The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

Impressive

By Anonymous - 01/01/2010 00:06 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's mother for the first time and hoped to make a good first impression. When I tried to say 'Hello', a loud rippling burp came up from my throat, and not only that. A small chunk of mucus flew out and landed on the floor between us. So much for a good first impression. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 032

You deserved it 5 846

By christinaannxo - 08/01/2016 08:06 - United States - Valdosta

Today, I was messing around and tried to catch a piece of cereal in my mouth. I accidentally slammed my head on the counter behind my couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 196

You deserved it 8 389

christinaannxo tells us more.

christinaannxo 8

Tuesday 12 January 2016 9:53

i honestly don't know. I was sitting on the couch eating fruit loops & thought "I'm gonna catch this" tossed a couple, caught them & then when I was feeling lucky BAM, counter. it's all fun & games until you slam the back of your head on a counter. lesson learned! (:

By pyrogypsy - 24/10/2014 01:05 - United States - Seattle

Today, I was the weird girl on the city bus who falls asleep then makes a loud, weird noise and wakes herself up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 311

You deserved it 4 627

By niceboss - 25/11/2010 02:32 - Singapore

Today, on my first day of work, my new boss treated me to lunch. Thinking she was really nice, I thanked her for the treat. She fixed me with a cold, unsmiling stare and said, "Oh, don't thank me. I'm being paid to do this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 753

You deserved it 2 745

Dad jokes

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - India - Pune

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my parents. My dad just looked at him and said, "How much did she pay you? I doubt it was enough." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 074

You deserved it 3 926

By Mr IT - 24/11/2009 01:47 - Sweden

Today, the company offering the job position that I've been applying for called me up. I wasn't there to answer so they got redirected to my voice mail in which I'm acting like a drunk David Hasselhoff chewing on a cheeseburger. They called me 5 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 760

You deserved it 43 193

By lessinterestingthanadog - 08/11/2009 05:28 - United States

Today, I invited the guy I've been seeing to my home for the first time. He spent over an hour talking to my twelve-year-old dog. Occasionally he would look up to ask me a question, but when I answered he would just continue talking to the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 313

You deserved it 3 819

By Anonymous - 13/05/2014 05:42 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, in a waiting room, my 4-year-old daughter told me she saw two guys kissing. I quietly explained that some men like men, they're gay, and normal like everyone else. I was pleased with myself until the woman across from me scoffed and muttered, "Disgusting." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 506

You deserved it 8 387

By Anonymous - 08/03/2013 17:44 - Netherlands - Maastricht

Today, I sat through an incredibly long and tedious class lecture. Just as my professor was nearing the end of his lecture, the resident stoner loudly yawned and asked what we'd been talking about for the past hour. We got to hear most of the lecture all over again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 040

You deserved it 2 422

Classy night out

By thanks - 01/03/2014 17:23 - Australia - Blackburn

Today, my friends convinced me to go out clubbing with them for the first time. "You'll get some action", they said. The only action I got was some drunk bloke staggering into me and spraying me with vomit just minutes after arriving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 301

You deserved it 4 145

By blushingbride - 09/02/2014 21:59 - United States - Alpharetta

Today, my husband decided to pick his nose out before he would kiss me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 378

You deserved it 4 459

By Jack - 01/02/2009 08:54 - United Kingdom

Today, I was playing with 3 kids I look after. The middle one has just learned about sex and started chanting that I had done it with the eldest as a joke. We were in the garden and the neighbours heard. Now I am fired, have to leave the house and am being investigated by the police. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 622

You deserved it 3 292

Badass

By zzz - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Campbell River

Today, I was nicknamed "Sandman." Not after the badass Spider-Man villain but rather because my personality is so boring it puts people to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 978

You deserved it 4 403

By Anonymous - 18/10/2013 23:44 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I had an anxiety attack just from thinking about appearing on TV and being watched by a real audience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 474

You deserved it 6 144

By Anonymous - 10/10/2013 17:59 - United States - Wallingford

Today, while despairing over having been rejected for my dream job, I received an email asking me to come back in for another interview. Then they called me to say they accidentally sent the email to all the applicants, and that they definitely aren't interested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 498

You deserved it 3 170

By ToysforHire - 22/09/2018 03:00

Today, I found out that my girlfriend secretly purchased a vibrator and has been using it for the past two weeks. When I confronted her, her only argument was "It's made me cum more times than you could." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 567

You deserved it 7 936

Demented

By Anonymous - 19/09/2012 14:43 - United States

Today, my crazy mother-in-law threatened to camp out outside my house so she will "never get left out" of our lives, all because we called instead of sending a written invitation to my three-year-old's birthday party. I actually believe she's crazy enough to do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 182

You deserved it 1 872

By weeble_wobbles09 - 26/12/2009 02:06 - United States

Today, my Nana showed me her new sign that says, "Some of my greatest blessings call me Nana." We stood there looking at a wall FULL of pictures of her grandkids, which is where she wanted to hang it. After scanning the wall a couple times, I realized. There was not one picture of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 457

You deserved it 2 829

Headshot

By HarleyDavison - 05/10/2014 18:44 - United States - Harrisonville

Today, I went to a parade. While I was there, I ran into my ex and his new girlfriend. Trying to prove I was over him, I tried to act like I was oblivious to them and having a great time. I turned around, only for a piece of candy to hit me square me in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 427

You deserved it 5 473

By shal4 - 27/11/2015 17:55

Today, within 20 minutes of waking up, my dad gave me a pained look and said: "Uhh, turns out your laptop isn't waterproof." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 935

You deserved it 1 434

By Anonymous - 31/08/2014 17:51 - United States

Today, I was hiking down a steep hill, and I slipped. I instinctively grabbed the nearest object to me: a very prickly cactus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 527

You deserved it 3 878

By proteinboy - 16/11/2009 03:00 - United States

Today, I waited for 20 minutes to get a cab outside grand central station in New York (it was raining). Finally, to my relief, I found a cab but when I got in I let a little fart slip. Two minutes later the cabby kicked me out of his cab because I stunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 729

You deserved it 30 494

By lhazel - 17/09/2015 02:36 - United States - Mount Juliet

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking about what we want to be when we grow up. He said he wanted to be a bartender, and single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 273

You deserved it 2 098

By Lily - 02/09/2015 10:09 - Austria - Vienna

Today, my doctor informed me that the tests we've been doing the previous months show no sign of leukemia. I was just about to express my relief when he casually followed up with, "Never mind, there's still a lot of other blood-related diseases we need to look out for." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 945

You deserved it 1 552

By sexyswollen - 24/10/2009 17:14 - Netherlands

Today, I woke up to find my face all red and swollen. Turns out it is caused by the medication I’ve been taking for over a week now. Only in very rare cases it will cause redness on your skin. I’m glad to know I’m special. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 976

You deserved it 3 145

By someboody - 15/08/2015 16:50 - United States - Paso Robles

Today, I discovered that my mom bought roll on stick glue that looks quite a bit like deodorant. It was early in the morning and I was groggy. Long story short, I had to cut every one of my pit hairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 230

You deserved it 4 473

Who do you take me for?

By pandaboo - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was staying over at my boyfriend's house, sleeping in his sister's room while she is away at college. I left my necklace on her dresser. When I came back, it was gone. His mother saw it there and thought it was her daughter's necklace. She hid it so I wouldn't "steal it". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 822

You deserved it 3 887

Prejudice

By howard1954 - 08/06/2015 15:08 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found the courage to tell my parents about my boyfriend. They simply reacted by lecturing me about how much he'll ruin my life, and how much they don't like him. They haven't met him yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 756

You deserved it 2 692

By thundermoo - 27/05/2016 16:13 - United States - Decatur

Today, my dad mentioned how quickly I go through batteries. I've been single and celibate since I moved back home 11 months ago. He doesn't realize this and keeps asking about "missing" batteries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 483

You deserved it 4 478

thundermoo tells us more.

thundermoo 16

Saturday 28 May 2016 20:11

OP here, I don't buy my own because I don't have a job. I'm a full time college student and I provide at-home care for my father, who can barely walk due to peripheral vascular disease.

By Me myself & I - 19/04/2016 01:09 - United States - Columbus

Today, my parents said they know I don't do drugs or drink because I have no friends to do drugs or drink with. They are right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 854

You deserved it 2 031