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Masterchef

By weekend starts here - 09/08/2026 09:00 - Germany - Berlin

Today, I put leftovers in the microwave, pressed two minutes, and walked away. I came back to discover I'd started the kitchen timer instead. I'd spent two minutes waiting for food that had never even started warming up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 330

Simple plan

By Anonymous - 11/08/2026 03:00 - United States - San Bernardino

Today, I got a message from an old friend’s wife. She said they were having a reunion at their place and invited me to come. She spent the whole night trying to get me to hook up with him! She wanted out of the marriage and thought that if she could get him to cheat, she’d get a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 375

You deserved it 66

Bathroom police

By Anonymous - 12/08/2026 22:00 - The Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, it was 5th period and I went to the year 11 bathroom. I came out, and there was a crowd of people outside. Someone said, "Um, that's the boys bathroom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 104

You deserved it 214

Sounds like a keeper

By Anonymous - 16/08/2026 12:00 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I was trying pillow talk with this guy I met at the bar that night. I’m thinking he’s going to say something cute, but he told me, "One time, I was bored, so I went to a liquor store and robbed an Asian man and put his bag over his head." I just wanted to pillow talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 263

You deserved it 123

Do it again

By Not Kevin - 18/08/2026 09:00 - United States - Denver

Today, after I'd ordered a birthday cake with my name written on it, I went to pick it up but the bakery messed up and wrote the name of the person who ordered one right before me. I stood at the party smiling while everyone congratulated “Kevin.” I am not called Kevin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 245

You deserved it 79

Placeholder

By Anonymous - 20/08/2026 03:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I asked my boss for a raise, but he told me my position is a legal requirement that produces no profit, unlike every other employee, ergo if I’m feeling ungrateful about my generous wage, he will happily fire me and hire someone else at minimum wage, saving the company money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28

You deserved it 12

Witty, but still…

By Bad neighbor - 20/07/2026 22:00 - Canada - Brockville

Today, I helped my neighbor carry her groceries upstairs. One egg carton slipped from my hand and exploded in the sink. She stared at the mess, then at me, and said, “That's my omelet down the drain.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 292

You deserved it 105

Meritocracy ain't shit

By Anonymous - 24/07/2026 12:00 - United States - Henrico

Today, I was a manager of a store for 12 years and I'd had an agreement with the owner that I was to be signed over as full manager until I could buy the store… and then he goes to sell it to a kid I'd fired. I got fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 383

You deserved it 73

A new friend

By Anonymous - 28/07/2026 00:00 - Belgium - Roeselare

Today, my husband introduced me to an old high school friend of his. He's always told me the guy is the opposite of himself and to keep expectations low. I opened the door to a drop dead gorgeous man, sweet, with an excellent job, car, and great sense of humour. Instant crush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 319

You deserved it 217

Clack clack

By Anonymous - 29/07/2026 20:00 - Australia

Today, I heard my washing machine making a strange noise. I nervously waited for the cycle to end so I could open it and investigate. The noise was my car keys. I'd somehow washed them, my wallet and $20 without noticing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 127

You deserved it 311

Been there, done that

By Anonymous - 31/07/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, I spent an hour trying to figure out why my laptop wouldn't charge. I restarted it three times, watched two tutorials, and almost ordered a new charger until I realized that the actual charger wasn't plugged into the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 440

Drive away

By Suzanne - 02/08/2026 09:00 - United States

Today, I took my car in because of a strange rattling noise. The mechanic charged me nothing, just handed me back my reusable water bottle that had been rolling around under the passenger seat for three months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101

You deserved it 421

Here's your reward

By Anonymous - 04/08/2026 03:00 - United States

Today, I finally had enough reward points for a free coffee. As the barista handed it to me, the lid popped off and the entire drink landed on the floor before I even took one sip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 357

You deserved it 79

Forecast, my arse!

By Anonymous - 05/08/2026 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I washed my car because rain wasn't in the forecast. It started pouring before I'd even finished drying it. The weather app still insists it's "Sunny." FML

I agree, your life sucks 297

You deserved it 78

The Doors

By Invisible - 09/08/2026 12:00 - United States

Today, I walked into an automatic glass door at a mall when it failed to open. A woman asked if I was OK, so I said, "I'm fine, the door must be busted." The automatic door then opened immediately after, proving it worked just fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 276

You deserved it 82

Run Hide Fright

By IjustwanttoenjoyRome - 13/08/2026 00:00

Today, my husband and I are here on holiday in Rome, Italy. We both made chit-chat to an older couple who are staying at the same hotel as us. They've tried to spend everyday with us, even going to the same cafes and museums, where we are. We now try and avoid them; we end up hiding. We're here for another week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 325

You deserved it 85

Hey you!

By I was very drunk - 14/08/2026 20:00 - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, after a boozy lunch, I drunkenly waved at what I thought was my reflection in a shop window. The person inside waved back. I laughed and kept walking. Ten minutes later, I realized I'd spent the entire interaction waving at someone standing in a café. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 338

You have been warned

By Anonymous - 16/08/2026 15:00 - United States - Rialto

Today, a woman showed me a copy of my wedding picture with her face photoshopped over mine. I burst into tears and cussed her out for being a creepy bitch. She had proof my husband had sent it to her that way, saying “this is how it should’ve been”. She was just trying to warn me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 445

You deserved it 77

Damn birds!

By Anonymous - 18/08/2026 12:00 - France - Lille

Today, a pigeon flew into my apartment through an open window. I tried for 20 minutes to guide it back outside. It eventually left on its own, then immediately flew back in through the window again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 220

You deserved it 76

Dating sucks

By Anonymous - 21/07/2026 00:00 - Switzerland - Klingnau

Today, I went on a date with a girl I recently met, thinking she was really into me. Turns out she isn’t. How did I figure it out? We went clubbing and she hit on my roommate, made out with her best guy friend, and then left with a completely different guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 370

You deserved it 73

Tech support starts at home

By Anonymous - 22/07/2026 20:00 - United States

Today, I spent 10 minutes on the phone with tech support before realizing my “broken” printer was unplugged behind the desk and had been the whole time. The agent waited in silence as I was checking, but I was too embarrassed to tell him, so I hung up the phone in shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 400

Toilet break

By Anonymous - 24/07/2026 15:00 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was having a bath and needed the loo (they're in separate rooms), and my mother-in-law used the bathroom while I wasn't in it. I walked back in and realised my enema bulb was in full fucking view. I actually want to lie on the ground and let the moss consume me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 253

You deserved it 149

Unexpected

By Anonymous - 26/07/2026 09:00 - United States

Today, my stepdaughter unexpectedly got her first period during a visit. I explained everything to her, then took her to the store to buy supplies and snacks. Her mother called and cussed me out for “stealing” this experience from her. Yeah I totally planned it to happen this way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 465

You deserved it 55

Brainrot

By Cucumberboi - 28/07/2026 03:00 - United States

Today, I was spelling out a code for a customer and I said, “Q as in Cucumber” and he immediately said, “Cucumber is spelled with a C.” The call was recorded and my boss will probably hear it one day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 445

You know it when you see it

By FutureDishwasher - 29/07/2026 22:00 - United States - Denver

Today, I'm reviewing articles for a medical journal. The stuff submitted that was partially written by AI is such utter crap, I have to take a break every 30 minutes so I don't kill myself or tell the authors they're morons. It actually makes me miss being a minimum wage dishwasher in summer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 378

You deserved it 74

Suspicious activity

By Lexa - 02/08/2026 12:00 - United States

Today, my husband made an elaborate heartfelt speech to a female colleague regarding her job promotion during her celebration dinner that had everyone in tears. During our wedding, he insisted on not do wedding vows because he “doesn’t like all that emotional shit.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 423

You deserved it 93

Message in a bottle

By Anonymous - 06/08/2026 00:00 - United States

Today, an ex I blocked on every platform imaginable has been begging my friends, family members, and acquaintances to give me messages for him. I tried contacting the police but they basically said that if he hasn’t made any threats or attacked me then there’s nothing they can do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 352

You deserved it 88

Jumping to conclusions

By Anonymous - 07/08/2026 20:00 - United States

Today, I’ve been getting death threats after a former friend did a storytime online about me getting rid of my dog after having a baby. She completely left out I had no choice but to rehome my dog because my baby is deathly allergic and had to be hospitalized for breathing problems from the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 426

You deserved it 80

Suspicious messaging

By Yudith - 09/08/2026 15:00 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I received this weird email that mentioned our company name and an apartment number. I flagged it, saying it could be whaling. It was in fact a legitimate email, asking us if they could deliver ten pallets of stuff this morning. They just can't spell to save their life. Delivery postponed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 297

You deserved it 62

It wasn't me

By Anonymous - 11/08/2026 09:00 - United Kingdom

Today, our boss announced several new training courses. For some reason, the guy next to me whispered in my ear that the only course he’s interested in is intercourse, with the boss’s daughter. The boss heard him but for some reason is convinced I said it. Suspended without pay, and possibly sacked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 443

You deserved it 69

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The Top

Today, I went to see Star Wars with my brother. The entire time he talked about how scientifically inaccurate and improbable the entire movie was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 415

You deserved it 3 184

Today, I fell and hit my head on hard concrete. When I went to the emergency room for a CT Scan, the nurse hit me in the head with an IV pole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 526

You deserved it 2 172

Today, against the will of the kids in my class, we played kick ball. The first time I rolled the ball, the tallest, biggest kid kicked it as hard as he could. I caught it though, with my nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 258

You deserved it 5 289

Today, I went to play pool with a couple of friends. I'm not very good at this game. My friend beat me fair and square. Twice. He's blind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 751

You deserved it 655

Today, my grandma and I went to visit one of her friends. The elderly gentleman told me I'd grown into a very beautiful young woman, to which my grandma replied, "Have you started in on the sherry early this evening, Henry?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 488

You deserved it 143

Today, like we do every year, we watched a documentary show's annual Halloween special. Everything is set: food, location, the works. Our so-called uber-religious mom, who always opposes to this because it's "inauspicious", right before it started, hijacked the TV to stay in one channel, The 24-Hour Bible Channel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 413

You deserved it 88