The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

Like the deserts miss the rain

By Sam - 27/05/2022 16:00

Today, it's been a few days since our neighbour died. For the last 30 years, he and my husband have hated each other and disagreed on everything, no matter the subject, they would be on opposite sides of it. My husband is crying because they were best friends and he misses him. They loved to hate each other I suppose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 949

You deserved it 121

Thanks, I hate it!

By pleasebackintomycaragain - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, as I was sitting in my car in a mall parking lot, an old couple got into their new van and backed right into me. The man got out and in broken english decided it was no big deal. He turned to leave and tried to pat my back, but smacked my ass instead. I was hit by a car, and spanked for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 706

You deserved it 3 413

By Sun_Kissed18 - 09/07/2014 07:26 - United States - Hillsborough

Today, at my job at a frozen yogurt shop, an elderly woman gladly announced that I'd be seeing a lot of her due to the vaginal infection that she has. Thank you for that, ma'am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 504

You deserved it 4 209

Jump in

By sisi9999 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I learned that I'm allergic to hornets. I also learned that when your mom sprays a hornets' nest, and they come after you, that jumping in the pool doesn't help. They hover and wait for you to surface. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 368

You deserved it 3 649

Tantrum

By brokedad - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was questioned by police for forcing a 12-year-old to get in my car. That 12-year-old is my daughter, who refused to get in until I agree to buy her a highly expensive purse just to become popular. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 314

You deserved it 7 589

By xo007 - 04/11/2009 17:40 - United States

Today, as I stepped into the shower, I slipped and fell over the edge of the tub, pulling the shower curtain down with me. I called my roommate to help me up as I put on a towel over me. But before she could help me up, she grabbed her phone to take a picture. The picture became a mass text. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 800

You deserved it 3 748

By crazy cat lady - 03/11/2016 19:31 - Canada - Fredericton

Today, I got a cat so I'd have some company, since my roommate is always with her boyfriend. Too bad the cat likes her more. So now I get to sit and listen to her talk to her boyfriend to get to cuddle with my kitty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 549

You deserved it 881

Humblebrag much?

By Anonymous - 02/06/2022 06:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, my fling with a local waiter ended. I'm studying for a professional designation exam, I make $130k/year, and I have a lake house in the mountains. He smokes pot in his mom's basement, has been arrested for stealing, has totaled 3 cars, and would rather collect unemployment than work. He dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 628

You deserved it 2 598

By crapgirl - 18/04/2009 23:11 - United States

Today, I discovered the worst possible situation in which to get explosive diarrhea: on a 9-hour transatlantic flight. Next to an attractive single guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 139

You deserved it 3 767

By Cinnamon - 18/07/2011 00:04 - Jamaica

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she thought I was cheating on her. With my own sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 228

You deserved it 4 381

By Anonymous - 05/09/2015 08:39 - United Kingdom

Today, while using a portable restroom at the park, I discovered all too late that some very hostile and territorial hornets had made it their home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 391

You deserved it 1 744

Cosy chat

By sick and awkward - 20/05/2012 06:11 - United States - Silver Spring

Spicy

Today, I was really sick. I had been sneezing all day and my skin had started to dry out. When my mom asked me if I needed anything, I immediately responded with "lotion and tissues," not realizing what I was suggesting. She then talked to me for 20 minutes about how "masturbation is okay." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 386

You deserved it 3 591

Brief encounter

By stephiew - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got a nose bleed in the ladies bathroom. An old lady comes out of a stall and says, "Oh, your nose is bleeding. Well I shit my pants. I'm sure it'll come out in the wash." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 197

You deserved it 2 624

Yummy

By Anonymous - 15/04/2009 06:19 - United States

Today, I saw a commercial for some sort of meaty beef dish. The camera zoomed in and my mouth watered because it looked so delicious. Then flashed the next scene: Golden Retrievers running through a field, then eating from their bowl. My mouth just watered for a dog food commercial. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 508

You deserved it 24 501

By gibbette - 28/04/2013 17:32 - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, I overheard my boyfriend telling his buddies that the main reason he got into video game modding was so he could put a virtual version of me in his games and "shoot the fuck out of that bitch". FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 604

You deserved it 7 325

Do I know you?

By steph2052 - 13/07/2011 00:51 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I came across the topic of school while chatting. He asked me what high school I went to and where I moved from. I have lived here my whole life, he was my crush for four years, and was in my classes throughout those years. He doesn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 787

You deserved it 3 988

Get me out of here

By seekerglow176 - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Natick

Spicy

Today, I had to go to the emergency room with my sister, due to involuntary muscle spasms she was having. They gave her a muscle relaxer which caused her to be extremely tired and loopy. She decided to start singing loudly with a song she made up about buttfucking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 697

You deserved it 5 357

Fashionista

By Anonymous - 14/05/2012 00:25 - United States - Newark

Spicy

Today, it's my birthday. All I wanted was birthday sex, but all my boyfriend could talk about was how great the new purse he got me was. I think he might like it more than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 642

You deserved it 5 736

By EpicFailAtItsFinest - 13/04/2009 02:49 - United States

Today, I was working as a lifeguard. A woman began to have a seizure. Nervous, I went into shock and walked into a tree, knocking myself out. Post seizure, the woman stood up and walked away. Later, I woke up in the hospital. The ambulance had arrived to take her, but ended up taking me instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 536

You deserved it 19 538

Where are you? Oh, there you are

By stood-up - 12/09/2010 05:22 - United States

Today, I filed a missing persons report on my boyfriend. He was out fishing and then was supposed to meet me for a romantic weekend getaway. He never showed up and didn't respond to my texts. I found out, courtesy of a voicemail from the sheriff's department, that he'd broken up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 716

You deserved it 4 985

By Yoda - 08/07/2011 05:23 - United States

Today, my drunk father chased me down the street with my little brother's light saber screaming, "Come back Yoda! Teach me how to use the force!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 989

You deserved it 4 900

By cowgirl927 - 18/04/2013 11:26 - United States

Today, I was on hold with the cable company for an hour. When I finally got someone, I walked into the kitchen to where it was quiet and slid across the floor, falling on my butt and losing my connection on the phone. My 2-year-old son had sprayed the floor with nonstick cooking spray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 761

You deserved it 6 474

cowgirl927 tells us more.

cowgirl927 3

Friday 19 April 2013 4:25

OP here. Hi. Just wanted to say that I am extremely overprotective of my son. The house IS baby-proofed. The spray is always put up...this was the one time someone(not me) didn't put it up on its shelf. And I wasn't ignoring him. This is your standard, garden-variety "I stepped out of the room for one minute" kind of deal. Most moms know exactly what I'm talking about. So chill out some of you.

By Anonymous - 10/04/2013 09:06 - United States

Today, I was riding a new horse when a lawnmower starting up spooked her. She jumped straight up in the air and I landed directly on the saddle horn. I can't walk or feel anything between my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 018

You deserved it 4 229

By prisym - 30/08/2017 13:00

Today, I found the $3,200 engagement ring I dropped in my yard. I ran over it with my lawnmower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 413

You deserved it 803

By Anonymous - 14/10/2009 13:39 - United States

Today, I was participating in an exercise in my psychology class to describe this horrible looking person I had never seen before and I described the person as a "rebellious, drug dealing, lowlife". The person in that picture turned out to be my teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 371

You deserved it 9 695

By Anonymous - 29/03/2013 04:38 - United States

Today, I nervously started a new job, and my co-workers were telling me silly rules about our boss. Later, I accidentally bumped into him, and blurted "Rule #7, don't touch George." He definitely heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 325

You deserved it 35 744

Smelly Thrones

By Anonymous - 09/09/2019 20:00

Today, I hate this time of year, not only because everything is pumpkin spice, but because of Bath and Body work sales. I work in an office full of women, and when Bath and Body has a sale, it's Game Of Smell Thrones in the office. My allergies then act up, and I handle the office phones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 598

You deserved it 275

By Anthony - 16/08/2010 01:40 - United States

Spicy

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend due to the fact that she's been cheating on me with my best friend for the past year. She said I was overreacting, and to grow a pair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 074

You deserved it 3 880

By holycommander - 26/03/2013 20:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up next to my girlfriend. I was woken up by my mother breaking into my house to tell me I need to get ready for work. Then she got mad that I had a girl over. I'm 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 689

You deserved it 5 145

The choices we make…

By OnlyMe - 08/10/2009 15:29 - United States

Spicy

Today, I realized that I broke up with a man who loved me and was great in bed but was afraid of commitment, to be with a man who loves me, who is great in bed, and wants to be with me forever. So what's the problem? Now that we are committed, he won't get it on with me anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 690

You deserved it 23 534

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Make up Health Racism Miscellaneous #FAFO Awkward Sex Intimacy NSFW AITA Love Sexism Kids Relatable Money Cars Work LGBTQIA+ Homophobia Anger issues Religion Friends Weird Jealousy Dogs Animals Technology Videos Neighbours Annoying

The Top

The Top

Today, after my 5-year-old finally got over his grandmother's death, we went to a store and saw a lady that looked exactly like her. She came up to us asking if we saw her grandson; I can't get my son to stop freaking out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 778

You deserved it 2 568

Today, I tripped while walking down a large flight of stairs. As I fell forward, I instinctively reached out and grabbed onto one of the guys walking up. I ended up taking him and two other people down with me, earning myself a great many disgusted glares as I dusted myself off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 323

You deserved it 8 050

Today, my crush asked to use my phone so he could Google something. Flattered that he wanted to use my phone, I agreed. After he was done, he handed it back with a weird look. I later realized he had found himself in my top searches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 641

You deserved it 30 786

Today, my cat was laying on my chest while I was in bed. I farted, which my closed legs seemed to amplify. My cat was so scared, she used me as a launching pad and cut my chest in three places with her claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 382

You deserved it 581

Today, I was unable to go on my dream vacation because I thought I'd lost my passport. Feeling incredibly stupid, I had no choice but to watch my plane depart without me. Shortly after, my brother handed me passport, saying that since I wasn't going on my trip, I could use my refund to pay for his cat's surgery. My trip was non-refundable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 971

You deserved it 219

Today, I dropped $1600 at the emergency vet because I thought my 14 year-old cat was constipated or obstructed. He was neither. He just had lots of gas in his intestines. I paid $1600 to find out my cat needed to fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 410

You deserved it 155