Nearly FML

By Night - 11/04/2016 20:35 - United States

Today, I realized just how insignificant my position is in ROTC. I forgot to do my job one time, expecting to be written up. not only did I not get written up, nobody even remembered I had that job, not even the teacher. FML.

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By iBiteUrFaceXO - 11/04/2016 20:27 - Canada - Toronto

Today, while laying down, my cat decided to join me and lay on my chest with her paws on my face. This was fine until my phone suddenly rang, scaring her and causing her to sink her claws into my face. FML

agreeclassic 3

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By Anonymous - 11/04/2016 20:20 - United States - Rio Rancho

Today, when I start my new school, I have to explain all over again that yes, my name really is Daffodil. FML

agreeclassic 3

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By . - 11/04/2016 20:16 - Canada - Regina

Today, I am preparing for final exams while also fighting viral meningitis. FML.

agreeclassic 3

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By Spear Dynamo - 11/04/2016 20:06 - Philippines - Muntinlupa

Today, after all these years of receiving an invite, I finally decided to bury the hatchet and actually attended my high school reunion. When I arrived, I was greeted by our old vice principal with a: "How's life treating the one voted, Least Likely to Succeed?" FML

agreeclassic 3

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By anonymous - 11/04/2016 20:04 - United States - Palm Harbor

Today, I found a note from three of my students on how they planned to kill me for writing in their agenda. They wrote better on the note then they ever did in my class work. I dont know if I should be scared or proud. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 0

By insensitivebastard - 11/04/2016 19:51 - United States - Birmingham

Today, during health class my friend didn't know how to say the word "coerced" and instead said "corn". I was very tired and in a slaphappy mood causing me to begin laughing hysterically. We were talking about date rape. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 0

By amritgill2000 - 11/04/2016 19:27 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I decided to try out Omegle. The first person I met was an American who said 'Salaam, you dirty immigrant! Scum like you are the reason our once great country is going into ruin!' Not only am I a Sikh, but I'm also British. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By Unused_Account13 - 11/04/2016 19:19 - United States - Fitchburg

Today, I was accused of "creep-shotting" a girl at my school on 15 different occasions. I'm too socially awkward to admit that I barely know how to use a camera, or that I'm gay. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By Ph8 - 11/04/2016 19:16 - United States - Monticello

Today, the live bait trap I set up last week to catch the irritating groundhog that lives under my front porch finally caught something. Unfortunately, that something was a skunk. FML

agreeclassic 4

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By Anonymous - 11/04/2016 19:10 - United States - Chicago

Today, this girl and I that have mutual feelings for each other talked for the last time about possibly having a relationship. I thought there was really a chance, because there was a lot of chemistry. She shot it down, and she must feel awkward, because now she's not talking to me. FML.

agreeclassic 4

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By Tough love - 11/04/2016 18:59 - United States - San Jose

Today, my boyfriend decided to break up with me. I asked why and he said it was because he didn't love me anymore. When I asked when or what made him realize he didn't love me, his response was "I dunno". FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By ImNotYourMate - 11/04/2016 18:53 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today is my 20th birthday. I've been suffering with PTSD following a traumatic experience, but I was determined to enjoy the day and had plans with my housemates. Said housemates, however, who know I've been ill, went out partying without me. I only found out through their snapchat stories. FML.

agreeclassic 5

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By Friendly Fire - 11/04/2016 18:52 - United States - Chesterfield

Today, I did paintball for the first time. I was doing rather well until I approached a friendly bunker. There were two of my teammates by it. The first saw me and told his partner, but the second guy thought that an enemy was coming. So we I appeared, he shot me. Point blank. In the neck. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By pegsue - 11/04/2016 18:35

Today, I was looking at shoes. so to get the right size I measured my foot. I found out I'm a size 6. IN KIDS. I'm 26 years old. FML.

agreeclassic 4

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By backstrokebeast - 11/04/2016 18:09 - United States

Today, after accomplishing 1.5 years ofq physical therapy and pain management I was lucky enough to trip down the stairs, and dislocated my shoulder and knee again. FMl

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By downtrodden - 11/04/2016 18:04 - Canada - Lethbridge

Today, my girlfriend of a year and a half told me as we were cuddling in bed, that the only reason we were still together was because she wasn't ready to break up with me yet. The same girl who I am saving up to move to another city, and then propose to. Fml.

agreeclassic 4

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By Anonymous - 11/04/2016 18:02 - Canada - Toronto

Today, me and my girlfriend were trying to discuss a post on Reddit. We ended up arguing the same point for four hours. Things got heated, I tried to make up - she said it's too late. I am now single. FML.

agreeclassic 4

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By HomieBun - 11/04/2016 17:59 - Sweden - G?teborg

Today, I woke up to a terror scream. I threw myself out of bed to look what happend and what did i see? My 5 year old dog (girl) having sex with my 8 month old pup. she screamed in shock that he managed get inside of her. I realised i was still naked when my brother came to look what happend. FML

agreeclassic 4

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By nooo - 11/04/2016 17:57 - United States - Orlando

Today, me and my boyfriend were having sex. I yelled out "faster"! He looked me straight in the eyes and said "no". FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By turdwrangler - 11/04/2016 17:57 - United States

Today, I had to deal with my bosses shit, and I mean that LITERALLY. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By PocketMoneyless - 11/04/2016 17:56 - United States - San Francisco

Today, As I walked down the street I had a girl point out that there was a $5.00 bill on the floor and asked if it was mine. I thought I came up and said yes. Little did I know she was a pick-pocket. As I reached into my back pocket to pull out my wallet, it was GONE I had $500.00. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By M1CHA3L_MY3RZ - 11/04/2016 17:55 - United States - Clarksville

Today, my 3 year old talked me out of taking her to daycare by saying how much she hates it and she misses me. After calling out of work and telling her daycare she wouldn't be there, my Ex texts me back informing me that she does it to her everyday.My 3 year old manipulated me and got what she wanted, I'm 27. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By Pepesfrog - 11/04/2016 17:54 - Italy - Trento

Today, my mother threatened to disown me if I did not immediately divorce my husband and return home. Why? Because "I picked up after you for 14 years and it's time you paid me back" Fml

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By taco bell ramen - 11/04/2016 17:48 - United States - Stillwater

Today, I hit a new low. The only thing I had to flavor my ramen noodles was a Taco Bell taco sauce packet. My bathroom is gonna hate me. College sucks.

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By whyme - 11/04/2016 17:43 - Canada - Brampton

Today, in a room of about 35 fellow college students I full out cried and had a panic attack for about 10 minutes before a friend took me to the washroom. These are people who already don't respect me. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By valkyire - 11/04/2016 17:41 - United States - Burlingame

Today, in my ethics class, we had to write a list of our values. The only thing I could come up with myself was "other people's opinions." FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By 00imamess00 - 11/04/2016 17:28 - United States

Today, my Mom got my cat a new litter box with the house top on it. As I was cutting the zip tie off, I sliced right through my thumb, and my cat won't even use the new box. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By imdone - 11/04/2016 17:25 - United States

Today, my older schizophrenic brother decided to start an argument with my mom for the EIGHTH day in a row. This time it was about how she doesn't buy enough healthy foods. He eats junk food everyday, that he buys himself. FML.

agreeclassic 4

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By empty handed - 11/04/2016 17:23 - Netherlands

Today, I went to pick up a prescription by bus. I immediately got off the bus when I realized I didn't have my doctors note, only to realize my bag was still on the bus. Now don't I have my pills or my computer. FML!

agreeclassic 4

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Today, I arrived at my best friend's wedding and found out that my invitation was no longer valid. His brother tried to explain that they'd decided to make the ceremony for family members only, then two our classmates popped out to say hello. They're not related, neither to my friend nor to his fiancée. FML

agreeclassic 663

vote type 1 123

Today, I was walking up some stairs and heard a noise as if someone was following me. The faster I went, the louder the noise got. I was too scared to realize that it was just my thighs causing my jeans to chafe. FML

agreeclassic 19 474

vote type 1 10 860

Today, I moved my kids and myself into my parents' house. My soon to be ex-husband keeps calling me from different numbers, crying for me to take him back. The sorry bastard kissed his best friend instead of me at midnight on New Year's Day because I was attending to my son who was afraid of fireworks. FML

agreeclassic 659

vote type 1 364

Today, I thought it was a great idea to join a work meeting while I was taking a shower. But thanks to Murphy's law, everything that could go wrong went wrong. I'd forgotten to turn off my webcam. Now my boss and my other 500 coworkers are asking me about my "OnlyFans account." FML

agreeclassic 111

vote type 1 1 215

Today, my manager gave me hell for leaving the restaurant early yesterday. Guilty as charged, but only because I was rushed to the hospital after going into diabetic shock. This assmunch is convinced that I either faked it all to get off work early, or that I'd been eating our own stock. FML

agreeclassic 33 870

vote type 1 2 366

Today, I've been home from prison for over a week, I still don't have a job or a vehicle, and my mom keeps checking my phone. FML

agreeclassic 500

vote type 1 1 639