Nearly FMLs

By my cat tho - 06/04/2016 00:14 - United States - Norwalk

Today, I walked home to my cat in a super deep sleep. I can't even tell if he's asleep or dead. I'm worried that I won't realize if my cat is dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By dosfan95 - 06/04/2016 00:13 - United States - Leander

Today, my new laptop let me down for the first time. It bluescreened right in the middle of an online test. No, I can't retake it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By fatass - 06/04/2016 00:12 - United States - Hooper

Today, I put on my prom dress. This is my dream dress: the perfect dress for me. My mom brought it back from the dry cleaner, so I tried it on to make sure it didn't shrink or anything. Turns out I gained like 50 pounds, and my dress won't even close. Prom is in 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By ForeverUnsettling - 06/04/2016 00:06 - United States - Chicago

Today, I was called to the vice-principle's office because someone complained that I was making her uncomfortable when I sat next to her in class. I've barely looked at the person, much less spoken or done anything to her. Apparently my mere presence is enough to scare people into reporting me. FM

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By TrippyEyes - 05/04/2016 23:57 - United States - Irvington

Today, I had an important presentation to give to my higher ups. I worked super hard on it and was really excited to impress my boss. So excited I got a bad case of the hiccups and sounded like a nervous idiot for 5 minutes. They dismissed me before I finished and now questioning my employment. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 05/04/2016 23:51 - United States - Portland

Today, I found out that I have a genetic condition which makes me infertility. That wouldn't be as big of a deal if I didn't already have three kids with my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By horselover8 - 05/04/2016 23:31 - United States - Mechanicsville

Today, my boyfriend who I have been with for one year cheated on me with my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Richsauce50 - 05/04/2016 23:28 - United States - Southfield

Today, I was sitting in an intersection and this guy right next to me got out of his vehicle and proceeds to lick my window and leave a kiss mark on it. Idk, I'm so confused by this encounter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By TheRingingBacon - 05/04/2016 23:04 - Australia - Queens Park

Today, My girlfriend said I love you so of course I said I love you back. She then proceeded to say I love you as a best friend. We've been dating for 2 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By shorthair - 05/04/2016 22:40 - United States - Staten Island

Today I went to a new barber shop. I told the barber to use a certain number on the clippers. I guess they use a different system there, and now my hair is almost non existent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By anthonydpalm - 05/04/2016 22:38 - United States - Manasquan

Today, I have gotten into the habit of putting my phone in my back pocket. I never found a problem with doing this until my phone fell out of my pocket and into the toilet bowl as I was pulling my pants down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 2

By nothappening - 05/04/2016 21:33 - United States - Wichita

Today, for the umpteenth time, I pleaded my very reasonable and logical case to my mother to allow me to adopt a rescue dog while I currently live at home. She said, "No, we're not pet people", then proceeded to tell me she would prefer grand babies. So no dog, but a screaming child. Bravo, Ma. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By ihatemyuterus - 05/04/2016 21:32 - India - Bangalore

Today, my boyfriend who lives halfway across the world flew down to to meet me after 6 months apart, for 4 days. Guess who just started her acute, cramping period. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 05/04/2016 21:26 - Canada - Toronto

Today, the position I had applied for at my job was given away to another coworker who is actually still in college for this field... Boss told me I wasn't focused enough or have enough experience... I've been graduated for almost a year and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By lost1997 - 05/04/2016 21:24 - United States - Mchenry

Today, I bought a toy to try out with my boyfriend. He got more excited by the toy than he does with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 2

By Anonymous - 05/04/2016 21:18 - United States - Bethesda

Today is day 3 of my honeymoon, and day 2 of my husband having to do work or get fired, even though he is on approved leave. Guess who's been doing everything alone. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By more afraid - 05/04/2016 21:17 - United States - Bloomington

Today, I found out that my psycho ex-girlfriend also reads FML. She called me at work, totally pissed that I had "publicly humiliated" her by "posting our life together online." Later, my landlord called. He said my front window was broken. And that my living room is covered in green beans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 2

By marriedtoolong - 05/04/2016 21:08 - Namibia - Windhoek

Today, my husband can't understand why I don't find him sexy. I mean, who wouldn't want to be groped by a stinking, drunk, limp man who just asked 'who are you?' as you got into bed? Fml

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By buttsoap - 05/04/2016 21:01 - United States - Hopewell Junction

Today, I visited my parents house after being away at college. When I took a shower, my mother asked me if I used the soap at the corner of the tub. When I asked why, she laughingly told me "its your fathers separate butt soap." I wish I knew before I rubbed it all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By stoneybalognacat - 05/04/2016 20:58 - United States - Albany

Today, I found out the person I just moved in with is a stronger believer in, "a black goo monster in the mantle of the earth is causing global warming", "chemtrails are controlling our thinking", and "Demons in your head cause bad moods." I just signed a 1 year rental agreement with a crazy person. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By running hard... - 05/04/2016 20:51 - United States - Bloomington

Today, my 3-year-old was running on the sidewalk - he tripped and scraped his face real bad. He even cut open an eyelid. He was screaming in pain, so I rushed him home, washed his cuts, and messaged my ex-wife to let her know. My ex now blames me for not making the little guy "run slower." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By stoneybalognacat - 05/04/2016 20:49 - United States - Albany

Today, I showed to up to babysit my 1 year old nephew even though I'm exhausted, only to find he was incredibly sick. Just when I decided things couldn't get any worse, I was using the bathroom when he wobbled in, threw up everywhere, then fell in it. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By keeping track - 05/04/2016 20:47 - United States - La Jolla

Today, I got winded walking up a flight of stairs. I'm a varsity track runner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By singleforever - 05/04/2016 20:38 - United States - Cumming

Today I realized that the reason I can"t keep a boyfriend is because my sister keeps sleeping with them. This has been the fifth time its happened.

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 05/04/2016 20:29 - United States

Today, I woke up in Paris with a bunch of itchy bites all over my arms and legs. When I returned home to the US, I found out that we had bed bugs. What a great souvenir. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By DramaGirl - 05/04/2016 20:21 - United States

Today, I have to perform in a play. Small problem: the entire cast is sick and can't stop coughing, and the main character can barely speak... This'll be interesting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By ColdFeet - 05/04/2016 19:57 - United States - Cleveland

Today, my fiance and I got the results of our genetic testing back. The good news: we're both healthy. The bad news: turns out we're second cousins! FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By nousernameavail - 05/04/2016 19:49 - United States - Cape May

Today, after being married less than a year to the love of my life, he decided to tell me he's been unhappy for a while and doesn't know if he's ever actually been in love with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By bklee - 05/04/2016 19:43 - United States

Today, as a teacher that has been encouraging one of my kids to lose weight, I complimented him by asking, "Looking good, did you lose some weight over break?" His response was, "You just got fat". FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 3

By Anonymous - 05/04/2016 19:17 - United States - Chicago

Today I walked into my bathroom to find my roommate had left a pocket pussy on a box of tissues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

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The Top

Today, my car got acquainted with about 3 dozen eggs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 509

You deserved it 3 361

Today, I felt the tag of my shirt bunch up in my skirt. As I reached into my skirt to rearrange it, it started moving. It was a four-inch cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 749

You deserved it 990

Today, I jokingly asked my boyfriend if he was cheating on me. He replied, "Nah, all the chicks in this town are fuck-ugly." and stared at me until I left the room. Good to know that's his only reason for staying faithful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 406

You deserved it 7 677

Today, I was told by a former coworker that my former boss still talks about me being lazy, ever since the time I refused to do a few things on third shift when there was me and 2 other people working. I haven't worked there in 3 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 425

You deserved it 245

Today, my best friend got married. I had introduced her to her now husband, and ever since she has basically acted like I don't exist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 408

You deserved it 92

Today, I was reprimanded at work for having a low friendliness rating as a cashier. For two months, out of 1500 transactions, only 3 people filled out the survey. I almost got fired because 1 out of 3 people was mad about a coupon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 802

You deserved it 2 039