The Top

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Party girl

By not-so-happy-feet - 14/06/2009 23:41 - Canada

Today, I was at my friend's birthday party, dancing barefoot because my feet hurt from my shoes' heels. Apparently, someone dropped a glass on the dancefloor and didn't warn anybody. I ended up having to drive myself to the emergency room because all my friends were "having too much fun to leave." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 124

You deserved it 6 490

Kinda sus

By Heartbroken - 03/04/2023 16:00

Today, my husband is going to a business trip where his female coworker, the one he says to "not worry about", yet acts totally lovestruck about, will be too. I saw him pack a box of condoms. He said, “Oops! They’re actually for us, I didn’t mean to pack them.” Honey, we haven’t used condoms in years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 928

You deserved it 195

Toxic

By DontheRon - 26/03/2026 20:00

Today, I reported the girl I like’s new boyfriend to be trespassed from our workplace for being disruptive. I’m sick of him coming in and bringing her lunch and acting lovey dovey. My plan successfully worked, he is no longer welcome on the premises, but now half the office hates me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 1 239

By number2 - 14/06/2009 04:05 - United States

Today, my friends and I were walking past a bar. There were a few cute guys "rating" every girl that walked by with number cards. My friend, who is a guy, got an 8. I got a 2. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 084

You deserved it 4 526

The neverending story

By Hope you blow your brains out, you pussy! - 03/02/2022 01:59

Today, I'm currently in a long-running argument with the police because on New Year's Eve, some dumbass threw firecrackers at my car, destroying one tire, the two taillights, and the front windshield. I've been reporting it the morning after since, and neither the police nor the insurance want to do anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 999

You deserved it 96

Skittish and wet

By JennieLee - 30/08/2024 16:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, while in the shower, I heard my phone buzz. Expecting an important text, I leaned out to check it. I slipped, hit my head on the sink, and ended up stuck in the most awkward position possible with one leg in the shower and the other out. My roommate had to rescue me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 330

You deserved it 221

By Anonymous - 07/10/2011 09:07 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend asked my father for permission to marry me. My father refused, on the basis that I'm the only person in the house with a job, and if I leave he will have to start looking for work. My boyfriend won't marry me without his permission, and my lazy father won't change his mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 500

You deserved it 3 639

Sounds like a catch

By Anonymous - 02/11/2020 02:01

Today, I accidentally got pregnant by my boyfriend of three years and now I’m 4 months pregnant, single and we don’t even talk anymore. The best part is that he doesn’t believe I’m pregnant, nor that it’s his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 221

You deserved it 502

Boring pandemic

By Anonymous - 08/02/2022 06:00 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I've been off work for 10 days because my Covid test came back void so I had to get tested again. I went back for 3 days, and now I'm Covid positive to have to isolate again. I live by myself and have no pets. I've run out of stuff to watch on Netflix. My only entertainment is my robot vacuum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 863

You deserved it 207

By Casey - 11/06/2009 12:59 - France

Today, I took a test as part of a job requirement. I took a sip from a bottle of juice, and the lady leading the test gave me a warning. I tried to explain that if I didn't, I would faint. She took the bottle and hid it. 15 minutes later I collapsed. She thought I was faking. I'm hypoglycemic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88 296

You deserved it 4 219

By this sucks - 05/08/2013 04:00 - United States - El Paso

Today, after gaining all the weight back that I had lost after my first marriage, I realized that the only thing that fits me now is my wedding ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 136

You deserved it 9 832

By Anonymous - 08/12/2010 21:31 - United Kingdom

Today, I got feedback on an essay I wrote, by my mum who is also a teacher. She said it was 'worse than most of her pupils'. She teaches 10-year-olds. I'm a 20-year-old student at university. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 694

You deserved it 21 670

By Anonymous - 26/12/2009 12:43 - Australia

Today, I got a new laptop for Christmas. The picture on the box showed a woman balancing it on one finger to show how light it was, so I tried it myself. I dropped my laptop, breaking the hard drive and putting a massive crack down the screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 027

You deserved it 100 651

By vishurricanes - 10/06/2009 03:34 - United States

Today, I was on the bus when my crush told me to come and sit with him. I got all excited, especially when he put his arm around me. He then whispered in my ear "Hey, is your friend over there single?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 876

You deserved it 3 242

By Anonymous - 24/07/2019 12:00 - United States - El Paso

Today, I was cutting potatoes. I was cutting them slowly, being careful, but my mom told me to cut faster, that I wouldn't cut myself. I cut myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 519

You deserved it 396

By Anonymous - 27/08/2012 07:29 - United States - Brockton

Today, I got a flat tire. The spare was also flat, so I had no other choice but to walk home. I got to my house and realized I'd left the front door key and garage clicker in my car 5 miles away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 490

You deserved it 10 224

By Anonymous - 01/02/2017 16:00 - United States

Today, after closing down the gas station I work at, I went to unlock the door to the building. Turned out the lock broke and I was locked inside until my boss could get there to let me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 970

You deserved it 511

Mouthy

By Anonymous - 11/04/2026 15:00 - United States - Norco

Today, my son obviously got possessed by some red pill demon that made him think it was OK to mouth off to his mother and tell her she belongs in the kitchen. She knocked him flat on his ass so fast I don’t think even The Flash would’ve had time to intervene. FML

I agree, your life sucks 444

You deserved it 140

By Sickofbeingsick - 01/10/2011 05:17 - United States

Today, after a week of staying in at night and fighting off a persistent cold, I was finally feeling well again, so I decided to go to my boyfriend's work BBQ. I got food poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 887

You deserved it 2 856

You dingdong!

By Anonymous - 15/11/2020 13:58

Today, I was copying an assignment from my friend and was feeling confident that I was gonna pass. I later found out I copied his name too, so the teacher failed us both. He won't talk to me now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 149

You deserved it 2 366

By Anonymous - 30/09/2011 01:33 - United States

Today, my parents came to visit me. I bought boxers and cologne to make it look like I had a man here. I've been single since I moved away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 975

You deserved it 28 407

Egg IRL

By Anonymous - 16/11/2020 05:01 - United States

Today, I was eating out with my family. I have 2 brothers. Our waitress comes and says, "Look at those 3 handsome young men." I didn't think of it until my 5-year-old brother shouted, " She's a girl!'" FML

I agree, your life sucks 916

You deserved it 108

By Anonymous - 22/12/2009 18:02 - United States

Today, I discovered that my bed has a flea infestation. I discovered it after sleeping naked in it for about an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 670

You deserved it 6 007

Coming in last

By coriander - 05/03/2022 00:01

Today, my evil twin sister was preparing for her prom. When I saw her trying on her dress, she looked at me and said, “First to get a boyfriend, a prom date, and into college. Maybe you’ll die first?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 022

You deserved it 103

By Cottagecheeseha - 20/08/2012 04:03 - United States - Monterey Park

Today, I pulled out a book and my bookmark fell out. My crush picked it up and a weird look came across his face. I then realized I had used toilet paper. Now I'm the girl who reads while taking dumps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 680

You deserved it 6 802

Gross

By gotanewmouse - 26/09/2011 10:37 - New Zealand

Today, I saw my co-worker sneeze into his palm, get up, walk to my desk and smear his hand all over my computer mouse. He then went back to his desk and continued with his work. Last week we had a workplace awareness meeting about my OCD and fear of germs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 041

You deserved it 6 808

Distracted

By Anonymous - 11/02/2022 12:00

Today, I was having a deep conversation with a woman at a bus stop about philosophy. Little did I know, her boyfriend was rummaging through my purse while she kept my focus. I’m a PhD candidate in philosophy, and it was the best conversation I’d had it months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 178

You deserved it 251

Daddy issues

By Anonymous - 21/09/2024 09:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, at work at an OB office, I heard a ruckus in the hallway before a very large woman burst into my room and tried to attack my very pregnant patient. Crazy lady is the wife of the pregnant lady’s baby daddy, who is nowhere to be found. I don’t get paid enough for this shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 614

You deserved it 76

By sumerflame07 - 01/12/2010 20:18 - United States

Today, while standing in line at the grocery store, the elderly lady in front of me had forgotten to pay for her milk. In the spirit of the season, I paid for it and wished her happy holidays. She snatched the milk and gave me an ugly look. Then huffed at me before stomping off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 381

You deserved it 3 808

The Terminator

By Manny Managerson - 23/11/2020 20:01 - United States

Today, a furious woman stormed into my job, demanding to know why I fired her precious baby boy. I explained that watching porn on the clock is grounds for termination. She screamed that I was lying about him and that she’ll see me in court for slandering him. I had to call the cops to make her leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 319

You deserved it 87

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend heard me confessing my undying love to someone while we were skyping. He's now convinced that I was talking to some other guy and had forgotten to mute my phone. I was talking to my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 733

You deserved it 2 139

Today, I ran out of toilet paper in the bathroom. I was forced to use tissues to do the job. As if that wasn't bad enough, the sanitizer in the tissues gave me a rash that made me have to stand up frequently in the lecture hall. Several people asked if I had Tourette's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 091

You deserved it 4 363

Today, someone broke into my house and stole all of my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 335

You deserved it 297

Today, after spending years volunteering at community theatres and being accepted into a prestigious university for theatrical design, my public high school gave me a scholarship. All my mother could say was, "I'm sorry they wasted their money on you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 303

You deserved it 215

Today, I found out that my roommate was responsible for stealing my socks. When I confronted him about it, he told me that he did it because he likes looking at my bare feet and jerking off into my socks. We’re both guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 633

You deserved it 185

Today, it's been 3 weeks of being sick with gastritis and constantly feeling pain and weak. I've been pushing myself to work, and despite doing 150+ files, my boss said it’s not good enough for the company and hinted I might be let go. I got my job during the pandemic and might be losing it after 3 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 152

You deserved it 101