Nearly FMLs

By aneban - 28/04/2016 02:33 - United States - Attleboro

Today, I made a dessert and shared it with my friends. one of the layers of this dessert was white. I had not noticed it had turned partially green. I told them I had tried to do a mint chocolate type of dessert. they believed me and said it was good. I think I poisoned them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 153

You deserved it 60

By jennalou - 28/04/2016 02:25 - United States - Gilroy

Today,i attempted to weight the pig im raising for fair. Took me 20 minutes to get her close to the scale and only took her one to turn around and run full speed into me,knocking me on my ass in the mud. My friend got her into the scale and weighed in 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 157

You deserved it 16

By witchybaby89 - 28/04/2016 02:22 - United States

Today, I took my daughter's cat in for what should have been a routine surgery. He reacted badly to the anesthesia and died. Now I have to tell my four year old her cat died. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 213

You deserved it 23

By Arcstar_Elite - 28/04/2016 02:16 - United States - Reno

Today, my teacher said that I can't make up a test in his class because it would be "unfair" to his other students. I spent the whole test day in the emergency room because of a car accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 213

You deserved it 12

By ginnieminnie - 28/04/2016 02:15 - United States - Louisville

Today, I heard someone leave my house at 5 am. I was home alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 11

By Horseman_ - 28/04/2016 02:13 - United States - New Boston

Today, I realized how long I've been single when I got a hard on from thinking about getting a hug. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 89

You deserved it 7

By collarbonegoals - 28/04/2016 02:06 - United States - Arlington

Today, I was doing gymnastics with my friends out on a field after school. While doing a handstand, my arm folded under me and I collapsed, falling on it. To make matters worse, my friend tackled me soon after. I stood there for an hour with ice, only to find out that I had broken my collarbone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 5

By painfulvag - 28/04/2016 02:05

Today, my public hair was getting so long I decided to trim it with scissors. Somehow cut a little part of my labia off in the process. There's blood everywhere.

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 14

By :( - 28/04/2016 02:02 - United States - Potsdam

Today, my professor cancelled class for the first time ever. Today is also the day I planned on talking to the guy I've been crushing on for over a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 19

By accidentprone - 28/04/2016 01:59 - United States - San Jose

Today, I rolled my ankle at work. For the 2nd time in the last year. HR will be investigating my "falls". It seems my swollen ankle, cries of pain and a trip to their doctor cannot persuade them other wise that I'm just THAT accident prone. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 79

You deserved it 13

By Shepflexxy - 28/04/2016 01:59 - United States - Havertown

Today, after researching the long term effects of the attention deficit medication I'd been on since childhood, I finally have a concrete reason as to why I am the way I am. A quick fix for my short attention span had become unbearable psychosis and a life without teeth. Parental reaction? I'm attention seeking.

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 6

By Noah Upshaw - 28/04/2016 01:59 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me don't fall for her and that she doesn't believe in love, we've been together for 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 8

By Superbubbs - 28/04/2016 01:57 - United States - League City

Today, I went into Walmart to buy some new pants. After realizing they fit perfectly, I took them off and left the fitting room to pay for them. It wasn't until I noticed all the workers giggling and everyone staring that I realized I forgot to put my jeans back on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 5

By DutyCalled. - 28/04/2016 01:54 - United States - Columbia

Today,after 14 months overseas with special forces,I found out the reason that my superior officer added 2 months to my tour. He is having an affair with my fiancé.Apparently he told her that I was wounded and may be gone longer than expected—so he comforted her..And is continuing to comfort her.FML

I agree, your life sucks 104

You deserved it 5

By meaganlo - 28/04/2016 01:44 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I was finishing an oil pastel piece of work, when my cat decided said piece would look better with black coffee all over it. I've put over 24 hours into this project. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 8

By Anonymous - 28/04/2016 01:39

Today, I was supposed to go for a hike with this girl I've been talking to for awhile, turns out she claims my bestfriend raped her, and she only just found out my relation to him. I've never seen someone get a restraining order against someone who had no idea what the hell was going on so fast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 5

By I like trains - 28/04/2016 01:37 - United States - Drexel Hill

Today, I was with my close friends, (who I don't see often cause I moved) who have been dating for a year tomorrow, and the girl looks at the guy, (who is doing pretty bad in school due to bullying) and said, "I can't date a failure." They were fighting the entire time I was there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 5

By hurt and broke - 28/04/2016 01:34 - United States - Avondale

Today, my mom went "away" again three days before prom, running off with the all money I saved up for four months for prom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 4

By suicidal doggo - 28/04/2016 01:31 - United States - Littleton

Today, I had lacrosse practice. I was finally getting the hang of things when these girls start watching us. Immediately I started messing up and coach benched me in front of the girl I like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 10

By SBJ98 - 28/04/2016 01:30 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I was getting ready for a diabetes workshop I had to attend. I needed to grab a shirt so I pulled hard on my constantly stuck drawer. This time the handle ripped off, causing me to fall backward and bang my head off the bed frame, leaving me disoriented and nauseous during. Thanks ikea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 4

By LickyToBeAlive - 28/04/2016 01:18

Today, I realized I suffer from SPP (Short People Problems) after having to get a step ladder to reach something. I'm 5'4", I have never had a problem reaching stuff until now. What was I reaching? Graffiti on a bathroom door at work. I was chosen to clean because I'm tall enough to reach it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49

You deserved it 6

By Anonymous - 28/04/2016 01:17 - Brazil - Timb?

Today, my parents explicitly forbade me from working out and eating healthy. Apparently, I "make their fat relatives and friends look bad". FML.

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 3

By notgirlnextdoor - 28/04/2016 01:12 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, my mom called the school and told the administration the seniors were planning to ditch so, now, not only do we not have a ditch day, the whole senior class hates me. I had to eat lunch in my car.

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 5

By anon871 - 28/04/2016 01:10 - Canada - Sydney

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out, he goes to put his hand in my pants and I pull the "I'm on my period" and he leaves and goes home. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 9

By Anonymous - 28/04/2016 00:52 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I learned that you should never tweeze your eyebrows during a thunderstorm because loud thunder could cause you to stab your eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 6

By ugh - 28/04/2016 00:35 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I woke up with a fever, sore throat, my period, allergies, & I look as terrible as I feel, but my mom thought this was no reason to not do my chores. Doing the dishes almost made me puke. She's still sending me to school tomorrow though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 5

By anonymous - 28/04/2016 00:27 - United States - Oakland

Today, i thought i lost my phone, little did i know i found out that i ran it over with my truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 4

By I'm done with this. - 28/04/2016 00:25 - United States - Canal Winchester

Today, while walking at school I dropped my wallet and was called to the office because someone turned it in. However they didn't turn in the paycheck I signed and planned on putting in the bank after school.

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 6

By anon1 - 28/04/2016 00:21 - United States - Hayward

Today, I asked my bestfriend if she wanted to go to the movies, when the time came to go she didn't want to go anymore because she was too "tired". A couple hours later I see she went out to eat with my other friend.

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 2

By not that kind of slut - 28/04/2016 00:19 - United States - Buda

Today, my brother walked in on me masturbating. Rather than scram, he just kind of stood there staring at my boobs, then said, "Blow me and I won't tell Mom." FML.

I agree, your life sucks 103

You deserved it 8

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, while I was changing my tampon, I somehow managed to fling period blood into my eye. I wish I was making this up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 770

You deserved it 250

Today, on my way home, a truck driver was speeding next to me and as he passed I saw his truck was the kind that takes livestock to be butchered. I was thinking that I didn’t look to see if there were animals in there. Suddenly, brown items hit my windshield. Yes, it didn’t "hit the fan," it hit my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 351

You deserved it 91

Today, I smashed my finger with a hammer. A finger on the hand holding the hammer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 708

You deserved it 314

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a huge argument when I suggested we start sleeping in separate rooms. He thinks I don’t love him anymore, but that’s not the case. I’m madly in love with him, but he snores like a freight train and thrashes like a fucking Ninja Turtle all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 028

You deserved it 247

Today, my friends took my work laptop and changed the sounds. Now, whenever I remove a USB device, a woman's voice screams "Put it back!" and when I insert a USB device, it says "Oh, you need to push it in harder!" I don't know how to change it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 595

You deserved it 7 015

Today, my mother-in-law, who isn't southern, who’s family isn’t southern, and has never even mentioned any interest in anything even remotely southern, decided to give us a baby gift: a hand-crocheted confederate flag blanket. We’re an interracial couple. I think she’s trying to tell me something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 539

You deserved it 218