The Top

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The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By snow - 22/09/2009 09:12 - Australia

Today, I found my biological father, who I have never met, on facebook and decided to message him. He blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 868

You deserved it 6 806

They're much more fun

By Anonymous - 19/08/2022 14:00

Today, my wife and I had our first night without kids in 15 years, at a friend's wedding. In the middle of a song, while we were dancing, she left me to go dance with her new "gay best friends." FML

I agree, your life sucks 963

You deserved it 154

By Sapphirlinda - 03/07/2010 23:25 - Netherlands

Today, my friend told me I'm not welcome in her house anymore. I've spent the last two months painting and doing it up for her, because she's pregnant and couldn't herself. I just finished the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 834

You deserved it 3 276

By Noname - 11/03/2009 05:21 - United States

Today, I had to get my hair chopped off for a role that I'm playing in a show. I was staring at the floor while the woman cut my hair, and I suddenly heard her start crying. Her tears were immediately followed by "It's okay! I have a friend in New York who can fix it. We won't charge you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 561

You deserved it 3 824

Astrology is bullshit, get better friends

By Anonymous - 19/10/2019 14:00

Today, my friend reminded me that I have been on a ton of dates lately, but couldn't get a girlfriend because I thought something was off with them all. He also reminded me that I have dated every zodiac sign, meaning I'm out of options. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 177

You deserved it 579

Team Insomnia

By tp. - 08/06/2021 01:59

Today, my parents made me wake up at 7 a.m., like every morning. When I woke up exhausted, my mom rolled her eyes and said, "It’s called going to bed earlier." I went to bed at 10 p.m. last night. I fell asleep at 5 am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 951

You deserved it 237

By Anonymous - 19/05/2011 03:48 - United States

Today, for the first time all month I felt truly proud and accomplished. I finally figured out how to change the toilet seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 903

You deserved it 24 126

Fundies say the darndest things

By dazzla08 - 21/10/2019 02:00 - United States

Today, my husband told me doesn't really love me. He only married me because we had a daughter, and his grandmother told him he had to so she wouldn't be "an abomination to God." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 812

You deserved it 261

Jesus Saves

By workaholic - 06/03/2014 16:24 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I thought I'd finally finished the special project my boss gave me of changing the eligibility details on several hundred loans. My coworker later pointed out that the document was the same as it had been hours before, and that the changes I made hadn't saved at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 504

You deserved it 7 462

Freakout

By itssdianaa - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was home alone, and I thought I heard someone breaking in through the side gate at my house. I was terrified, so I called the police. It turned out it was the gas company checking the meter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 245

You deserved it 28 324

By Anonymous - 14/03/2012 06:15 - Australia

Today, a Russian guy came up to me on the train and informed me that I look exactly like a typical Russian woman. He then went on to explain that I even had enough fat to survive their cold winters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 100

You deserved it 4 407

Gamergating

By Anonymous - 13/03/2012 02:04 - United States

Today, my grandparents visited. My grandpa kept getting off the couch and walking around to "stretch his legs." He kept kicking out my computer's network cable and messing up my game, smirking each time he did it. When I complained, my mom told me to shut up and show some respect. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 720

You deserved it 28 759

By Depirama - 28/02/2014 21:26 - France - Bron

Today, I confessed my love for the girl I like, on the forum she moderates. She responded by banning me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 616

You deserved it 16 520

You deserve each other

By best friend! - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, my best friend informed me that she has been sleeping with my boyfriend. She tried to justify it by saying, "He's just going to break up with you anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 113

You deserved it 2 505

You idiot!

By Anonymous - 28/10/2019 22:00

Today, I didn't want to hang out with my girlfriend so I could binge watch Pawn Stars instead. When she asked me why not, I lied not very convincingly and said my mom was sick and needed my help. She now thinks I'm cheating on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 482

You deserved it 3 138

But I love her…

By Anonymous - 27/08/2022 12:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I met my son's girlfriend and I’m convinced he’s lost his damn mind. She was rude, racist and offensive, grossly obese, absolutely stank of unwashed body odour, her clothes were filthy, and she dropped cigarette ash everywhere she felt like it. I’m stunned, completely stunned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 222

You deserved it 153

By PurpleSloth - 15/02/2013 13:57 - United States - Tracy

Today, I realized that without my birth control pills, I would have no idea what day it is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 924

You deserved it 16 091

Gross idea

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, my husband and I got into a fight because I refused to let him use my fingernail to clean the plaque off his teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 246

You deserved it 3 045

Lookin' good

By scruffy - 10/05/2011 17:24 - United States

Today, I woke up late for a job interview. I hadn't shaved in six days, but figuring I could do so en route, I grabbed my electric razor and ran for the bus. While shaving, the razor's battery died midway through, leaving me to attend the job interview with a Miami Vice scruff on half my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 050

You deserved it 38 168

By Anonymous - 16/09/2009 02:27 - United States

Today, I realized my job is so boring that I spend most of my time trying to take a dump than actually working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 639

You deserved it 6 757

By Anonymous - 14/02/2013 00:00 - Canada - Coquitlam

Today, I was walking down the street in the dark, and the woman in front of me kept looking back nervously. I jokingly assured her that I wasn't a mugger. She then took out a knife and mugged me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 394

You deserved it 5 113

Big night

By mybad7 - 15/09/2009 08:13 - Australia

Today, I finally decided to sleep with my boyfriend. It was my first time and I was really nervous so when he was being all romantic with candles and wine I went a bit overboard and drank too much. I passed out. I woke up a few hours later, still a virgin, and in a puddle of my own piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 990

You deserved it 34 794

Dude, shut up

By BiteMe - 28/08/2022 18:00 - United States - Manchester

Today, I accidently accepted a lunch invitation from an old friend, because I forgot what they're like. Here comes another hour and a half monologue about how great they are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 772

You deserved it 305

By Turdfoot - 12/02/2013 20:15 - United States - Prosper

Today, I discovered that my cat recently had explosive diarrhea, and couldn't make it to the litterbox in time. I discovered this when I stepped in the very, very fresh poop with my bare feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 414

You deserved it 4 421

By JhKhS - 14/09/2009 10:05 - United Kingdom

Today, I just came back from the vet. I spent a lot of money on a pet tortoise at the local pet store and it didn't come out of its shell when I bought it. The owner just said it sleeps in the day and it'll be shy for a week or so. Turns out it was dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 587

You deserved it 9 494

By bannana0zoom - 03/03/2012 08:06 - Canada

Today, it's my birthday. My mom got me a gym membership and a bunch of clothes that are a few sizes too small. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 038

You deserved it 7 985

By wow - 05/05/2011 06:13

Today, my mom confessed that she has to make up compliments to give to prove me wrong when I said she can never say positive things about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 468

You deserved it 3 462

By noway6000 - 03/03/2009 16:49 - United States

Today, my parents left for work before I had to leave for school and I decided to skip. I stayed by the phone, expecting the school to call so I could pose as my parent and excuse my absence. The phone rings and I pick up. It's my Mom, calling to leave my dad a message on the machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 572

You deserved it 94 824

Hairy situation

By Kelly - 02/03/2009 23:38 - United States

Today, I went to get my underarms waxed. I'm usually not self-conscious because I figure they see worse stuff all the time. When I raised my arm for her to wax my armpit she looked at me, laughed and said, "Well I guess that's how I know it's winter in Wisconsin!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 037

You deserved it 9 470

Don't bring your lovelife into the workplace

By Anonymous - 28/06/2021 04:01

Today, and for a while, we've known our coworker was cheating on her husband. The issue is it's affecting everyone at work, even my boss doesn't know what to do. Can't fire her, because we have no one to replace her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 120

You deserved it 242

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The Top

Today, I tried to explain to my history teacher why Woodrow Wilson would not have called the Great War "World War 1" as she constantly claims. I was sent to the office for my insubordination. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 019

You deserved it 4 666

Today, I was working at the mall as the girl that stands around giving out samples of the foods. This guy came up to me and we were flirting for at least 30 minutes. With the tray in one hand, I gave him my cell to put his number in it. He ran away with my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 310

You deserved it 47 167

Today, I took my parents and 3 sisters to the airport so they could take a trip to Hawaii. I wasn't invited because they don't like my husband. They asked me to watch the dog and water the plants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 032

You deserved it 7 455

Today, I realised I need to grow up when I couldn’t stop laughing throughout a very serious meeting entitled, “Master / Sub Remediation Program.” It’s about electricity meters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 795

Today, while demonstrating our new meat slicer at work, and after sharpening the blade at the end of the demonstration, I noticed some metal powder. I grabbed a rag to wipe it off, not realizing the blade was still in the “open” position. I now have six stitches and a really painful finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 321

You deserved it 977

Today, I woke up with a stinky smell piercing my nose. Yesterday there was a party at my boss’s house, where I got super drunk and passed out. When I regained consciousness, I realized my panties were wet, my pants were wet, and, of course, the bed was wet. I’m 21 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 215

You deserved it 1 392