04/04/2018 06:00

Spicy

Today, I broke a world record on third-wheeling with my friend and his girlfriend. As we were driving back from the beach, I took a nap and woke up to my friend receiving head in the front seat. They knew I was awake, but they continued and finished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 760

You deserved it 1 045

By NotAsGoodAsATruck - 03/06/2018 14:30 - United States - Ludington

Spicy

Today, after my boyfriend had been away for months, I invited him over to have sex. He said he hurt his back too badly to do anything. Don't worry though, it doesn't hurt enough to stop him from working on his truck for several hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 231

You deserved it 595

By TGIkaty - 10/02/2009 00:11 - United States

Today, I told my mom I loved her and she asked if I was going to kill myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 709

You deserved it 3 487

Hard no, thanks

By 3rd wheel, 2nd dick - 26/07/2018 06:00

Spicy

Today, my best friend asked if I'd join him and his girlfriend for a 3-way. Since I've always had a crush on his girlfriend, I eagerly agreed. When I got there, I learned that their idea of a 3-way was them watching me jerk off while I watched them have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 777

You deserved it 2 840

Tool Academy

By soundbox - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was watching "Tool Academy" with my girlfriend. When asked which Tool I would be, I replied with Power Tool. She then stated I would be "Tiny Tool." I'm 240 pounds. I don't know if she was calling me fat, or saying I have a small penis. My best guess would be both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 849

You deserved it 4 863

Running late

By SMV - This FML is from back in 2008 but it's good stuff - France

Today, my company was having a huge party so I went to work dressed in my best outfit. During lunch break, my boss said to me, "You really missed out on something yesterday, it was great fun!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 268

You deserved it 6 108

By tenniemo - 12/01/2019 04:00

Today, like for the last year, I’ve been on Tinder. I was having a great conversation with a man and we were planning a date for next week when he asked for my number. When I politely responded that I’d rather wait to exchange numbers after meeting in person, he blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 372

You deserved it 615

By Ketchup - 06/04/2016 07:06 - Finland - Turku

Today, after hours of non-stop work on an important case, I cheeringly blurted out, "And now, time for a tampon change break!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 704

You deserved it 309

By Anonymous - 12/05/2017 16:55

Today, I haven't been able to sleep for two nights due to cows mooing loudly somewhere nearby. I recently left the country to stay in the city. Which apparently has a higher cow population than my country home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 001

You deserved it 589

ErinShannon tells us more.

ErinShannon 27

Friday 5 May 2017 7:17

OP here, I'm not exactly sure why the hell they keep mooing. There is also a Rooster that likes to go off. I techinally don't live there ( visiting and staying with my Mum ) so I went back home to the country and it was magical, silence. No random cows.

By Anonymous - 01/05/2017 20:42

Today, I came home to yet another kitten. My girlfriend swore to me this would never happen again. When I reminded her of her promise, she told me the kitten will be staying, and she wants me to move out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 925

You deserved it 1 143

By needabettermirror - 14/12/2016 11:07 - United States - Holland

Today, I spent twenty minutes looking in the mirror trying to remove a blackhead from my chin. It was a freckle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 074

You deserved it 2 999

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The Top

The Top

Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time, and from what I'd heard he's super strict and uptight. I go in for the firm handshake after introducing myself while looking him in the eyes and I accidentally grabbed his junk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 098

You deserved it 2 177

Today, my ex is bad-mouthing me, saying I dumped her because she got fat. That’s not true. I left because she completely gave up on life, no matter how much I tried to help. Not only did I get her gym membership, I even paid out of pocket for a mental health professional. That’s not cheap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 268

You deserved it 411

Today, I found out that all together, I have mono, strep, a UTI, and a enlarged spleen. How am I going to tell my friend that I made out with his dad, and now his dad is sick? This man gives his newborn kisses every night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 145

You deserved it 1 502

Today, I went to college on bike through snow and hail only to find out my professor can't make it to class due to the weather. She lives down my street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 085

You deserved it 3 251

Today, during my annual performance evaluation, my boss responded to my career goal with, "Pfft! That ain't gonna happen." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 430

You deserved it 349

Today, my girlfriend decided it would be cute to leave a love letter in my car while I was at work. She left my lights on. I got a dead battery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 847

You deserved it 2 619