Marriage

On the rocks

By future divorcee - 06/08/2021 20:01

Today, I told my husband that if he wanted any chance of salvaging our marriage, we would have to go to counseling and he must cut ALL ties with the woman he had an affair with. The sniveling worm actually had the audacity to ask, “If we stop the sex, can I still stay friends with her?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 256

You deserved it 324

Mystery

By Sharriff Rahman - 05/08/2021 00:01

Today, I found out that my wife of ten years is still deeply in love with her first crush from before she met me. Now I'm starting to wonder whether her first time was really with me, as mine was with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 982

You deserved it 228

Intro

By Anonymous - 23/07/2021 04:01 - United States

Today, I previewed the website my twin brother created and emailed to all our wedding guests. Under his bridal party introduction, he had written, "Mike and Steve first met when they were high-fiving their way out of their mother's vagina." FML

I agree, your life sucks 980

You deserved it 210

Freakout

By anonymous - 21/07/2021 00:01

Today, my soon-to-be step-daughter had as absolute meltdown at our rehearsal dinner, screaming that I ruined her family. Her parents were divorced 10 years before I even met him. Her mother was there because we’re friends. She’s 23 years-old. I honestly don’t know which one of us was more embarrassed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 406

You deserved it 98

Happy…?

By JustCantWin - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I called my parents to wish them a happy 28th anniversary. Now my mom's mad at my dad for forgetting, and my dad's mad at me for reminding her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 184

You deserved it 3 928

Don't you want me, baby?

By Anonymous - 17/07/2021 00:01

Today, it's been 10 months of a sexless marriage. Also my 10-month wedding anniversary. We waited until marriage, and she hasn't wanted me since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 660

You deserved it 328

Helicopter parents

By Anonymous - 10/07/2021 16:01

Today, my wife finally let our kids stay the night at my mom's house, meaning we had our first night totally alone together in 6 years. She spent all night texting my mom for updates on the kids or on the phone to her sister, so I watched a film by myself then went to bed bored at 8:15 p.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 363

You deserved it 186

Free vacation

By Anonymous - 10/07/2021 14:01

Today, I learned my husband was told to isolate for 10 days but hid it from me and pretended to go to work every day, then snuck back home after I left to take the kids to daycare, and has basically had a chore and child-free holiday, playing Xbox every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 093

You deserved it 265

Suspicious Minds

By PaulaP - 09/07/2021 07:59

Today, my husband wants to go on a trip to Tulum with his friend. I suggested I go as well, but he refused because it’s a "friends trip." He assures me that he "won’t sleep in the same bed with her or anything." I had to explain why it was still inappropriate. He still doesn’t get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 151

You deserved it 246

Is this Woody Allen?

By ShockedToDeath - 08/07/2021 02:01

Today, I found out my husband got my 22 year-old daughter pregnant. Not only that, he’s drained our savings on her including a new iPhone and Macbook, designer clothes and handbags, etc. His defense, in all seriousness, was, "She’s not even my biological daughter, chill out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 436

You deserved it 174

Toxic

By Anonymous - 01/07/2021 22:00

Today, I realized my husband of 30 years consistently makes fun of me in front of friends, and he gets mad when I express opinions contrary to his. I don't think he respects me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 178

You deserved it 175

What did I say, Roy?

By Peter - 30/06/2021 18:01

Today, my wife said I was being difficult and unreasonable, and called my mother to talk to me about my behaviour. What did I do, you ask? I dared to share my opinion on something I happen to feel strongly about, instead of just mindlessly agreeing with her opinion like I have for the past 22 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 217

You deserved it 292

Happy Anniversary!

By Anonymous - 29/06/2021 06:00

Today, it was my first anniversary with my husband. Not only were we mad at each other and not speaking the whole day, he doesn't even remember and spent the night out with his friends instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 304

Family Matters

By MeLandes - 28/06/2021 20:01 - United States - Germantown

Today, I found out I will always come in second to my new husband's alcoholic parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 158

Preemptive strike time

By Anonymous - 28/06/2021 07:58

Today, my husband compared leaving me for another woman to finding another job with a better pay, saying, "Sometimes, better is out there, and I deserve better." He seriously thinks it’s a good enough reason. We’ve been married for 11 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 182

You deserved it 182

Cheaply romantic

By Anonymous - 26/06/2021 16:00

Today, I walked into a dollar store as my boyfriend's girlfriend. I came out as his fiancé. FML

I agree, your life sucks 748

You deserved it 493

Not feeling it

By Anonymous - 20/06/2021 02:01

Today, it’s been over 15 months since I’ve had sex with my fiancé. We’re getting married next month. Now I'm wondering if we’ll have sex at all on our honeymoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 472

You deserved it 388

Trainwreck

By Done me over but good - 16/06/2021 16:01

Today, I asked my son to keep my new girlfriend secret from his mom until our divorce was final, and he ran straight to her. She told the judge I was unfaithful and wants more money from our settlement. My son doesn't give a shit about snitching on me, because she's giving him a percentage of the new settlement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 405

You deserved it 2 006

No future

By Bryan - 15/06/2021 16:00

Today, the love of my life said, "You’d make a great husband! Whoever marries you in the future is gonna be so happy!" We’ve been together for 4 years and was planning to propose on her birthday in two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 043

You deserved it 124

It's not a phase!

By Anonymous - 11/06/2021 07:59

Today, despite 18 years of marriage and two kids together, my father-in-law still insists my wife will one day grow up, realise I was the result of some rebellious phase she’s going through, divorce me and marry a decent boy from her hometown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 213

You deserved it 83

Romance is dead

By Anonymous - 08/06/2021 10:59

Today, my husband seems to think sex once a month is adequate, and that it’s acceptable to nap on the sofa once he gets home from work, wake up for dinner, then go straight to bed. I also can’t speak to him while he’s eating, because he’s watching tv. I thought I had a husband, not a roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 576

You deserved it 229

That's nice

By Anonymous - 05/06/2021 00:01 - United States - Angier

Today, I told my boyfriend of 3 years that I wanted to marry him someday. His response was, "Oh, OK, thanks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 832

You deserved it 184

Trading places

By Clarie Sierra - 03/06/2021 20:01

Today, after 6 years of dating, 2 years of marriage, a daughter and another one on the way, my husband decided that he’s "not the one for me" and told me he was leaving for his co-worker who he’s only known for a few months. Apparently they’re more "meant to be." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 339

You deserved it 355

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

By Whoishe? - 02/06/2021 06:00

Today, I realized my husband is a completely different person than when we married. It’s only been three and a half years since we eloped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 858

You deserved it 176

Leave us alone

By SweethomeAlabama - 01/06/2021 00:00 - Turkey - Konya

Today, a customer asked me if I was my husband's sister. A little flabbergasted, I replied, "No, I'm his wife." He went on to say, "Ah! But surely, you're related? Cousins?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 516

You deserved it 194

Different goals

By Baby bird - 23/05/2021 11:01

Today, I asked my husband if it was a good time to think about having kids. His response was, "ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NEVER." I’ve always wanted to be a mom and he knows that. I feel like I’ve wasted my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 563

You deserved it 638

Love costs a fortune

By Philip Seth Camps - 22/05/2021 11:01

Today, I found out that my now ex-fiancé was still married to her ex throughout the entire relationship. What I didn't realize was that I ended up paying for the divorce, and 3 months later she got married to someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 217

You deserved it 177

Telenovela FML

By Anonymous - 22/05/2021 04:02

Today, my sister announced she’s pregnant with my husband’s baby. The worst part? It was a plot for revenge against me. She lied about being on birth control to baby trap him. The crime? Me beating her at our high school beauty pageant. Ten years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 446

You deserved it 213

My Drug Buddy

By Anonymous - 20/05/2021 00:01 - United States - Shingletown

Today, my husband left me for a girl who seems to have a mental age of 12, because she'll smoke meth with him, and I won't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 219

You deserved it 122

Sounds reasonable

By Anonymous - 19/05/2021 06:01

Today, my mum gave me a two-month ultimatum to get married or risk being disowned. I’m only 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 177

You deserved it 85

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The Top

Today, my sister asked me, while making a cup of green tea with honey, "I wonder why they call it honey?" I replied, "Probably some Greek or Latin word meaning 'to sweeten'." She stopped, turned and with a serious face asked, "Where exactly is Latin?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 483

You deserved it 1 025

Today, my parents told me that they've been having a contest to see who could punish me the most this week. So far, my mom is in the lead by kicking me out of the car near railroad tracks, and making me walk the 4 miles home in the freezing rain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 996

You deserved it 3 363

Today, I got a new job where one of my co-workers is someone I have been in love with for over 5 years now. She's married but my feelings for her just won't go away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 691

You deserved it 799

Today, an angry client emailed me at 6 a.m. about equipment for his house that's back ordered from the manufacturer until 2023. He knows we can't do anything about it and he won't let us change brands. For the next 3 hours, he sent emails, texts & voice mails, all increasingly angry since I'm "ignoring" him. It's Saturday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 880

You deserved it 93

Today, I almost burned down my speakers. How, you ask? Well, some asshole at the party (I was the DJ) decided to trip me as I walked to the stage, causing me to knock my speakers into the pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 350

You deserved it 87

Today, I put my son on a ladder and told him to help me get down the Christmas lights to force him to face his terrible fear of heights. He cried for a good ten minutes, then started to calm himself down, just in time for my wife to run out screaming, "GET HIM OFF THAT LADDER!" Now he's even more scared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 162

You deserved it 599