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Addicted to love

By Anonymous - 29/05/2020 20:00

Spicy

Today, I was half paying attention to a text message conversation with someone about how addicted we both were to social media. It's wasn't until deep into the conversation that I realized we were actually talking about porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 971

You deserved it 1 193

Go fund me not

By Danny28 - 27/11/2022 18:00

Today, I discovered that, according to her primary doctor, my mom never had cancer. That explains why she has the new iPhone, a plethora of designer purses, and a brand new Tesla. Turns out, I’ve been fueling her shopping spree habit, rather than her “cancer and chemotherapy treatments.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 474

You deserved it 140

Felt cute, might delete myself later

By Anonymous - 06/08/2009 19:31 - United States

Today, I went through the car wash my boyfriend works at. When I pulled in, I explained I was Greg's girlfriend and cutely asked if I could get a free car wash. His co-worker looked at me confused and said, "Greg said he didn't have a girlfriend", then he looked at me and said, "Now I know why." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 149

You deserved it 12 504

By Scaryman - 21/02/2010 00:03 - United States

Today, I was sitting down in a store when a stroller stopped by me. While the parents were fixing the strap, the baby looked at me, gasped, looked at me again, gasped, and then screamed. Ten minutes later, another baby looked at me and screamed. My face scares babies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 307

You deserved it 4 188

By dumbblonde - 06/08/2009 03:04 - United States

Today, I was sitting at the computer when this really annoying fly kept landing on the keyboard. After a while, I took the bottom of a pen and squished it. Twenty minutes later I absentmindedly started chewing at the bottom of the pen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 280

You deserved it 62 366

By Noname - 28/01/2009 11:03 - United States

Today, I gathered the courage to participate in a class discussion. My professor laughed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 809

You deserved it 2 668

Knowledge

By Anonymous - 03/09/2021 02:01

Today, my mom hit me in the face after an argument she didn't win. According to her, Mexican and American are languages, and not dialects or nationalities. She even argued with my teachers, and threatened to remove me "from a school full of uneducated people" after they told her I was correct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 437

You deserved it 122

No uggos

By Anonymous - 02/12/2022 00:00 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I walked into work and overheard three of my female coworkers talking and laughing about how ugly my face is, and how they’re sorry for whoever has to marry me. They went on to name the coworkers they actually would sleep with. I’m 25 and I've still never had a girlfriend. Thanks for the self-esteem boost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 252

You deserved it 127

You're gonna be a star

By JJ101 - 19/02/2010 11:52 - Australia

Today, I was teaching a special techniques class for ballet and was focusing on pirouettes. I was teaching a group of 8 year-olds, and one student could do perfect triple turns one after the other. I still can't do them, and I've been dancing for 15 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 242

You deserved it 6 129

Combo breaker

By Anonymous - 18/04/2024 20:00

Today, in the middle of an argument, my husband picked me up and sat me on our breakfast bar. I’m terrified of heights so getting down took me over 5 minutes because of how bad I was shaking. He left to meet his friends, who “don’t start arguments just because they’re bored.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 299

You deserved it 856

By Awkward - 01/12/2012 22:11 - Bahrain

Today, while lighting a cigarette, I learned the hard way that the amount of styling mousse I used to get my curly hair to become manageable, is the roughly same amount that causes it to become highly flammable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 003

You deserved it 31 979

The body keeps the score

By Anonymous - 02/12/2022 18:00 - United Kingdom - Pontefract

Today, I started my period, complete with cramps, diarrhoea, a headache, bloating, and aching legs. Apparently my body didn't get the message that I had a total hysterectomy a month ago, including my ovaries, tubes and cervix. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 088

You deserved it 122

By Rachael - 30/11/2012 07:29 - Australia

Today, I was woken up by my elderly neighbor banging on my door at 2am. She needed "urgent" assistance as she had forgotten how to turn her TV off. I'd just fallen asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 148

You deserved it 1 882

By the-yao - 24/01/2009 14:53 - United States

Today, someone told me they liked my personality when I'm drunk. I asked, "What about when I'm sober?". "No, only when you're drinking." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 922

You deserved it 3 818

Risky business

By Anonymous - 14/06/2020 02:02

Today, I went to get insurance and I have a non-fault third party claim and yet my insurance has gone up. I wasn't even in the car when someone hit it. Why have I got penalised? They claim I'm now "statistically more likely to get in an accident." My car was parked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 841

You deserved it 151

No kink shaming

By Anonymous - 15/09/2021 17:01 - United States - Mountain View

Spicy

Today, I found out the real reason for my parents' divorce. Not because they had grown apart as they claimed, but because my dad was sleeping with hookers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 286

You deserved it 93

By loveurlifejk - 28/12/2011 06:32 - United States

Today, I was woken up to my mother screaming obscenities at me, all because I threw up last night after days of not feeling well, and the flushing of the toilet afterwards woke her up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 645

You deserved it 2 138

By EpicFailTime - 22/02/2011 02:21

Today, a neighbor called the cops on me and my friends because we were "starting a fire" in the backyard. We were using a barbecue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 587

You deserved it 2 880

Healthy parenting skills

By Ghost1986 - 10/12/2022 12:00 - Australia - Moonah

Today, my ex-wife tried to hit me up for money for a skip bin, because the kids' room was too messy. She then sent me a picture of the mess after I said no, then I retaliated by submitting a report to child services against her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 748

You deserved it 590

By kennarama - 16/02/2010 16:35 - United States

Today, I sat a client down for his haircut. He pulled off his hat and his hair was dripping wet. I asked him if he had just washed it. He responded, "No, but isn't it a hot day out?" No, it's twenty degrees and overcast today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 625

You deserved it 2 549

Classic

By Electronotfriend - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Poland

Today, I was walking in the mountains when I tripped, and I grabbed onto a fence in an attempt to soften my fall. The fence was electric. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 117

You deserved it 4 804

By Noname - 22/01/2009 21:31 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got a mailer from Adam and Eve with a bunch of hardcore porn ads inside. I have been getting these since I ordered a Pirate porn video a few months ago. I was gone for a few weeks overseas. My mother-in-law was getting the mail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 313

You deserved it 28 174

Strange behavior

By deadbunnies - 31/07/2009 22:46 - United States

Today, I texted the man I'm dating, told him I was having a terrible day and asked him to say something to cheer me up. His response? "Did you know that rabbits shriek when they're killed?" I'm still having a terrible day, and now I can't stop thinking about dying, shrieking bunnies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 053

You deserved it 9 197

By Wraith - 06/11/2013 17:27 - Canada - Holland Landing

Today, because I'm tall enough to see over the cubicle walls at work, I witnessed my 50-year-old co-worker pulling his finger out of his nose and immediately popping it into his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 725

You deserved it 4 810

By jobless - 20/01/2009 16:52 - France

Today, I've been dating a girl for a year and she's only touched my penis twice. Once by accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 076

You deserved it 12 998

Tight ass

By Paf - 22/09/2021 04:59 - Canada - Whitehorse

Today, after I've been cleaning a hostel 7/7 for free accommodation for a few weeks, and the owner telling me 3 times to take a day off while he was able to do the job, I'm finally leaving. He's now (and only now) asking me to pay for the 3 nights I "didn't work for." FML

I agree, your life sucks 977

You deserved it 109

Attention to detail

By MelodyPW - 19/12/2022 03:00 - Algeria

Today, I wrote an email for a job offer. I checked it, double-checked it, triple-checked it, and then sent it. It's only THEN that I realised my CV wasn't attached. FML

I agree, your life sucks 748

You deserved it 407

By Gtca - 01/11/2013 08:56 - United States - Mckinney

Today, I took my two and a half year-old son Trick or Treating for the first time in our new neighborhood. At the very first house, a girl told us we were too early and slammed the door in our face. My son cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 270

You deserved it 4 466

Gtca tells us more.

Gtca 15

Friday 1 November 2013 22:41

OP here! A lot of these comments are hilarious! Thanks for that and for those that showed us some support and sympathy. We started trick or treating at 5:15. Apparently trick or treating kicks up in our neighborhood around 6/6:30. Now I know. When I went trick or treating when I was younger, everyone started around 4 and people were prepared. Besides, how hard is it put some candy in a bowl? Also, some people commented about why a 2.5 year old needs candy, he doesn't, but we went for the experience. Luckily, we rebounded and had a fun Halloween after that incident.

By Anonymous - 20/11/2012 17:23 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I woke up to a disappointed boyfriend. He told me he spent an hour last night farting on my pillow to see if I would wake up with pink-eye. He's 23 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 777

You deserved it 3 473

By mike4444 - 12/02/2010 18:11 - France

Today, I bought myself a flower for Valentine's Day to be delivered to myself from "Anonymous". FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 660

You deserved it 30 496

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The Top

The Top

Today, I had to have a very difficult and awkward conversation with my best friend about her fiancé hitting on me. She seemed completely unfazed and ended up admitting that a three-way with me was actually her idea, but she didn't want to "weird me out" by asking me about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 663

You deserved it 388

Today, I wanted to pretend to have a seizure so my baby sister could know when to call 911. When I fell down and started to pretend, she decided to drink my soda instead of helping me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 577

You deserved it 16 691

Today, I was waiting for the bus while wearing my FML shirt. A passer-by stopped, stared at me for a moment, and said, "I agree, your life sucks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 123

You deserved it 58 685

Today, in the toilet at work, I found that the scissors on my multitool are quite good at getting rid of a shit-stained shirttail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 644

You deserved it 632

Today, I realized I probably have more chances of finding intimacy and companionship working as an escort than by online dating, because if I get paid to spend time with someone, I’ll decide to just go with it and enjoy myself, but on an actual date I will most likely second-guess and self-sabotage all the way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 936

You deserved it 421

Today, I was doing a big presentation at work and got nervous. My white shirt showed massive sweat stains in the most unfortunate places, including my lower stomach, making it look like I had peed myself standing up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 418

You deserved it 102