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The next day (on her actual birthday), I wished her a happy birthday again and luckily I still had a present for her (I had planned on giving her the nicest present right before bed the previous night but when she told me her birthday was the next day, I kept it for her real birthday!). :-)

Tuck in

By skollasch - 25/09/2014 06:21 - United States - Highland

Today, I was told by my doctor I should start eating meat again after two years of vegetarianism, in an effort to be healthier. After horrid gas after my first turkey sandwich, I was told that my body no longer has the enzymes to digest meat. My efforts to be healthy crippled my stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 896

You deserved it 16 699

No thanks

By SadIndianLife - 15/11/2015 21:00 - India - Delhi

Today, my girlfriend's mother is more into me than she is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 500

You deserved it 2 259

By Devil's Pigeon - 18/04/2017 14:00

Today, on vacation, I had my first encounter with a macaw parrot, who promptly bit my ear and shat on me while amused tourists laughed and took pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 269

You deserved it 422

By realnotimaginary - 15/12/2016 06:00

Today, my boss gave me a lecture accompanied with a formal warning because I failed to take notes during a client meeting. I was never at this client meeting, in fact, I had a call with another client at the same time. Regardless, he insists I was there and refuses to listen to reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 208

You deserved it 539

Crime wave

By Anonymous - 05/05/2009 05:43 - United States

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to Super Glue a couple of quarters to the sidewalk downtown and watch people try to pick them up. Unfortunately, street patrol was watching me glue everything the whole time. I was fined with public vandalism and defacing US currency. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 541

You deserved it 101 455

By SmallTownCutie - 29/05/2019 04:13

Today, I finally broke down and told my mom that I'd relapsed with my eating disorder. She told me to quit whining and eat a burger, because she didn't want to pay for another therapy session. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 139

You deserved it 498

By jake - 12/08/2014 10:21 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I dropped my kid into a crowded wishing fountain instead of a coin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 745

You deserved it 40 775

Cartoonish

By mr_dinzaster - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, a dog came into my yard. I bent down to pet him, forgetting I had a burger in my hand. The dog grabbed it and ran. FML

I agree, your life sucks 889

You deserved it 2 257

By Preggo - 10/12/2016 01:51

Today, I vomited so hard into the toilet that the water splashed back into my face. I instinctually moved away only to finish puking on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 629

You deserved it 864

By ok cool - 13/10/2015 01:53 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, while I was in the bathroom my mom walked in and tried to have a conversation with me about my bowel movements. I'm 23, and this is a regular thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 187

You deserved it 2 896

Happy Holidays!

By dazedandconfused - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, everyone from my job showed up for work because our boss demanded that we have a team meeting before half of the company leaves for the holidays. Everyone showed up except my boss, who is apparently already in Hawaii vacationing until New Year's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 715

You deserved it 619

By sadCowboysfan - 07/12/2016 16:37

Today, in an effort to get active, I swam some laps at my school pool. Afterwards, I noticed that someone had broken into the locker I was using. Thankfully nothing was stolen except for my shoes and socks. I had a full day of classes to go to, barefoot, in December and an hour bus ride home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 255

You deserved it 611

sadCowboysfan tells us more.

sadCowboysfan 20

Thursday 8 December 2016 19:01

Hi all, OP here, I actually got kinda lucky since my bf, who was going to the gym later, brought the flip flops that he wears in the school shower and he gave me those. So I didn't have to go the whole day totally barefoot but it was still kinda cold. On the bright side, this experience forced me to get over my dislike of wearing sandals/flip flops in public so that's good. Anyway, thanks for the suggestions and funny comments!

By Bride to be - 19/05/2017 16:00 - United States - Dayton

Today, after religiously eating healthy, getting good sleep, and trying to keep my stress level low, I'm stuck in bed with aches, fever, sore throat, the shits and throwing up. My wedding is in 2 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 007

You deserved it 243