The Top

In retrospect it probably was the pharmacy tech who made the comment, I'm never sure who's who behind the counter. Regardless, I'll be calling the store in the morning to report them and figure out if I need to do anything else to get their ass fired. Also, just for the record epilepsy is far from a "mild ailment". I consider myself lucky that I've come away from most of my seizures scoff free. But even so, I've broken three ribs, had a concussion, and incurred facial scarring from falling when I seize. Not to mention that my short term memory is shot to hell and with every seizure I have I run the risk of further cognitive decline. But yeah, the medicine is definitely unnecessary. Right.

By sfabsits - 17/07/2011 07:00 - United States

Today, while I was waitressing, two girls ran up a tab of $60 in drinks. They ended up not paying the bill and walking out. My boss told me it won't be the first time or last, as he made me pay their bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 968

You deserved it 3 301

By Anonymous - 01/11/2009 00:04 - United States

Today, I found out that I was conceived during a conjugal visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 498

You deserved it 3 093

Charming

By lordoftheweird - 31/05/2022 14:00 - Canada - Ladysmith

Today, I realized my coworker can't comprehend English, or any other language. When I mentioned this to a coworker, they accused me of being an ableist. This is the same person who insults him to his face, knowing he can't understand her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 905

You deserved it 111

The big man upstairs

By Anonymous - 30/08/2023 06:00 - United States - Denver

Today, I was informed by my parents that their relationship with God is more important than their relationship with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 817

You deserved it 175

By Anonymous - 20/09/2010 09:37 - Australia

Today, I was emptying the cutlery section of the dishwasher when I reached down and accidentally got the tip of a steak knife wedged half-way under my fingernail. My mum yelled at me for getting blood on the clean dishes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 498

You deserved it 3 865

By marcy_89 - 23/07/2019 16:01

Today, with 3 miles left of a 16-mile bike ride, I got a flat tire and had to push my bike back to my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 530

You deserved it 240

I am lost, I think

By Anonymous - 13/02/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, I walked into a store, grabbed a shopping cart, and started browsing. After 15 seconds, I realized I was in the wrong store. The cashier watched as I awkwardly returned my cart and walked out like I totally meant to do that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 151

You deserved it 363

By Anonymous - 30/10/2009 12:05 - United States

Today, my mom tells my sister that she is worried about her because she has a headache and feels like she might be getting a slight cold. I have had the flu for two weeks and have a 103 degree fever. I ask, "What about me?" Her response? "Stay away from your sister." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 292

You deserved it 2 939

By imnotcool - 16/04/2009 05:08 - United States

Today, I was driving home from work when I saw a cop come up behind me. Nervous about my expired license, I kept checking in my rear view mirror. In turn since I wasn't paying attention, I ran a stop sign. Needless to say the cop pulled me over and gave me 2 tickets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 574

You deserved it 68 159

Kinda rude

By Anonymous - 29/10/2009 20:38 - United States

Today, I work as a cashier, and as always, I asked the customer paying credit to sign the "sheet" of paper. I received a dirty look from one woman who apparently talked to the manager about me, saying I had asked her to sign the "shitty" paper. I have now been warned for "derogatory language." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 681

You deserved it 2 836

By Anonymous - 15/04/2009 18:18 - United States

Today, I heard an electric saw cutting through something outside my condo. I presumed it was a complex maintenance guy working on something. It was a thief using an angle grinder to cut off my bicycle's U-lock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 047

You deserved it 6 038

Always carry around a pencil with you

By Anonymous - 22/03/2021 21:30 - United States

Today, while at work, I took one of the biggest dumps I've taken in my life. The turd was so big, I took a pencil and chopped it into small pieces because I was afraid it would clog up the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 787

You deserved it 249

By Anonymous - 16/05/2012 20:34 - Netherlands - Kerkrade

Today, I called my boyfriend during his lunch break. He started to place his order at a fast food joint, and trying to be funny, I started moaning sexily after each part of his order. I eventually realised I was on speaker when I heard snickering in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 747

You deserved it 32 324

Some friend

By Anonymous - 26/03/2021 02:02

Today, I got fired from my job after I wouldn’t lend my friend $1000. How? She retaliated by taking time out of her hands to compile screenshots of all my Facebook posts about talking shit about my boss and coworkers and e-mailing them to our corporate e-mail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 785

You deserved it 1 585

The little things

By Anonymous - 13/09/2010 16:03 - United States

Today, I woke up to my husband slowly pulling my blanket off me. I thought he was being romantic until I realized it was because the cat had puked all over me while I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 304

You deserved it 2 946

That one special feeling

By Chris - 23/02/2025 15:00 - United States - Newark

Today, I went to a job interview, and halfway through my perfectly rehearsed answers, my stomach started growling loudly. I tried to keep calm, but then it let out the most embarrassing noise I’ve ever heard. The interviewer paused what he was saying, then said, "Are you hungry or do you need to fart?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 472

You deserved it 103

The weirdos are reproducing

By pregz - 25/04/2013 00:18 - United States - Vancouver

Today, while grocery shopping, I was having such terrible abdominal pains I could hardly walk. As I'm 8 months pregnant, I told my husband we should head home. He thought a better idea was to run through the store and hide from me, hoping to induce labor by making me chase him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 238

You deserved it 4 401

FML Shitflix Episode 2

By FML Approved - 26/07/2017 18:30 - France - Paris

Can you name the movie before the timer runs out?

I agree, your life sucks 436

You deserved it 132

By DarrenP - 03/08/2019 22:00 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I got a burn on my foot from a Pot Noodle I didn't even want. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 266

You deserved it 170

Kids will be kids

By bad influence - 30/03/2021 00:30 - United States

Today, I've been getting terrible backlash from the neighbors after I forbade my kids from hanging out with one of the neighborhood kids. They think I dislike her because she’s trans. The truth is she’s rude, disrespectful, has been in several fights and had run ins with the police. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 218

You deserved it 107

By joyful-not - 26/10/2009 02:27 - United States

Today, my sister got married. For the second time. She's 30. Two men have loved her enough to cry over their vows to her. Every single person there asked me why I wasn't married yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 744

You deserved it 3 218

Final words

By Cilla - 01/04/2021 05:01 - United Kingdom

Today, in his will, my dad laid the blame squarely at my feet for his depression, alcoholism, liver failure, suicide attempt and eventual death, not because of anything I did, just for being born in the first place. He never wanted a kid, resented becoming a dad and drank to make the depression bearable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 015

You deserved it 134

Baby Daddy

By Anonymous - 15/06/2022 12:00

Today, and ever since she got pregnant, my girlfriend has been hinting that one of her great-grandfathers was black, so there’s a chance our son may be black too. I wasn’t suspicious before, but she has mentioned it so often I’m starting to think it’s less a great grandad and more a baby daddy issue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 617

You deserved it 137

Don't call me Shirley

By Anonymous - 10/05/2012 13:09 - Sweden - Solna

Today, I was on an airplane, waiting to go to the bathroom. After a few minutes, the man behind me asked what I was waiting for, and checked the bathroom. It was empty, and there was a big line behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 638

You deserved it 28 784

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Wake up Messy DIY Embarrassing Awkward Love Cute Cheating Kids Pregnancy Family Money Birthday Animals Cats Kittens Dogs Parenting Crush Work Painful Sports Vacation Parents Babysitter AITA Holidays Friends Annoying

The Top

Today, I agreed to give my husband head while he played Call of Duty. I was happy because he enjoyed it at first, until he started getting his ass kicked in the game. He lost and angrily blamed me for distracting him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 184

You deserved it 6 817

Today, my son and I attended the funeral of a family friend. It went as well as any funeral could, up until the point that my apparently drunk son tried to grope the widow. I came an inch away from causing my son to need his own funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 585

You deserved it 2 875

Today, I was in class. I am an older student going back for my PhD. I was kicked out of class for "sassing" my instructor for telling him he was wrong about what took place at an event I was actually present at. My instructor is a 22 year old TA. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 806

You deserved it 4 286

Today, I had to slowly and very seriously explain to my mother why there is no 'White History Month'. I can't believe we are actually related. FML

I agree, your life sucks 878

You deserved it 329

Today, it's been a week since I bought a "self-watering" plant to make my life easier. Turns out the self-watering feature means the plant waters itself by leaking all over the floor when it's overfilled. Now my apartment is a mini wetland, and my carpet is fucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 151

You deserved it 575

Today, a slightly older guy friend of mine told me that he thinks of me as a little sister. Immediately afterwards, he tried to make out with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 506

You deserved it 97