Gross

Wakey wakey

By Tanya - 30/05/2019 11:26

Today, I found shit smeared into the carpet and I wasn’t sure who to blame, the dog, the newborn baby or the 60-year-old alcoholic mother-in-law whose husband had finally thrown her out. I did eventually find her passed out drunk in my flower bed with shit all down her legs though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 422

You deserved it 158

Creative

By Kymberly Hams - 09/04/2019 10:00 - Australia

Today, my toddler was supposed to be taking a nap. Instead, he decided it was the perfect time to remove his own nappy for the first time ever. He painted his walls, floor, bed and body, then started crying because he was dirty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 083

You deserved it 349

Drip drip drip

By ewww - 03/04/2009 00:46 - United States

Today, I used the community vacuum to clean my dorm. When spots started appearing on the floor, I assumed it was leaking water. By the time I finished there were tons of wet spots on the floor. Later I found out that someone had just used that very vacuum to suck up vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 282

You deserved it 5 233

Rushed

By K.Trinity - 15/06/2024 20:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, I was in a rush to get to work and decided to multitask by making my coffee while brushing my teeth. Halfway through, I absentmindedly poured mouthwash into my coffee mug and took a big gulp. I spent the rest of the morning trying to get the taste of minty coffee out of my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 137

You deserved it 469

Demonic attack!

By zombie mommy - 27/06/2020 17:02

Today, my 10-month-old kept me up all night after a gruelling day. I finally fell asleep with her at about 2 a.m., and I woke up half an hour later to her hands on my throat, and her biting my nose. Startled, I took a big breath through my nose and snorted an ungodly amount of slobber. I’m awake now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 592

You deserved it 275

Long flight, enduring smell

By Anonymous - 25/12/2022 12:00

Today, the line for the bathroom on my flight was so long that the passenger next to me couldn't hold it any longer, so he just let it all loose in his pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 047

You deserved it 96

Ain't it funky

By Anonymous - 05/12/2011 00:40 - United States

Today, I cleaned my toilet. I had forgotten it was white. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 241

You deserved it 49 212

Night killer

By Tom - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Israel

Today, I was woken up by a funky smell. My dog had eaten a dead bird and thrown up all over my bed and floor. At 4 o'clock in the morning I had to clean up regurgitated bits of bird, feathers, blood and dog food. The smell still hasn't gone away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 828

You deserved it 3 677

With friends like these…

By marz88 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a friend of mine got a bit drunk, but said she was fine and didn't feel drunk at all. I took her keys anyway and said she could sleep on my bed, while I slept on the floor next to the bed. I was rudely woken up in the middle of the night to her rolling over and vomiting on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 116

You deserved it 7 255

It's a gas gas gas

By Dani - 28/11/2011 12:34 - Reserved

Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting a historical war bunker when I accidentally let rip a small fart. My boyfriend responded with a horribly loud, horrendous fart, and loudly announced, "This is war." There were people, lots of people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 397

You deserved it 9 484

Bon appétit

By Anonymous - 05/09/2010 05:22 - United States

Today, I took some friends out to the woods to show them a natural spring. I explained to them that the water bubbles up from underground, and that it's clean and tasty. I bent down and drank a few hefty handfuls, only to look up and see a dead raccoon floating near me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 017

You deserved it 24 720

Welcome

By Anonymous - 24/12/2020 20:01

Today, I had to clean out my husband's brother's room as he is moving. The room was filled with childish toys, mould and years of dust covered everything. Behind and under every piece of furniture were earwax encrusted cotton swabs, hundreds of them. Oh yeah, he's moving in with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 090

You deserved it 153

Unsolicited Richard

By Anonymous - 15/02/2022 10:00

Today, someone sent me disgusting private pictures, all because he asked if I wanted to swap pictures and I said sure, but I didn't think it was a different type of picture and not just selfies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 832

You deserved it 671

By Anonymous - 27/02/2019 20:00

Today, one of the customers at work shat all down the side of the toilet and on the floor. They didn’t even try to make it in the bowl. Guess who had to clean it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 280

You deserved it 188

By youredisgusting - 03/10/2014 07:00 - United States - Merced

Today, my roommate yelled at me yet again for using the dishwasher because it's "unsanitary." This is all while a mountain of her dishes were going mouldy in the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 082

You deserved it 2 734

Nutter on the bus

By Metallurge - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Belfast

Today, I was so hungry when I finished work that I grabbed some chips to eat on the bus home. The guy who sat next to me spat in them as he left to get off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 797

You deserved it 3 171

By Anonymous - 27/08/2018 18:30 - United States - Compton

Today, I was at a pool party with my friends. I really had to pass gas so I moved a bit from the group and let it rip. Instead of bubbles surfacing a brown cloud of poo rose instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 578

You deserved it 3 257

By catgiraffegirl - 23/09/2014 18:30 - United States

Today, I had to inform my roommate that dry shampoo, deodorant, and perfume are not the same as a shower. It's been two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 986

You deserved it 2 969

Skidmarks

By Anonymous - 02/11/2022 00:00

Today, while drinking with my siblings, my brother said out loud at the pub: “I have to go…wipe better”, then he fucked off and didn’t come back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 773

You deserved it 133

Excellent

By Anonymous - 21/03/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I walked into my apartment after work, only be to greeted by an awful smell. I searched every inch of the place, convinced something had died. After an hour of searching around, I found the source: a single forgotten boiled egg in one of my backpack's pockets. I will never forget the smell of sulphur or whatever it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 467

Sticky

By Anonymous - 13/06/2025 23:00 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, it's been a few days since I had surgery, which means I can’t wash my hair myself for a couple of weeks. Today I paid to have it washed professionally… then proceeded to spill liquid glucose all over the ends of my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 309

You deserved it 125

Helter Skelter

By bobra - 21/10/2019 12:00

Today, I decided to face my fears and go on my first upside-down ride. Unfortunately for me, the two men in front of me had chosen to eat before the ride and I walked off with bits of strawberry and bacon in my hair, my clothes drenched in whitish fluid, not to mention the stench. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 894

You deserved it 137

Sorry Sweaty, you're gross

By butterflyzag20 - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I realized that the only positive accomplishment my boyfriend has made in the last 3 years is that he started wearing deodorant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 433

You deserved it 8 018

Mystery

By disgusting - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I walked past a girl in the cafeteria and she threw up. Naturally, a crowd was drawn. Her friend asked her what was wrong. She pointed at me and said, "Get him away from me!" I'd never met this girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 213

You deserved it 2 808

Wild night, huh?

By Anonymous - 06/06/2019 22:00

Today, I had a party at my house. I have a nice laptop that I hook up to the stereo, but someone almost spilt beer on it, so I took it downstairs. Later on in the night, I went down to look something up on it. Someone had taken a shit on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 963

You deserved it 424

Glued

By Anonymous - 09/12/2021 19:58

Today, as a police officer, I was sent to deal with an indecent exposure. It was two homeless people who'd both passed out on drugs in the middle of sex. I had to wake them up, then help prise them apart, as his penis was still very visibly inside her exposed for the whole street to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 827

You deserved it 187

Accounting

By SOME QUESTIONS DON'T NEED ANSWERS - 29/02/2024 08:00 - United States

Today, I came home to my boyfriend weighing a cup of shit on the kitchen scale. After I finished screaming in horror, he said he wanted to know how much his average dump weighed, so he could calculate how many pounds of shit he'd made in his adult life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 578

You deserved it 128

5-star meal

By storyofmylife - 15/03/2009 02:27 - United States

Today, while I was babysitting, the toddler was feeding me banana slices from her tray while I was cutting up clay for her to mold. It was all fine until she shoved something hard and crunchy into my mouth. I immediately spat it out into my hand. It was a dead cricket she found on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 665

You deserved it 10 791

By Pimpleeater - 20/12/2011 07:45 - New Zealand

Today, I found out that, when mad at us, my son picks the tops off his shoulder-pimples and sprinkles them in our food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 489

You deserved it 5 686

Sympathetic

By Sorry kitty - 14/05/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I was sick during the night and had to puke. I had no bucket or trashcan nearby, so I ended up puking on the floor. However, because it was so dark, I didn't notice my cat lying in the exact spot where I puked. She was not amused, giving me the mother of all death glares before she started puking herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 487

You deserved it 156

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Gross Poopoo peepee Kids Death Miscellaneous Mother in law My ex I need your advice Money AITA Love Break-ups Embarrassing Food Family Teachers School Relatable Clumsy Health Healthy Lifestyle Cats Neighbours Animals Cute Confused Transportation Music Concert Annoying

The Top

Today, I added "a road sign" to my ever-growing list of "Things which have hit my car as a result of the wind." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 578

You deserved it 3 171

Today, I was late to dinner with my anal-retentive parents because my boyfriend was too busy making cock puppets in the shower to get ready to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 823

You deserved it 3 393

Today, I bought a nice new dress for a work party, but when I went to it, a coworker hurried me into the bathroom saying, "Don't worry we can fix this." She thought someone had been sick on me. Thanks. That was just the pattern of the dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 845

You deserved it 7 391

Today, I explained to my boyfriend that I'm pansexual. I said attracts what me to him is his intelligence and personality, and would still love him whether or not he had a penis. Turns out a 100% straight cis man can prioritise his penis over his intelligence and personality, because he's really offended now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 915

You deserved it 1 486

Today, I randomly bumped into the girl of my dreams, my high school sweetheart whom I lost 15 years ago when my parents decided to emigrate us. I couldn’t help myself, I went up to her hoping the old spark was still there. She was just as sweet now as she was then, just heavily pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 577

You deserved it 192

Today, I made the mistake of being competent at chores, so according to my wife I’m trying to show her up, because I don’t appreciate her contribution to the household, and I secretly think she’s useless, blah blah. I had a day off so I cleaned the kitchen and bathroom. Lock me up, I’m guilty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 561

You deserved it 81