Sex

Stalker much?

By NotEnuff - 13/06/2023 00:02

Today, I found out the guy who rejected me just two days ago, and who told me he was “asexual” and “incapable of feeling romantic love” is in fact very sexual, and very much in love, in the backseat of his SUV with another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 701

You deserved it 269

Freaked out

By Anonymous - 16/06/2020 02:02

Today, I was about to have sex with my girlfriend for the first time. When I took my shirt off, she saw my chest acne. She ran out of my house and hasn't spoken to me in 5 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 178

You deserved it 274

By blower - 11/04/2011 04:01 - United States

Today, my boyfriend actually remembered our anniversary. Not our anniversary of being together, which he forgot last month, but the anniversary of him getting his first blow job from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 878

You deserved it 9 311

Nice try, Patricia

By Anonymous - 25/08/2022 18:00

Today, my future mother-in-law tried to blackmail me out of the wedding with photographs of me with another man. Her son and I met on a swingers website and we both have multiple sexual partners, so we had to tell her the truth. Awkward doesn’t begin to describe it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 039

You deserved it 391

Did Kris Jenner put you up to this?

By Anonymous - 12/08/2023 10:00

Today, my wife wanted to spice things up by making a sex tape. Not sure if it was excitement or just the pressure of being on camera, but the whole thing was less than 4 minutes, including foreplay and apologising, and due to bad camera placement most of the film was of my asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 528

You deserved it 216

Nice place to live!

By GrossedOutKary - 19/05/2010 19:20 - Puerto Rico

Today, after finally moving into a better neighborhood, my family and I were greeted by the elderly couple who live window to window to us. How? By hearing them have sex loudly and then praying for forgiveness even louder. Welcome to the neighborhood! FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 079

You deserved it 3 418

Keep on going!

By Anonymous - 03/04/2012 02:07 - United States - Lincolnton

Today, my boyfriend told me that he'd never made a girl orgasm. I didn't think much of it until he decided to go down on me. Every time he got me close to orgasm, he'd stop and ask, "Are you about to come?" or "Does that feel good?" Now I can see why he's never made a girl orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 325

You deserved it 3 971

Concentration face

By Nuttree - 01/08/2010 07:02 - United States

Today, I noticed my husband chews his tongue while we are having sex. He also does this while he is playing World of Warcraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 453

You deserved it 6 892

Time to GTFO

By Anonymous - 06/10/2023 12:30

Today, my girlfriend cheated on me, and for the second time in two days. She has now cheated a total of 7 times in the space of 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 280

You deserved it 1 127

Manosphere dumbass

By dadoftheyear - 07/05/2015 03:27 - United States

Today, I had to say to my 23-year-old son that it's not a compliment to tell a woman that he wants to jam his cock down her throat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 188

You deserved it 5 743

Crossroads

By Anonymous - 12/03/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, my husband of nearly a decade told me he's been sleeping with his best friend for a year, and also a couple times with my best friend. Marriage destroyed. Life in shambles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 876

You deserved it 107

By Anonymous - 06/07/2009 19:21 - United States

Today, being on my boyfriend's street bike for ten minutes gave me an orgasm. My boyfriend of three years, who constantly tries so hard to get me to, has never given me an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 281

You deserved it 7 297

Expectations

By Anonymous - 02/01/2022 05:01 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I are on vacation. He was watching TV, and I thought I’d try to be sexy, so I walked in wearing lingerie. He smiled at me and said, “What the hell are you wearing?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 557

You deserved it 226

Sneaking around

By Katlego Maduma - 23/03/2021 22:59

Today, I found out that my husband has been cheating on me with his girl bestie for 4 years. I also found out he's been having threesomes with his male bestie. Both people have been around me and my family this entire time. We've been married for 15 years. Joke's on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 470

You deserved it 180

Caught in 4K

By Frank S. - 17/06/2021 19:59

Today, I was about to enter a hotel with a friend-with-benefits. We then saw her boyfriend exiting the same hotel with another woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 305

You deserved it 2 002

Horny on main

By UnsexyWife - 15/03/2023 20:00

Today, I sent my husband a bra and panties pic. He simply “Liked” it on iMessage. Yet he always comments, “Beautiful, hot, gorgeous, sexy, etc.” on bikini models he follows on Instagram’s photos, along with lovey dovey emojis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 341

You deserved it 334

Cranking

By Lonely Wanker - 26/02/2021 23:00

Today, I started to cry while masturbating. This isn't the first time that this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 947

You deserved it 381

Booty-full

By Enya - 26/07/2022 12:00

Today, the guy from college my sister set me up with told me I'm too nice to continue lying to. Turns out he's one of my sister's booty calls and she bribed him to go on a date with me so I'd stop being so miserable and depressing. Apparently he didn't want to take me out, so the bribe was she'd let him do butt stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 518

You deserved it 163

But still…

By Anonymous - 11/03/2023 02:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I listened through the wall while my boss had phone sex with his side piece. His wife works down the hall from us, she's the worst, so I have no ethical issues with explaining to her that he "has an appointment." FML

I agree, your life sucks 861

You deserved it 374

Technology hates humans

By Anonymous - 17/01/2021 11:01

Today, I had the house to myself for the morning. I decided to enjoy being alone, so pulled my trusty bullet vibrator from the drawer. I was very much into it, loving the alone time and myself, and was on the edge of climax when my vibrator died. This brought me to tears, because all I wanted to do was be alone and masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 406

You deserved it 302

Skincare routine

By Anonymous - 08/07/2023 12:00

Today, my boyfriend's dick is broken. We used to have an amazing sex life but because he won't take care of his jock itch, and his skin keeps cracking every time there's any pulling on his junk, I haven't really been laid in almost a year and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 256

You deserved it 298

Feed me with your kiss

By Anonymous - 18/09/2021 08:00

Today, while having missionary sex, my girl was reaching a climax. She kept screaming a bunch of things like, “Yes!”, “Don’t stop!”, “Keep going.” Well, at least until a giant booger fell straight from my nose into her mouth. Then the only thing she was screaming was that I needed to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 945

You deserved it 822

By FUCK GOD - 03/02/2013 23:04 - Argentina - Salta

Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and we started fooling around. Half-way through undressing me, she bolted out, claiming she had the shits. About five minutes later, she tearfully called out from the bathroom, begging me to bring her a fresh roll of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 157

You deserved it 4 867

On the side

By Anonymous - 06/04/2023 10:00 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I saw that the guy I've been seeing "liked" a post that said, "Single moms are for recreational purposes only." I'm a single mom and we just smashed, all this after telling me that I was his "favorite person." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 005

You deserved it 436

Drinking is bad for you, most of the time

By Lennie Mcfish - 09/04/2020 14:00

Today, while at a party, my extremely drunk crush came up to me and told me she had a crush on me. She then wanted to have sex with me while drunk, but since she was under the influence, I didn't. Later, when I told her about it, she say denied the fact that she likes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 872

You deserved it 461

Cover up

By this_is_fucked - 24/10/2009 21:23 - Zimbabwe

Today, I realized that I'm the only person in my house not getting any. My sister is sleeping with my ex. My roommate is sleeping with my brother, and my mom texted me, asking to make it look like she slept in her bed so that she didn't have to do the "walk of shame" in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 530

You deserved it 2 926

Meddling

By Anonymous - 22/04/2024 13:00 - United States

Today, I found out my mom has been randomly searching my room. I've asked her repeatedly to stop, but she says it's her right as a parent. In retaliation I started searching their room when they were out, and found porn mags and DVDs. I confronted mom about it. Long story short, dad's in a hotel. What have I done?! FML

I agree, your life sucks 362

You deserved it 732

Third wheel of the third wheel

By jon - 26/02/2024 00:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I went a double date with my coworker, his girlfriend, and her friend. After some drinks, her best friend stopped including me in conversations. We got back to my place and she was trying to fuck both of them, and ignored me all night. This is the third girl this happened with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 511

You deserved it 168

Too many cooks

By polygonwrong - 20/03/2022 14:00 - United States - Hesperia

Today, after my poly relationship with a married couple ended, I found out that the wife is blaming me for their divorce. To avoid embarrassment She told everyone around town, including my employer, that I’m a homewrecker. Nevermind SHE’S the one who introduced me and ASKED me to be their third. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 152

You deserved it 569

Who is happier, though?

By Anonymous - 02/08/2022 04:00

Today, up until now, my baby sister has happily had over 100 sexual partners and has never had an STI or gotten pregnant. I had sex once in college, got pregnant with twins, caught syphilis ,and none of the men in our town ever looked at me sexually again. It’s been 17 years since I had sex that one time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 263

You deserved it 449

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my dad is an asshole. My brother gets to bring home and shag as many girls as he wants, yet when I told my dad I was inviting my study group to our house, 3 girls and 1 boy I’m not romantically interested in, he removed my bedroom door, just in case. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 366

You deserved it 130

Today, someone backed straight into my car as I was hunting for a parking spot. I just got my car back from the body shop after a hit-and-run. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 631

You deserved it 2 537

Today, as I spent my last $6 on groceries, the woman at the register gave me a dirty look because I declined to donate $1 to a children's charity. My six year-old son immediately chimed in with, "Mommy, why aren't you helping the poor children?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 300

You deserved it 5 582

Today, my husband and I were role playing to keep our marriage alive. His character was a deranged stalker while I was the helpless girl. My neighbor thought I was really being chased so she called the cops. Once they came we explained the whole story and got a fine for disturbing the peace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 962

You deserved it 7 955

Today, I was with my grandma waiting in a line. She only speaks Chinese and there was a black man in front of us talking his phone. My grandma tells me that the black man's really loud and annoying. The man finishes and turns and said fluently in Chinese, "What's wrong with loud black men?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 280

You deserved it 31 964

Today, I sent a picture to my best friend of the shoes I want to wear to prom. She replied, "Wow those are so unique". I guess she forgot that last week she told me she only uses the word unique when she hates something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 894

You deserved it 3 161