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Casual racism

By seeking new employment - 07/01/2016 01:55 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out why my coworkers never invite me anywhere. Apparently, I "made a face" when one of them used the N-word, and it makes them uncomfortable to be around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 875

You deserved it 2 131

By Anonymous - 08/10/2014 03:15 - United States - San Diego

Today, my co-worker spent the afternoon taking online personality quizzes and messaging everyone the results. She was particularly proud of one which told her she was a hard-working overachiever. My boss walked by just as the message for that one popped up and I got in trouble for slacking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 446

You deserved it 2 942

By Caramel - 26/01/2013 11:19 - Serbia

Today, after coming back from work, I panicked as I noticed that my rabbit was having a hard time breathing. So I went straight to the vet. I paid 40€ for him to tell me that he had hiccups. FML

I agree, your life sucks 600

You deserved it 90

By crazygirl - 29/10/2009 06:42 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I realized that the vibrator we bought got sent to his parents house. He picked it up from them, brought it home, and we discovered that they had already opened the package. They even tried to hide the evidence by re-taping it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 556

You deserved it 5 193

By Justlooking - 28/07/2017 20:00

Spicy

Today, my new husband of two weeks attempted to solicit sex from a hooker. He tried to excuse himself by saying, "I would never cheat on you! I was just looking." FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 449

You deserved it 593

By Anonymous - 23/08/2017 20:00

Spicy

Today, I'm a counselor at summer camp. I don't know how to tell the 12-year-old girl in my cabin that I can hear porn playing through her headphones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 386

You deserved it 330

recoils in horror

By Anonymous - 07/11/2017 06:00

Spicy

Today, I am violently allergic to my boyfriend's new hand cream. I know this because after last night's quickie on the sofa, I now have a rash all over my skin and weeping sores inside my vagina and around my bum hole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 762

You deserved it 881

By DrumrollPlease - 13/07/2016 07:50 - United Kingdom - Banbury

Today, my phone autocorrected "with chills" to "with child" in the middle of a message, and I didn't notice until I was contacted several hours later by a panicking friend. My gastric flu is now rumoured to have been morning sickness, all because I can't proofread. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 743

You deserved it 2 300

By Phobia - 29/12/2017 15:00

Today, thanks to my new anti-anxiety meds, I am finally no longer agoraphobic. Today also marks 5 weeks of constant diarrhea due to the same meds. Guess who's not leaving the house anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 074

You deserved it 313

STOP!

By Sammmmi - 22/06/2016 18:35 - United Kingdom - Paisley

Today, I heard someone try to get into my back garden. I ran to the front door, opened it, and shouted at whoever it was. I then saw a police officer appear, following the person who'd jumped my fence. I then realised I wasn't wearing any trousers. I'd shouted at the police half naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 718

You deserved it 1 898

By ForSeriousReally - 11/06/2016 17:48 - Canada - Ponoka

Today, I was outside using a power sander. I forgot to put on mosquito repellent and a mosquito started biting me. My only somewhat-free hand was holding the power sander. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 959

You deserved it 2 751

ForSeriousReally tells us more.

ForSeriousReally 17

Sunday 12 June 2016 15:28

It was expensive.

By Stalkerella - 08/05/2018 05:51

Today, I asked my neighbor to kindly move his truck because it blocks my driveway and the side entrance to my yard. He responded by throwing a decapitated bird onto my front lawn and filing an injunction against me for stalking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 692

You deserved it 274

By MercyRoseLiddell - 27/05/2016 19:13 - United States - Wayne

Today, my skittish cat almost fell off my bed. He caught himself, though. Using his claws on my bare foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 948

You deserved it 1 414

MercyRoseLiddell tells us more.

MercyRoseLiddell 8

Saturday 4 June 2016 2:51

More info - This actually happened a few weeks ago, so all I have left is a scar. Only 2 of my cat's claws caught my foot. The rest caught the bed. This incident happened at 4am. The cat in question is our super skittish semi-feral baby. We got him at 3 months old and completely feral. He's now 8 months and really sweet. He is my cat pretty much. He follows me up to bed and around the house and always wants cuddles when I wake up in the middle of the night. Yes it hurt, but I wasn't even mad. I've had worse. Both from our other cats and from him. In fact, my family and I laughed about it the next day because cats aren't usually so clumsy.

By Anonymous - 01/06/2018 06:00

Today, my new bikini must be cheap as shit because I tanned nicely where I put on sunscreen, but where I didn’t apply it under the bikini I’ve gotten super red sunburn on my butt, my lady bits, and my boobs. My nipples look like the ends of red felt tip pens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 650

You deserved it 843

By lk26 - 08/02/2009 05:32 - United States

Today, I went to my car to discover a note on the windshield from the city telling me that they had hit my car. On top of that note was a parking ticket, also from the city. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 608

You deserved it 2 941

By Anonymous - 21/06/2018 19:00

Today, after months of trying for a baby and telling me how he wants a family and can't wait to have a kid with me, my boyfriend was relieved when I got a negative home test, saying he's not ready for kids yet. I took another test this morning. I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 114

You deserved it 621

By AcademicAdvisor - 25/04/2016 20:14 - United States - Boston

Today, a student pooped his pants in my office. I work with undergrad and graduate students. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 911

You deserved it 1 136

By Colleen - 18/01/2009 23:14 - United States

Today, I bought a party bowl of Bud Light for a get-together. Around midnight, I realized that I didn't have the tap to get the beer out. Fifty-five cans of untappable beer and no more beer money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 761

You deserved it 22 632

By dunnough - 14/01/2009 11:06 - United States

Today, I went to the bagel shop down the street for breakfast, the same one I've been going to for over 6 months now. At the counter the same lil' cook guy who's served me over those same 6 months, looks at me and says, "Yes, Ms?". I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 664

You deserved it 2 712

By ColdMN - 03/02/2011 17:02 - United States

Today, I trying to scrape the ice off my car, but wasn't having much luck. Frustrated, I kicked a clump off from the bumper. The clump didn't budge, but the entire front quarter panel fell off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 372

You deserved it 11 167

Booze gone wrong

By Anonymous - 21/02/2017 09:00 - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of birds chirping, had a wonderful cup of coffee, and found my son throwing up rubbing alcohol in the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 785

You deserved it 747

By embarrassed - 18/11/2010 02:31

Today, I auditioned for a part in a play. I've been practicing for months, and was very excited. After I'd finished singing, the director whispered something to the other judges, and they all laughed. Hard. So much for the lead role. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 806

You deserved it 3 443

By Anaconda - 07/03/2017 14:00

Today, I ordered a plain cheeseburger. The cashier was confused, so I explained, "Just meat and cheese." When I got my food, my burger didn't have a bun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 510

You deserved it 1 947

Put the eggs in one basket!

By PsychoBoulevard - 13/03/2017 08:00 - United States - Tollhouse

Today, as well as for the past week, my cat finds immeasurable joy in knocking eggs of the counter and staring at me as I clean the mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 238

You deserved it 1 162

By no spare - 19/12/2016 19:22 - United States - Marquette

Today, I woke up to find out that the two front tires on our van were flat. Now we won't have a vehicle all week since the tire shop is booked solid. We just went through this with the rear tires two weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 136

You deserved it 751

By Anonymous - 08/05/2013 06:59 - United States

Today, my family flew out to surprise my grandma for her 70th birthday. When we arrived, she and my grandpa were both sitting on the couch, high, smoking a joint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 624

You deserved it 12 464

By simpleasjam - 19/09/2016 14:27 - United Kingdom - Worcester Park

Today, I screamed at a taxi driver to not run over a hedgehog. He got a fright and ended up pulling over. I hopped out and ran to the middle of the road to pick up the hedgehog and leave him on the grass by the path. As I got closer and went to pick up said hedgehog, I realised it was a pinecone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 192

You deserved it 6 753

By little nokken - 19/05/2018 13:00 - United States

Today, I was out driving with my dad when the car broke down. He made me get out and push. I am a 5 ft tall 90 lb girl, and the car was an SUV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 846

You deserved it 508

By Anonymous - 20/05/2018 01:30

Today, I sneezed without knowing I had a nosebleed. Despite turning my head, a fine blood spray shot out all over my fiancée’s white dress as we were standing at the altar. She refused to say “I do” because she was so mad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 103

You deserved it 573

By Anonymous - 25/09/2018 07:00 - United States - Conroe

Today, I'm recovering from a bad motorcycle crash that could have cost me my life. A truck pulled out in front of me while going 60. Luckily I only have a broken arm and a fractured sternum. I was just notified by my attorney that the guy at fault has no insurance or assets to his name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 524

You deserved it 240

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The Top

The Top

Today, it’s the third anniversary of me not being able to finish a single sentence when speaking in person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 813

You deserved it 153

Today, I found out my boss hired literally the only person in this town who is an ex-boyfriend. I also work with my current boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 641

You deserved it 220

Today, after an hour of crying over a guy I like, I put on some Adele and sang along. My mom quickly took notice and came to give me advice, which was to "get over it" because he doesn't want me, and that "masturbation beats relationships hands down." Gee, thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 654

You deserved it 7 593

Today, after my boss has gotten in the habit of calling me "bubble wrap girl" at work because I'm clumsy and he claims I need to be covered in bubble wrap for my own protection, I have just probably broken two toes by dropping a hairdryer on my foot. I will never hear the end of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 032

You deserved it 4 565

Today, I had to profusely apologize to a woman after my six year old son decided to crawl between her legs at the supermarket, then look up her skirt and loudly ask why she didn't have any panties on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 141

You deserved it 4 047

Today, I realized that because of COVID-19, I can no longer cough to cover my farts at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 505

You deserved it 945