Your everyday life stories - FML

Abort test! Abort test!

Lindsey - 24/05/2014 15:22 - United States

Today, I took my driving test. I had pulled out of my three point turn in a neighborhood and started driving again, thinking something wasn't quite right. The lady testing me looked over at me and said, "Sweetie, you're driving on the wrong side of the road." FML

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dancer_2014 - 28/05/2011 12:44 - United States

Today, I was on my first blind date. We went to a fancy restaurant in the middle in the city. After using the bathroom, I came back to an empty table. He stole my purse and left. FML

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Anonymous - 16/09/2014 18:28 - Canada - Coquitlam

Today, in college, we were asked at what age girls tend to become physically attractive. Wrongly thinking the answer was in relation to puberty, I said, "Umm... 11 or 12?" Now everyone thinks I'm some kind of pedophile. FML

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ragingwaffles - 13/08/2014 04:25 - United States - Chico

Today, my blind date thought the best way to start off is to show up blind drunk. She ended up puking on the table and leaving me to pay. FML

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theflow - 15/08/2012 17:08 - Australia - Perth

Today, thanks to a new form of birth control, I've now been having my period non-stop for six weeks. FML

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Missy - 02/02/2011 18:16 - United States

Today, I told my mom I broke up with my boyfriend because he wanted to have sex and I wasn't ready. Her reply? "Well, you can't stay a virgin forever." FML

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missprude666 - 19/01/2012 08:32 - Australia

Today, I had to sit through 10 minutes of hearing a man on the tram tell his friend in explicit detail about all the filthy sex acts he'd like to do to me. His friend told him to take a photo to jack off to later. When I tried to tell the tram driver, he told me to "take it as a compliment." FML

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It's called fashion, Deborah

Fmyhair - 27/04/2009 18:39 - Norway

Today, I colored my hair. It was supposed to turn out blonde, but it became more a mix of red and brown and blonde patches. When I tried coloring everything back, a green tint was added. My hair is at the moment red, brown, blonde and green. FML

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Oh no…

Anonymous - 05/07/2013 23:34 - United States - Houston

Today, I was telling my girlfriend about how my parents are flying out to Japan today on vacation. She was shocked at how short the flight will be, because "It's on the other side of the world." We live in the USA, and it seems I'm dating a Flat Earther. FML

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Poor good boy

Anonymous - 27/09/2009 20:54 - United Kingdom

Today, my dog died. I spent ages digging him a grave and buried him in the garden so that my dad wouldn't have to deal with the stress when he got home from work. When my dad got home he told me that he had wanted the dog to be cremated. I have just had to dig up my dog's body. FML

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Happy Birthday, Sweaty

jezebel - - United States

Today, I got a call from the office telling me I was fired. When I asked why, my boss explained my mother called and told him I was in a "weak mental state." She thought she was helping me get off for my birthday. Now I have no job. FML

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UghDude - 06/09/2014 13:35 - United States - Austin

Today, I found out that my sister licks all the flavoring off Doritos and puts them back in the bag. FML

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Hey how are you?

Anonymous - - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I came home early to surprise my wife. No, it's not what you're thinking: I didn't find her cheating on me. She wasn't even home, but my dad was. He'd used his spare key and was on my sofa, drinking my beer, and watching my TV. The first words out of his mouth? "Your beer's shit." FML

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maarkblack - 22/05/2013 14:51 - United States

Today, I awoke from a dream that I'd found an Arco gas station that had regular gas for $3.38. I actually went looking for it. FML

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Wanna come?

Anathema_360 - 20/09/2009 23:19 - Canada

Today, I woke up from a nap on my new bed to see my phone lit up with new texts. My friend sent out "Wanna test out my new bed?" as a mass text while I was asleep to every boy in my phone. Mark will be here in an hour, Jon wants to know what I'm wearing, and my ex's new girlfriend is not amused. FML

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Priorities

unwanted - - Australia

Today, my parents fought over who gets the dog when they divorce. Nothing has been said about where my brother and I will live when they split. FML

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jaquie0812 - 12/06/2014 16:37 - United States - Longview

Today, my two cats decided to have a brawl on top of me. I was just trying to get to sleep. Now I'm covered in scratches. FML

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jaquie0812

jaquie0812 13

Friday 13 June 2014 6:31

To shed light on what happened. We found a kitten in the woods by our apartment and are currently fostering it till we can find a new home. (might keep it if my kitten will accept it) my kitten is not happy with this and has been swatting at the kitten. He was asleep with me in my room when the other kitten got in and since it is very affectionate he claimed right up which made pooter (my kitten) mad and attack. the scratches weren't that bad and they are both OK. Hopefully they start getting along soon. love the cat puns they are purrrfect.

It's business time

anonymous - 17/03/2015 05:09 - United States - Spokane

Today, I tried to surprise my husband by wearing something sexy to bed. He didn't say anything, just laughed and left the room for 10 minutes. The little confidence I had disappeared, so I changed, feeling stupid for thinking I could pull off sexy. He got mad at me for being confusing. FML

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Jon - 02/04/2011 16:44 - United States

Today, my ex fiancée, who left me six months ago, asked if I'd mind if she used the wedding dress I bought her for our wedding. She's just gotten engaged again. FML

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ahdeadcats - 31/08/2009 07:37 - United States

Today, I got to go back into my house after it had been tented. Suddenly, a foul stench filled my house. My husband checked all around the house and finally checked under the house. There were more than 12 dead stray cats under our house, and guess who was in charge of pulling them out? FML

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Choum - 07/11/2008 06:33 - France

Today, I realized that my ex has REALLY dumped me for a video game. And he will not change his mind. FML

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They made me do it

Cat - 07/11/2011 04:43 - United States

Today, I caught my boyfriend cheating on me. His response? "It's not like I liked it." FML

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arknvl - 07/03/2013 18:12 - Norway - Trondheim

Today, my boss yelled at me for visiting Facebook on my work computer. He says that since I can't be trusted, I'll be supervised from now on. I was uploading pictures to the company's Facebook page, which I have to do once a week as part of my job. FML

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Julie - 25/12/2012 03:20 - United States - East Brunswick

Today, I woke up to find our Christmas tree knocked over, unwrapped presents scattered everywhere, and my mom passed out on the sofa with a bottle of booze. Merry Christmas. FML

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What happened?

nayahbear24 - 27/08/2014 22:52 - United States - Trenton

Today, after coming home from a two week vacation, my dog was pink, there were beer bottles and used condoms on my bed, and everything was a mess. I asked my sister, who'd been watching over the place, what had happened. She just said, "Oops." and hung up. FML

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baebookboo - 04/08/2014 15:08 - United States - Lawrence

Today, I asked my mom about signing up for an online dating site. She took one look at me and said, "Why get rejected online when you can just go outside for the same?" FML

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Nice try

Anonymous - 21/03/2013 20:43 - United Kingdom - Retford

Today, I finally got the courage to tell the girl I like how I really feel about her, due in no small part to how flirty she's been towards me lately. Turns out she's really just a skank and was trying to make my best friend "jealous". He's gay. FML

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Freebird

sarahhh - - United States

Today, I got my boyfriend a pair of concert tickets for his birthday. He loved the gift, but turned to me and said, "Do I have to bring you?" FML

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Never enough

Anonymous - - United States

Today, I wanted to spend the day cleaning my room. My mom thinks that I was lying just to stay home, so she yelled at me to go to her shop. At the shop, she yelled at me for not being any help. When we got home she yelled at me for having a messy room. FML

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Anonymous - 28/12/2013 00:05 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, my dad thought it would be funny to wake me up by sprinkling catnip over me then dropping my cat on top of me. FML

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I was on a bus with my friend's older brother. He was kinda cute. I went to message my best friend, telling her how cute this guy was, how he was kinda packing downstairs, and how adorable he was. Two minutes later, he wordlessly turned his phone screen to me. It was the message. I sent it to him by mistake. FML

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Today, I got up the courage to go to a nice place for lunch alone. I wasn't expecting the Tilapia I ordered to be the whole fish, so I asked the waiter for a box because, "I forgot about an appointment in 20 minutes," just so he wouldn't think I was an idiot who didn't know what I was ordering. FML

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Today, I found out my boyfriend of three and a half years is talking to two other women. I’m four months postpartum. Not to mention, he took our child to go see one of his girl best friend's house, when I specifically asked him not to. FML

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Today, I was running late for work. I forgot my name tag and work hat at home, but my boss is pretty laid back, so I wasn't worried about it. Five minutes into my shift, the district supervisor walked in for a surprise employee inspection. FML

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Today, a lady came in screaming at me, demanding to see my manager and asked for the “corporate office” phone number. She had received a letter from the IRS stating that she owes $8,000. She threatened to “sue me dry” if I didn’t “take the charges off.” I simply man the front desk at the tax services office. FML

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Today, my wife decided that to help her stop smoking, she's also giving up the things that make her crave a cigarette. Sex is one of them. FML

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