Spicy

By thundermoo - 27/05/2016 16:13 - United States - Decatur

Today, my dad mentioned how quickly I go through batteries. I've been single and celibate since I moved back home 11 months ago. He doesn't realize this and keeps asking about "missing" batteries. FML

agreeclassic 14 482

vote type 1 4 478

thundermoo app_comment_confession_title

thundermoo 16

Saturday 28 May 2016 20:11

OP here, I don't buy my own because I don't have a job. I'm a full time college student and I provide at-home care for my father, who can barely walk due to peripheral vascular disease.

By really - 22/05/2016 02:23 - United States - Denver

Today, I realized my boyfriend's right hand gets more action in a week than I do in a month. FML

agreeclassic 15 290

vote type 1 2 891

By Anonymous - 20/05/2016 16:59 - United States - Harker Heights

Today, my brother walked in on me jerking off. I managed to close the porn tab, at least, only to end up on my mom's Facebook profile. FML

agreeclassic 19 434

vote type 1 6 768

By poorgirl - 17/05/2016 13:03 - United States

Today, I was reminded what poverty is like when I had to choose between buying food and buying pads. Now, I have to take constant bathroom breaks and wipe off my pad. I don't get paid until after my period ends. FML

agreeclassic 18 369

vote type 1 1 723

By Char-azard - 17/05/2016 09:03 - New Zealand - Napier

Today, my father bought a pair of fancy noise cancelling headphones. He doesn't realise that the noise cancelling function only slightly muffles the moaning and screaming in the porn he's watching. FML

agreeclassic 14 372

vote type 1 1 762

By dad, please - 16/05/2016 05:37 - United States - Wellesley Hills

Today, I had a mini heart attack as my dad stopped in the middle of the street and said, "I wonder what'd happen if I just dropped my pants right now and started jerking it in front of all these motherfuckers." FML

agreeclassic 19 042

vote type 1 1 566

By Anonymous - 16/05/2016 03:18 - United States - Klamath Falls

Today, I nearly got shitcanned for falling asleep on the job. The only reason I was so dead tired was because my idiot roommates decided to get high last night and loudly argue for hours about stupid crap like "Is it gay to screw a clone of yourself?" I got less than 2 hours of sleep because of them. FML

agreeclassic 14 099

vote type 1 1 912

By chickenshit4 - 15/05/2016 00:57 - United States - Pine Ridge

Today, my 43 year old mother came home covered in hickeys. FML

agreeclassic 13 260

vote type 1 3 096

By the bleeder - 13/05/2016 05:05

Today, I met with a student in office hours to discuss an assignment when my nose started bleeding. I didn't know at first, so I blew my nose and an inhuman amount of blood sprayed out the side of the tissue all over my desk, the wall, and the student's paper. It looked like a murder scene. FML

agreeclassic 15 361

vote type 1 1 466

By Workplace woes - 12/05/2016 17:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my coworker showed me photos of her anal fissures. I'm not a doctor. FML

agreeclassic 14 228

vote type 1 1 027

Fetishes come in all sizes

By unboned - 11/05/2016 17:30 - United States - Katy

Today, my boyfriend got a raging boner while looking around at a gun store. He hasn't had any sexual interest in me in months. FML

agreeclassic 18 640

vote type 1 2 838

By JustMarried - 07/05/2016 21:47 - Ukraine

Today, my wife wanted to have a threesome. During our honeymoon. With the maid of honor. I didn't sign up for this. FML

agreeclassic 18 291

vote type 1 4 308

By Anonymous - 07/05/2016 01:40 - United States - Walnut

Today, I walked in on my mom in the bathroom, washing a dildo. FML

agreeclassic 17 320

vote type 1 2 460

Whatcha doin'?

By ImilkedYourMom - 03/05/2016 13:31 - United States - Bronx

Today, after a 14-mile bike tour in Chicago, I got rug burn on my inner thighs. Having the hostel room all by myself for the last couple of days, I got naked and let the air conditioner cool me off. I then had to explain to my roommate that walked in on me that I seriously was not jerking off. FML

agreeclassic 13 596

vote type 1 2 147

By howdoesthatmakesense - 02/05/2016 20:05 - United States - San Francisco

Today, we were doing research on contraceptives in class. Afterwards, the girl next to me starts explaining how "cringey" and "grossed out" she gets when she sees/hears "the words for the private parts." She then tells me all about her getting her period that morning in explicit detail. FML

agreeclassic 13 492

vote type 1 1 112

By oh gee - 02/05/2016 05:01

Today, my boyfriend keeps requesting that I make eye contact when I give him blowjobs. He won't let up about it. I don't know how to break it to him that his penis is too small for me to suck and look upward at the same time. FML

agreeclassic 21 485

vote type 1 5 312

Cover me

By Mrmz07 - 01/05/2016 09:32 - United States - Midland

Today, I was called in to work on my day off to cover for a co-worker because she was busy getting it on with my brother. FML

agreeclassic 14 660

vote type 1 1 590

Are you OK?

By Anonymous - 01/05/2016 04:36 - United States - Bloomfield

Today, I walked in on my brother trying to stick his knob into a cola bottle. FML

agreeclassic 15 963

vote type 1 1 585

Small world

By ShouldICallYouDaddy - 30/04/2016 11:49 - United Kingdom - Grantham

Today, I discovered that the "hot, slutty, woman" my roommate has been dating is my mom. FML

agreeclassic 19 373

vote type 1 2 429

By MrDanito - 28/04/2016 06:21 - Czech Republic - Lysa Nad Labem

Today, I never thought I would see a blowjob from the perspective of the viewer, but it happened, in our open-space office. FML

agreeclassic 16 589

vote type 1 1 667

By Dramaqueenfornothing - 27/04/2016 22:32 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, while being intimate with my future husband, I reached over to stroke his cheek. The light behind him cast a shadow over my chest, and it scared me so much, I screamed then I farted on him. FML

agreeclassic 12 358

vote type 1 2 838

By TheLifguard95 - 26/04/2016 23:49 - United Kingdom

Today, I thought that working as a lifeguard I would be saving lives, rescuing people and things along those lines. What do I get told to do on my first shift? Clean all the fecal matter and hair out the pool. I almost threw up. FML

agreeclassic 15 014

vote type 1 1 699

By Nasty - 25/04/2016 16:59 - United States - Tallahassee

Today, while watching home videos with my family, I saw a clip of me as an infant attempting to breast feed from my father while he laughed uncontrollably. Now, my son keeps sneaking his baby brother's head under my shirt while I'm asleep. The last time he actually began to suckle. FML

agreeclassic 13 008

vote type 1 1 379

By Why - 24/04/2016 18:59 - United States - Marlborough

Today, my husband cheated on me. In my house. While I was home. FML

agreeclassic 22 908

vote type 1 2 030

By Anonymous - 24/04/2016 12:46 - Switzerland - Chur

Today, my wife is treating me like I'm the devil, all because I refused to go on medication that would kill my sex drive, just so she wouldn't have to deal with me actually wanting to make love more than once a year. FML

agreeclassic 24 398

vote type 1 2 135

By dvddtraveller - 22/04/2016 21:25 - United States - Oakland

Today, I went to the local clinic and I met a really cute guy. We hit it off quite well, and he asked me out. It's like The Fault in Our Stars, but instead of cancer, we have STDs. FML

agreeclassic 21 836

vote type 1 7 461

By Anonymous - 22/04/2016 20:14 - United States - Charleston

Today, I guess my son's balls dropped. I've caught him humping his sister's Selena Gomez posters several times today. For god's sake. FML

agreeclassic 21 783

vote type 1 1 929

By Anonymous - 22/04/2016 19:41 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I caught my 7 year old sister poking a dead bird with a stick, causing maggots to start coming out of the bird's sad little body. I was horrified and threw up. She won't stop mocking me for being a "sissy". FML

agreeclassic 19 368

vote type 1 4 001

By Anonymous - 22/04/2016 18:50 - Canada - Coquitlam

Today, I overheard a "friend" talking about me and my recently deceased dog. He said: "Only time I've seen someone get that upset over someone dying, they were fucking each other. Just sayin'." FML

agreeclassic 22 198

vote type 1 1 748

By boipucci - 22/04/2016 01:04 - United States - East Brunswick

Today, my drug dealer was the only one who wished me a happy birthday. FML

agreeclassic 22 604

vote type 1 6 381

boipucci app_comment_confession_title

boipucci 1

Friday 22 April 2016 19:26

OP here. Thanks to the actual birthday wishes. Didn't do anything special, but thanks nonetheless.

VDM sur Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, yet again I got delayed in airport security. One month ago, I thought it was a good idea to wear make-up when renewing my passport. It turns out I look nothing like myself without makeup. Hello shattered confidence and 5 years of needing to wear makeup for every flight. FML

agreeclassic 1 377

vote type 1 1 080

Today, my girlfriend and I were going at it doggy style, really fast, when she started laughing. I asked her what was so amusing and she giggled, "I can't feel anything in there." FML

agreeclassic 66 652

vote type 1 9 808

Today, I found a folder on my boyfriend's computer called "Facebook". It turned out to be a collection of thousands of photos from his female friends' accounts. It was all sorted into folders like "Big Tits", "Blonde", "Cameltoe", "Feet", and "Jailbait". FML

agreeclassic 27 378

vote type 1 2 891

Today, I was studying when a tremendous crash of glass sounded from the other room. Was it a burglar? Nope. The cat had tried to jump from the kitchen table to the top of the cabinet, missed, and slammed into the cabinet's glass door. FML

agreeclassic 4 356

vote type 1 535

Today, I was woken up and kicked out of my friend's party at 3:00 in the morning. This wouldn't have been so bad if someone hadn't stolen my shoes. I had to walk for an hour in the rain, in my socks. FML

agreeclassic 1 643

vote type 1 410

Today, I was kicked out of college for not attending a class I wasn't ever enrolled in. FML

agreeclassic 1 306

vote type 1 128