The Top

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Leave no paper trace

By can’t do it - 25/04/2023 10:00

Today, my therapist asked me if I’d been journaling as he suggested. I had to tell him that I don’t trust writing down my innermost thoughts anymore, because when I was younger my mom read by diary multiple times and beat me for what I wrote. So did my ex-boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 165

You deserved it 178

Brat

By HelloKitty - 20/09/2024 12:00 - United States - Bossier City

Today, I went into a cafe only to be greeted by a young boy who pulled down my leggings in line. Everyone got a look at my pink Hello Kitty panties with white frilly trimming before scrambling to pick them up. In the process, I banged my head on the counter, and fell on the floor, unconscious, pants still down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 658

You deserved it 95

Sounds like the start of movie…

By Anonymous - 26/02/2022 14:00 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I live in a college residence with 30 other girls in Ireland. One of them just got COVID, and we can't ask the landlord for much help because he just got Malaria. FML

I agree, your life sucks 876

You deserved it 92

What is happening right now?

By Kevin can't wait - 21/09/2024 12:00 - France - Brest

Today, I got a notification from a delivery carrier that my package had been delivered. I opened the door to find a perfectly wrapped box with no address, no label, and a note inside saying, "You’ll know when it’s time." I still don’t know what it means. FML

I agree, your life sucks 395

You deserved it 80

Joe Smooth move

By Karel - 24/09/2024 14:00 - Canada

Today, I was at a friend's party and tried to lean casually against a wall while talking to someone. I missed the wall and ended up stumbling backwards into the punch bowl that was atop the coffee table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 231

You deserved it 372

Striking out

By Anonymous - 13/03/2022 00:01

Today, I met a woman at a bar, and we went back to my place with her whispering many filthy things in my ear. Then my key broke inside the lock. It was 2 a.m. and freezing, and she was in a dress, I suggested a hotel, but she was now so cold and angry, she got back in our Uber which hadn't left yet and went home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 419

You deserved it 358

Hello, Goodbye

By Anonymous - 01/12/2020 23:02 - United Kingdom - Isleworth

Today, I left my job, fulfilling my one month's notice after receiving a job offer from a much better-paying role. After saying goodbye to everyone, I left the building. Not two minutes later, the company who was offering the new job called to say they'd changed their minds, and there was now no longer a job on offer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 663

You deserved it 147

Butterfingers

By Anonymous - 30/09/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I was tasked with taking a photo of my best friend getting engaged. As her boyfriend got down on one knee, I got so nervous that I fumbled the camera. It landed right in the lake. I didn’t get a single picture, and now I owe them a new Canon EOS R10. FML

I agree, your life sucks 173

You deserved it 561

Fake it til you make it

By Carl - 08/12/2020 02:02 - Australia - Abbotsford

Today, I was working from home alone while my wife was at her office. I decided that instead of having a healthy lunch at home, I would walk to the fast food place a block over. I didn't realise that my fitness tracker would automatically log this as "Exercise (walk)." My wife clicked "Like" underneath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 373

You deserved it 937

Asshat

By Anonymous - 04/05/2023 06:00 - United States

Today, I woke up with a sore throat and a stuffy nose. As my boss is an asshat who hates allowing sick leave, I thought I could power through it, but halfway through my workday I sneezed so hard that I threw my back out. I had to go home early and now I can't move without pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 152

Unrelatable

By Marea90h - 09/12/2020 20:01

Today, a client hung up on me after calling me "Miss Proper" because I spoke too "clearly" for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 927

You deserved it 72

Looking good grief

By Anonymous - 05/12/2020 23:01

Today, I was at a grocery store buying ice cream after the tragedy of losing my grandma. When I got to the cash register, the cashier saw the sadness in my eyes and said, "It's OK, you'll find the one someday, one that can look at your inner beauty and not care about the rest." He thought I'd got broken up with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 073

You deserved it 178

See the light

By Not interested - 10/05/2026 15:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, my coworker was talking about how he fixed his broken marriage and how his wife adores him. I asked for his advice, since mine has been rough. He started talking about God and Christianity and how religion showed him the path. Uhh... nope, I think I'll stick with things the way they are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 356

You deserved it 319

A case of Keemstar beard?

By Declan - 04/12/2020 21:58 - United States - Miami

Today, I finally got my boyfriend to go get his lockdown beard trimmed. He came back with the kind of pointy monstrosity you see on people like Keemstar. I'm tempted to prune it in his sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 655

You deserved it 264

Insane cake situation is insane

By Ethan - 12/05/2026 12:00 - United States - Fresno

Today, at a wedding reception, on a crowded dance floor, it was a perfect opportunity for a candid photo. I took one step back without looking and bumped straight into the cake table, then watched in slow motion as the entire cake tipped and slid off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 142

You deserved it 446

Get 'em!

By Gosh Darn Phone Thief - 11/12/2020 23:02

Today, somebody grabbed my phone out of my hands and ran away with it. I'm a cross country runner, albeit one with stress fractures, but I was able to catch up with them and get my phone back. Unfortunately, the running aggravated my stress fractures and I have to get a plaster cast. Merry fricking Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 154

You deserved it 110

Parenting styles may differ…

By Anonymous - 22/03/2022 00:01 - United States - Santa Rosa

Today, it was my first day at my new high school. I put on a tiny bit of makeup, just some mascara, to feel more confident. I got in the car and my mom started yelling about how horrible my makeup is, basically calls me a slut for wearing it, and makes me take it off. I ended up crying in the bathroom on my first day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 176

You deserved it 164

Kinda cruel, son

By Anonymous - 15/05/2023 10:00

Today, my son had a child to spite his ex and ex-stepson. He was holding his daughter in his arms in the delivery room when he told me that now I can stop visiting his ex-stepson and pretending he’s my real grandchild, because now I have a real granddaughter. I’m speechless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 982

You deserved it 242

I recognize that voice

By Ratted - 10/10/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I secretly took a day off work, since I had to use up my vacation, and wanted a "me day." My wife called, and I was ready to pretend to be at work. Too bad the cat decided to come up behind me and meow loudly, alerting my wife that I was home. She's pissed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 172

You deserved it 600

Everyone's a critic

By Anonymous - 17/05/2026 09:00 - United States

Today, I was walking past a restaurant to my car. Some man who was sitting on the patio went completely out of his way to walk through the restaurant, out the door, and follow me halfway down the street, just to tell me that my hair was ugly, my makeup was too thick, and my dress was “slutty.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 421

You deserved it 91

Hype house prank style

By Anonymous - 26/03/2022 18:00 - United Kingdom - Macclesfield

Today, I woke up to find I'd peed the bed. My girlfriend did the warm water trick to me, where she put my hand in water while sleeping, which can make you piss yourself apparently. As I went to get up, I noticed she'd also painted my toenails pink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 965

You deserved it 204

Pleased to meet you

By Anonymous - 19/05/2026 22:00 - Canada - Calgary

Today, it's been 3 days since I matched with someone online and have been crafting witty, charming messages. We finally agreed to meet, and the second I walked into the café, I realized he was the bartender who'd already seen me cry there after a breakup six months earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 226

You deserved it 197

Don't back down, double down

By Anonymous - 25/05/2023 06:00 - United States - Atlanta

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, and my heart is shattered to pieces. The worst part is we are supposed to go on vacation together in a week, and neither of us is backing out, or giving the other the room, so it looks like we’ll be staying together on vacation for 11 days straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 715

You deserved it 270

Next time, lie

By dr.fml - 09/03/2022 06:00 - United States - Sutton

Today, I was in a Zoom meeting for a very important lab I work in. My lab director, who is writing me a letter of recommendation for medical school, commented on a painting I had in the background. "Oh, what is that? It looks nice." My reply? "A bong." I got a professionalism email right after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 233

You deserved it 1 428

Sharing is caring

By Anonymous - 06/04/2022 00:01

Today, I found out my younger sister is too cheap to buy her own sex toys, so she has been borrowing mine. I clean mine thoroughly after use but apparently she just puts them back in the box after she’s done, while they’re still wet. Not gonna lie, I threw up a little after she'd admitted it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 274

You deserved it 219

Vicious bastards

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2020 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Runcorn

Today, I decided to go for a jog to try and get fit. I definitely got my exercise in, because I was mercilessly chased by a goose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 215

You deserved it 253

Go to school!

By emilee - 19/03/2022 14:00

Today, I told my dad I wasn’t feeling well, to which his response was to interrupt me and say, “Nope. Not buying it.” I have never faked an illness in my life, and this time I vomited in front of my entire class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 080

You deserved it 110

Satisfaction

By Anonymous - 28/10/2024 15:00 - Australia - Balwyn North

Today, I realised that I'm addicted to a porn game… not because of the porn. The simple gameplay mechanic of combining objects on a board to make new objects makes my brain happy. I found myself feeling depressed at the thought that I'd have to wait 3 hours for my moves to recharge before I could play again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 193

You deserved it 398

Homeowners war

By xXCharlieXx - 03/06/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, my neighborhood Facebook group was arguing about whether leaf blowers should be banned. Thinking I was posting in a private chat, I wrote, “Imagine making leaf blowers your entire personality.” I accidentally posted it publicly. Two neighbors haven't spoken to me since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 188

You deserved it 377

Don't mess with Texas

By Anonymous - 08/03/2022 18:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, my fiancé expressed concern for her mother's health and a desire to be with her in Texas. I called her mother, who is 69 years young and will outlive us all, and it came up that her brother's BFF, who my fiancé has been crushing on since she was a tween, just got divorced and moved back to Texas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 289

You deserved it 104

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The Top

Today, my niece, who is fifteen, convinced my six-year-old daughter that her name is spelled C-U-N-T, and just pronounced as Catherine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 580

You deserved it 3 468

Today, I tried a new sugar scrub soap that's supposed to help get rid of cellulite. I didn't read the instructions correctly and now as well as still having the cellulite, my butt looks like I got a massage from an angry cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 743

You deserved it 34 833

Today, one of the comic companies I submitted to, replied back. They said that the story was boring, and the main character bland, generic, uncultured, had no potential for personal growth, a suburbanite, and an ignorant shut-in. I based the personality of the main character on my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 280

You deserved it 12 837

Today, a police officer showed up to my house and informed me that my boyfriend was killed in an accident. Later, I found out it was a prank set up by a friend. He thought faking his death would be easier than confessing that he was leaving me for someone else. He didn’t want to see me get "upset". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 425

You deserved it 87

Today, I got scammed and lost thousands of dollars, but my best friend would rather post on Instagram than reply to my texts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 522

You deserved it 851

Today I started bleeding from my gums and nose - I have bone marrow cancer and my insurance denied the only treatment available to me because my "health problem" isn't "bad enough". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 227

You deserved it 99