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By Sarah - 17/08/2012 07:45 - Canada - Penhold

Today, my house got broken into. They just made a mess. I saw a note on the kitchen table that read, "There's nothing good here. You have shitty stuff." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 162

You deserved it 3 073

By Fml37 - 20/12/2009 05:13 - Canada

Today, I had to take a taxi to work, because I was pressed for time, and didn't have a ride there. When I got to work, I paid the cab driver, and realized I had spent more money on the cab than I was going to make at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 636

You deserved it 4 755

Read the room

By Mortified concert-cougher - 29/04/2023 18:00

Today, I went to a concert. About halfway through, it went quiet at the start of a solo acoustic song. My allergies chose this time to react to some audience member’s strong perfume. I tried to hold back my coughing, but I couldn’t. I found myself interrupting the entire show with a loud drawn-out coughing fit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 733

You deserved it 140

Who TF Did I (almost) Marry?

By Anonymous - 01/05/2026 22:00 - United States

Today, I was supposed to get married. I called it off only 20 minutes before the ceremony was supposed to begin because I saw my fiance punch his own mother in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 616

You deserved it 78

By what have i done with my life - 21/07/2013 17:46 - United States - Akron

Today, I jokingly told my friend that when a tree seems to sway in the wind, it's really just having an orgasm. Not only did she believe me, she's been smugly informing everyone we know. She's 26. I seem to be friends with an absolute idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 660

You deserved it 6 040

By chill - 17/12/2009 22:08 - United States

Today, my grandpa sent me a letter apologizing for not congratulating me about my graduation last spring. Too bad I don't graduate until May. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 646

You deserved it 4 293

Far out, man

By crazyjohnny - 01/06/2009 06:52 - United States

Today, I had a really big debate in my English Class about the legalization of weed. My group had to state reasons why weed shouldn't be legal and no one except me had prepared. My partner came to class totally stoned. Our group lost the debate. We got an F. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 383

You deserved it 7 984

Who are you?

By Anonymous - 06/05/2023 00:00

Spicy

Today, my husband gave our son the sex talk. Maybe it’s because we never talk openly about it, but my husband is into some racy shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 366

You deserved it 1 005

By Chansus10 - 20/10/2014 15:03 - United States - Greendale

Today, my boss drove past me while I was walking to work, and splashing mud over my uniform. When I got to work, he criticized me for showing up in unpresentable condition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 577

You deserved it 2 960

By Lisa - 19/09/2011 02:07 - United States

Today, after being dumped by my boyfriend of two years, I poured my heart out to my dad. He nodded and looked sympathetic throughout. Afterwards, I asked him what I should do. He replied, "How the hell should I know?" and awkwardly left my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 949

You deserved it 5 732

By Anonymous - 26/11/2010 18:18 - United States

Today, I went to my parents' for the first time in months. Upon my arrival, I found out that I won't be spending the day with them because they've taken a car trip to attend a Sarah Palin book signing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 365

You deserved it 6 087

Disproportionate response

By Anonymous - 09/03/2022 14:00

Today, mom caught me watching YouTube while doing schoolwork. I'm grounded, and not allowed to do anything but schoolwork. She got mad, EVEN THOUGH I was doing schoolwork while watching videos, maintaining a 98% in my class. Now I'm grounded longer, because I'm supposed to do schoolwork and nothing but. FML

I agree, your life sucks 974

You deserved it 355

Foot soldiers unite

By Anonymous - 06/05/2023 15:00

Today, I wore a new pair of shoes to work and spent the entire day hobbling around in discomfort. It wasn't until I got home that I realized I had forgotten to take remnants of the packing foam out of the tips of the shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 215

You deserved it 1 140

Bad friend

By Anonymous - 02/10/2024 12:00 - United States - Newark

Today, I went to the airport to pick up my friend. It wasn't until I got there that I realized I'd come on the wrong day. Her flight arrived yesterday, so that explains her radio silence for the past two days. I just thought she was in transit, but turns out she's pissed at me and wants me to pay for the Uber ride she had to take home from the airport. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 627

This is mine now

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I took my printer to work because the one in my office is broken. When I tried to leave, my boss stopped me and accused me of stealing it from the office. Nobody would believe me when I explained. Now my boss has a new printer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 256

You deserved it 6 822

Smooth

By eayers2689 - 30/05/2009 16:19 - United States

Today, I went to a barbecue and noticed a girl that I had be interested in. When I walked up to ask how she was doing I noticed she had some BBQ sauce on her face. Jokingly I licked my thumb and reach to remove it. It turned out to be a scab from a pimple she had popped earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 629

You deserved it 59 194

Right place, wrong time

By Anonymous - 16/05/2023 18:00

Today, I had an amazing date with an amazing guy, but he hadn't realized he doesn't have time for a relationship, and I don't have the emotional capacity. It's just the wrong time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 620

You deserved it 199

We meet again

By Anonymous - 06/10/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I saw my old high school crush in a grocery store. I panicked, because the last time I saw her, I was spouting embarrassing teenage incel horseshit at her, so I dodged out of view to look at something. She'd seen me, came over, and found me awkwardly crouched in the vegetable section, staring at a cucumber. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100

You deserved it 627

By notgettingany - 24/11/2010 17:18 - United States

Spicy

Today, is my daughter's first birthday. Today also marks 1 year and 9 months since I last had sex with my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 845

You deserved it 5 047

By Anonymous - 15/10/2014 04:55 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my brother and I were talking about Ebola, when he says he would love to have the disease because of how famous it would make him. Plus, his college essays about him "fighting through the disease" would be "phenomenal". FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 194

You deserved it 3 632

By paradox - 23/11/2010 17:10 - United States

Today, I tried to get my license. To get that, I needed to show proof of school enrollment. I graduated early, so they told me to get a copy of my diploma. I went to school, and they told me that I would need a valid driver's license to access my diploma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 163

You deserved it 3 105

bannedpianoman tells us more.

bannedpianoman 0

Wednesday 24 November 2010 1:40

Most of you are saying this sounds fishy, and I tried to write this part in the FML, but I didn't have room with the 300 character limit... Since I was a senior for only 9 weeks (half of a semester) this year, they refused give me a new school ID. I tried using my ID from Junior year, since I figured 2009-2010 would work, but they said that that ID was invalid starting the first day of this year. They said that my only other option would be a driver's license. Same situation, more details...

By fatman - 14/12/2009 18:49 - United States

Today, I was on a plane. The person sitting next to me was using the plane's wifi, and was on Facebook. They joined the group 'I hate sitting next to fat people on airplanes'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 750

You deserved it 11 837

By M2thaM - 29/05/2009 05:23 - United States

Today, I was trying to flirt with the guy I like using body language, so I leaned over this counter in a sensual way. I happened to have a fork, so I went to bite the tip that sexy way people do in movies. I accidentally stabbed myself in the lip, cutting it. My lunch had jalapeños in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 614

You deserved it 56 821

Grammar police alert

By Weekdae - 09/12/2020 17:01 - United States - Litchfield Park

Today, I found another comment online referencing, "Smoke weed everyday." With all due respect for smoking weed, when will people learn that "every" and "day" need to be two separate words in that context? This is seriously making it hard for me to focus on my work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 401

You deserved it 1 624

Slow

By Anonymous - 19/02/2022 12:00

Today, after being friends with a guy, age 35, for a year, he asked if we could progress the relationship romantically. I'm keen but it's been a month, and the closest touching we have done is a hug. Slowest relationship ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 795

You deserved it 244

Unpleasant

By Anonymous - 13/05/2023 15:00 - United Kingdom - Barnsley

Today, my brother tried to sit on my head and fart, except he followed through. It didn’t make it past his trousers but for a few brief seconds before he ran to the bathroom I could smell it and feel how warm it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 905

You deserved it 108

News to me

By Anonymous - 14/12/2009 00:28 - United States

Today, I was texting my friend. He has a history of depression, which we were talking about, and somehow, he turned the conversation to, "If we ever broke up, I would kill myself." I didn't even know we were even going out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 282

You deserved it 3 010

By unicornlovet - 24/02/2019 00:00 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I filled in for my absent pregnant co-worker like I have done since she went on disability a month ago, at the job I’ve been doing for 15 months. Today the replacement they hired also came to work, and I had to train her since she has more experience and got the maternity leave position over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 015

You deserved it 238

Panic mode activated

By Man in car - 11/10/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I got pulled over by a cop car. As I was fumbling for my license and registration, I handed the officer a half-empty bag of Doritos I’d forgotten was in my glove box. He thought I was trying to bribe him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 193

You deserved it 328

By housewiththinwalls - 10/10/2014 23:22 - Sweden

Spicy

Today, after getting stressed out by my parents having a serious fight for hours, I'm now listening to their make-up sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 977

You deserved it 3 974

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Today, I tried to train my cat to scratch the scratching post by giving her a treat every time she used it, but she took that as getting a treat every time she scratched something. Now, not only does she scratch all my furniture, but she also meows for a treat while doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 338

You deserved it 4 878

Today, I had to buy a new boxcutter for work after our old one broke. It came in a box, the type which policy requires a boxcutter to open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 247

You deserved it 3 619

Today, I was hit by a car in a parking lot. The person sped off; I broke three ribs. My parents screamed at me for not getting the driver's info. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 546

You deserved it 2 877

Today, I discovered my new plug-in air freshener smells exactly like my ex-boyfriend's cologne. My friends noticed this, and nobody will believe me when I say it smelled different on the scratch-and-sniff. Now I'm considered a creep. A nostalgic, obsessed creep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 825

You deserved it 6 107

Today, my girlfriend threw a bitch fit about her clothes not fitting and how she’s “so fat” to the point of storming out of the house when I asked her to please calm down. Just a couple of hours earlier, we'd ordered food and she ordered a salad, then asked to trade my burger and fries with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 647

You deserved it 162

Today, during an interview, in my nervousness I accidentally handed the interviewer an A4 paper with my doodles and a grocery list instead of my resume. I guess they now know I need to buy more milk and have a questionable talent for drawing stick figures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 360

You deserved it 259