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By Anonymous - 07/09/2018 22:00

Today, my lazy, obese mother took the last motor cart at the grocery store. My leg is in a cast. She told me to "use the shopping cart to help with the limp" as she rolled away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 408

You deserved it 238

By Anonymous - 20/09/2018 03:00 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I wanted to talk about marriage and our future with my boyfriend of over 10 years. My 30-year-old boyfriend responded by hiding under a blanket and pretending he couldn't hear me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 122

You deserved it 700

By Saraitkddh - 06/10/2018 05:00

Spicy

Today, my friend told me that my brother sent her a picture of his dick. How did she tell me this? By sending me the picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 441

You deserved it 301

The best day of your life

By sadbride - 09/10/2018 13:30

Today, my mom told me she is serving lasagna and Italian cream cake at my bridal shower. I'm severely lactose intolerant, which I have been telling her for years. She responded by telling me, and I quote, "The food is for the guests." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 340

You deserved it 302

By stun_zeed - 17/01/2017 10:00

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend called my flaccid penis her "little squishy" in a voice like Dory, and became upset when I got aroused because little squishy was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 180

You deserved it 1 288

By yermom - 13/12/2010 07:41 - United States

Today, I was entertaining people during an extra curricular school function in order to help "brighten people's spirits in their time of need." After it was all over, I found out that my phone had been stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 755

You deserved it 3 103

By Canonlizardjet - 13/02/2017 08:00 - United States - Ormond Beach

Today, I had a near-death experience. Went to print a document and a lizard shot out of the printer right out at me. Gives a whole new meaning to a Canon printer, a fricking lizard cannon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 589

You deserved it 603

By gracie511 - 29/01/2019 12:00

Today, my flight was delayed 3 hours so I was scrolling through my phone. Minding my own business, I was swiping through tinder and some guy behind me goes, “Ouch; hard no for that one?” And I turn around only to see the man I JUST swiped left on. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2 608

You deserved it 532

Cats > Relationships

By Crazy Cat-less Lady - 31/10/2016 04:38

Today, my mom asked me if I was a lesbian because I haven't brought a guy home in over 7 years. Nope. I'm just a crazy cat lady, minus the cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 800

You deserved it 1 184

A Lose-Lose Situation

By you can't win - 10/07/2017 21:00

Today, after months of being called paranoid, distrusting and over-possessive by my girlfriend for being suspicious of her, I learned that she really is cheating on me with her coworker. When confronted, she called me ignorant, gullible and naive for believing her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 517

You deserved it 436

By alone in ND - 25/07/2019 16:00

Today, it's my 25th birthday. I closed at work, not one person wished me happy birthday, no calls or letters from my family. Even my boyfriend of 3 years didn’t remember. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 217

You deserved it 210

Alexa, play "I'm Not In Love" by 10CC

By sucker - 07/09/2019 17:01 - United States - Duluth

Today, I went on a date I was really enjoying. My ex-boyfriend called halfway through. When I answered, he told me he wanted to get back together and couldn’t stop thinking about me. I didn’t realize my phone was on speaker. My date heard everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 683

You deserved it 2 572

By TheLostCauseFML - 25/10/2017 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking about role-playing during sex when he suddenly said, "I'll be Trump. Let's make sex great again!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 035

You deserved it 1 006

By Anonymous - 03/04/2018 05:00

Today, my boyfriend put chili powder on our loo roll as a "harmless" prank. He forgot women use loo roll to wipe the sensitive parts of their bodies. I have itchy weeping sores inside my vagina and am considering sticking an ice cube up there to stop the burning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 600

You deserved it 409

Got away with it, surely?

By Cinnanyan - 02/06/2016 10:20 - Philippines - Quezon City

Today, due to me not looking, I accidentally bit an apple made of styrofoam that was meant to be a part of a display on the kitchen table. My roommates were there and me not wanting to embarrass myself by putting it back, I walked out, apple in hand, to throw it away elsewhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 778

You deserved it 2 642

Big manbaby

By HSPARKS - 12/05/2020 05:00

Today, I woke up to my apartment in a state of total disarray. I've been asking my boyfriend to get either get a job, or clean the house. I just had a bunch of dental work taken care of. He doesn't have a job, and doesn't want to find one. I'm tired of trying to raise an already grown man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 693

You deserved it 979

By DarkPain - 22/01/2009 12:45 - United States

Today, I work for a boss who does everything he can to singlehandedly ruin our company and drive us into the ground. I just got an e-mail from him saying I need to be a more positive and energetic role-model for our team. Pot… meet Kettle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 339

You deserved it 2 468

By Anonymous - 06/03/2016 18:49 - United States - Atwater

Today, my slacker co-worker accused me of stealing because I got more hours than him. I was called into the manager's office and interrogated. They believed him, and sent me home for the day. I guess it pays off being the boss's kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 125

You deserved it 1 223

Statistics

By Anonymous - 09/09/2020 05:01 - Italy

Spicy

Today, I found out that my 7 friends, with a total of 23 past boyfriends in 11 years, have had 0 orgasms during sex. As someone whose sex ed was basically porn, it felt like finding out Santa wasn't real, but worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 573

You deserved it 519

Throwing shade

By deargodwhy - 04/09/2020 10:03

Today, my 12-year-old daughter was suspended from school for doing a book report on 50 Shades of Grey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 178

You deserved it 809

By Anonymous - 20/12/2016 12:22

Today, I got promoted to a management position. After work, I went for a drink with my co-manager and a few of our colleagues, where they discussed their plans to take Ecstasy before/during our work Christmas party. Wonderful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 067

You deserved it 728

One more reason to quit

By SowhatshouldIdo - 16/05/2017 05:00 - Turkey - Istanbul

Today, I handed in my resignation letter after over three and a half years working at the company. My manager is angry with me, since we returned from an overseas business trip yesterday, and why didn't I inform her before the trip. She now wants me to pay all costs of trip before leaving the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 053

You deserved it 1 233

Do you have an evil twin?

By Anonymous - 28/06/2017 01:44

Today, my wife's parents came over, insisting they saw me at the bar at 1:30 p.m., talked to me, and that I left with another woman. I was at work all day. I have no idea what they are talking about, I've never done this. My wife doesn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 285

You deserved it 374

By hell no! - 25/07/2019 04:00

Today, my fiancé's ex-wife thought it was perfectly acceptable to give herself a part in our upcoming wedding. She wants to "give" him away to me, the same way a father does to a bride. Apparently, I'm being unreasonable and selfish for denying her request. My fiancé told me to at least think about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 247

You deserved it 190

Chubrub

By thickly - 19/09/2016 17:31 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, my boss had to order some more work pants since mine were worn out after 7 months. He told me the next set I would have to buy myself, since they usually last workers about 2 years, and I must be treating them too roughly. I didn't want to admit that my thighs rubbing together ended up shredding the fabric. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 601

You deserved it 1 922

By CouldBeALoser - 17/09/2016 18:26 - United States - West Tehama County

Today, I ordered flowers to be delivered to my workplace on Tuesday. To myself. For my birthday. Because even though birthdays are posted in the monthly newsletter, mine gets left out every year. For the past four years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 974

You deserved it 1 114

By toeman - 01/09/2017 02:35 - United States - Sonoma

Today, I got to go to the water park with my class. I jumped over the rails that maintain lines because there was nobody around and managed to break a toe. Hello, 7+ hours of roasting in the sun, watching 500 other kids have a great time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 675

You deserved it 6 373

zerotiki tells us more.

zerotiki 5

Friday 1 September 2017 1:56

Wow-my 1st submission got posted! This was my classes senior year trip, and my mother was chaperoning... We didn't know the toe was broken until I got home, but the day was less exciting than I hoped it would be.

You don't say...

By Sonofaquiche - 27/10/2017 05:00 - Germany - Schweinfurt

Today, I realised that it is, in fact, not a great idea to put aftershave on your freshly shaven balls. Whenever I move it feels like Satan himself puts my genitals into a fiery pit of needles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 288

You deserved it 3 508

By nullpointer - 03/08/2016 04:38 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I farted so loud that my cat thought that I was growling at him, and bit me in self-defense. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 827

You deserved it 1 995

Smart guy

By Anonymous - 24/06/2021 00:01

Spicy

Today, my male model boyfriend admitted to me that he has developed an eating disorder because of his career. He also told me we couldn't have sex anymore, because he might somehow absorb the food I eat, from my body, through intercourse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 790

You deserved it 308

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Today, while my hometown mayor becomes a world-famous crackhead and douche-bag, here in the UK it has come to this: when people hear my accent and ask me if I'm American, it's less embarrassing just to say, "Yeah", rather than admit I'm Canadian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 141

You deserved it 7 046

Today, for the first time, a good looking guy was in my yoga class. Today also marked the first time I farted during yoga class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 829

You deserved it 5 609

Today, while attempting the Italian Chandelier with my girlfriend, I heard a popping noise, and then had a sharp pain in my dick. Turns out I "broke" it. Instead of calling 911 immediately, my girlfriend remarked how my now black and blue penis looked like a Smurf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 492

You deserved it 6 639

Today, I saw my grandfather on the train, with his cock out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 837

You deserved it 2 145

Today I knocked on one of my roommate's door and asked her to stop vacuuming since it's was late. She started to record me and went on a tirade about how none of the girls there respect her. She has previously tried to push two girls down the stairs. Her lease isn't up for 4 more months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 861

You deserved it 112

Today, returning home from a party, I realised I'd forgotten my keys. My roommate was sleeping so soundly that after an hour of throwing gravel and ringing the doorbell, I had to give up and get a room at the hotel over the road. For €85 I had a view of my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 439

You deserved it 111