Nearly FML

By Anonymous - 08/07/2016 13:42 - United States - Tucson

Today, I learned there is a possibility that if you kill a horse fly, a hundred maggots will burst out of it like confetti all over your bed.

agreeclassic 155

vote type 1 13

By taylagrace - 08/07/2016 13:22 - Australia - Armadale

Today, while rushing to get ready for an appointment, I put my shoes on, walked up the driveway, got in the Uber I had ordered and then realized that I'd forgotten to put my pants on. I then had to run back to the house to finish getting dressed and embarrassingly make my way back to the car. FML.

agreeclassic 135

vote type 1 20

By PsychoHanyo - 08/07/2016 13:04 - United States - Clifton Park

Today, my siblings and I are planning our mother's funeral. Today I also found out my boyfriend is taking a girl he knows has a crush on him to Disney for a week for his birthday. Her words? "In August you can have me for a week". She knows about me and our son. Fml

agreeclassic 149

vote type 1 15

By anon - 08/07/2016 00:11 - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, my hamster died... with his face in the food bowl. I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry. FML

agreeclassic 418

vote type 1 75

By rightherewaiting - 07/07/2016 21:25 - United States - Auburndale

Today, my roommates staged an "intervention" during which they trashed my expensive coffeemaker due to their belief that 'drinking too much coffee is detrimental to your health.' These are people who down alcoholic beverages with every meal, and at all hours before and afterward. FML.

agreeclassic 421

vote type 1 26

By naenae25 - 07/07/2016 20:00 - United States

Today, I bought my girlfriend a custom Apple Watch. Today, is also the day I found out she's sleeping with my best friend. FML

agreeclassic 420

vote type 1 29

By abygalee - 07/07/2016 17:46 - United States - Akron

Today, after only an hour of sleep, my cat started stepping on my face, meowing at me, and then proceeded to knock several things off my end table. One of which was my phone, with my glasses on top. Needless to say, they are both done for. FML

agreeclassic 344

vote type 1 37

By unluckybrooke - 07/07/2016 17:27 - United States - Madison Heights

Today, I waited till last minute to purchase my concert ticket to see if the prices went down the day of. They stayed the same, but when I pressed purchase, it bought 2 tickets instead of one doubling the cost. I was going to sell it to a guy who ended up being a no show. FML

agreeclassic 503

vote type 1 134

By justsayinxp - 07/07/2016 17:21 - United States - Chicago

Today, I found out that the girl I have a crush on is hiding from the cops. FML

agreeclassic 520

vote type 1 49

By LilyLioness - 07/07/2016 17:21 - United States - Moscow

Today, my son wouldn't stop ripping items & price tags off of the shelves at the grocery store, no matter my parenting method... Until he picked up a quart of yogurt by the lid, while the bottom & contents fell all over the floor... At least now, the "remember the yogurt" method works. FML

agreeclassic 434

vote type 1 43

By poopleg - 07/07/2016 17:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my 2 year cousin went potty. She was so happy she ran out of the bathroom, naked, jumped onto me and shit on my leg. FML

agreeclassic 468

vote type 1 28

By rhyspiecesno8 - 07/07/2016 17:14 - United States - New York

Today, I rode my bike to the high school to hang out with friends. I was the first one there. Right when I got there it started pouring and everyone didn't want to come because of the rain. Currently writing this from underneath the overhang of my local pool, which is next to the high school. FML.

agreeclassic 384

vote type 1 40

By worldofpain - 07/07/2016 17:08 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got my period. This would be fine, except for the fact that tomorrow I get my wisdom teeth out. FML

agreeclassic 341

vote type 1 42

By papiyespls - 07/07/2016 16:42 - United States - Naperville

Today, my boss asked me to do a special job. She asked me to clean out the mini fridge we have in the back room. After I emptied the fridge she asked me to fill it with the 5 bottles of wine she plans on drinking with my other coworkers on the way to the club after work. FML

agreeclassic 325

vote type 1 15

By LowkeyLez95 - 07/07/2016 16:42 - United States

Today, I decided to finally sleep with this girl I e been talk to for a while . She ended up having a great orgasm, I just ended up having a painfully swollen clit since she been sucking on it for the past 30 mins . FML

agreeclassic 324

vote type 1 40

By Punkpoptart1119 - 07/07/2016 16:38 - United States - Blairsville

Today, the long awaited Pokémon Go came out. I had been waiting for this for so long and I was so excited. Turns out, my outdated phone is too old to run the app. So I get to watch every one else play and post about it on Facebook while I can't play. FML.

agreeclassic 309

vote type 1 53

By Anonymous - 07/07/2016 16:35 - United States - Sacramento

Today, my boyfriend and were getting frisky. He was going down on me and as he was going down I noticed a smile roach going towards my inner thigh. Let's just say my boyfriend ate it. FML

agreeclassic 163

vote type 1 18

By The_big_red_dog - 07/07/2016 16:18 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, after months of being out of work I've found a casual retail job, that I happen to enjoy. I was busy working when a creepy old man decided to grope me while his wife's back was turned. After initially growling at him, I had to reluctantly back down as I really need this job. FML

agreeclassic 175

vote type 1 19

By failure - 07/07/2016 16:14 - United States - Waxhaw

Today, I handed in my Calc final. My professor said "are you sure you're done?" FML

agreeclassic 159

vote type 1 28

By ListfulLily - 07/07/2016 16:08 - United States - Highland

Today, I aggravated the tendinitis in my wrists.. scrubbing my 5-year-old son's poo out of the carpet. FML

agreeclassic 159

vote type 1 9

By Plantom - 07/07/2016 16:04 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my father once again explained to me about the people he doesn't want me liking. In the end, I realized he was describing me. FML

agreeclassic 154

vote type 1 14

By not good - 07/07/2016 16:01 - United States - Bay City

Today, at work I felt the need to fart so I tried to ease it out. turned out I didn't need to fart. I now have to finish my work day commando.

agreeclassic 151

vote type 1 12

By Anonymous - 07/07/2016 15:58 - United States

Today, at work, I sat in a puddle of pee. FML.

agreeclassic 149

vote type 1 16

By Anonymous - 07/07/2016 15:45 - United States

Today, I realized just how clumsy I really am. While beginning to go to sleep, I dreamed that I tripped and I tripped on a blanket on my bed in real life. FML

agreeclassic 139

vote type 1 15

By KneeJerker - 07/07/2016 15:40 - United States

Today, I think I broke a record. I may have been the first person to hurt myself playing Pokemon GO. I rolled my ankle while looking around, as it suggested to do, not at the ground. FML

agreeclassic 132

vote type 1 17

By Ananymous - 07/07/2016 15:31 - United States - Mio

Today, I received a text in the middle of the night from my girlfriend. Apparently she can't stand being around me and is leaving me for someone else. Happy birthday to me. FML.

agreeclassic 147

vote type 1 8

By Anonymous - 07/07/2016 15:23 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mom made me drink some oatmeal because it was healthy. Turns out, she added the laxatives I was supposed to take. I haven't let the bathroom all day. FML

agreeclassic 131

vote type 1 10

By bed bug blues - 07/07/2016 14:43 - United States - Brandon

Today, I found out my neighbor has bedbugs I let her in my apartment for a morning coffee. Now my new couch has them and I have welts all over

agreeclassic 145

vote type 1 6

By Stingbrother - 07/07/2016 11:40 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was invited to share a meal with my flatmate. The next day I was given a detailed bill with the cost of each ingredient and the portion I owed. My flatmate is my brother. FML

agreeclassic 427

vote type 1 35

By Not getting off - 07/07/2016 04:54 - United States - San Diego

Today, the hammock I was fucking in collapsed just as I was about to orgasm. FML

agreeclassic 366

vote type 1 97

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, my boyfriend gave me a gift card for $32 to a local salon. I thought the amount was kind of random, but when I went in I saw that the bikini wax was $32. FML

agreeclassic 45 546

vote type 1 13 998

Today, my neighbors are moving. As we were saying our goodbyes, their 12-year-old son approached and thanked me for the times I forgot to shut the blinds and he watched me change. FML

agreeclassic 19 258

vote type 1 29 395

Today, was my first day at my new job in a shop. 10 minutes after my first customer leaves I realize she managed to steal $200 worth of merchandise while she had me getting stuff for her from the back room. FML

agreeclassic 37 030

vote type 1 7 834

Today, my fiancée and I were going on our honeymoon. Our flight was delayed by two hours. It landed when our connecting flight to St. Lucia was taking off. The airline said they were holding the flight for us, so we sprinted from D gate to A, in time to watch the plane pull away. FML

agreeclassic 38 228

vote type 1 2 885

Today, I woke up after a night of partying and heavy drinking. Apparently word travels quickly, because everyone now knows that I spent hours lying in an empty bathtub, rubbing shampoo over my body with the expectation that it'd increase my penis size. FML

agreeclassic 9 028

vote type 1 34 894

Today, I've been dating a girl for a year and she's only touched my penis twice. Once by accident. FML

agreeclassic 29 072

vote type 1 12 994