When you run out of kibble... By FML Approved - 19/10/2017 20:30 Say it isn't so! I agree, your life sucks 430 You deserved it 102 Share Tweet Share
Today, I woke up to the sound of my own voice yelling, “GET UP, YOU LAZY CUNT!” on repeat. It took me a moment to remember I'd drunkenly recorded my own alarm last night because I thought it would “motivate” me. It scared me so much I fell off the bed. FML I agree, your life sucks 101 You deserved it 483
Today, my daughter, who was born in late 2000, mentioned how amazing it is that she'll be alive during the year 3000. I asked her exactly how old she thinks she'll be by then. She said, "Thirty, duh." I've screwed up as a parent, so very badly. FML I agree, your life sucks 63 670 You deserved it 15 934
Today, while working as a cashier, I was ringing up an elderly woman's massaging shower head, when she said, "If I had a man like you, I wouldn't need this." She then gave me her number. FML I agree, your life sucks 49 000 You deserved it 3 449
Today, after sex, my wife of three months said, "You know, sex isn't as good now that we're married… Maybe we should take a break." I said we should spice things up. She said, firmly, "No, let's stop" and wouldn't talk to me for the rest of the night. FML I agree, your life sucks 298 You deserved it 61
Today, despite years of therapy, I still can’t seem to shake the religious indoctrination I suffered through for 20 years. I’m a morally good person who is kind, caring, and upstanding, yet I still have horrific anxiety and depression thinking that I’m going to hell for leaving religion. Nothing helps. FML I agree, your life sucks 697 You deserved it 265
Today, I had to ride in the back seat of a car, next to a large, hyperactive dog who experiences nervous bowel movements. FML I agree, your life sucks 23 537 You deserved it 1 666
Did not expect that.