Today, my stepdad did a crap in the shape of the number 2, took a picture of it, then showed it to all my friends at my party, all while we were eating. FML
Today, I felt like doing a good deed, so when I bought something at a store I told the cashier to keep the change. The cashier then panicked and said, “What do I do???” Turns out, I was her first ever customer. FML
Today, my date from the night before let me stay behind when he had left for work. While relaxing, I figured I'd be fine to let a little fart out. Unbeknownst to me, not eating enough food over the past few days turned the contents of my bowels to liquid. I sharted on their bed. FML
Today, I ran into someone I'd never had a crush on in school, but because I've realised we have a lot in common, I get nervous whenever I see him. I was so near to him while paying for food that I had an anxiety attack, and had to leave quickly. FML
Today, I was on a Zoom call with my mic muted. Or so I thought. After about a minute, I started ranting about how Janet always gets credit for my work. Janet was in the meeting. So was my boss. None of them was receptive to my criticism. FML
Today, I started my first day at a job. First thing my manager does is ask me if I knew the fastest way to kill someone there, then told me with a straight face all of what would occur when dumping a person's head into the deep fryer. Then the psycho assigned me to the fry station. FML
Today, I got the letter from the IRS that would FINALLY enable me to get the tax return I was supposed to get two weeks ago because they needed to confirm my identity. I logged on, entered the information, and was told that I would get my return… after "up to 9 weeks for processing." I need to pay bills NOW. FML
A number two in the shape of a number two? Stepdad: FTW! What a flawless victory!
wow, thats just disgusting