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Asshats everywhere

By Anonymous - 08/12/2017 15:00

Today, while driving to work, an idiot pulled out of a junction without looking and wiped me out. I'm now in hospital with two broken legs, looking at employment pages because I didn't give work "enough notice" about my absence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 374

You deserved it 258

By Mnm54312 - 04/07/2016 07:19 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I moved into a new apartment. While moving boxes, I ran into my supervisor from work. Guess who lives across the hall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 163

You deserved it 942

By eggs - 28/02/2009 06:30 - Canada

Today, while at work at my grocery store I sold a TON of eggs to a bunch of kids. We joked around that they were "going to bake a giant cake." When I got home I found out someone had egged my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 427

You deserved it 9 226

By d0pey - 20/02/2009 22:02 - United States

Today, I realized that there are more framed pictures of my mom's dog than pictures of me around the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 894

You deserved it 3 457

By lyinginbed - 04/06/2016 19:45 - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking through a field with my boyfriend and he picked me some pretty flowers. I hugged him and leant in to sniff them. In doing so, I inhaled a bee up my nose and had to force it out my swollen nostril after it had stung me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 355

You deserved it 1 190

TFIF!

By Heartbroken - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I have to be at work with a smile on my face, whilst sitting next to the asshole who dumped me last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 889

You deserved it 5 857

By Honestly - 09/02/2017 11:00 - United Kingdom - Measham

Today, I had to teach my mother that tampons do not belong in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 024

You deserved it 531

By HeadStillHurts - 26/10/2016 11:43

Today, I tried to impress a group of friends by jumping a set of stairs on my skateboard. I didn't realize the ceiling dropped down towards the bottom of the stairs and knocked myself out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 684

You deserved it 8 829

By R - 05/09/2016 10:27 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my teacher called a friend and me out of class and told us we had been reported for plagiarism because our answers to a problem were nearly identical, and he said that I shouldn't have shared my work. This for an assignment where significant marks were awarded for collaborating with peers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 891

You deserved it 1 446

All figured out

By Toroka - 29/07/2016 18:59

Spicy

Today, I had to spend two hours in the car with my mother. That doesn't sound so bad until you realize she's the kind of person who can, and did, spend nearly half an hour ranting about how the Big Beautiful Woman porn niche is the root of obesity in America. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 020

You deserved it 1 029

By Howhardisittoclosethefuckingdooryouidiot - 05/01/2018 09:00 - United States

Today, I discovered that my obese 57-year-old mother’s flat-out refusal to close the door when she uses the bathroom doesn’t change even when I have friends over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 743

You deserved it 467

Oops

By maybe time to adopt - 04/03/2018 15:00

Today, after my wife and I have been trying for a baby for 2 years, I found out she's still on the pill. Apparently when she was a teen she had bad period cramps, so her doctor gave her the pill for the pain. She never realized it stops pregnancy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 562

You deserved it 1 171

Guilt trip

By annoyed - 11/05/2016 11:40 - Netherlands - Maastricht

Today, I sent my boyfriend a sweet text message, since he recently complained that I'm rarely romantic. Instead of being happy, he decided that since it's so out of character for me, I must be cheating on him and must have only sent it out of guilt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 073

You deserved it 1 449

By dlova - 27/01/2009 06:33 - United States

Today, I was at a party and spent the whole night bragging to my friends about how I thought this girl was totally into me. As we were leaving, we saw the same girl making out with my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 215

You deserved it 24 757

By spoony - 19/01/2009 05:32 - Australia

Today, while on a date with the guy of my dreams, I cut my tongue so bad it bled for an hour. I managed to cut it on the plastic spoon from my coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 445

You deserved it 3 062

By lunarclaws - 11/09/2018 06:00 - Netherlands - Brielle

Today, I discovered my boyfriend enjoys anime, just like me. I discovered this when he said he wanted me to imitate and dress up as an underage character from his favourite anime next time we have sex. When I refused, he got upset and said he thought I would understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 120

You deserved it 535

By letstradefamilies - 21/12/2015 21:50 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my relatives told me that when I stay at their house for the holidays, I'm no longer allowed to be out past 10 because somebody drugged my drink once. I'm a 25 year old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 401

You deserved it 1 845

Bad timing

By Homeless? - 07/11/2016 11:07 - United Kingdom - Gloucester

Today, I have been vomiting for 4 days. Tomorrow, my landlord is insisting on inspecting my flat. I now either have to clean my house whilst trying not to throw up all around it, or fail my inspection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 186

You deserved it 1 261

By brokenface - 15/09/2015 21:48 - United States - Notre Dame

Today, I finally kicked my awful nail-biting habit. All it took was a fractured jaw. I haven't been able to chew anything for two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 685

You deserved it 2 654

Bystander

By Chops - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was walking from my office to the place I had parked my car, a distance of approximately three blocks. As I was about to round the last corner, I was forced to dive out of the way of a speeding car. When I looked up, I noticed that it was my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100 359

You deserved it 4 537

By manda - 16/02/2009 23:36 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had to call my mom and tell her about the insurance claim that is going to be coming through in the next couple of weeks. I spent the night in the hospital. I'm allergic to lube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 377

You deserved it 7 814

Thanks, I hate it!

By V…… - 09/02/2009 07:51 - United States

Spicy

Today, I visited my 78 year-old grandmother. She thanked me for visiting and gave me a magazine before I left telling me I might find something I like in there. When I got home I looked at the magazine only to realize it's full of dildos and sextoys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 449

You deserved it 3 445

By Lilie - 17/12/2008 10:25 - France

Today, my boyfriend came round to drop off some underwear, which I'd left at his house. Not all of what he brought was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 406

You deserved it 2 522

By ptiluinthesky - 24/11/2008 02:56 - France

Spicy

Today, my neighbor turned down his loud music that he's been playing for months, only to turn on a porn movie at maximum volume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 045

You deserved it 3 033

Worst party ever

By Dumbass - 10/01/2019 12:00

Today, I got too drunk at a party and cracked a tooth from opening a beer bottle with my teeth, farted something nasty in a room alone with someone, tried to climb a tree and fell out, and watched my crush make out with his new girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 4 077

By soontobehobo - 08/09/2014 02:31 - United States - Mankato

Today, I was checking my schedule online and noticed that I wasn't scheduled for any shifts next week. Not thinking it was a big deal, I called HR to get it corrected, only to find out I was laid off and they "forgot" to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 867

You deserved it 2 600

By porcelainleigh - 23/11/2016 19:41 - United States

Today, I got engaged. I called my mom and told her. "You didn't say yes, did you?" she said. Afterwards, I told my dad. "Uh, Congratulations. But, I have questions." Thanks guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 525

You deserved it 1 078

By KillerChipmunk - 10/10/2016 23:54 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I called maintenance for the fifth time about our sink, which leaks as much water from under the handle as comes out the spout. Apparently, they'd rather come up and tighten it every week than replace the washer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 870

You deserved it 771

KillerChipmunk tells us more.

KillerChipmunk 15

Friday 14 October 2016 21:30

Hey, OP here! First published post! I hadn't actually told them that I think it's the washer yet, next time I complain, I'm going to let them know. If they still don't fix it properly, I'm going to tell them I'll to do it myself. I've done some simple plumbing fixes like that before, so I don't think it'll be too hard or long a process. The main problem with fixing it myself is I'm in college and it's essentially an off campus dorm room (owned by the school, which kind of helps explain the quick fix mentality), and I don't have any tools here.

By mallyboo - 01/10/2016 14:38 - Canada - Richmond Hill

Today, I discovered that you should always check the litter box before vacuuming stray litter outside of it after my cat burst out from the box mid-piss and skittered around the house still pissing after I put the vacuum hose behind the box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 570

You deserved it 3 563

By anonymous - 20/09/2016 22:49 - United States - Avon

Today, I tried to jokingly hold the door shut so my friend, who I'd seen walking down the hall to our class, couldn't get in. It was funny, until my new teacher yelled "Open the damn door!" from the other side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 386

You deserved it 12 326

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Today, I visited my Grandma to hang out, help with her chores, and read her novels to her. Her friends, who are all around her age were there today too. One of them knew I'm a voice actor, and was requested two things: To read a certain book, 50 Shades of Gray, and to do it in the voice of Gilbert Gottfried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 367

You deserved it 100

Today, I am violently allergic to my boyfriend's new hand cream. I know this because after last night's quickie on the sofa, I now have a rash all over my skin and weeping sores inside my vagina and around my bum hole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 762

You deserved it 881

Today, while in class, I noticed that someone had really bad B.O. I was seated next to an extremely ill-mannered girl, so I figured it was her, and thought to myself that if it happened again, I'd tell her off. Once I got home and took off my jacket, I realized it was me. I forgot to put on deodorant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 981

You deserved it 45 474

Today, I had just a few dominoes left to complete the whole project that I've been working on for about three weeks. I pressed record on my video camera, flicked the first domino, and watched with pride. When it finished, I realized I hadn't actually pressed record. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 972

You deserved it 31 999

Today, I was sitting in my room watching TV when I heard my mother obnoxiously yelling for the dog. Minutes later she stomped into my room, swatted me over the head, and yelled at me for not answering when she called. She actually got my name mixed up with the dog's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 819

You deserved it 3 041

Today, I had to call the cops on my neighbor. I was heading off to work when I saw him actually shitting in our yard. The reason? They caught my dumbass rebel of a son on their security camera, shitting in their yard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 927

You deserved it 498