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My nick's misleading, but that is my name and I am a girl! Anyways. Thought I'd tell you all that I didn't get fired (O.o)/ However, I did have to give him (boss) an (exceptionally awkward) explanation because he thought I was watching funny youtube videos. He just keeps giving me the weirdest/funniest friggin' looks, and now uses the the keyword "Deep Purple" to get me to make him coffee. This acrid event seems to have made us friends. Thankfully my bowels have re-aligned to perfectly silent working condition. God, I hope he doesn't bring this up at the next work party. /dies

New balls

By Anonymous - 16/12/2019 12:00 - United States - Staten Island

Today, my right testicle popped out during gym class while we were running laps. The teacher saw it and said, “Put that away! There aren’t any balls involved in this activity!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 813

You deserved it 689

Baby New Year?

By Fiona the Deceived - 30/05/2018 19:00

Today, I found out that my birth date was entered incorrectly, and I’ve been believing that I am a year older than I really am. I’m actually 14, not 15. How did this happen? Both my parents and the doctor got the year of my birth wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 425

You deserved it 269

By farmingman - 14/04/2016 23:24 - United States

Today, I was hauling cow shit. I had a car following me very closely, so I turned on the spreader to get them to back off. It was a cop. I got pulled over in a tractor for spraying cow shit on a cop car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 967

You deserved it 25 472

Bunch of freeloaders...

By Anonymous - 12/02/2017 18:00 - United States - Spring Hill

Today, after having my Wi-Fi unlocked for two years, I decided to lock it since it was running slowly. Everybody in my apartment building came to my door and asked me why I did it. I've been unknowingly providing free Wi-Fi to the entire building for years, but now that it's protected I'm getting constant dirty looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 889

You deserved it 3 332

By Anonymous - 11/05/2017 20:00

Today, I had one of my biggest dance shows ever. After months of practice I had finally gotten the lead position. When I entered the stage and raised my arms my straps fell down and I flashed an audience of 5000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 643

You deserved it 452

By Picky - 06/07/2017 14:58

Today, I woke up to my younger brother picking his nose with my fingers. His explanation? "You were sleeping." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 080

You deserved it 375

Under new management

By NotAThief - 17/07/2017 20:00

Today, I got a talking-to at work from my new manager for eating other peoples' lunches. Immediately afterwards, I watched my manager leave the room, take MY lunch, and begin eating it. Apparently my new manager is the thief, and I'm now the office pariah who gets the blame. Nobody believes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 239

You deserved it 322

By saashtow - 07/10/2016 05:00 - United States - Auburn

Today, I told my boyfriend the exact moment I fell in love with him: when we made eye contact in a crowd on our fifth date. He asked if I wanted to know what he was thinking at that moment. I then found out it was, "I really hope she can't smell that fart." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 002

You deserved it 1 472

saashtow tells us more.

saashtow 8

Saturday 8 October 2016 4:47

OP here! I did laugh. That's all there was to do. It just caught me completely off guard, I was expecting something sweet or romantic. But it's definitely something that he would do. And no, I couldn't smell it because I have a sinus condition that prevents me from being able to smell- he just didn't know it at the time.

By SocietyToday - 27/08/2017 13:00

Today, I was grocery shopping with my older sister. An elderly couple passed, and the man pointed to my sister, saying, "She LOVES to eat." My sister is 7 months pregnant, and I had to spend the next hour comforting her as she bawled her eyes out because of an off-hand comment from a stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 116

You deserved it 312