Work: Today, I called in sick at work and went to the bar, only to...

You're hardly the first person to do this. And it happens the same way every time: The supervisor/manager happens to be there when you go there. You totally deserve it.

onceuponatime456 16

Sunday 18 March 2018 18:53

Were you born stupid or did it take a lot of work to get that way?

onceuponatime456 16

Sunday 18 March 2018 18:53

Were you born st*pid or did it take a lot of work to get that way?

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Today, I got really horny during a 10 hour shift, so I snuck into a storage room and relieved myself. Then as I went to leave the room, I noticed the security camera above the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 108

You deserved it 25 581

Today, I forgot my contact solution and used my sister's. When I put them in, my eyes burnt like hell. Apparently my sister has a new solution that is acidic and only gets neutralized after 12 hours in a special container. The warning is on the INSIDE of the bottle label. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 946

You deserved it 626

Today, I got fired from my job at a library for hitting an old man with a book. In my defence, I had asked him about a massive water stain on a book he'd returned. He told me it was his cum, wanted to know if it excited me and then tried to touch my boobs. Dirty old pervert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 271

You deserved it 285

Today, it's been a week since I flew to Scotland to attend a writer's retreat and then go to WorldCon to see friends and try and sell the book I just finished. I tested positive for Covid the first day of the retreat, and every day since. I already missed the retreat. Now it looks like I'll be missing the con, too. Sigh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 462

You deserved it 114

Today, I woke up with pink eye. Trying to avoid going to the doctor, I searched through my cabinet for an old RX of antibiotic eyedrops. I found a tube of antibiotic ointment labeled “For optic use only.” Only after putting in my eye did I Google what it was: Dog eye ointment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 722

Today, I introduced my new boyfriend to my dog, hoping they’d get along. I told my boyfriend, “Don’t worry, he never jumps on anyone.” Immediately, my dog jumped, not onto my boyfriend but right into my lap, knocking my glass of red wine all over my trousers. My boyfriend patted the dog and said, “At least someone’s happy to see you.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 280

You deserved it 111