Joe Bidet By userrrrr - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States Today, I found out that my girlfriend's idea of "washing her feet" is sticking her foot in the toilet and flushing. FML I agree, your life sucks 49 458 You deserved it 3 841 Share Tweet Share
Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML I agree, your life sucks 616 You deserved it 92
Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserts dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said, "How do you like that?" Then my mom walked in. FML I agree, your life sucks 37 948 You deserved it 159 085
Today I was very excited to go to the post office to claim a parcel. I didn't know what it could be, so I assumed it was a gift. It turned out to be a speeding ticket. FML I agree, your life sucks 13 146 You deserved it 2 603
Today, I've has a constant feeling like something is moving in my ear. I'm a severe arachnaphobic, and my dad is trying to convince me a spider is in my ear laying eggs. FML I agree, your life sucks 1 845 You deserved it 237
Today, I was standing in line at the checkout, and my children were arguing with each other. The guy in front of me sighed loudly and told me over his shoulder: "There're these things called condoms, you know." FML I agree, your life sucks 22 837 You deserved it 7 496
Today, I walked into a liquor store and thought about inquiring for a job application. After seeing the cashier, I thought about inquiring if she was single. After accidentally breaking three bottles of liquor, I didn't do either. I left the store, still single and unemployed. FML I agree, your life sucks 8 947 You deserved it 30 171
Today, I had a lightbulb over my head moment, by which I mean I was changing a blown bulb, which smashed, and I’m now half blind waiting for the surgery to remove the minuscule and yet still excruciating shards of glass from my right eyeball. FML I agree, your life sucks 1 103 You deserved it 115
Today, I just realized that my Sims character has a far more stable lifestyle than what I can ever have. FML I agree, your life sucks 696 You deserved it 239
There's a keeper!
Are you sure she wasn't joking... i mean... come on... who does that?