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No good deed…

By Anonymous - 01/08/2026 00:00 - United States

Today, I made a small batch of cookies and took them to work. Mostly everyone took one, but nobody said anything until I asked how they were. Someone asked what my recipe was, because it tasted like I'd forgot to add sugar. I bit into one. I had. The cookies tasted like muddy mush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 118

You deserved it 342

Lucid boredom

By Wasted effort - 02/08/2026 20:00 - United States

Today, I finally managed to have a lucid dream. I went to soar across the sky like Superman. Nothing happened. I went to have dream sex with a hot babe. Her body was just a blur and I didn't feel anything. I literally cannot recall the last time I was so disappointed in anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 237

You deserved it 168

Not enough RAM

By Chris - 04/08/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, I got a notification that my package had been delivered. I searched my porch, checked with my neighbors, and even contacted customer support. It was sitting in my car's trunk because I'd picked it up from a parcel locker yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 418

The truth bomb

By Anonymous - 08/08/2026 03:00 - United States - Collegeville

Today, I found out that my son didn’t have to work over Christmas because he "didn’t have enough seniority to get time off." He actually volunteered so that he didn’t have to spend the holiday with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 428

Free money

By Nick - 09/08/2026 22:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I found $20 in an old jacket and celebrated by buying myself a fancy lunch (well, Burger King, but that just goes to show how well I'm doing in this economy). When I got home, I realized I'd left my wallet at the restaurant while paying with the $20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 287

You deserved it 169

Return to nature

By no fucking camping!!!! - 13/08/2026 12:00 - Canada - Montreal

Today, my dad announced that to "save money", instead of going to the beach we will be going camping. My brothers thought it was awesome. I can't stand the thought. Instead of a sexy golden tan, I now get bug bites, pit toilets, and bear attacks! Ugh! FML

I agree, your life sucks 159

You deserved it 365

Get me the hell out of there

By Anonymous - 17/08/2026 00:00 - United States - Durham

Today, I tried to find a cheap apartment to get away from my toxic parents. There seems to be only one that's in my budget and it has abysmal reviews. The job market is in the crapper, so the odds of getting a better-paying job anytime soon are slim to none. FML

I agree, your life sucks 305

You deserved it 66

Busted grid

By Tenant - 18/08/2026 22:00 - Canada - Quebec

Today, my cat knocked my phone into the bathtub. I grabbed it, dried it, and put it on the charger without thinking. Five minutes later, the bathroom lights went out and my landlord texted me asking why the fuses had tripped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 308

Old timey reference

By Anonymous - 21/07/2026 12:00 - United States

Today, I was exercising my legs by laying on my stomach and lifting a dumbbell between my feet. I sneezed mid-lift and dropped the dumbbell right on my taint. I haven’t looked but I’m pretty sure both my asshole and cooch are bruised. I’m walking like John Wayne. FML

I agree, your life sucks 283

You deserved it 190

Sentimental value

By Anonymous - 28/07/2026 15:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I found out that my ex gifted a special handcrafted necklace I made for him to his new girlfriend. She wears it on all her socials. FML

I agree, your life sucks 351

You deserved it 84

Unprofessionnal

By Anonymous - 30/07/2026 09:00 - United States - Davenport

Today, my pulmonologist dropped me as a patient. She kept insisting that my weight was the problem, so I put in the work and lost 60 pounds. My lungs are even worse now than they were when I was obese. So instead of admitting she was wrong and helping me figure out the real issue, she just won't see me anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 527

You deserved it 75

Relaxed

By Anonymous - 01/08/2026 03:00 - United States - Riverside

Today, I decided to push myself and go to a morning yoga class, despite suffering from horrible insomnia for the past few nights. During child’s pose, I fell dead asleep on my mat and only woke up because I ripped a comedically loud fart and startled myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 325

You deserved it 124

Brainiac

By Anonymous - 02/08/2026 22:00

Today, my ex-husband has always been a snob about his high IQ and has always been open about his disappointment that our children are academically average, but now he tells me he won’t be helping pay for college because, as he puts it “What’s the point?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 391

You deserved it 100

Loose fit

By Anonymous - 06/08/2026 12:00 - United States - Sanford

Today, I got new thongs that were too big, but wore them anyway. It was fine until they got caught on a door handle when I held the door open with my back. The whole conference room saw the door basically give me a wedgie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 135

You deserved it 349

Buzz off

By buzzzzzzzzz - 10/08/2026 00:00 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I finally slapped the shit out of the mosquito that had been buzzing around my room all night. I celebrated, turned off the light, and immediately began hearing another one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 330

You deserved it 88

Heavy load

By Anonymous - 13/08/2026 15:00 - United States - Boise

Today, my cat knocked the TV remote behind our heavy couch. I reached for it, got stuck halfway underneath, and had to call my roommate for help. She found me face-down on the carpet wearing one sock and asked if this was “an emergency or drugs?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 239

You deserved it 108

Bad seed

By Anonymous - 15/08/2026 09:00 - United States - Carrollton

Today, everyone says I'm being too hard on my son, who I disowned and went no contact with after he cleaned out all of my late wife's belongings without asking. I have nothing, literally nothing left of her now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 456

You deserved it 54

Slightly intoxicated

By Clare99 - 17/08/2026 03:00 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, drunk, I tried to sneak quietly into my flat at 2 a.m. so I wouldn't wake anyone up. I stepped on the one squeaky floorboard, dropped my keys, kicked my left shoe into a door, and somehow knocked a framed picture off the wall. My flatmate texted me from her bed, “You OK out there?” FM

I agree, your life sucks 87

You deserved it 319

Sneakin' around

By furry intruder - 19/08/2026 00:00 - United States

Today, my neighbor knocked on my door and asked if I'd seen her cat. I helped her search the hallway, basement, and garden for 30 minutes. We finally found it sitting inside my apartment, where I had apparently been living with it for three days without noticing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 237

You deserved it 112

My brother, the asshole

By Anonymous - 21/07/2026 15:00 - United States - Pensacola

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my family. My brother insulted her weight so many times she left in tears. Not only does he not understand why what he did was wrong, he’s genuinely livid with me for being upset with him, to the point that he damn near slugged me when I confronted him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 472

You deserved it 99

Hangry boy

By Anonymous - 23/07/2026 09:00 - United States

Today, I ordered a food delivery because I was too tired to cook. I tracked the driver on the app for 20 minutes before realizing I'd sent it to my old address. My former neighbor enjoyed my tacos more than I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 116

You deserved it 360

OK boomer

By Haldu - 26/07/2026 22:00 - France - Dijon

Today, while waiting for the tram, I gave 50 cents to an unhoused person in his twenties. A boomer then spent exactly 7 minutes, the time it took for my tram to arrive, explaining to me that young people shouldn't be given money, otherwise they wouldn’t want to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 338

You deserved it 122

Nope, no thanks

By Anonymous - 30/07/2026 12:00 - United States

Today, I found out that I have to appear in juvenile court because I refused to go visit my dad, even though it was court ordered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 395

You deserved it 157

Slight discrepancy

By Anonymous - 04/08/2026 20:00 - United States - Kansas City

Today, I finally beat my personal best on a 10K run. I was so pleased with myself that I forgot to stop my fitness tracker before driving home. According to the app, I finished the last 8 miles at 45 mph. FML

I agree, your life sucks 257

You deserved it 129

No biggie

By Anonymous - 06/08/2026 15:00 - United States - Warren

Today, I got a message that my physician looked up my MRI and is now talking with a neurosurgeon to discuss next steps. No big deal, except this is serious spinal surgery and I'm not sure how expensive this is going to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 344

You deserved it 60

Birds of a feather

By Anonymous - 08/08/2026 09:00 - United States - Tampa

Today, my husband went to grab a DoorDash order while I decided to gift some cigarettes, some leftover pizza from lunch, and a few dollars to a sweet traveler. As I got back into the car, my husband said, "I was about to say 'Look a the homeless congregation', then I realized it was you and that lady." FML

I agree, your life sucks 219

You deserved it 96

Bad sitter

By Angelina - 11/08/2026 22:00 - United States

Today, I came home from vacation to pick up my dog from the sitter, only to find out he had passed away while in her care. I asked for answers and she simply said, “I dunno, he just woke up dead.” I demanded more answers and she said, “Girl, what else do you want me to tell you? The fuck I look like Osmosis Jones?!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 439

You deserved it 76

Born to die

By Anonymous - 19/08/2026 03:00 - India - Bhopal

Today, I found out my lifespan has been reduced by a year just because of where I was born. FML

I agree, your life sucks 201

You deserved it 77

Diversity hire

By Anonymous - 23/07/2026 12:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, on my second shift at my job, I was fired for “ruining the communication of coworkers” AKA I don’t speak Spanish. This was known before I was hired and I live in California. FML

I agree, your life sucks 377

You deserved it 75

Call the doctor

By Anonymous - 27/07/2026 00:00 - United States

Today, I tried to go to bed on time, complete with going to the bathroom and not eating several hours before bed. I dunno why but for some strange reason I was woken up by my own flatulence. Again. I hadn't eaten several hours before bed to prevent this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 308

You deserved it 94

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The Top

Today, while at the public swimming pool, I gave my 2-year-old daughter a piggy back ride in the pool. We were having fun until I realized she had untied my swim top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 803

You deserved it 1 458

Today, I came home from work to be given $1 by my mother. This normally would have been nice, had my mother not said, "I just sold that ugly old black and white picture frame you always leave lying around in your room." Which also would have been nice if that "frame" wasn't my Kindle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 000

You deserved it 2 381

Today, I found out there's a Harry Potter club at my school. My boyfriend is in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 350

You deserved it 43 126

Today, I found out why the amount of mouthwash hasn't been decreasing much recently when I walked in on my dad using it and then spitting some of it back in the bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 305

You deserved it 81

Today, my friend thought it'd be a great idea to drag me a new fitness trend - goat yoga. Mid-session, the goat had a nibble on my hair, and I ended up having to do a downward dog while trying to dodge a very friendly but mischievous farm animal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 191

You deserved it 366

Today, I saw the woman I asked out last month in a relationship with another guy. She rejected me because she “wanted to focus on herself.” I texted her and asked why she had lied to me. She responded with, “Okay, you caught me. But can you blame me? I’m not attracted to butt ugly Martian-looking men.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 235

You deserved it 753