Kids

R-Rated

By hypocrite much? - 17/02/2022 12:00

Today, my mom overheard me telling my 6 year-old about periods. My mom condescendingly asked, “Isn’t she a bit young for that?” That’s pretty rich coming from a woman who didn’t want to share the TV, so all of us grew up watching whatever violent or raunchy sex filled R-rated crap she wanted to watch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 049

You deserved it 136

We're gonna have a real good time together

By Mjskywalk - 16/02/2022 14:00 - United States - Littleton

Today, I bought tickets to Walt Disney World for myself and my 6 year-old. She just announced she's afraid to ride an escalator, to the point of tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 829

You deserved it 209

Alexa, play "No Fun" by The Stooges

By Anonymous - 15/02/2022 21:59

Today, I was supposed to be meeting my daughter's boyfriend, but my wife has locked me in the basement until he leaves, so there’s no chance of me tormenting the boy. Quite wise on her part, I had all kinds of evil ideas, but now I’m locked in here, I’m bored as hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 317

You deserved it 2 596

Steady on, son

By loveyouson - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, my son got his first tooth, and is enthusiastically biting everything. I breastfeed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 941

You deserved it 6 924

The betrayal

By Anonymous - 14/02/2022 16:01

Today, like an idiot, I accidentally included stuff I learned from snooping in my daughter's secret diary during a conversation with her. She's not happy at me right now, so I may have to polish off my old grovelling skills from when I was still married to her mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 130

You deserved it 2 527

Welcome to the world

By Anonymous - 14/02/2022 09:00 - United Kingdom - Preston

Today, I learned it is in fact possible to give birth despite having had no symptoms of pregnancy, including no weight gain. Our daughter made a surprise appearance this morning at 6 lbs exactly, and we are in no way ready. We don’t even have clothes for her. My husband is acting like he’s been concussed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 873

You deserved it 367

Strong bond

By you’re still a bad mom! - 14/02/2022 00:01

Today, my mom called, crying that my sister had dropped her kids off on my mom’s doorstep with no intention of coming back for them. I called and screamed at my sister, who then called my brother, who screamed at me for making my sister cry. All of this because her new boyfriend doesn’t like her kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 758

You deserved it 128

Fragile

By Humaned - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Curaçao - Willemstad

Today, my school is making us take care of eggs for a teen pregnancy awareness project. Ever since we got the eggs, I've had nightmares… and people wonder why I don't want kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 681

You deserved it 1 844

Anatomy lesson

By Anonymous - 13/02/2022 06:00

Today, my mom lost her shit because I was teaching my daughter about tampons. Apparently, they were created by radical feminists to trick women into “stealing” their own virginities, in order to make them unsuitable brides for decent men. I can’t believe I came out of this repressed psycho. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 733

You deserved it 150

Thanks, I hate it

By pinpin - This FML is from back in 2008 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I helped my son do his maths homework. He got a C and won’t talk to me anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 102

You deserved it 18 449

So sweet

By Aislinn - 12/02/2022 12:01

Today, my one year-old took his diaper off and peed on my chest while I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 196

Big Brother

By Anonymous - 11/02/2022 16:00

Today, and lately, my dad has an annoying habit of knowing where I’ve been, even though I never go anywhere worth mentioning. On a hunch, I checked my phone and it turns out he’s been tracking my location. I’ve literally done nothing to deserve this lack of trust, and now I think I hate him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 203

You deserved it 212

Selfish people

By Anonymous - 11/02/2022 13:59

Today, my ex-wife refuses to return to Canada from the Caribbean if there are any new named Covid variants. I don't care about her, but this includes my children. She really does not want to return because she is anti-vax, cannot travel, and likes the local men. So what if the kids don't get educated? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 122

You deserved it 230

Help needed

By Anonymous - 10/02/2022 11:59

Today, my daughter got her first period, so I went and got some products for her, certain that I knew what was needed. The lady cashier took one look in my basket and sympathetically asked if it was my daughter's first period and if I wanted help, since I clearly had no idea what I was doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 102

You deserved it 240

Secrecy

By Anonymous - 10/02/2022 09:59

Today, my son is apparently old enough for his dad to teach him the “Don’t tell mommy” game, such as, "Don’t tell mommy you had extra dessert", or "Don’t tell mommy it was daddy who accidentally broke the window with daddy’s secret new air rifle." FML

I agree, your life sucks 938

You deserved it 190

Only a few more years to go…

By Anonymous - 09/02/2022 16:00

Today, the lullaby I sing to my toddler makes my husband fall asleep faster than her, so basically I have to choose between not having sex or having to put up with a cranky overtired hyperactive toddler. Our house has a single bedroom where we all co-sleep, so I guess it's option one for now for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 174

You deserved it 396

Young love

By Anonymous - 09/02/2022 10:01

Today, I thought my husband was going to explode the vein in his forehead when our daughter's new boyfriend turned up with a Mike Tyson face tattoo, a weed cigarette in his mouth, and instead of “Hello” all he said was, “What up, grandpa dude. Is Sarah ready?” Our daughter's name is Sandra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 348

You deserved it 148

Single and unwilling to mingle

By Anonymous - 08/02/2022 14:00

Today, without really meaning to, I’ve become the angry old widower who lives alone, and whose neighbours don’t talk to him and their kids are scared of. I can’t be sure, but I think the kids even invented a legend about me being the old man monster of the neighbourhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 203

Imprinting

By Anonymous - 08/02/2022 09:59

Today, the best friend I grew up with since primary school, who helped me be a single mom to my son, helping with bottle feeds, nappy changing and so on, has been shagging him since he turned 20. They’re getting married next year, despite the 24-year age gap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 351

You deserved it 136

Absentee parents

By Anonymous - 07/02/2022 18:01 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I have to start completely over on my degree and life, because I was so busy raising my sister that I never got to plan my career out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 940

You deserved it 157

A bit weird, mom

By let it go already! - 07/02/2022 18:00

Today, I found out my mom was serious when she said she’d never get over me dumping my ex. While babysitting my 6 month-old daughter, she took her to meet said ex for lunch while I was at work. Problem? He’s not my daughter’s father and I broke up with him when I was 16. My husband is pissed as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 355

You deserved it 123

Gullible

By Anonymous - 07/02/2022 11:59

Today, I caught my 12 year-old seconds away from dripping bleach in his eye. Apparently “someone online” told him it scars the pupil red permanently, like a devil's eye, and he believed them. I’m shutting off the internet permanently, I can't handle his level of stupidity anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 211

You deserved it 195

This Charming Man

By Anonymous - 06/02/2022 00:01

Today, my wife and I have been trying for kids for years and nothing, yet my deadbeat brother just ran out on his third pregnant girlfriend in a row, with no intention of meeting the baby ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 211

You deserved it 151

Fear Factor

By superconfused16 - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while leaving a restaurant, a little boy grabbed onto my leg and screamed, "Mommy! Don't leave me!" Then he looked up at my face, said, "Ewww," and ran away screaming in fear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 678

You deserved it 4 565

Thanks Disney

By please stop talking about Bruno! - 05/02/2022 16:01

Today, my kids have watched Encanto about 37 times. When they aren’t watching the movie, they ask to hear the soundtrack. When they aren’t listening to it in the house, they ask to hear it in the car. I’m starting to hear these songs in my nightmares. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 085

You deserved it 255

Judge Judy

By Anonymous - 04/02/2022 20:01

Today, my mother refuses to acknowledge my girlfriend and refuses to accept the baby she is carrying as her real grandchild, all because my girlfriend has tattoos, which apparently makes her a "whore", so the baby could be from any other guy except me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 807

You deserved it 185

Alexa, play "I'm Doing Fine" by Day One

By MystiChild - 04/02/2022 02:00

Today, I returned home early from a week away for work. I was worried about my husband's mental health after a week alone with our two ADD kids. He wasn’t expecting me, but I was surprised to see the house cleaner than it had ever been, and our children happily reading on the couch. How did he do that? FML

I agree, your life sucks 738

You deserved it 557

Get outta here

By lea5459 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Medford

Today, my parents kindly told me what they are getting me for my 18th birthday. An eviction notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 344

You deserved it 3 596

Sounds iffy

By Anonymous - 02/02/2022 22:59

Today, I spent almost 1000$ on an ex girlfriend, not because I wanted to, I was court ordered. She had her child with a guy who was already married, and told the government that I was the father. This was 2 years after she stole my credit card and maxed it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 140

You deserved it 161

Costly mistake

By Anonymous - 01/02/2022 23:00

Today, my prank backfired when the airhorn prank I set up for my dad burst and blew a hole in his office window, which also broke his laptop screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 198

You deserved it 1 486

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, my girlfriend and I reconciled after having a huge fight last week. We went out drinking, and things got pretty intense, so we went back to my place. We made it to the bedroom, but somewhere between her taking off my shirt and me taking off her pants, we both passed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 005

You deserved it 13 777

Today, I was mowing the lawn of my brand new house, located in a very nice neighborhood, when a lady in her nice white cadillac drove up and asked me, in extremely broken Spanish, if I could mow her lawn too. I'm a hispanic guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 148 548

You deserved it 11 718

Today, at a restaurant, I happily watched as my boyfriend of three years got down on his knees and proposed to me. Before I could say yes and hug him, a girl flung herself at him, kissed him and shouted, "Yes!" With us still highly confused, she then ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 742

You deserved it 3 937

Today, I checked my email for the hundredth time, hoping to hear back from a potential employer about a job I really want. No response. Why? My email with resume attached has been sitting in my Outbox for the past week. I never actually sent it out in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 952

You deserved it 39 262

Today, my girlfriend wanted to have a conversation about sex. After she finished telling me what she liked, in exact detail, I said, "Well, I really like…" She cut me off and said, "I don't give a fuck what you like." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 697

You deserved it 320

Today, my girlfriend’s dad has a sword he inherited from his dad that he claims links their family to the old Swiss nobility. I work in a museum so I know most of the makers' marks on swords, so I’m not sure how to tell him his sword is a reproduction made in Spain less than 100 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 504

You deserved it 101