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By InnocenceBlue - 13/10/2018 18:50

Today, a creepy-looking guy asked me if I "like bananas" and I said no. He then followed with "Do you want to taste my banana?" Shocked by his boldness, I froze. My boyfriend, who had heard the entire exchange, just laughed and walked off, leaving me with the creeper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 254

You deserved it 522

InnocenceBlue tells us more.

InnocenceBlue 37

Thursday 11 October 2018 3:12

Hi guys, OP here. I am no longer with this guy, for many reasons but this was a huge one. Not the first time something like this has happened. To answer any queries, I have anxiety, mainly towards surprises/shocks and this was one hell of a surprise. My ex knew I have "issues" and disappeared into the crowd (this was at a nightclub) knowing I wasn't following. Thanks for the funny replies and support :)

Is that it?

By Better not - 24/01/2018 20:00 - United States - Kenai

Today, while on vacation with my boyfriend, I decided it would be a good time to try getting intimate with him for the first time. It turns out his penis is so small that I get more enjoyment from a tampon applicator. We're stuck in this cabin for another five days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 316

You deserved it 2 408

Single life

By Dxxk Biter - 20/02/2018 06:00

Today, the first guy I tried to have sex with at university got his foreskin stuck in his zip and had to go to hospital for stitches. He told all his friends I did it on purpose with my teeth during a blowjob. I now have a reputation, so I guess I'm staying single for the next 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 269

You deserved it 733

By stdfree_hopefully - 15/04/2018 06:00

Today, I drove 2 hours to spend the night with a man who I have been seeing for a few weeks. We had sex for the first time. About an hour later, he told me he wasn't really into me and asked to be friends. Then, he apologised because he has herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 860

You deserved it 2 186

By Jimseagoon - 03/09/2018 20:30

Today, my wife took me to Taco Bell for the first time. I said, "Isn't this where all those FMLs happen to people?" She said, "You'll be fine." I am writing this from the toilet. I am not fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 865

You deserved it 451

By thanks dad - 04/01/2018 19:00

Today, I went bowling with my family. When my brother went up to buy a drink refill, the guy at the counter kindly refilled it for free and told him that he thought I was pretty. My dad laughed and shouted, "Pretty ugly!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 907

You deserved it 430

By Temporalvisions - 13/07/2017 16:30 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I was showing off the Mount Kilimanjaro tattoo that I got after climbing it. It's a silhouette of the mountain and the word "KILI" in bold. My girlfriend told her friends it was actually the Lonely Mountain from The Hobbit, and that Kili was my favorite dwarf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 668

You deserved it 1 524

By Toodamnold - 13/02/2018 09:00 - United States - Fairbanks

Today, I was once again escorted out of a supermarket by a police officer. I must be the only 83-year-old who still has his marbles, but people always assume I am senile and wandering from a care center. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 587

You deserved it 281

By joarasmi - 01/06/2018 05:00

Today, I came home to a completely trashed house and just stood there in shock until I heard something upstairs. I ran to heroically catch the robber and, despite being a 4'10" woman, I did it! How? The fat fuck got stuck in my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 575

You deserved it 291

By Derek - 05/08/2018 01:30

Today, I found out that my kids are both my half-brothers, and the fertility tests my wife had us do a few years ago showed that I'm sterile. She didn't tell me until I found the test results in her desk and asked her about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 065

You deserved it 288

Jesus!

By claira - 08/10/2018 13:30

Today, my mom made me take a pregnancy test since I missed my last 4 periods. It came back positive and my mom grounded me. I’ve never had sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 893

You deserved it 416

By mysteryguy3039 - 07/08/2017 20:00

Today, my girlfriend gave me a two week notice for our relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 759

You deserved it 381

By Bob - 13/12/2017 05:00 - United States - Fairbanks

Today, a judge gave my ex custody of my two sons, most of my money, my house, my car, and has ordered me to take anger management classes. We're getting a divorce because she shot me with a gun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 503

You deserved it 679

By Nice guy finishing last. - 07/04/2017 12:00

Today, I saw a girl I have a crush on sitting on a fountain, away from everyone. I thought this would be the perfect time to make a move on her. I tapped her on the shoulder, which scared her. She nervously flenched and began to piss herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 403

You deserved it 942

By Anonymous - 24/05/2017 21:00 - Italy

Today, I've got a bad stomach ache, so my mother asked me ifI was on my period. I told her that no, in fact I haven't had it in three months. Now she won't speak to me because she's convinced that I have a secret boyfriend and am pregnant. I'm a lesbian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 027

You deserved it 567

Tsk Tsk

By whatiswrongwiththeworld - 14/07/2017 13:01

Today, I was told off by a random woman who said that I should be ashamed of myself for dating such an older man. I was having dinner with my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 951

You deserved it 294

News to me

By Redhottt6 - 05/08/2016 01:24

Today, I received a friend request from a boyfriend I hadn't talked to in 20+ years. A few minutes later, he messaged me a picture of himself with a young woman at a strip club. My daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 006

You deserved it 1 652

I'm right here

By familyfued - 17/02/2018 01:30

Today, I discovered the terrible things my parents say about my wife while visiting them. They speak in Arabic around us and I've never really been able to understand them. Guess who hasn't only brushed up on his Arabic, but spent the last 6 months teaching his wife… FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 013

You deserved it 409

By Anonymous - 14/05/2018 05:00

Today, I went to a guy's dorm for the first time. He told me to wait outside for a minute because he had to "clean something up" first. When I told him I'm 420 friendly, he said, "Nah I just came on my desk earlier and didn't feel like wiping it up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 838

You deserved it 738

By racello13 - 30/03/2017 11:27

Today, after keeping myself awake coughing for 2 hours, I finally drifted off. My cat apparently thought I'd died, and gave me CPR. Now I have claw marks on my chest, and I'm still awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 811

You deserved it 481

racello13 tells us more.

racello13 32

Thursday 30 March 2017 1:04

Hey, this is mine! The whole time I've been sick, said cat has been sleeping on my chest/face. Can't cough if you can't breathe, right?

By Tired Girlfriend - 14/06/2017 22:00

Today, it's 2am. I've been trying to get to sleep for the past two hours next to my snoring boyfriend. Every time I nudge him to shut him up, his body tenses, he farts, then goes straight back to snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 907

You deserved it 509

By Ewwwwno - 19/09/2017 11:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I found out that most of my family has the same fetish as I do. I don't know whether to be revolted or relieved that I'm not the only one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 529

You deserved it 598

By feelsbadman - 12/07/2018 05:00

Today, I decided to surprise my crush by wishing her happy birthday when she came out of the lift. Too bad she was busy giving someone a blow job and didn’t notice me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 926

You deserved it 621

By CharlesEmersonW - 02/09/2018 02:30 - Romania - Timisoara

Today, 5 years after the fact, I finally realized how dense I am for not understanding that when she undresses in front of you and poses naked, she isn't expecting you to be a gentleman and turn around and leave the room. It's haunting me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 876

You deserved it 3 396

The family tree is a stump

By Anonymous - 30/10/2018 12:00

Today, my family is too damn close. My uncle on my dad's side just got my aunt on my mum's side pregnant, three cousins from dad's side are dating three cousins from mum's side, and a half brother from my dad is marrying my half sister from my mum. We are the inbred rednecks of this town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 544

You deserved it 367

A Poopy Proposal

By aliciababy24 - 25/07/2017 21:00 - Australia - Ashburton

Today, while on a weekend away, my boyfriend and I went for a walk. I now get to tell everyone the story of how my boyfriend got down on one knee into a pile of cow shit while proposing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 352

You deserved it 603

By Sean - 14/08/2016 04:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, as I was crossing a street, a car hit me and broke two of my ribs. The driver was too busy paying attention to his girlfriend who was giving him a blowjob from the passenger seat. I could see the look of ecstasy on his face as he rammed into me and drove off without noticing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 133

You deserved it 1 028

By :x - 03/02/2016 15:40 - United States - Richmond

Today, I tried to be sexy by pulling down my girlfriend's panties with my teeth. I didn't expect to be faced with the mother of all shit stains and start gagging so bad I nearly puked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 960

You deserved it 5 377

By Angus - 17/09/2015 19:48 - France

Today, my son had a secret party. At first I was mad, then I had a complete and total Incredible Hulk meltdown when I realized that he had opened a bottle of very expensive whisky, originally bottled by my great great grandfather in Scotland, and used it as a mixer with fucking Pepsi. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 057

You deserved it 2 678

By Anonymous - 19/08/2015 12:14 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my sister recorded the sound of me having intense diarrhea, retching at the stench, and eventually breaking down in tears. I only found out when I saw she'd posted it online, with the caption "lol #gaytard #sorrynotsorry". I've never been called a pussy by so many people before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 036

You deserved it 4 010

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The Top

Today, I went to a birthday party. A half hour in, a girl started showing me pictures of her cat. That was the high point of the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 163

You deserved it 4 772

Today, my mom confirmed my suspicions that my dad cheated on her. She then told me to hide my knowledge about it from my dad, and to keep my brother completely in the dark for now. Now I can't even look at my dad without reaching the brink of crying, and I'm somehow supposed to keep this under wraps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 457

You deserved it 174

Today, my boss berated me in front of 2 other coworkers about how unprofessional it was for me to show up to work with a clearly visible hickey. I had to explain to him that my "hickey" was actually a huge pimple that had bruised up after I popped it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 670

You deserved it 873

Today, my straight, white, Christian stepmother greeted my black friend with, "Hey my n****a!" He hasn't talked to me since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 465

You deserved it 1 394

Today, my boss hired a feng shui consultant for our small office space. I am the only full-time employee besides the owners, and I work as an unpaid intern. My company would rather pay someone to rearrange my desk than pay me to work at it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 146

You deserved it 4 309

Today, while I was at a urinal, a man came up to use the one next to me. He then said, "I guess this is where all the dicks hang out." He then stared at me until I left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 107

You deserved it 2 065