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My family

By Anonymous - 07/01/2020 14:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I had to listen for over 10 minutes as my brother and grandmother discussed how much they hate me. They thought I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 420

You deserved it 334

By Kelly1995 - 21/03/2016 20:20 - United States - Pompey

Today, I was in the gym waiting for my boyfriend while he played racquetball. I had to listen to old men talk about their prostates for 15 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 500

You deserved it 2 954

Kelly1995_fml tells us more.

Kelly1995_fml 8

Thursday 24 March 2016 2:19

Just for everyone's information I couldn't go outside because it was too cold It was hard not to hear them when they were very loud old men It didn't disgust me because it's the human body but I more of had to try not to laugh listening to them all causally talk about their prostates and comparing them like they were toys So please stop being butt hurt about this I made this FML to share a funny experience at the gym. Thanks :)

Seize the means of production

By Anonymous - 21/07/2020 20:02

Today, my job has a policy where you can only have two breaks if you work 7 hours or more. I've recently been assigned multiple strings of 6 hour 45 minute shifts. And no, I can't work 15 minutes of overtime so I can have the extra break. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 631

You deserved it 204

By toe - 03/02/2015 03:14 - United States - Sullivan

Today, I stole my brother's fuzzy slippers for the day as I usually do. Too bad he had been anticipating this and had left a mouse trap in one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 584

You deserved it 45 141

Move it, now!

By Anonymous - 24/07/2020 05:01

Today, I had just gotten out of the bath when a police officer knocked on my door. I answered in my towel, and he told me I had to leave due to a bomb scare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 518

You deserved it 134

Detained

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, I found out that if a cop asks you if you have any weapons, and you reply by saying, "Only these guns!" while flexing your biceps, they won't take it very well. Neither will the cops down at the station. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 074

You deserved it 51 121

By JiggaJayZ - 29/10/2012 18:10 - United States

Today, I jokingly asked my girlfriend what she got me for my half birthday, to which she replied "A baby." She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 686

You deserved it 29 216

JiggaJayZ tells us more.

JiggaJayZ 16

Tuesday 30 October 2012 1:06

Nope she's prego. Broken condom. And we even took a morning after and that didn't work so yeah FML

By failure - 16/07/2009 16:25 - Canada

Today, my parents are freaking at me because I just got my report and I failed my first year of college. They told me they have never been more disappointed in me. I have to tell them that I'm also pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 630

You deserved it 102 135

By singleasapringle - 13/03/2016 06:41 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I went back to my high school for an event with some of my friends, both of which are in relationships. Whilst there we saw our favorite teacher, who hugged us and said, "I heard you have a boyfriend! And so do you!" And then she turned to me and said, "And... And you're doing great things!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 985

You deserved it 1 861

By bgoodwin07 - 29/11/2011 13:31 - United States

Today, I found out my dad has been sending dirty text messages to my mom. Which wouldn't be a problem except they're divorced and my dad is remarried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 052

You deserved it 2 884

By TypeOhNegative - 23/10/2012 03:18 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and I asked him to call me something sweet. He called me Honey Boo Boo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 926

You deserved it 8 369

TypeOhNegative tells us more.

TypeOhNegative 2

Sunday 4 November 2012 19:58

Hello. I'm the original poster. My boyfriend and I saw Honey Boo Boo for the first time the night before. He had it stuck in head and he just blurted it out. I laughed, he laughed too, and it's just a funny story to tell people. We're not fans of Honey Boo Boo, FYI. To get revenge, I tell him he has the sex appeal of Mitt Romney's voice, haha.

Kitten Struggles

By FML Videos - 23/09/2018 18:30

Well that's adorable.

I agree, your life sucks 293

You deserved it 92

Bit of an overreaction

By Anonymous - 03/02/2023 16:00

Today, my girlfriend firmly believes that wild Karens should be classed as vermin, as proven when we met a screaming Karen in Starbucks and my girlfriend jumped straight in there and kicked her ass until she stopped screaming. I'm now waiting to pick her up at the police station. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 201

It's all in the timing

By laststand11 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, my mom used, "Happy Thanksgiving break" and, "We sold your car" in the same sentence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 060

You deserved it 2 503

Doing it on the company dime

By Anonymous - 13/11/2021 17:00

Today, at work, I hooked up with a gorgeous customer in a storage shed. Somehow all my coworkers knew within five minutes, so there’s that, but my direct manager now won’t even look at me because apparently he fancied me himself, but didn’t realise I was a lesbian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 596

You deserved it 1 702

Fashion Struggles

By FML Videos - 28/09/2018 00:30

Beauty is pain!

I agree, your life sucks 259

You deserved it 79

Take the hint

By Anonymous - 05/12/2021 01:59

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 079

You deserved it 626

By newlyengaged - 09/01/2017 00:11 - United States - Atlanta

Today, my mother excitedly jumped up and down, announcing that one of her sweet younger coworkers got engaged. I wished she'd had the same reaction to my engagement when I announced it to her a few days earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 905

You deserved it 597

The best of times, the worst of times

By ToTeachorNottoTeach - 03/09/2020 05:01 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I'm a teacher in the middle of a pandemic. Half my students haven't shown up to my class. The other half don't do any assignments. I keep my job based on how well my students do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 532

You deserved it 133

One way or another

By embarrassed - 08/10/2012 09:12 - Australia - Morphett Vale

Today, despite having a mild case of the flu, I visited my boyfriend's house and watched a movie with his parents. During the movie, I felt the sudden urge to sneeze. Trying to hold it in, I managed to do the loudest fart I've ever done in my life. Everyone heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 021

You deserved it 6 144

Denied

By Anonymous - 05/09/2020 02:02

Today, my wife asked me what I wanted for my birthday, and I said sex. She told me to grow up and ask for something more realistic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 999

You deserved it 391

Construction Fail

By FML Videos - 09/10/2018 00:30

Tear down that wall!

I agree, your life sucks 318

You deserved it 172

By soapisyourfriend - 16/02/2016 06:53 - United States - Ashland

Today, cable was installed at my house and the cable guy smelled like some horrid mix of cabbage and cheese. I'm pregnant and suffering from morning sickness. I've sprayed air freshener, lit candles, and opened windows despite the cold outside. I can't get rid of the smell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 928

You deserved it 1 430

Appearance matters

By Anonymous - 09/09/2020 23:00

Today, I tried thinking of the best way to kill myself without leaving my body intact enough for people to continue to judge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 439

You deserved it 432

By R281780 - 14/02/2016 15:53 - United States - San Jose

Today, my girlfriend is locked in the bathroom crying because I didn't buy her anything for Valentine's Day, even though Friday, at her suggestion, we agreed not to exchange gifts because both of our birthdays are a week away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 460

You deserved it 4 178

Confused

By kise - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - France - Paris

Today, drunk at a party, I leaned through a window to throw up. I was outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 041

You deserved it 34 332

By I knew it! - 02/11/2018 22:00 - United States - Washington

Today, I woke up to 6 missed calls. I called back to find a woman asking how I know her boyfriend after seeing our texts. I told her he's been my boyfriend for 4 months, and she told me he's been hers for over a year. He vehemently denied knowing who I am as I spoke, even with obvious proof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 151

You deserved it 311

You big fanny

By Anonymous - 30/09/2012 17:57 - Germany - Hagen

Today, I was babysitting a six year old girl, when I saw a huge spider on the wall. I screamed and told her to stay back. Instead, she walked up to the spider, squished it, and told me to stop being such a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 438

You deserved it 31 315

This is shit

By Anonymous - 03/01/2011 01:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I realised it takes me longer to take a dump than it does to have sex with my boyfriend. I also realised taking a dump is more satisfying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 828

You deserved it 6 590

That kidnapped kink

By georgiahick - 30/12/2010 14:09

Today, my boyfriend asked me to 'spice things up in the bedroom'. When I asked how, he said I could try wearing a paper bag over my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 868

You deserved it 6 116

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The Top

Today, my family is on the third day of driving cross country. My husband is still pretending he is driving on a NASCAR track, sound effects and all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 378

You deserved it 4 510

Today, my boyfriend complained that we may not work out because I'm "just too needy". I'd woken up early and texted him "good morning" while he was trying to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 762

You deserved it 9 672

Today, I decided to be safe and tested a small dime-sized amount of Nair on my inner arm before using it. I didn't react badly. But as soon as it was washed off from my down-there hair I sure as hell reacted, with small bumpy red dots that look like an STD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 495

You deserved it 13 900

Today, my long distance friend-with-benefits informed me she's now in a relationship with an amazing guy. I should be happier for her, as even I admit he is perfect for her. Too bad I just spent over a thousand dollars on plane tickets to visit her. The tickets are completely nonrefundable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 522

You deserved it 948

Today, I had to fire an employee for the first time in my life. She broke something that keeps breaking on its own, but she didn't report it. HR made me fire her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 011

You deserved it 127

Today, I finally found out my suspicions about my 12 year-old daughter were correct, and I don’t know which one is worse: She's had a boyfriend and has denied it for the last 3 months, or the fact that my partner thought it was a good idea to let it go on for this long without telling me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 388

You deserved it 755