Nearly FMLs

By Done - 13/07/2016 14:04 - United States - Plymouth

Today, I had to take 2 showers. Why? My mom didn't hear me the first time, and believed I only wet my head and towel. I smelled like soap. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 437

You deserved it 72

By HostileFlame - 13/07/2016 02:14 - United States - Warner Robins

Today, I got a call for a job I've been applying to for years offering me a job. Sadly, the interview was for tomorrow, when I'm already scheduled to work at my current job. Instead of allowing me to work something out with my current boss, they said they will call me if they get a new opening. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 600

You deserved it 105

By grimdarkgirl - 13/07/2016 01:31 - United States - Kingston

Today, my next door neighbor's sewage system is leaking into his yard. He can't get it fixed because it's too expensive. My whole house smells like raw sewage unless I turn off my air conditioner. It's also like 90 degrees outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 596

You deserved it 43

By Anonymous - 12/07/2016 23:29 - United States - Jackson

Today, I was scrubbing the filtration system on my aquatic turtle tank. Somehow a mix of cleaning solution, turtle waste and slime managed to splash under the edge of my glasses and land in my eye. My eye won't stop stinging. FML

I agree, your life sucks 482

You deserved it 41

By MicKeyMon - 12/07/2016 22:49 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I found out the message I got from my fiance's ex months ago, saying they slept together because she thought he was single, was actually entirely true. I also found out he'd been hitting on every girl he'd been alone with for the past week, including my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 569

You deserved it 46

By goodbyemoneyandshinyhair - 12/07/2016 21:53 - United Kingdom - Bradford

Today, my room mate threw away my bottle of conditioner without checking because "nobody ever uses it anyway - the same bottle has been there for weeks!" I've been refilling the bottle & just used the last. I only get that stuff twice a year and it is the only thing that tames my wild mane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 481

You deserved it 49

By sleazy sales man - 12/07/2016 20:58 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, after signing what I thought to be a great deal on a car, I walked out to see a sign that was offering my same deal for over 50% less a month FML

I agree, your life sucks 432

You deserved it 74

By faily_tales - 12/07/2016 20:53 - United States - Detroit

Today, I didn't realize my cat was hiding under my bed, and I accidentally shut her in my room all day. When I came home, she'd pooped all over one of my favorite drawings. It had taken me four hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 415

You deserved it 86

By ReineXre - 12/07/2016 19:33

Today, my grandparents came over, and they gave me and my sister money, but since I'm not the favorite I got $20 while my sister got $100....it was my birthday.FML

I agree, your life sucks 791

You deserved it 83

By lovely234 - 12/07/2016 19:32 - United States - Puyallup

Today, I went to pat my dog at the base of her tail, but she moved as I did so, and I accidentally smacked her right on her butthole. My hand was not clean when I pulled back, either. There was stuff on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 538

You deserved it 81

By unenployed - 12/07/2016 19:28 - Denmark - Ikast

Today, i had to call in sick, because of an migraine. And because of this migraine, i didnt answer my phone and layed in bed till noon. When i finally got better, there was a text from my boss, that i was fired, because i was sick that day. It was my first day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 385

You deserved it 142

By meh - 12/07/2016 19:17 - United Kingdom - Hatfield

Today, I was talking about my crush with my friend and then realised he was behind me and instead of just going quiet (I thought that would make it obvious I was talking about him) I carried on the conversation and he heard the whole thing and he just kept grinning at me throughout the day FML

I agree, your life sucks 331

You deserved it 123

By pureNed - 12/07/2016 19:12

Today, I arrived to the Philippines with my girlfriend to visit her friends and family. I was hoping for conversation because I was told they spoke English well, but when I tried to strike a conversation with her family, they laughed then fell silent as we ate. I'm to uncomfortable to speak. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 340

You deserved it 28

By college student - 12/07/2016 18:47

Today, I found out I am the 1 out of 1000 to get pregnant with an iud. with those odds maybe I should buy a lottery ticket FML

I agree, your life sucks 364

You deserved it 48

By Dank Memes - 12/07/2016 18:46

Today, I stepped on my son's Legos when trying to give him a goodnight kiss. After stepping on the Legos, I fell from not wearing socks or shoes. I landed on my 10 year old son's bed that he was asleep on, collapsing it down below both of us. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 331

You deserved it 34

By License less - 12/07/2016 18:35 - United States - White Lake

Today, I failed my driving test because I couldn't parallel park. I had asked my dad to take me several times, and he kept promising he would. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 302

You deserved it 50

By CMV - 12/07/2016 18:12

Today, at work, I worked extra hard to make up for my slacking co-workers. Later during the shift, my manager got upset at me for forgetting to take care of one small task, a task that was supposed to be assigned to another worker who was playing on his phone instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 322

You deserved it 29

By Blindwithoutglasses - 12/07/2016 18:06 - United States - Federal Way

Today the arm of my glasses broke, turns out I have no depth perception and can't read without them. I operate forklifts and have to read small txt for my job...FML

I agree, your life sucks 287

You deserved it 28

By ladyweb - 12/07/2016 17:58

Today, I was told by my mother in law that she has no intention of not being intoxicated (pills and alcohol usually both) in front of our kids like we had asked... We live in my husbands grandmother's house taking care of his grandmother and she wont kick my mother in law out.

I agree, your life sucks 162

You deserved it 21

By Anonymous - 12/07/2016 17:29 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I went on a date with a guy I met at my old school last week. I thought we really hit it off, so I messaged him about seeing him again. He stopped talking to me and has now blocked me on all social media. FML

I agree, your life sucks 162

You deserved it 22

By why class, why - 12/07/2016 17:27 - United States - Excelsior

Today, I got an angry text about a missing assignment for a class I'm taking over the summer. Apparently the journal assignments are worth more than what my teacher had originally told us. The reason I didn't do it was the fact I thought it was worth less so I could do all of the other ones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 150

You deserved it 50

By da_epic_failman - 12/07/2016 17:23 - United States - Plano

Today, I found out I had accidentally deleted half of the story I had been writing for the 30 day writing challenge. I had to rewrite everything I'd written yesterday; nearly 1500 words. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 151

You deserved it 37

By itsjustemcee - 12/07/2016 17:09 - United States - Austin

Today, while working as a cashier, a woman tried to force a huge bucket through the rotating lane. It got wedged underneath the counter with the cash register and pulled everything out and onto the ground. The register is smashed and I have to pay for all the damages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 168

You deserved it 20

By anonymous - 12/07/2016 16:51 - United States - Lexington

Today, I contacted my ex husband to see if he had my social security card. He did. He also threatened to tear it up if I wasn't there in thirty minutes..I'm two states away.

I agree, your life sucks 194

You deserved it 16

By Otherhats - 12/07/2016 16:36 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my aunt was drinking some water. All of a sudden she leaned over to me and asked if it tasted like it had any gluten in it. I am slightly concerned about being related to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 168

You deserved it 14

By Honey - 12/07/2016 16:26 - United Kingdom - Ashford

Today, a bee crawled right into my ear, apparently thinking it was some sort of flower. Well, I'm not wearing this perfume again, that's for sure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 148

You deserved it 19

By big baby - 12/07/2016 16:22 - United States - Canton

Today, I got the results back from my blood test and as my doctor and I both suspected, I have mono. My mother, on the other hand, continued to insist that I am "just being a big baby" because I "clearly just have a cold!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 156

You deserved it 15

By Didn'twanttoseethat - 12/07/2016 16:20

Today, while my dad was visiting for my daughter's birthday, he asked me to help him close out the apps open on his phone. I now know we use the same porn site for our entertainment. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 149

You deserved it 20

By Anonymous - 12/07/2016 16:19 - United States - Mckinney

Today, after having our shots, my brother asked me to do him a favor. Apparently, it was alright for a 22 year old man to have his younger sibling ask a nurse for a lollipop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 154

You deserved it 23

By secret_storm33 - 12/07/2016 16:18 - United States - Fulton

Today, I woke up at 3 am with the stomach flu. Between throwing up and constantly needing the toilet I'd think that'd be bad enough. Nope, gotta start my period, too. We're trying for a baby. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 180

You deserved it 12

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The Top

Today, Amazon didn't deliver the present I bought my mother for Mothering Sunday, so she called me an 'Ungrateful bastard.' And about half an hour ago, I cut my thumb whilst making her lunch. She said, 'You're doing this on purpose so I feel sorry for you. Well I don't.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 800

You deserved it 3 737

Today, my girlfriend had one of her seizures during foreplay. She’s fine, but I’m not, she had my penis in her hand and while seizing she squeezed it so hard she ruptured some blood vessels on the inside. I'm now walking bowlegged and on medication to stop me getting erections that might cause more damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 228

You deserved it 145

Today, the girl I've liked for over a year, broke up with me after just 2 weeks of dating, all because I'm a better pianist then her. I've been playing since I was 8. She's been playing for 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 463

You deserved it 763

Today, I hooked up with a guy. After sex, I found him washing his penis with BLEACH. I asked what the hell he was doing; apparently his mother makes him do it because sex is sinful and dirty, and all unmarried women have STDs. WHAT THE… FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 570

You deserved it 304

Today, I realized that the only time my boyfriend ever wants to hug me is just after he's let off a fart and wants to pull me into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 842

You deserved it 177

Today, my mom slaved over a hot stove making a meal for 20 guests. They all cancelled at the last second. We now have leftovers for 20 people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 705

You deserved it 100